Summary: The demolition of a mental asylum reveals the existence of a colony of large, aggressive alien animals living on earth. The team must eradicate them before they multiply and spread.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood; the BBC and Russell T. Davies has that privilege. I also feel as though I must apologize for naming my fictional asylum after Chris Chibnall. (but I do so out of tribute) I also apologize to anyone who has ever watched The Treasure of the Sierra Madre for my intentionally bad play on one of it's iconic quotations.
Author's note: This is the sequel to Uncle Jack Harkness. It's done in the spirit of a b-movie so it probably doesn't have too much depth to it. I wrote this because I thought it would be fun to try something different. I invite and appreciate any reviews.
We Don't Need No Stinkin' Badgers!
Part One: A Threat To Their Home
In a deep burrow underground, a sleeping beast is disturbed. The creature resembles a badger yet it is the size of a German Shepherd. It has long, curved claws perfect for digging and attacking, and sharp fangs for tearing apart flesh. Its midnight blue fur gives it the appearance of a shadow, and its eyes are cat-like giving it the advantage in the dark. From deep in its burrow, it feels the rumbling of vehicles coming from above. It wakes up from its nap and moves with caution into the daylight to investigate.
Looking through a stone and iron fence, the creature observes men unloading crash test dummies into an old, decrepit building. Without a sound, it slips back into its burrow and crawls through the tunnels until it reaches an opening in the floor of one of the rooms of the building. The windows are so caked with dirt they allow very little light to filter enter the rooms, making it necessary for the men to use flashlights and providing cover for the dark creature. In one of the rooms, one man holds a flashlight while another sits on a hospital bed and takes out his equipment to rig a bomb. Another worker thinks he hears the sound of claws on the hard floor and moves closer to the beast. The animal could attack, but it is alone. Instead, it chooses to slip into the darkness and hide. The man returns to his job of placing crash test dummies into the old beds in the rooms. The creature cannot comprehend the meaning of these events. It cannot know what is about to happen nor why. Yet, the number of men, the sounds of their trucks, the blare of the firetruck that rolls into position frightens it. It knows that it's home is being threatened. It crawls back into the burrow to sound the alarm.
"What exactly is this place?" Gwen asks as Jack drives the SUV down an isolated road to a large plot of land that surrounded by a stone and iron fence and contains several prison-like buildings.
"The Chibnall Asylum for the Mentally Disturbed," Jack replies. "It was built in the late 19th century where it held the schizophrenics, the psychotics, and the unwanted of Wales. It shut down in 1972."
"Couldn't she have picked a cheerier place?" Owen whines as the SUV rolls through the gates.
"She needed a large building in an isolated place to test out her robot." Jack says. "The locals had a big, scary one with an equally frightening history that they wanted to get rid of. I'd say it was a win-win situation."
"Well, I for one am excited," Tosh says. "After seeing her blueprints, I want to see her robot in action."
"All right," Owen says as Jack parks the SUV just outside the stone and iron gates next to a car with a Templeton Industries logo on the side. "But this place still gives me the creeps."
Within the gates, four decaying prison-like buildings surround a large open courtyard with the main building on the southern portion. Two more two-story buildings lie in the north side of the complex where the workers are unloading explosives.
They are greeted by a young woman in a navy blue suit who introduces herself as Allison Scott, Rory's secretary. She walks them into the main building where a small group of military officers mingle as they wait to witness the testing. At one time the reception area of the main building was lavishly designed as a cheerful facade for the misery and hopelessness that permeated through the rest of the building. Now, although it is far from its former state, it has been cleaned up to accommodate Rory's staff and her guests. A generator supplies power for lighting, Rory's equipment and a projector that is hooked up to a laptop and is aimed at a large screen. Rory directs her staff in the final equipment check, but she pulls herself away after seeing her uncle.
"I didn't know you were coming!" she exclaims.
Jack gives her a hug and a kiss on top of her head. "We wanted to surprise you. How are you doing?"
"I've been pretty calm so far," she says cheerfully. "You're a bit early. The workers are just about finished getting the site ready before they clear out of the building."
"It's still hard to believe that part of your job involves blowing stuff up," Jack says.
"Well, Picasso once said that every act of creation begins with an act of destruction." She greets the rest of the team. "Well, hey all of you."
"Hey yourself," Ianto says as he gives her a hug.
"Aurora!" her cousin calls from across the room. He is followed by a military officer.
"Oh, great," Rory sighs. "Here comes Cousin Kevin and General What's-his-face."
"Who?" Ianto asks.
