I would just like to start off by saying, fuck yeah! I'm happy I'm getting this out today, though I had always promised myself to never release a holiday fic on the actual holiday. But I have a Valentine this year and this is my gift to her, since I can't give her a card or something like that. This was originally just something I wrote for myself about a different couple, and it had never been finished. I found that it made for a good depressing Valentine's Day fic so I thought I'd adapt it. I hope you all enjoy my first SasoDei fic! :)

Rating: T

Pairing: Sasori/Deidara

Warnings: Shonen-ai, boys kissing and such what. The normal for me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Also also, this story is dedicated to my Valentine DeviantDayDreamer.Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :)

Be Not Forever Mine

Deidara's palms were sweating as he stood outside his partner's door, having arrived quickly after the man had called for him. He knew what was awaiting him behind the obstruction but he hesitated, wondering if this night would finally be the one when he would just turn away and put a stop to the madness.

He closed his eyes as he thought. It had to stop—the games, the lies, the heartbreak… Everything had to stop, and it had to stop tonight.

He placed his hand against the wooden door and let its coolness wash over him, giving him the strength to finally turn away and leave the man that was surely awaiting his arrival. With another breath, Deidara let his hand fall before he turned his back to the door and took a step way. He was going to do this, really do it this time.

A sense of new beginning settled deep within him before he felt his chest begin to ache. This was for the best, he reminded himself as he took another step away.

"Deidara."

His body went rigid when he heard Sasori's call and immediately a part of him felt compelled to go to the man and melt into his embrace, which he had allowed himself to do on too many occasions in the past. The other half, though – the logical half – was encouraging his feet to take him further away from the place—from the man that had caused him so much pain.

Deidara made to leave, siding with the reasonable half of his brain, but as he did Sasori, as if sensing his intent, moved forward and grabbed his wrist. He embraced Deidara from behind, reveling the shiver that passed through the younger man as he pressed him closer to his muscled body—as close as their clothing would allow.

With a sigh, Deidara hung his head, knowing that he couldn't just leave now—not after this display. For the first time, Sasori had acknowledged their relationship outside of his bedroom; he'd put it out for the entire world to see, and as if cementing that point, Sasori pressed a kiss to the back of Deidara's neck.

"I've missed this," Sasori whispered, taking the tie out of Deidara's hair before tangling a hand in the blonde locks.

Deidara wouldn't admit it, but he'd missed it as well—he'd missed him. Shaking his head slightly, Deidara sighed, "Sasori," and then paused as the realization hit him: that had been the first time he'd spoken his partner's name outside of his bedroom. Just speaking his name without the usual suffix made everything feel more real for some reason, and his doubts began to resurface as Sasori's hands began to move.

The tips of his fingers brushed over the bare skin of Deidara's stomach teasingly as he touched the hem of his fishnet shirt. "Sasori," Deidara said again, his voice slightly stronger than before, "We can't… I can't do this anymore, un…" The fingers stopped their movement in the aftermath of the statement and Deidara almost wished he could take back his words.

Silence fell over them as Sasori pulled himself away from Deidara, who very nearly broke out in an apologetic sob. Somehow, he managed to keep himself together, though he refused to turn and look his partner in the face, but Sasori didn't seem to mind as he asked the question Deidara had not wanted to answer, "Why?"

Deidara stood silent as he took a moment to collect his thoughts—to remember just why he was doing this, for he was beginning to wonder why his lips weren't connected to the elder's. He was having a hard time remembering why he stood outside of Sasori's room with such a horrible pain within him instead of lying in the man's bed.

"I don't want you to use me anymore, un." Oh yes, he remembered now.

"Use you? Deidara—"

"The only reason that you have any sort of contact with me outside of a mission is for sex," Deidara interrupted, shrugging halfheartedly, "And I can't keep going on like this, un…"

There it was, out in the open, and now it was over. He could walk away—leave Sasori and forget everything that had happened between them.

Deidara didn't make a move though.

"You've never seemed unhappy with our arrangement until now, why?"

A small part of Deidara withered when he heard the question, as he'd nearly expected Sasori to take him back into his arms and whisper everything that he wanted to hear.

"It doesn't matter anymore, un…" That was all too true.

