It was dark. So dark in that place. There was nothing. No memories. No light. No concept of existence. It was…warm but dreadful.
Please… Please…
He shifted his head to the right. Immediately he felt a sense of being rocked back and forth as if with the tide. Waves spiraled about him as emotions entered into his body. Something was tugging at him…Something beckoned him forth. It was strangely comforting… all he could do was stare at something that began to draw near to him. Visions of a young girl flooded his mind, harkening towards him with gestures of a gentle embrace, while at the same time demanding his presence with a vicious and unquenchable jealousy. The apparition had the aura of being both loving and terrifying, focusing on nothing but the young man in question with a penetrating gaze.
Her eyes were red.
The young man opened his eyes. Instantly, he went into a fit of coughing and tremors. His body racked violently as he tried to gather his bearings. Panic filled his mind as he realized that he was trapped in a body of nauseating liquid. The stench was overwhelming and he gasped for breath. He tried move his arms and legs, but they seemed to be confined. Apparently he was trapped in a small space. His two arms seemed to be gripping some controls.
That's right… he thought.
Cognition returned to his mind. He was still in his entry plug, and the red liquid around him was LCL. He calmly started to breathe the liquid, knowing that he would not drown upon gasping the oxygen-rich LCL. His eyes widened. He could still breathe, however he barely received any oxygen from each inhalation. Normally, a person would feel totally fine in the comforting liquid. Also, judging from the bad smell and the redder than usual liquid in the plug… it had mostly expired, meaning that some time had passed.
Instinctively, the boy jerked upwards on the controls, and jockeyed his feet around in a semi-standing motion… nothing happened.
What the…?
Where was the EVA's response? Or rather, where was the EVA? No lighting was showing up on the usually vivid screens which conveyed a multitude of information for the pilot. In fact, everything in that cockpit was dark. The power must have been out.
The young man realized that he must get out of there. It really was getting too hard to breathe for comfort. He unfastened the safety locks and catapulted himself upwards, towards the top of the long tube. He swam upwards in the LCL until he reached the far top of the entry plug. There was a small escape hatch that was only to be used in emergency. He manually unbolted the latch and began to push. It was stuck in place pretty good, so he had to use all of his force. Finally the door burst open.
He poked his head out of the door.
His eyes widened in disbelief.
The sky in all its grandeur lay overhead. However, when he tried to get out of the door, the whole capsule seemed to tilt. When his head poked out of the plug, he withheld a sight like none other. For miles… in every direction he could see there was a yellow liquid.
It can't be…
It seemed to stretch onwards in every direction… literally like the ocean. Suddenly, he realized why the capsule had tilted. He was literally adrift in this sea of LCL! He scrambled out of the door and onto the entry plug. The whole plug shifted again and he almost fell off, but he managed to balance himself by lying down on the outside of the plug…
Suddenly, he was gripped with a terrible realization. He could see no shorelines, and the LCL stretched for miles… He could not recognize any latitudinal directions because the sky was a strange tinted color as well. He was trapped in a sea of LCL. All he could do was swim in a random direction and see what he could find.
No…
He clenched his fist at the realization of what this meant.
"It can't be…" He said aloud to no-one.
The young man dove in head first into the amber liquid. As soon as he dived in, he felt a very vivid sensation.
Please…
His eyes widened in the sea of LCL.
That voice… he recognized it. It was tugging at his mind. Suddenly, he felt a very warm, comforting feeling.
Please Stay…
It was calling his very soul.
Suddenly, he felt like maybe he should just float in that LCL and sink… It was so warm and inviting. Although it was terrifying, he was sure that he felt a great love in that voice. His mind could only focus on being comforted as he began to sink. He was sure that he saw figures swimming around below him, but oddly he did not care. Blood vessels began to surface on his skin as he felt his resistance drop. The LCL began sticking to him… It was so inviting, so precious, so tantalizing. He wanted to be held. It was vicious in trying to overtake him, but he didn't care… A figure appeared to embrace him and he assumed a fetal position in that vast lake…
No… it's not true he thought.
His eyes widened and it felt like he had awoken to the world again. It all came back to him, what had transpired.
