Stand Alone
Author - Silvereyesish
Genre - Angsty-ish Romance
Rating - PG. Minor swear words.
Summary - I know how she looks when she smiles. And that smile's not real. I can tell.
Disclaimer -
I do not own Final Fantasy 9. Blank would not be a secondary character if I did.
As I watch her stand there, smiling serenely like that, I can't help but think that it's all fake.
I know how she looks when she smiles. I've been around her long enough, messed around with her long enough to know exactly the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs. So now, when she stands up there above our heads, with her hands clasped in front of her, with that smile on her face, I know it's not real.
She's the Queen. The Queen of Alexandria. The more I say it, the more it bothers me. I know I should be happy for her, and that I should just grin and say congratulations. But even that sounds stupid. Congratulations? Seriously, nothing is more insensitive than that.
But what am I supposed to say?
'I love you, my beautiful lovely princess, and I want to take your hand and run away so that I can be with you always and forever.' Huh, how about that. I'm turning into a romantic sap. That was even worse than just saying congratulations.
The thing is, as much as I'd love to say that, I can't. It's not a matter of embarrassing myself in front of the others; I think they all know that I've loved her for a long time. No, it's more complicated than that. I'm a peasant in her eyes, a lowly thief, a monkey. The only thing that is remotely unique about me is the tail, but I always see her eying it like it's some freakish monster.
Freya told me once that if I don't ask her out soon, she'll be taken. I responded with my usual cocky attitude, saying that she only had eyes for me. Freya just sniffed, exasperated,and whacked me on the top of the head with the blunt end of her spear.
She's always been the sane one of the group, really.
Now she's poking me in the side, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see her motioning for me to talk. But I don't know if I've got anything to say. Sure, it's easy for Freya to try and nudge me in the right direction, but she's got no idea how big this stuff really is.
I'm missing my chance now. Eiko is talking to her, telling her that she'd better not forget any of us while she's ruling over Alexandria. Dagger laughs, and agrees, promises to never forget a single thing about our adventures.
Now everyone is looking at me, expectantly, as if they're waiting for what I have to say, and sure enough, there goes Freya, asking me if I want to say anything. But, I've got nothing to say, even if the words are ready to burst out. Only a strong will keeps the thoughts restrained. I just shrug, and grin at her.
"Congrats, Dagger."
Up on the balcony, Steiner is ruffled. "Queen Garnet, you brigand! She is queen now, she must be treated with proper respect!"
My grin widens as I watch Dagger scold old Rusty, and I, as hard as I try, cannot resist sticking my tongue out at him when she's not looking. His reaction almost makes me fall over laughing, but I manage to control myself.
Eiko's going up the stairs. I can see Steiner opening his mouth, but a warning glance from Beatrix shuts him up. Distracted by the amusing glare-war that was going on between the two solders, I miss most of what Eiko's saying. Something about how she wants to remain rivals with our new queen. In what? Summoning? Then I see her not so-subtle glance at me, and I get it. And repress the urge to sigh. She's six, for Christ's sake…
Dagger just laughs, and they talk for a moment more, about some Summoners thing. I'm not paying attention. I've got better things to do. Such as stare at the wall. Wow, so interesting.
Dagger gives us one more smile, something I only see out of the corner of my eye, and walks back into her room, followed by Beatrix and Rusty. As soon as the door clicks close, everyone turns on me. It's silent for a moment, and awkward. I may like attention, but I hate being stared at.
Finally Vivi speaks up. "Why didn't you say anything to her, Zidane?"
A rush of words, thoughts, and explanations explode in my mind, and I stand there for a moment, quiet. Then I turn around, with my back to the stares.
"I don't know." I mumble. "I tried…"
Freya shifts behind me, and I can hear the impaitient clack of her spear on the stone floor.
"And?"
I look over my shoulder at her, miserably.
"I couldn't say anything!" I turn back around, throwing my hands out in frustration. "I had a whole speech ready for her. But it would've been a lie! How could I lie to her?"
I want to hit something. Break something. Anything, a wall, the floor, Rusty…But there's nothing in here that's breakable. Dammit.
"'Good luck, Dagger! I'll be watching you from afar.' 'Come find me if you need someone to talk to.'" My voice is scathing even to my own ears.
"It's a big fat lie! That's not how I feel at all!"
My voice has dropped to a whisper now, and everyone is uncomfortable, except Freya. She's there, by my side, with her hand on my shoulder.
"That's not how I feel…at all."
-----End-----
Silvereyesish