"Deidara, explain."

Deidara was silent, determined to defy the man, but he didn't hold out long as he knew by Sasori's tone that the man meant business. So he told him, "You sweet talk me into your bed, telling me that you love me—that you don't want to be without me, un…but come morning, you always tell me you never meant a word… I'm tired of it, Sasori; I'm not some puppet you can manipulate whenever you wanna fuck. I have feelings!"

Sasori grabbed him suddenly and spun him around, kissing him hard on the lips. Deidara didn't know if he was doing it just to shut him up because he'd been getting loud or if it was for some other reason, but the man broke apart from him rather quickly.

"Your point has been made; I have not been fair to you, and I intend to apologize," Sasori admitted.

A blonde brow rose in question as he hadn't expected this turn of events. Sasori smirked at his lover's reaction before leaning forward and claiming Deidara's lips again. To Deidara, though, that chaste meeting of lips meant more to him than anything Sasori could've said.

"Come," Sasori said, moving aside so that Deidara could enter his room.

Deidara complied, not wanting to ruin what had begun to seem almost like a dream, but first took hold of Sasori's hand, threading their fingers together.

Once they were safely behind the closed door, Sasori pressed Deidara up against it and claimed his mouth once more. This kiss, though, was deeper and more passionate than the ones before, successfully drawing out the lust Deidara had hoped to never again feel for Sasori.

"I've missed this," Sasori whispered against Deidara's lips, his hands roaming over his body and under his shirt, feeling skin they hadn't touched in nearly three weeks. Deidara hummed in response to his lover's words, bucking his hips and tilting his head back as Sasori's lips moved down to his neck.

The puppeteer smirked as he felt Deidara's arousal press against him; he pulled himself away from the man long enough to strip off his shirt. Once the garment was out of sight, Sasori's lips attacked the scarred chest while his fingers busied themselves with undoing Deidara's pants.

Forcing Sasori away when the man pushed his pants down, Deidara gasped, "I can't, un…" he whispered as Sasori restored their closeness after he quickly discarded his own shirt. "I can't do this, un…not again, Sasori…"

Hazel eyes met blue. "I love you, Deidara."

He couldn't do this again—couldn't fall for his lies and his games…but after hearing the seriousness in his lover's voice… It broke him and he fell.

And when he woke in Sasori's bed, hours later, nothing had changed.

"Go," the man ordered.

Deidara let out a pitiful laugh as he sat up, "Of course…how could I have even thought you'd change, un?" He grabbed his clothes and got dressed, repressing his anger and his tears for as long as he could; he looked back at the man before he left his room.

"I'm done, Sasori… Find someone else to play with, 'cause I can't keep waiting, un… No, I won't keep waiting for the day to come when you can honestly say you love me because I know it never will."

Feeling at peace now, he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, but spoke before the door closed, "Oh yeah… Happy Valentine's Day, un…"

The whisper echoed around him after the door clicked shut, leaving him alone in his bed.

Sasori sat up and looked around the room, finding that it seemed like a much lonelier place without the blonde's presence—something that he always realized moments too late. He sighed and reached under his pillow, finding the card that he'd intended to give to Deidara slightly crumpled.

He stared at it and began to wish he'd given it to Deidara when he'd first come to his room, like he'd intended. His eyes bore into the card as he realized that nothing had gone as he'd intended, and that had always been his problem. And now he'd run off his lover, leaving himself with only the memory of his mistakes—countless mistakes that he'd always wanted to apologize for.

Sasori took his eyes off the card, letting them fall on the door instead, remembering Deidara's final words to him as he ripped up the only evidence of his feelings.

"Yeah…you too."

Problem was…he couldn't do the same to his heart.

Owari

A/N: Okay, so yeah... A few little notes, I just want it to be known that this is set in the Akatsuki base, as this is an Akatsuki fic. I've been wanting to do one and this seemed like my best chance. Oh, and for the sake of the story, Sasori is completely human. Just go with it, it makes things easier! :) I hope that you all liked it and have a great day, there will be updates coming to my stories in the near future, for those who read my stories! :D It'd be great if you'd review and tell me what you think, who knows I might do more like it in the future...at least more of the couple! Thank you.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS