Edward Elric
615 Acherontia Street
The Brink of Despair
Dear Alphonse,
How have you been?
I'm fine.
At least, that's what I'd like to say…
But then I'd be a liar.
I'm not fine.
I don't think I'll ever be.
It's been so long since I've seen you.
Time just passes so quickly…
It started out as a day.
And then another.
Suddenly it was a week.
Then a month.
Before I knew it, it had been a year.
Then two.
Then ten.
You're still not here.
And you probably won't ever be, even if you are alive.
But I don't care.
I'm still waiting for you.
I always have been.
I always will be.
But…
But every day it gets harder to wake up.
I keep hoping that you'll be there when I open my eyes, either as a suit of armour in the corner, or a boy with his arms wrapped around my waist.
But that just makes it worse when I open my eyes and you're not there.
I miss you…
I miss you so much…
I don't even know if you're alive or not.
I don't know anything.
I'm still in the dark…
And the daemons are waiting.
There is no light in this world.
There is no God.
Or, if there is…
God is dead.
And so am I.
So are we all.
Sometimes I wish I didn't know that.
Sometimes I wish I had faith; that I could pray and at least pretend that someone was alive to answer.
But now I can't, I lost the last little spark of my faith when you died.
I lost everything when you died.
Even myself.
Or at least the person I was masquerading as.
That person would have never have done what I'm doing now.
They never would have traced the lines in the palm of their hand with a blade.
Never would have watched blood trickle down their wrist, lost in the red that stained the contrasting white.
Never would have called your name as they. . .
Never mind, you'd hate me if you knew.
Sometimes I hate myself too.
I don't know who I am anymore, Al.
I'm scared. . .
Who am I now. . .?
It's something I might have been able to ask if I had kept up the illusion of a God.
But there's nothing that can be done now.
Nothing except wait.
I'll keep waiting.
'Till the day I die, if I have to.
If you're alive, I'll find you…
No…
I can't.
I can't in this world.
You'll have to find me.
'Cause I'm lost to everyone.
Even myself.
And all I want is to see your face again.
To hear your voice.
To feel your skin.
To…
I don't know.
It just…
It scares me, how much I want you.
It's wrong.
Isn't it…?
I don't know…
I don't know anything except that I need you.
I want you.
I love you.
I miss you…
Dammit, Al, I just miss you so much…
Edward
February twenty-second, nineteen twenty-three.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
She finished reading and handed the blood-stained letter to one of the fools she commanded before looking at the crumpled scrap of paper in her hand.
This one was different; it was what appeared to be an obituary that had been found in one of the suits of armour: the only one that had come back through the gateway they'd made.
She inwardly shuddered as she studied its face, particularly the dried, crusted blood adorning the spike in its forehead.
There was no sign of the man who had been inside it when it passed through.
Instead, there was a single scrap of paper stuck inside what would have been the neck of the armour, made almost unreadable by the symbol painted on it.
The strange mark blotted out everything except the name and part of a boy's smiling face.
As studied it, she wondered if it was connected to the letter.
How could it not be?
But at the same time, how could it be?
She muttered the name under her breath, her voice barely more than a whisper.
Then she glanced one more time into the lifeless gold eyes before turning on her heel and striding out.
She couldn't waste time wondering.
She had a world to destroy.
"I have your world to destroy… Alphonse Elric…"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
In memory of Nicole
1995 - 2004
"Wouldn't it be grand to do exactly what you planned...?"
My Chemical Romance