"No…" he said, as he began to whirl his arms about and swim to the surface.
"NO!" he yelled. His resolve had returned.
"NOOOOOOOO!" He resurfaced. He felt a great sadness and heart-penetrating gaze coming from the LCL as strange as that sounds, but he narrowed his eyes in focused anger. The LCL kept calling to him in rushed but gentle murmurs… but he heeded the voice no right. He began to swim as he set out to do.
"It's not true…" he told himself.
He swam in the amber ocean under the strange sky for what seemed like forever. His strength was failing him and the voice kept urging him.
I will not be beaten. He thought.
As he swam, an object came into view on the horizon. He was running out of strength, but he swam on determination and resolve alone. The first object was a white EVA unit… it appeared to be crucified and its figure was bloody and managed. It was supported by something as it was lifeless at an angle.
He beheld this sight, but he simply kept swimming past it. It literally did not interest him… only one thing was on his mind. Since it was poised up out of the water, which meant that he was getting to shallower waters, and closer to the shore. He swam by the gory figure, not feeling the slightest bit of hesitation by the intimidating size or the nasty look of its face.
As he approached the shore, another object came into view. This one made him grimace. He hurriedly swam towards it as the sickening realization became evident to him. By now, the desolate shoreline became clear. There were no buildings, no people, no nothing. His feet touched the bottom as he had reached the shallow water at last. However, he did not pause to catch his breath. He simply picked up the pace by running on the solid ground beneath the water.
The figure was a brown EVA-Unit. It was kneeling on its knees, and he face had its mouth outstretched as if it was giving out a grimacing yell.
"IT CAN'T BE!" The boy yelled. He ran to it ignoring how hard it was to run in the water. The unit was beat up and parts of its armor were gone as it oozed a sickening blood into the amber waters.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He screamed. He reached his hands up to the heavens in a defiant yet defeated manner.
"I NEVER LOSE!" He held that position for a while, screaming to no-one, or perhaps screaming to God or whoever would heed his cry.
I failed… the thought flashed across his mind.
He bent to his knees and struck at the ground beneath the water. He did this over and over again
I failed… the painfully evident thought became clear to him, but he resisted.
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"
He finally stopped hitting the floor, and he bowed his head to the earth. After a while of remaining like that he said to himself
"I… failed."
He suddenly felt so utterly alone and abandoned.
Tears clouded his eyes.
With a tear-strewn face, he went over and hugged the leg of his EVA unit.
"I'm sorry... I'M SORRY."
He seemed to have tremendous respect for the machine as he held onto it despite its enormous, towering size over him.
"You did well… You always have." He said, as he caressed the damaged EVA's leg. "It was me…"
I let them down… The thought hit him hard.
He felt guilt mixed with anguish mixed with anger.
"I let them all down… They're all gone"
He took a few steps away from the EVA and looked at the sea.
Rei… he thought.
He dropped to his knees again and began to weep.
Rei.
"Rei…" he murmured. That thought alone nearly killed him.
Maybe he should just sit there… maybe he should just go back to the LCL and let it take him over. After all, the amber water was so comforting and soothing… he was losing all the will to remain and press on with that knowledge.
However, an image flashed across it mind… it was one of another EVA unit.
He arose, and his anger at himself and at another resurfaced.
His memories were clear… he could still see that EVA unit taunting at him in his mind, laughing at him. Knowing that he would be felled. He could still see his eyes.
"I REFUSE THIS!" he yelled.
That face haunted him… that face of that sinister Evangelion unit mocked him. He looked at him as if he was meant to be trampled by it… to be shamed and disgraced at its hand.
In a sudden outburst of one clear objective, he drew his combat knife that he always kept strapped to his thigh and he headed towards the shore.
"I will kill you." He said with a bold determination from all that was within him. Against all odds, he thought this… nay… he willed his from his being.
He finally left the water and vented onto the shore, with one aim in mind.
Authors Note: This story has been on my mind for years, and I have finally put it to pen. I am really excited about it and I could have started writing it years ago. I will be devoting my time to this as it means a lot to me. I can't wait to post more chapters! I hope you all enjoy.