Dear Journal,

Time: 2:37am

Today was probably one of the worst days I've had in a looong time. Not only did Lisa break up with me because she found out that I'm into guys but Justin Pendleton came over for our first session of tutoring and I've found myself quite attracted to him! More than I thought I was. Of all the guys it's.. Justin!?

Now, I've been trying to rack my brain over and over for what I could possibly see in him and.. Nothing! I Just can' think of one THING! Well ,except for the fact he's got such girlish lips.. And he speaks real soft too… Oh and uhm. Yeah and he's also got these amazing blue eyes that just.. Kinda get me lock- Oh my god! Listen to me! Shit, well I guess there are a few reasons why I find myself attracted to him. Now, how am I going to stop liking him is the real problem at hand… Why do I have to be so stupid?!

This is Justin we're talking about! I can't just go around flirting and spying on him and stocking him like a crazed girl in love.. I Can't! I'm not! And I will NEVER! Whatever feelings I've been building up since the 9th grade is..is… It's just over! I mean, we talk now! I mean, we have to talk now.. He's gotta get me through this stupid Biology class… I've never talked to the dork! He's just been nice eye candy from a fare.. And well.. When he's sitting next to me talking, It gets pretty …. Weird? Jesus Christ. I can't even type anything out on this stupid possessor because he's got me so flustered.. I Dunno, I think I just need some sleep. In the morning I'm sure what EVER feelings I've been having for Justin will just.. GO away…

God, I'm such a bad liar

-Rich

_________________

Richard shut down his lap top and sighed as the screen went blank. " What.. The fuck.. Dude.." He pressed his palms into his eyes while tilting his head back against the wall. " What am I going to do…." He whispered to himself. " What am I going to do….." Richard stared blankly at his TV. There were feelings inside him for Justin and he knew they would never go away. They'd been there for quite some time and now they were getting worse.. Or were they getting better?

Half tempted he picked up the remote to turn on the tube, ' Ahh… fuck it." He tossed it to the floor and pulled the covers up close to shoulders. Justin… Justin was on his mind. Not girls, not school, not college, nothing but Justin. Richard groaned, " NooOOooo. Justin, why you? You stupid little piece of shit.." He grinned with closed tired eyes. " Yeah, that's what you are. A stupid little piece of…" He started to drift off to sleep as he kept speaking.. " …sex…yness …."

***

The sound of Richards Alarm clock jolted him from his sleep " OH GOD!!" He grabbed the clock " Wholly shit! I'm gonna be SO late." Wait a second, why did he care if he was going to be late? Being late was Richards way of being on time.. It was Fashionably late. In the middle of pulling his jeans on, he thought. Oh-yeah, now we remember why we care so much about being at school on time for History. Justin. Richard groaned in frustration again. " DAMNIT!" The feelings weren't gone.. And they weren't going to go anywhere… He grabbed his keys by the door and was off. Another school day with Justin in it… weird how someone can change how you look at things.

Later that afternoon torturing session number 2 was about to take place. Justin parked his car in front of Richards huge house. He gazed up at the windows from the drivers seat. " God, why the hell do you need a house that .. Big?" He said to himself before pulling the keys from the ignition.

From inside Richard heard the muffled sound of the car door. Oh shit! He was there! Okay.. Just play it cool.. Nothing is wrong. It's gross brainy Justin. Not sexy hot kissable Justin.. No! No sir! Richard quickly ran down the stars as if to be 10 years old on Christmas morning. He reached the front door just a second early before Justin tried to ring to door bell. " Hey!" Richard said in a pant of breath. Justin leaned back " Uhm, Hi!" He shifted his eyes around trying not to look at Richard as he huffed. " Why are you panting? Is this a bad time?" Richard opened the door all the way. "What? Piish..No!" He snorted. " Of course not.. I was just," Richard hunted for an excuse for why he was so excited to reach the front door. "..Just working out!" Richard grinned with a smile full of teeth. Justin walked into the entryway, "I'm sure."