"Kevin Templeton. He's Bertram's nephew and the CEO in charge of development at Templeton Industries. I have to put up with him because he decided to invest in the project, and now he's trying to make a sale to the Americans." Rory puts on her best face. "Hello, Kevin."
Kevin offers a stiff and forced smile. "Aurora, you remember General Phillip Robinson of the United States Marines?"
"How could I forget?"
The general, a boorish, fifty-something man, pauses to examine Rory's outfit. Underneath a white lab coat, she's wearing a cotton candy pink dress with a ruffled skirt and a pair of white granny boots. He shakes her hand with a look of doubt. "Glad to see you again."
"Likewise," Rory replies. "This is Captain Jack Harkness and ..."
"Is that an RAF coat?" Robinson interrupts.
Jack nods. "Yes, but I no longer serve in that branch. My team and I make up Torchwood."
"What's Torchwood?" Robinson inquires.
"They are a form of Special Ops," Kevin replies nervously. He looks at Rory for some sort of explanation, but she simply shrugs.
"You could say that." Jack says with a wink.
Robinson scrutinizes the team. It's clear that he doesn't think very much of them, but is intrigued by Jack. He takes a step closer and looks directly into the captain's eyes. "What exactly do you do for this country?"
Jack finds it amusing that this man is sizing him up. "I keep it safe."
"From what?" The general takes another step closer and continues to maintain eye contact.
Jack doesn't blink. "From things that float under the military radar."
One more step. The two men are only inches apart. "Nothing floats under my radar."
"You'd be surprised," Jack replies with a smirk.
"Ten quid says they pull them out and get a ruler," Gwen whispers to Tosh and Ianto.
"When they do, my money is on Jack," Ianto whispers back.
During this exchange, Owen gently places his hand on Rory's elbow and runs it down to her wrist. Rory doesn't look at him, but is hit with a rush of excitement.
"Looking good," Owen tells her.
"Pardon?" She continues to look at the Captain as Owen examines her wrist.
"Your wrist," he whispers as he leans into her ear.
"Ah." Rory pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and blushes a little.
Max, a pale, skinny young man on Rory's staff, nervously approaches her. Owen quickly lets go and pretends that nothing has happened.
"Rory, we have a problem with the workers," Max mumbles.
"Excuse me," she says to the group before walking away with Max. Jack follows her, but signals to her team to stay put.
Rory puts on a Com piece that she uses to speak with the demolition foreman. "You rang?"
"Miss Templeton, you need to get your people out of there," the foreman replies. "We're under attack."
"What do you mean?"
"They're coming out of the ground! Oh, my God! Walter! Walter, behind you!"
Rory moves to a computer monitor and accesses the footage to the scene outside. Jack stays at her side. Together, they witness the midnight blue beasts attack the demolition crew, feasting on their kills. Those lucky enough to get to the trucks begin to drive away, leaving others vulnerable. Suddenly, the building set for demolition explodes before its due time, causing everyone in the main hall to duck for cover. Jack is the first to rise and looks around to make sure everyone is safe.
He asks his team, "Are all of you armed?" The team pull out their guns. "Owen and Gwen, we need to cover Ianto and Tosh as they get the rest of the weapons out of the SUV. Shoot anything that looks like a very large badger."
"What exactly is going on here?" Robinson demands. "What makes you think you're in charge?"
"Rory," Jack calls. "Bring up the footage on the big screen."
She uses the projector to show everyone in the room the images from the blast. The ground is littered with rubble, the dead workers, and dead alien badgers. A couple of the badgers are still alive, but injured. They angrily roam the grounds.
"You were asking about things that float under the radar," Jack says to the general. "That would be one of those things. Who the hell chose this place?"
"I had no idea..." Kevin said. "I've been here before...I never..."
The captain looks into the crowd of soldiers. "General Brooks, call your people and set up a perimeter around this place. If there are any above ground, shoot them before they flee. I'm also gonna need a lot of explosives."
"How much?" Brooks asks.
"Lots." Jack turns his attention to Rory. "Let's get you and your people out of here."
"I'm staying," she replies.
"There are more of them out there."
"I know. I saw them. But there are workers who may still be trapped in the rubble."
"We'll take care of it."
"I need to do something other than sit around and worry. I've got two robots near the site that can look through the rubble for any men that may still be alive."
Vikram, Rory's computer programmer and ex-boyfriend, starts to collect his laptop bag, but takes one look at Rory and sets it back down. He opens his mouth as if to try to convince her to leave with him, but no words come to him. He reaches out for her arm, but she shrugs him off. He doesn't want to stay, and, being slightly out of shape, he knows that he is no match for the beast that are attacking. Yet, he mumbles, "I'm staying with you."
