Now before you all have a go - I apologise for this! But if you're a Zax fan cling to the last words because they could lead to more of these... Anyway I'll let you read! I hope you enjoy and please please please please Review!
As I stand watching him walk with them, it daws on me - he's moving on, he's living in the moment but I'm stuck in the past. I glance at my ring once again, twirling it round, the swirling of the diamonds perfectly mimicking the thoughts whirling around my head. My husband? I never really got to call him that did I? I probably never will.
One night... One stupid night... One chance blown... Why? Because I'm scared of commitment or so I thought. It's only know I realise I'm actually more scared of no commitment, of no one being there in the middle of the night or on the end of the phone, scared of the cold bed, and the only arms being round you, your own.
My mind suddenly goes back to the memories we've shared, the first cigarette, the lighters, the curly wurlys, fag breaks, coffees, cupboard meetings, the secrecy, the announcement, the new flat, the dinner, the engagement, the morning of the wedding, the ceremony and then it goes to the reception, the fire, the boat, the water, drowning, gasping for breath, the ambulance, resus, recovery, and my first shift back, the light bulb moment, and now this. Today. Standing here watching him. All we've been through over.
I feel my break a little inside, knowing what I had and what I lost, knowing what I could of had but never will.
I'm losing hope, and when that hope is gone what is there? Without hope there's nothing. Friends? Take it or leave it?
Looking back and seeing him laugh with Lofty and Robyn, I know what's best for us, best for him. I'll always love him but I guess you must do things you don't want to for those you love the most. Isn't that what they say? With sadness and regret I slowly grip the ring, and pull it off, my heart instantly aching, vulnerability levels rising. Opening the car door I take one final glance to the pub, that's it... It's over! Isn't it?
A/N: please review. I'll try and update again soon but I have mocks coming up! Xx