Richard shut the front door as Justin walked further into the open living room. "So uhm, Do you want anything to drink or eat before we get started?" Richard fidgeted with his thumb ring. Oh GOD! Stop it! He smacked his own hand while Justin wasn't looking. Justin spun around, "Richard?! What was that?"

Richard shifted and tried to find a place on his body for his hands " W-what was what, Justin?" He grinned innocently. " That noise." he replied. " Oh.. That?" He smacked his neck. " Oh I think there's a fly in here or.. Something." He stupidly looked up and around then back at Justin. " Okay wait a second." Justin said as he smiled slightly and put all his weight to one side. He put his hand in front of him " Are you on crack or something Richard?" Richard laughed nervously ," haha. No-noo.. W-why you ask that?" He unconsciously scratched a spot on his neck. Justin threw his bag over onto the couch " Cuz you're like so weird today!"

Mmmkay! He's on to ya! Do something! Quick! Think fast! " Listen buddy, I think you just need to sit down and .. I'll get us something to drink and eat. I mean, hey, its like 3:30 and I'm starving." Justin slowly lowered himself down onto the couch as he watched Richard play Mommy or something. "Okay.. I'll just have a bottled water and whatever you bring to eat.." Richard nodded with hands clasped together " Okay! I can do that." He took off walking into the Kitchen.

Justin thumbed through his bag for something. " Hey Richard?!" From the kitchen he answered back nervously " Yeah!" Justin pulled out a CD. " I'm just gonna go ahead and get started! Can I put the Disk in your Lap Top?" Never had Richard ever dreamed he'd hear Justin yelling! Of course this how two people talk when one is in the other room. Richard pulled a few drinks from the fridge. " Yeah! It's already turned on!" Justin scooted over to where the Lap top was resting. Before putting the Biology disk in he noticed an icon on Richards Desk top titled " Journal." Justin quickly lifted his head to see if Richard was in sight. Nope! No Richard, for he was too busy in the kitchen trying to grab something good to eat. The Boy was starving. "weeell.. Whats this?" Justin whispered to himself mischievously. He double clicked the icon and up popped up Richards latest entry….

Title : Justin

Justin swallowed hard as he read his name in the title. He was kinda afraid of what he'd find. Slowly he began reading the entry Richard had written last night. His eyes skimmed over the words as his heart raced! What had he found! Oh god.. What was this he was reading?! Richard walked into the living room with snacks but stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Justin hunched over at his Lap top. reading a very familiar word processor.. With in seconds of hearing Richard walk back into the living room Justin turned to lock eyes with Richard. " What the … fuck…?" Justin breathed out with tears in his eyes…. Richard put the food down. " Justin…" Justin stood up and grabbed his bag. " Is this some kind of SICK JOKE!?" Richard gestured his hands in a lowering manner as he tried to calm Justin " No, Justin… Just.."

Richard tried so hard not to get mad at Justin. After all, he was the stupid git that left it un-password protected!! Justin's whole body shivered as he stood in the Haywood house. " NO! I'm leaving.!" Justin couldn't look at Richard as he ran out of the house. " Justin. WAIT!" Richard grabbed his arm before he bolted out the front door.

Justin turned his head to face Richard. His messy blonde strands stuck to his cheeks from the tears. " DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU FAG!" Richard took a gasp for air as Justin's piercing blue eyes stared at him angrily with the ugly words spilling from his beautiful lips. Justin smacked Richards arm off his own as ran as fast as he could to his Volvo. "JUSTIIN! L-Let me explain!" He pleaded as he ran down the front steps trying to beat Justin before he started his car.. But he was too late. Justin had already started and was now pulling out of the Driveway. " Nooo!" Richard stood stupidly in his driveway as he watched Justin speed down the road. "DAMNIT!!…FUCK!" How stupid could he have been to leave it like that on the coffee table!? Fuck!! Now he had really screwed up things…. And it was then when he realized he liked Justin more than he did before. The warm tears slowly formed in his blue eyes as he gazed down into the valley from his house. What was he going to do now?

To be continued!