"If you're going to stay, make yourself useful," Rory says to Vikram.
"Well, if he's staying, so am I," Nancy says with determination. She is the structural engineer on Rory's staff. Unlike Vikram, she is not afraid of getting a little dirty.
Allison runs to Rory. "We need to get Max out of here now before he has a panic attack and before those things attack us."
Rory knows that Max could never withstand the pressure of the situation. "I understand." She places her hand on Max's cheek and addresses him in a motherly fashion, "We'll be fine. I will see you soon. Just follow them. They'll keep you safe."
Jack escorts Allison, Kevin, and Max to the door. He takes one look at Rory, hoping that she will leave as well, but she is giving Vikram and Nancy their orders. "Let's go."
Minutes later, Nancy and Rory are at the computers, and both are using what looks like a video game controller with a joystick and an array of buttons. Vikram is setting up another two laptops when Tosh and Ianto burst in the room with a couple of cases of weapons and equipment. Jack, Gwen, and Owen enter next. Owen sorts out his medical kit while Ianto distributes the weapons to the six soldiers who chose to stay. General Robinson picks out the biggest gun which doesn't surprise the Welshman. Instead, it provides further evidence for his theory about the Marine. Jack moves swiftly to Rory's station.
She pushes her monitor towards him. "Nancy and I are assessing the damage to the building. We sent Fred and Wilma..."
Jack interrupts. "Fred and Wilma?"
"Those are the names of our robots," Rory replies.
With a few taps of the buttons on her controller, Rory commands Wilma to work through the rubble while sending camera footage to her monitor.
Rory continues, "The blast ripped though the center of the north side of the building, leaving the west and east wings intact." Jack watches the feed as Rory scans the blast entrance with a laser built into the robot. A three-dimensional schematic image of the building's interior appears on her screen along with a structural analysis of the demolished building. "We are also getting a couple of heat readings from one of those rooms."
Jack pats her back. "Nice work."
"Thanks."
"All right people," Jack shouts. "What we are dealing with here are Woortuks. They are a pretty nasty form of alien vermin that live underground. They are especially dangerous when they are threatened or when they are hungry. They do not belong here, and we need to get rid of the colony."
"Excuse me, but did you say alien?" Robinson asks.
"Yeah. I did."
"Alien as in from another country or alien as in E.T.?"
"Alien as in Alien," Owen growls.
"So what's the plan?" Ianto inquires.
"The most important thing right now is to find their lair so that we can destroy it. "
"Do we really have to kill all of them?" Tosh protests.
"Do you know why there are virtually no native birds left in Guam?" Jack retorts.
Tosh shakes her head.
Ianto answer's Jack's question. "The Australian brown snake was inadvertently introduced into Guam by stowing away on cargo ships and planes. They took refuge on the island, hunted the birds, reproduced, and killed more birds, etcetera."
Jack adds, "Introducing a predator to a new location can have serious repercussions for the natives, and you can't train a Woortuk to do anything other than hunt and mate. Now, we need to organize a hunting party to patrol the area. I cannot stress this enough: their home has been threatened, so they are going to be aggressive."
"I'm going with you," Gwen tells him.
Jack pulls her aside and whispers, "I need you to look after Rory. Do not let her out of your sight."
"Couldn't Ianto stay?"
"Rory can be a stubborn young woman. As much as I love Ianto, she'll walk all over him."
"Right." The mention of the word "love" sends a chill down Gwen's spine, but she tries to push it out of her mind. Perhaps he would use that word if he was talking about Tosh. Gwen convinces herself that he meant love in the general sense.
Rory pulls out two more of her robots out of their cases. They are no bigger than a cat and shaped like ants. Over its body rests a set of wheels that can be activated to open like flower petals and set themselves in a functional positions as the insect like legs retract into the body, giving the robot speed as well as maneuverability. "If they are living underground, we can use Barney and Betty to explore their burrows."
"Thank you." Jack looks at her feeling a mixture of gratitude, pride and apprehension. "Ianto and Owen, both of you are with me. Tosh, stay here and coordinate our Coms with theirs so that we're all on the same frequency. Find that lair." Then, he walks to the door, expecting people to follow and keep up. Ianto tosses him a high-powered rifle which he easily catches. When he reaches the door, he turns the men and says with a huge grin and a bad Mexican accent, "Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!"
"My God," General Robinson says. "He's enjoying this."
"Yup," Owen replies. "And somewhere John Huston and Humphrey Bogart are spinning in their graves."