In the Dark of Night

Chapter 1

It seemed the dreams of most were lost to the monotonous beep and blurry eyes of morning, a cruel game of the mind for which no instruction booklet for their recovery existed, one that swallowed both malevolent and magical worlds whole without leaving a trace. There was Kate, though, and each time she now looked into Rick's eyes, it was as though a dam broke and a flood of images came roaring through, uncontrollable and wild. She could still feel the titillating twitch of her body as she had in those seconds before their mouths had met and their sounds had filled her bedroom, and the acute awareness that it'd all existed outside of reality still cut at her like a knife.

But she always found refuge in that place, admittedly one of few, a place of calm amidst the chaos of the hours and days she lived, despite the inherently regrettable need for its very existence. She'd left Montgomery's office and Rick without a word, the two men having seemingly teamed up to pull her both away from the job she leaned on for emotional survival and, even further, under the watchful eye of colleagues she'd always stood beside, not behind.

The shooting range was empty, thankfully, and paper targets hung still and unsuspecting at the opposite end of the room. Kate pulled herself from her leather jacket, tossing it aside with the badge from her waistband before stepping into the fourth firing lane and donning the requisite protective gear for her eyes and ears. Her Glock felt cold in hand, but satisfyingly so, and she drew from its power, even in its passive state. Fifteen rounds in rapid succession hit their mark before she allowed herself to exhale, and she could already feel a marked difference in the weight of her body. More often than not, that's why she came. Bullets were easier than words.

She flipped the switch and drew in her first paper victim, replacing it with a fresh sheet and sending it back out to distance as she readied herself for a second round. She took a notable pause, then, and let his unexpected presence wash over her. It was odd how she knew he was there. He'd neither announced himself, nor attempted to draw her attention, but she knew just the same. She finally let loose on the target with his eyes on her, the sensation almost erotic as it mingled with her coursing adrenaline. "How did you know I was here?" she said, sliding off her earmuffs without turning around.

"I know you don't think I know you, Detective, but I do," Rick answered, his words drawing a warm blush of her skin. "And also Esposito told me to check here. He said this was one of your go-to spots."

He almost had her. She almost laughed. "So I guess it's actually Espo that knows me, then." She set her glasses on the counter next to her twice-emptied weapon. "Look, I just needed some time, Castle, that's all. You don't need to watch over me every second. Montgomery already has that covered," she mumbled under her breath with marked disdain.

"What do you think about when you aim at that paper out there?" Rick asked without addressing her frustration, having stepped nearer than she realized.

There was something beautifully innocent in his question, in his tone of voice, and Kate found herself in one of those moments that'd come to frighten her most, one that brought her face-to-face with something she knew to be true but that she continued to resist with futile might. "I try not to think at all, Castle. I try to be as in the moment as I can be." She finally turned to face him, his eyes staring back at her with genuine wonder. "When I leave this building, I usually don't have the luxury of time. Things happen too quickly."

"You know, this may sound corny," he began, reaching for her first discarded target, "but I really admire what you do." He ran his fingertips along the jagged topography created by her bullets. "I'm sorry if I've never told you that before."

She felt like two different people. There she was talking about living in the moment and not wasting time she didn't have, yet she couldn't seem to allow herself to apply that wisdom to her life outside the precinct, and that made her ache. He was right there, one step away, one small touch away, yet the space between them felt immense. "It doesn't sound corny, Castle." She dropped her chin bashfully as the image of his body above hers in the darkness swept across her mind. "I appreciate you saying so."

"This is all going to be okay, you know. It's all temporary, and I just want you to be safe," he told her, offering what little he could. He knew the blow Shaw and Montgomery sidelining her had landed.

"Not temporary enough," she snapped. "I should be the one out there, not Shaw."

"There's alcohol at the loft, and a lot of it," Rick blurted merrily, apropos of nothing. "Did I mention that? And I know it might not help, but it sure won't hurt."

Kate remembered the wine and the couch and the dark and his mouth. "There better be," she said.

xxxx

She'd been to the loft a few times before, its air wholly suited to its owner, she thought - rich and warm - but her home it wasn't, no matter what Rick had said, and she could practically taste the bitterness in her throat the second she walked through the door. The sting of not having her work to run to, to hide in, only served to heighten the anxiousness Scott Dunn had already inflicted.

"Make yourself comfortable," Rick told her as he pulled off his jacket and settled it over the back of one of the stools at the bar. "Do you feel like eating something? I'm not sure what I have in the house, but we can order in, if you want." He pulled open the refrigerator and disappeared behind its door, Kate just a few steps behind. "Okay, well, I can offer you cheese, some fancy mustard, and whatever's hiding beneath this foil," he called out, not knowing she'd followed.

"You have a child living here, Castle. Do I need to make a call?" she teased, surprised by his disclosure but also not.

He backed up empty-handed and pushed the door shut. "This mockery from a woman whose fridge could be labeled an environmental hazard," he hit back, banter their delicious game. "Or have you already forgotten that little breakfast adventure?"

He had no idea how foolish he sounded. She couldn't will the memory of that morning away; the morning reality had slapped her in the face with its merciless hand. You sleep okay? he'd asked, like he hadn't touched her or tasted her or held her as her body had shuddered in the wake of both. His words she remembered most, and wanted most to forget. "Didn't you say something about alcohol, Castle? It's been kind of a day, in case you've already forgotten."

