The Real Me

-Naurto's P.O.V.-

Chapter 1

Everyone is home with their families...the ones they love, and me I'm all alone with no one, nothing to go home to. Sure I have my own apartment...but it's a shit hole, broken windows from the villagers throwing rocks at it, it's cold because my heater is broken and I can't buy another if I don't have money. And I'm not feeling sorry for myself, oh no, this is just facts. Is it so wrong of me to wish for a better life? Would that make me a greedy person? I don't believe so.

I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the demon, the one no one wants to be around. I wear a mask to hide my pain so my friends don't see it, I don't need their pity, though it does sound like I want some right? Sometimes I think that the only reason my friends are my friends is because they feel sorry for me.

Now as I walk home to my sad apartment, I get the usual glares and whispers and yet I smile at them as though it doesn't bother me. It does really, I'm afraid my mask will slip and I would show my true pain to the villagers and they would use it against me. That's why I say I want to become hokage to be respected...but even I know that's not possible because I'm just a demon. Even though I have little to live for there's one person that I love, no, not Sakura, she's just a cover so people don't know who I really love. This person is like me, he, yes I'm gay, he is alone...but he had a family unlike me and also unlike me he can say anything to anyone in the village and people would still love him. I envy him so much. He wears his mask of serouisness, so unlinke the 'fake' me.

Even though he probably won't return my feelings, I still have some hope that he will; I never told anyone not even Iruka-sensei. I don't want to tell Sasuke yet because if he doesn't feel the same way I know then that I have nothing to live for, no reason to continue. I want my hope to last a little longer, wait for the right moment to tell him, and if it goes wrong I'm not sure of what I would do.

So as I arrive at my apartment buliding I sigh seeing my window broken yet again. If the people were really nice they attached a note to the rock to show how much they hate me. I shake my head and head up to my home...alone again. Once at my door I think of what I should do before opening the door finally.

"I'm home." I called as though someone would come to greet me...no such luck. I shut my door and lock it, I really don't see a point in it, it never stopped the villagers from coming in a trashing the already shitting stuff I have. I took off my shoes and step into the kitchen/living room, I look around for something to do but all I see is boredom. I walk to the window that had been broken and see the rock on my couch. "This person had good aim." I laugh bitterly. I grab the rock and look at it, it had 'Fuck You' written on it in premit marker. "I shall let you meet the others." I said to the rock as though it would reply. I walked in my kitchen area and opened one of the floor boards and pull out a bag full of bricks and rocks, I keep it just in case I snap one day and deicde to take revenage, also it's a reminder of why I want respect.

I place the rock in the bag and put it back into the floor and cover it with the board. Before leaving my kitchen I grab my broom so I can clean up the glass, once I'm done with that I check my messages on my phone, I only have one. I press play and then rest on my sorry couch.

"You have one new message." The machine said.

"Do tell me what it is." I reply.

"First message." It replies and plays the message.

"Iruka-Sensei." I stated before the message started to play.

"Oi Naruto," Iruka's voice rang out threw my apartment, "I guess I missed you, anyway I was wondering if you would like to help me with my class tomorrow, I need your help grading their spars. The other sensei that's suppose to help is feeling under the weather and he can't make it. So if you have time come down. Hope to see you there. Jya ne, Naruto." Iruka's voice disappeared and the beep of the machine told me it was done.

"End of new messages." The machine said. I sighed and got up to deleted the message.

"Might as well help Iruka-Sensei, our team isn't going to do anything tomorrow." I told myself and headed to my room. I stripped down to my boxers and headed into the bathroom, I looked myself in the mirror and sighed. I had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, and I was somewhat pale; I haven't been eating much. I was sick of ramen and that's all I could afford and I really do hate asking people to buy my food. Makes me feel selfish, I don't like that feeling.

I turned on the water and splashed cold water in my face, made me feel a little more relax than I was. After turning off the water I walked out of my bathroom and went into my little room, I found my discarded kunai covered in dry blood from last night. Not that anyone knew I did that, Kyuubi healed it over night, he didn't want to die so he keeps me alive. I groaned and tried to look away from it but it was tempting me, I finally walked over to it and picked it up. I laid down on my bed and put my wrist into veiw, I ran the kunai lightly over my skin at first, then ran it back with more pressure making it cut my skin and making me bleed. I gave a sad smile as I watched the blood run down my arm, noticing it was a little deeper than I intented it to be.

"Heh if anyone knew they would try to stop me." I smirked a little but it soon faded as everything became a little fuzzy, "No, not yet, one for the road." I told myself and made another deep cut before passing out from too much blood lost.

The next morning as I woke up, I felt a little light headed, but that was normal to me now. The kunai slipped threw my hand sometime during the night and was now on the floor next to my bed. I looked at my wrist that I cut and found that there was only dry blood left and not the wounds. I sighed and headed to my bathroom to wash it off, I rubbed my eyes another restless night, sure I passed out but that's the only way I get to sleep without the nightmares. Making myself pass out didn't keep me asleep the whole night, it only did for a couple of hours before I awoke again trying to block out the nightmares. It never works.

