[AN: so i guess i'm uploading these. for kirby (losercandy). we did fem collaborations? this is her dialogue and me scribbling in god knows what around it.]

'You don't have to love me right now.'

Her voice doesn't even catch. She's standing out on the landing in Vyvyan's shirt with goosebumps down her bare legs, holding on to her own elbows to keep herself steady. She wasn't even in Vyvyan's bed last night. Vyvyan needs her space, Rick knows that. She's got grades to worry about, she's got a future to contend for. But Rick can smell her on the shirt and it keeps her awake at night, wondering if anyone's hands would feel the same or if it's just Vyvyan's. Wondering if Vyvyan means half the things she says when she's heavy and drowsy with her mouth moist on Rick's shoulder. When she's got Rick on her tiptoes, slammed against the wall, and Rick can feel the tightening of the tendons in her hands and she says she still likes Rick. She still likes her. Rick likes her too.

'I'm just asking if you ever could.'

'Rick, how am I supposed to—'

'Or, at least,' Rick puts her hands out to stop Vyvyan, who slows to a halt in the bathroom doorway some meters away, 'if you think you ever could.'

Vyvyan puts her arm up against the doorframe, body slouched to the side. She's never had to try. She's never even cared about the way she looks. Rick doesn't want to be her but she wants her, she wants her all the time. Just to be there, or to know she's going to be there. She wants Vyvyan to look for her across a crowded room and when she finds her, she wants Vyvyan to see her. Really see her.

'Why are you asking?' Vyvyan asks, not a sigh, not defensive, just weary. She treats it like a game she's played too many times. She always does. 'What happens when I answer?'

Rick tugs the hem of the shirt down. Vyvyan doesn't watch her hands, stares at her face, instead. 'Well… I guess that depends on how you answer.'

'What does this change, for you?'

'I just,' Rick rubs at her brow and then stops herself, standing straight. 'I want to know if I'm doing something worthwhile, or if this is…'

'What?'

'Frivolous.' Rick stumbles over the word. Vyvyan's eyes narrow and she frowns, shaking her head. It looks odd, the combination of fresh tri-hawk and sleep singlet. It's the hawk that gives her the power. Vyvyan doesn't think she's herself without it, told Rick the last time she'd lain with messy waves on the couch with Rick to watch a video. Touched her fingers down Rick's leg and it was soft, it was so soft. Rick doesn't want her to be right.

'God, you take yourself so seriously.'

'Tell me.'

It's not pleading, it's a demand. It's Rick exerting the power that Vyvyan granted her by proxy.

'I don't know, Rick.' Vyvyan shrugs and Rick hates that. Hates that she knows Vyvyan did it on purpose. 'I guess I could. Maybe I might. I haven't thought too hard about it.' Her hands make all the right motions. They don't falter for a second. It's too smooth, it's not right.

'Why not?'

'I try not to agonize over things the way you do.'

'I don't—'

'You do.' Vyvyan rolls her eyes. 'And it's incredibly grating.'

'Fine.' It's not worth it, feeling this way for something that should have been simple. That other people wouldn't have had a problem with, but Vyvyan. God forbid Vyvyan be vulnerable for once in her life. 'Sorry I asked. I'll go. I don't want to cause you any more discomfort.'

'I didn't say you had to go, did I?'

It pulls Rick back, like it always does. The current of Vyvyan's voice. Her own stupid hope.

'I don't really think we're done talking about this, Rick.'

'So why don't you think about it, then? Are you scared of it or something? Are you scared of me? Scared of caring? God, don't be such a fucking cliché, Vyvyan. Grow up, okay?'

Rick's knees shake. Anger or fright or cold. Vyvyan leans into the frame for a moment, hiding her face in her hand. When she speaks, it's aimed down at her feet.

'You're pestering me like you want to know if I have some sort of school yard crush on you, and I'm the one that needs to grow up?' She glances over, then away. 'Rick, I'm not fucking afraid of anything except you nagging me to death! Did it ever occur to you that these things take fucking time and how the hell am I supposed to know what's going to happen? I'm…' Her hands come up, frozen, waiting, and then fall. Unrehearsed. Something real, something tangible that Rick can grasp on to.

Her eyes come up to Rick's face and she looks so angry, angry like she did when her mother called and she wouldn't tell Rick what she said but she kissed and kissed into the night and told Rick she was beautiful and Rick didn't know if that was what she actually meant or not so she said nothing. She kissed back and it set a precedent. She doesn't know what to do with Vyvyan's anger, now.

'I like you, Rick. I care about you. I'm fond of you, okay? But god, how long have we been together? How quickly can you expect someone to fall in love? Things don't just happen instantly, Rick. So maybe…'

Vyvyan's breath cuts off and she holds it for a long time. Long enough for Rick's eyes to trail over the curve of her sides and gather in enough of Vyvyan's words to sort out some context.

'Maybe?' she prompts, because Vyvyan is waiting for it. Because Vyvyan's stubbornness would have her waiting all day.

'Maybe we both need to grow up.'

It's not what she meant to say, or maybe it is. Maybe Rick is projecting onto her. Maybe it's just Vyvyan's classic escape tool making a break for freedom. Rick knows she needs to grow up. She knows she's going to. She wants to know if she's going to be alone for it.

'Vyvyan, I don't see what is so difficult about this question. I am not asking you to love me right now. I am not asking you when you think you will love me. I'm asking if you think you could even love me at all.'

'I think,' Vyvyan breathes out slowly, giving Rick the most sincere expression she knows how, 'I definitely have the capacity to love you, Rick.'

She waits and Rick waits because it's never over when they think it is, it's never final, it's never tangible, it's just words in the air. It's not anything until Vyvyan makes it something. Until Vyvyan says she's in it because Rick has been in it from the very start. Walked home at a steady pace with the sickly taste of a boy's mouth on hers and put her arms around Vyvyan's chest and said she was in it. Or didn't say, but she'd meant to. She would have.

Vyvyan softens. Her arm comes down to her side and her head tilts.

'But, I'm not making any promises.'