"Absolutely, yes, sorry, I can do that. I can open some wine or-"

No, she needed something far harder than wine for this. "Whiskey, Castle, do you have any whiskey?"

"Oh, now you're speaking my language, Detective," Rick answered giddily. "It's a poker night staple." He pulled the bottle of Glenlivet from the cart and poured them each a generous swig. "You should come to one of my games with the mystery writers, by the way. One glimpse of you and they'd be putty in my hands," he said with a wicked chuckle.

"In your hands? Like I'm your what?" Kate huffed. "You don't think I could beat you and your buddies?" She swallowed back her first shot of whiskey as he looked on, utterly captivated.

"Well, I'm beginning to think I'd sure like to watch you try," he replied flirtatiously. "I'll try and make it happen one of these days."

She grabbed for the bottle with her free hand and turned to walk away. "You do that, Castle," she said in challenge, moving for the couch. "And tell Patterson if he loses, I get his seat." One drink already found her loosening, though she found it difficult to know whether or not that was ultimately a good thing or a bad thing, given the circumstance.

"My muse ousting my mentor," Rick bubbled. "That's pretty hot."

Kate eyed him sternly. "What have I told you about that word, Castle?" she scolded, dropping onto the couch.

Rick followed closely behind, settling into the opposite corner as she poured herself a second glass. He watched her quietly for a short moment as he often did under the guise of professional interest, though, more often than not, his interest had nothing at all to do with chapters in any book. "Fine, I can apologize for saying it, but not for believing it because, for me, it's the truth." He emptied his glass in one sip and extended it in an unspoken request for more. "You really did save me when you walked into my launch party that night, you know."

"Clearly you inherited your mother's dramatic flair, Castle," she said, obliging with a pour. "But if it wasn't me, it would've been the next cop or agent or whatever."

"Why do you do that?" he groused, not out of anger but out of disappointment. She never let herself see what others did. "Why do you always brush compliments aside? I wouldn't say something like that if it wasn't true."

It was in his tone and in his eyes, the sincerity of the words he spoke, and that's where Kate often found herself in trouble, because she could tell herself over and over again that he wasn't enough of this and he was too much of that in an effort to try and shelter herself from the possibility of being hurt, but there was always his heart and it'd become too much a part of her to ignore anymore. "Not everyone is like you, Castle. Things aren't easy for everyone." It wasn't shame in her voice, more a longing for so many things to be different.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Rick said. "I guess I can't seem to do much right today." He drank down his second taste of the whiskey and watched her do the same. Still holding the bottle, she leaned over and served him another. "You were right. Wine wouldn't have cut it tonight."

"Yeah, I'm on a roll. Too bad I have no case to contribute all my brilliant ideas to," Kate grumbled. "And you didn't upset me, Castle. It just is what it is."

He reached for the bottle and she relinquished it without protest. "It doesn't have to be. Things can be whatever you want," he told her, his eyes meeting hers. He poured and set the bottle on the table, each quickly emptying their glasses. "I think I've known you long enough now, Detective, to say with certainty that you can make absolutely anything happen. I've never met a stronger or more courageous woman -person, for that matter."

The alcohol was already beginning to swirl around Kate's brain and she welcomed it. He sat there like a dare, like a prize waiting to be collected, except this time, she could see his face; he wasn't cloaked in the shadows of her bedroom where she felt unexposed and emboldened. Things can be whatever you want. Somewhere inside, she felt it, but the imaginary line she'd drawn herself behind suddenly felt like a glass box she couldn't find her way out of, though she could see so clearly what it was she wanted.

"Beckett?" It came from a far-off place, the sound almost muffled on its path to her ear. "Do you want something?"

"Wh-What?" she asked confused, having missed what'd come before and trying mightily to mediate the current battle between her brain and her body.

"I was just asking if you wanted me to order us something to eat," Rick said with a chuckle. "Where did you go?"

She pushed up from the couch, her body warm from the alcohol and her thoughts. "Castle, I think I'd like to just try and get some sleep," she replied softly.

"Yeah, sure, of course, it's been a long day. I'll just show you where everything is." He moved for the stairs and she followed, his question still resonating within her. Do you want something? "I asked Alexis to pull a few things together before she went to her study group, but if there's anything else you need, just let me know. I'm pretty wired, actually, so I'll be up writing for a while."

He led her up to the guestroom, where there were a few basics piled neatly on the bed – some travel-sized toiletries, towels, and an extra couple of pillows. "I'm sorry you guys had to go to all this trouble, Castle. I won't be here long, I promise."

Rick drew his hand along her arm without a second of thought, like it was natural, habit, and she could feel the energy run through her. "The last thing you have to do is apologize, Kate. Like I told you before, I want you to be safe, and I'm glad that…or I hope that you can feel that here. Oh, and before I forget, I'll just slide the invoice underneath the door in the morning so I don't wake you," he teased with a smile.

She couldn't hold back her laughter and they enjoyed it together. "Thank you, Castle," she said, stepping in to kiss his cheek, a move both unplanned and unexpected.

Rick turned his head in surprise, his lips brushing hers by chance, and he nearly jumped backwards in embarrassment, despite her resulting silence. "I didn't mean…I wasn't…I didn't realize what you were doing. I'm sorry," he fumbled. It'd been but a second, a mishap, and both new it, but it'd still felt so far beyond their unspoken boundary that he couldn't help but zealously apologize. "I'm an idiot. I'm going to go," he said, taking a step backwards towards the door. "If you need anything-"

"Rick," she said, "I don't want you to go."