Chapter 1

She hadn't meant for it to go down this way. On the contrary, she remembers the millions of times her and Chloe told each other that they'd see each other again. Remembers the hugs with Fat Amy, the kiss on the cheek from Stacie and even an awkward embrace from Aubrey when she left. And all with the same words: "this isn't goodbye, Becs. We will keep in touch and we will do weekly or monthly or annual meetings!". Not one meeting had happened though. And even though she knows she could have initiated it, that she could have been the one to send out a text in the group chat, she hadn't been the one initiating it. And for some odd reason, no one else had. Or maybe there was another groupchat with the Bellas who did still see each other, and she just wasn't in it.

But like a lot of other things in her life that she could have initiated, she also hadn't imitated any of those. Like she also could have called her dad an extra time, could have sent an extra demo to Jesse and she could have invited Chloe over. But she hadn't. She honestly doesn't even know why. She had, unintentionally, slipped back into her old self. She hadn't wanted to, but without living in a sorority house, not having mandatory lectures where you kind of have to meet people and with working in a very, very competitive business, she had stopped trying not to slip anymore at some point. This is how she rolls, she had been alone before the Bellas anyway, so she could manage to slip back to that old self. Or her younger self. So she changed her mindset, didn't feel sad about being alone and told herself that it was for the better.

As soon as she had moved to LA she had been working her ass off, anyway. And she had told herself that she didn't need anyone. She told herself she didn't rely on her dad anymore, she made her own money. She didn't need her "ex-yet-somehow-managed-to-stay-friends" Jesse anymore, she had short and shallow conversations with people at work (Jesse hadn't bought it though, he kept on stalking her and she eventually just gave in to get rid of his unwanted calls and messages). And she sure as hell didn't need all the Bellas anymore. Because she had been alone before she knew the Bellas, right? So why wouldn't she be able to be alone now?

The only person she had let into her new life every now and then was Chloe. Because she and Chloe had been ever so close during the last few years at Barden that she couldn't bring herself to totally shut her out. Or at least, not intentionally. But with how things had went and how life usually simply tends to go, they someday just kind of lost touch. When Beca had abandoned Barden to move to LA, Chloe had started her master degree in something Beca doesn't remember the name of but is related to her vet-degree. For both of them, it had started off with small jobs. Small bartender jobs to have enough money to keep on studying, small gigs in bars. During those months they had skyped quite regularly. They tried to keep it up every other week. And it had worked, it wasn't always easy, but they made sure it'd work. But then Chloe's master degree demanded more attention and fieldwork, which turned into long working days and too much traveling. And small gigs turned into long nights, meeting important people and multi-day festivals. And most of all, they both had had to improve their qualities, which resulted in working over hours; too long and too many. So eventually two weekly skyping had turned into monthly, which had turned into a simple phone call every few months which ended in irregular texting for birthdays, holidays and a casual 'congrats!' for graduating or a new single. And that's how it had went. It had been 4 years of those random texts, without much else. For Beca at least.

Chloe, of course, was a social butterfly. Even though she also worked long days and tiring hours, she couldn't let herself be alone. She made new friends during her bartending jobs, which made her time when working always way more fun. Even after she had graduated and she travelled the USA for special medical operations on animals she had managed to make lasting friendships. She usually set the mood, pulled pranks on coworkers (they didn't always work out the way she wanted them to, but in the end there was usually a laugh) and she simply always was in a good mood. Or acted like she was. Some of her coworkers lived close to her holiday home in Miami, so she could keep on seeing them. They would spend Friendsgiving together, New Years and 4th of July. And, being the good daughter she is, she always kept on seeing her mother. When her dad had passed away 2 years after leaving Barden, there were tough times. She realized that family was important, more so than her work. The funeral came around. It was a worthy funeral, one her dad deserved. Some of the Bellas had been there. She had invited Beca, even though she knew the brunette wouldn't be able to make it. Whether Beca was honest about that or whether she couldn't bear to see the Bellas after such a long radio silence, she wasn't sure. The only thing she was really sure about was that she hadn't been there. And after the funeral she decided to stay with her mom for a while. She told herself it was to ensure her mom kept on track, but deep down she knew she was lying to herself when she said that. She herself had needed it, hadn't want to be alone during those hard times and had felt it was a logical move to move closer to her mom. Her mom had let it be. And so did her brother, Max. He had visited them quite regularly, had never stayed the night there though, but he showed that he cared and their bond had grown closer. Maybe closer than it had ever been, against all odds of losing their dad. But at the end of the day, Chloe still had to go back to wherever her job needed her. So she had left her mom and brother, packed her bags and left for her other home. She did see her holiday home Miami as her home, even though she usually didn't sleep there. Most of her work was up in the more rural areas, so she usually flew over there. But when she was done, she went home to Miami. Home was also where she had met Jack. Jack had been a fling, a boyfriend at some point, but was downgraded again to a fling. Frankly, she didn't have time for an actual boyfriend. And in this way, she could continue sleeping with other guys and girls. Chloe was human, shamefully so, and had instincts and desires. Especially when she was far away from home and didn't want to go back to a dark and quiet trailer, hotel or apartment.

So that's how they had both rolled for about 4 years. Barely any contact, drowned in work and dizzy with pretending not to care. But Beca most certainly thought about Chloe a lot. About the Bellas in general. About what she missed and what she had missed out on. Because during her 4 years of keeping busy with being busy and not having time to care, she did lay in bed alone and thought about the Bellas. She thought about Chloe, more precisely. And she could curse herself for being so selfish. For acting like she didn't care, of which the peak was when Chloe had told her about her dad and the funeral. She had cried, more than she thought that she would. She had, unfortunately, never met him. He had been sick during Chloe's college years, and he couldn't be there for graduation. But she had been with Chloe though all the moments concerning her dad. She had been there for every negative result of a scan. She had seen the pain, seen Chloe cry. She herself had felt the pain. She, luckily, had also been there on the flipside of those moments. She had hugged Chloe for every positive result, drank a glass of wine for every well-functioning medicine, and celebrated every time Chloe's dad was ableto attend some family event. But she didn't dare to go to the funeral. Because while she knew his expected lifetime was reducing, she still had never asked Chloe about how he was doing. Or about how she was dealing with the situation. So when the inevitable text came, she had told Chloe she had a gig. That she couldn't cancel it, that it was too big and a chance for her to break through in a new scene. That was partly the truth. She did have a gig, which meant a lot, but she could cancel. She was known and big enough now to pick and choose and cancel some gigs. But she didn't have the guts to face Chloe after four years of mistreating and ignoring her.

Because she knows it was mainly her fault. She was the one that started not replying, started not calling, started 'forgetting' to do something. She's aware of her wrongdoing, and she doesn't usually admit to that. Not quietly to herself, let alone aloud to others. But she misses her, misses the Bellas, and she knows she has to be the one to make it right. At least with Chloe. So when her agent calls her to tell her there is a gig coming up in Miami, she takes it. She doesn't take it immediately: it is her first gig in a new state and it is quite big. But she knows she has to do it. For her music, for herself, and for Chloe. So two days before her flight leaves she scrolls through her messages, feels a sting of annoyance towards herself and swallows hard when it takes her about 4 swipes with her thumb before she reaches the right thread, and clicks on 'Chloe'. She tries not to think too much about the message and sends it quite impulsively.

I have a gig in Miami next Tuesday, are you in town?