As I got dressed, I decided not to wear the ugly orange thing I do every day, but a more darker color, like black. I took my black tee-shirt and some jeans and put them on along with my forehead protecter. I looked in my mirror across my room a gave a smile small before leaving my room. I was thinking about eating but my stomach didin't agree with ramen again. So I just exited my room, put my shoes on, locked the door and left. I put my mask on that I hated so much and left my apartment building.

I took a short cut to the academy namely to advoid the villagers and so I didn't have to my mask on just yet. Five minutes later I arrived at the academy I sighed and put my mask on and ran into the building to Iruka-sensei's classroom.

"Hello Iruka-sensei!" I yelled, man I hate that I do that, and grinned like an idoit.

"Oh hello Naruto, I see you got my message, glad that you could make it." Iruka smiled warmly.

"Heh I don't mind helping my favorite sensei!" I chimmed.

"Thanks Naruto your a big help, now class doesn't start for another 30 minutes, most of the childern are outside waiting for the others, would you watch them so I can set everything up?" Iruka questioned.

"Sure thing Iruka-sensei!" I nodded and headed back outside. "Damn I hate kids." I mumbled to myself.

"Naruto!" Konohamaru waved as he ran up to me.

"Oh hey Konohamaru!" I grinned. He's one of the ones I really want to leave me alone, but the fake me likes him.

"Naruto-chan you going to help Iruka-sensei today?" The girl asked, I didn't care to remember her name.

"Yeah, heh I'm going to watch your spars." I rubbed the back of my head.

"Naruto are you ok you don't look so good." Konohamaru pointed out.

"Huh? Oh I was up late last night trianing!" I lied.

"Oh awsome I bet your really strong now!" He grinned.

"Yeah, but I still need to train hard to be number one!" I grinned.

"Ok everyone get with your sparing partner and Naruto and I will grade your performce." Iruka called and everyone did as they were told. As I watched the spars I could see Sasuke and I sparing, but ours were more violent as these kids spared they seemed to be scared of hurting one another. Although I didn't say anything about it. Soon it was Konohamaru's turn and I cheered for him.

"Go Konohamaru!" I cheered. He ended up losing and I laughed on the inside, but on the outside I tried to make him feel better. "One lost isn't going to stop you from becoming a ninja so don't give up and keep trying!" I smiled.

"Right!" He grinned. After that I tried to leave but Iruka-sensei offered to buy me ramen and if I refused then he would worry about me, and I didn't need him to. So I took his offer dispite the fact that if I ate another bowel of ramen I was going to puke. As we got to the ramen bar, the smell already made my stomach uneasy but I tried to ignore it. After we ordered Iruka tried to make small talk while I tried to not barf.

"So Naruto how have you been lately?" Iruka smiled.

"Good, been training a lot." I grinned.

"That's good, any missions?"

"Not yet, I hope I will soon."

"Yeah not a lot of ninja have been getting missions so I guess it's just a slow month or something." Iruka shrugged.

"Could be." I agreed, then our food came. It was REALLY hard for me not to puke, I quickly ate it and Iruka asked if I wanted more, and like an idiot I nodded. I ate as much as I could 3 and a half bowels. "Thank you Iruka-sensei! I have to go now I promise Sasuke I'd spar with him." I lied wanting to get out of there so I could puke.

"Ok, see you later Naruto." Iruka smiled. I grinned and ran out of there wanting to get home as fast as possible, but then I ran into him.

"What's your hurry dobe?" Sasuke glared.

"Nothing just training." I lied he looked at me weird, oh shit I forgot to retort to him!

"Hn since your training, you want to spar?" Sasuke questioned.

"No." I answered trying not to sound sick.

"What, afraid I'll beat you?" Sasuke blinked.

"No it's just that I've already spared with Kakashi-sensei." I lied yet again.

"Whatever." Sasuke rolled his eyes. I was about to walk away when my stomach decided it wanted the ramen out NOW. Oh shit. I went to the side of the sidewalk and threw up, which cought Sasuke's attention. "You ok dobe?" Sasuke asked coming up behind me. "Damn how much did you eat?"

"Shut up teme I just had too much ramen." I glared.

"That sounds like you." Sasuke scoffed. I sighed he believe me.

"I'm going home." I mumbled darted home not caring what Sasuke thought. Even though I got rid of that sicking stuff I still felt like I was going to puke again. I need to get rid of all my ramen and find something else to eat. With my luck all I will find is more ramen. I got home without running into someone I know, again, I walked in only to find another rock on the floor. I groaned and walked to pick it up it had nothing writen on it nothing attached just a rock. I put it with the others and clean up the glass yet again. I needed some relief and the only thing that came to mind was sleep.

I walked into my room, grabbed the kunai on the floor and laid down like I did every time I wanted to sleep to escape the world. I run it over my skin cutting my arm deeply, I did it a second and third time I wanted to sleep for a while. The room got fuzzy and I still wasn't passed out, so one last time I made another deep cut and then passed out.

