Reaching Forward

Trust was something Marlene had never understood.

When you trust someone, do you trust them with everything you have? Do you give them anything you can? Would you trust them to balance your life in their hands, or would you trust them with delivering a message?

It's not that she doesn't trust anyone... she just thinks it's foolish to put your life in someone else's hands. Because, really, once you trust them – they own you. The things they do have an effect on you. They can hurt you, burn you, destroy you. She wasn't willing for that to happen.

It was something she had never understood – how someone could be so willing to open themselves up to pain. Like a door closed but unlocked; they could just simply step through. She made that mistake, gave someone the key, and now? Now she was paying for it.

She always made sure her door was deadlocked.

Dorcas shrugged. In truth, she was quite scared, but she wasn't going to let it show. This wasn't the time for breaking down in tears. "I don't know. Last time I saw her, she was upstairs brooding."

"She does a lot of that lately," said Lily, the fear evident in her tone. "Brooding. Thinking... not that it's bad, no, but she never leaves, doesn't talk as much..."

There was a silence, and all knew why – they were all thinking of a time, only a few months ago, when Marlene had been happy. Boucing off the walls, constantly humming happy. Just pure unadulterated joy.

"Does anyone have any idea why?" asked Alice, chewing a fingernail and tapping her foot.

"I think so," whispered Lily. Out of the three in the sitting room of the Potter's house, there was no contest that Lily and Marlene were the closest – always had been, for a matter of fact. Two peas in a pod. "I can see it in her, you know. Her face is something like a painting. A clear expression, even when she tries to hide it."

"What is it?" asked Alice, almost timidly. Almost like she was scared to know. Almost.

"You would think," said Dorcas, with an edge to her tone, "that after all this time, she'd know we were here for her. We've known her, what, seven years?"

"Eight," Alice corrected, still attempting to bite off a fingernail.

Lily looked nervous, tapping her foot and staring around the room as if Marlene was a ghost who stood right next to her. "It's her family, I think. Her mother and her brother."

Dorcas sighed heavily, like it was something painful but not something new. "It's always them, isn't it?"

The clock ticked. Another second. It ticked again, and again, in a perfect rhythm. Another second going by, another minute, hour, day.

The guest room in the Potter's cottage was tastefully decorated (Lily's doing, she supposed) and cozy, but dead silent. It was a kind of silent, she thought, that was almost as bad as large amounts of noise.

There were echoes of voices and she was wondering what they were talking about down there. She had heard her name, but thought nothing of it – they were making plans or reminiscing, likely a mixture of both.

Marlene laid on her back on the bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling that snaked around the room.

She shouldn't have opened that bloody letter when her childhood owl swooped through the window. Maybe the papercut she had gotten when the envelope nicked her skin was a sign. She shouldn't have read it, just tossed it aside like she did all the other mail she had gotten from her brother.

But it wasn't in her brother's chicken-scratch scrawl. It was in her mother's large, elegant handwriting, and despite the anger, the reluctance at them that lingered in her stomach, she was curious. Curious because her mother hadn't spoken – much less even bothered to write to her – after that falling out over her joining of the Order a few months back.

So a drop of blood from her finger fell on to her robes, and despite the tinging of pain in her finger, she slipped open the letter.

Stupid, senseless. Bloody pointless, that's what it was. If her mother was going to write at her only trying to open wounds she had tried to seal when she left home all those months ago...

No, she wasn't going to dwell on it. Not anymore. She closed her eyes and timed her breathing with the seconds ticking my, not hearing the door creak open through her deep concentration.

"Someone has got to... Merlin, I'm sick of this," said Dorcas, leaning back against the sofa. "I love her to death, really, and she doesn't see it."

"She loves us too, Dorcas, it's just hard for her," said Alice quietly.

"I know, but still... I don't like seeing her this way."

"Neither do we, Dorcas," replied Lily, breathing deeply. "Maybe someone should go up to talk to her. We know she likes her time alone, but being alone too long is never good for anyone."

Marlene hadn't realized anyone else was in the room until there was a shadow looming over her, and with the reflexes one could only find in a warrior, she had her wand out and a spell on her lips.

"It's me," said Lily, the smallest of smiles quirking her face.

Marlene dropped her outstretched arm and sat up. "Oh. Yeah."

She wondered why Lily was up here for. Didn't they have planning to do? Didn't Marlene herself have unnecessary brooding to do?

"Join us downstairs," suggested Lily, sitting on the edge of the bed. Marlene found while the silence was scary, this was uncomfortable. She wasn't sure what to choose, what she liked better.

She was certain, however, that Lily was up here because of Marlene's brooding. Her best friend knew, of course, a little bit about the struggles with her family... and was the one most likely to understand, too.

She felt a little bit guilty – that she could not deny. But she didn't feel like smiling, laughing, trusting at that moment – right now, she just wanted to brood about everything and nothing at the same time.

Marlene sighed. "I will. I just need..."

"Time?"

Marlene quirked her mouth up into a smile. "Yeah. Something like that."

Lily just smiled at her best friend and leaned back against the bedpost. "You don't have to pretend you're alright down there, Marlene. It's just Alice and Dorcas and I; the four of us. We know how much this - they - hurt you. Believe me, if anything, I know." The end of the sentence was barely a whisper, but Marlene managed to catch it.

"I know. It's just..."

"Hard?" This time, the finishing of the sentence was accompanied by a slight laugh from both girls.

"Hard," Marlene agreed.

Lily appeared to be thinking, before shrugging simply. "It's gonna be hard. But before it gets better, it's going to be worse. Remember that, okay?"

Marlene hadn't said anything – she was about to – when Lily got up and silently slipped out of the room. Her mind was racing, whirling, the complete opposite from its previous dormant state. There was something coming towards her – not something she could see. Something she could feel. Something like trust, dancing at the very end of her fingertips, almost in her reach.

a/n - For Amber's lovely Dauntless Competition, round 2. Also for the As Strong As We Are United Competition, and Represent that Character. It was a bit of a time struggle with this, but I'm glad I got it done in time and overall I think it's okay, but I'd love to hear any concrit or thoughts you have on this. :) WC: 1,236