When I woke up it was dark outside, I must've been asleep for a while I thought and sat up, I looked at my arm and noticed that it wasn't healed. What the..? I questioned I shrugged it off and went into my bathroom to wash off the dry blood. My wounds were closed and still deep I wonder why Kyuubi didn't heal them. Maybe they were too deep to heal in a short while. I sighed again and thought of what to do next, I didn't want to eat, or sleep. Then an idea came to me something I hadn't done in a while I decided to write in one of my jounrals. I stared at the blank page thinking of what to write, I sighed and my hand got a mind of it's own and started to form words.

Dear Whoever,

Life has been shit, day by day my mask has been slipping, even today Sasuke stopped me when I was about to throw up the horrible ramen(Iruka-sensei offered I didn't say no because I don't need him worrying about me), and I did in front of him. I just lied like I do to everyone, I wonder how I made it this far with out snapping. I found out just two years ago how to get a somewhat peaceful sleep, and to think I use to wear make-up to hide the bags under my eyes, right now they're not as bad as they were a couple years ago so I stopped wearing it. Konohamaru noticed it, I lied and said I was training last night. Today though when I came home I found another rock on my floor, and then I went to sleep. This time I had to make four deep cuts so I would pass out. I woke up and they weren't healed yet, it doesn't make since I guess they will heal soon enough, just hope no one notices. I'll have to wear a long sleeve shirt today for training, I'm NOT wearing that orange thing again, I hate it. I only got it because it was cheap and that's the only thing the villager at the store would let me buy, because no one less wanted it. Speaking of the villagers I just happened to count my rocks before I made myself pass out and there is almost a thousand from when I got this apartment when I was 11 and I'm 16, you do the math. Shit the sun is raising and I have to meet at the bridge, time to put my cracking mask on again.

Later...maybe not.

I closed my journal and hid it in my dawer, I looked at my arm and noticed my wounds were still not healed.

"Looks like I'm wearing long sleeves." I sighed and went into my bathroom to shower, then quickly got dressed in a black long sleeve shirt with dark blue jeans. I put my forehead protecter and walked out of my room, with a groan I put my shoes on and left not bothered to lock the door. I took a detour to the meeting spot so I wouldn't have to deal with the villagers glares, my bet is that when I get home there will be another rock on my floor.

As I neared I saw Sakura was there I sighed I have to put my mask on again. I grinned like a idoit as I came into her veiw.

"Good Morning Sakura-chan!" I greeted loudly. She glared at me and hit me on the head, I was VERY tempted to stop her and throw her into a tree. "Ow!" I 'whined'

"Baka it's too early for you to be yelling." She sighed and rubbed her temples. Then Sasuke came and she smiled brightly, I hate when she does that. "Good morning Sasuke-kun!" Sakura waved as I stopped rubbing my head.

"Hn." Sasuke replied I guess you could say and walked pass us and glanced at me before leaning aganist the rail. He must be worried about me, shit he must be suspicious about me now great that's the last thing I need right now, I hope he didn't run into Iruka-sensei yesterday. It was to quite for my fake self so I started to talk about random things until Kakashi arrived.

"Your late!" Sakura and I yelled.

"Maa...you won't believe what happened though I was walking out of my apartment when a cat attacked me." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head.

"A cat that's the best you could come up with?" I glared, he shurgged. "Do we have a mission?" I changed the subject.

"Nope but I do want you and Sasuke to spar." Kakashi ordered.

"Ok I'll kick teme's ass!" I glared at Sasuke.

"You wish dobe." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"What about me Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura blinked.

"You'll spar with me." he informed she nodded as we headed to the training grounds. Sasuke and I took our defense positions. I glared at him as he smirked at me. I didn't feel to hyperactive like I usually am it must because I haven't ate anything in a week or so, damn ramen. I sighed I have to fake the energy. Sasuke wasn't doing anything so I charged at him, he dodged my move with ease and counter my attack with a smooth punch. I grabbed his fist just in time and twisted it making him flip around as I kicked him back.

He darted towards me and came at me with fast attacks, he seemed a bit angry if you ask me and he was more violent than usual when we spar. I zoned out for a moment thinking but I soon was knock out of it by Sasuke punching me in the face really hard too. I flew to the side and hit a tree I groaned and looked at Sasuke his image was fuzzy but I ignored it and got up, I could feel my energy or what little energy I had drain. I made four shadow clones and attacked Sasuke with no such luck as to even hitting him but instead being thrown back into the tree again. I got up again and felt a pain hit my left arm I looked at my covered wrist and saw that it was wet, shit my wounds reopened and I didn't banage them up.

At this moment I couldn't even see Sasuke anymore that's because I blacked out.

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Ok that's the end of the first chapter what did you think? This is my first depressing one I guess I don't know if it's good review so I know to continue thnx! Just to let you know it will change P.O.V with chapters only Sasuke's and Naruto's no one else but there might be some normal p.o.v's too but i'll let you know when that happens kk!

YL