Kirsten's thoughts and refections after telling Sandy about her abortion.
Today and Yesterday
Yesterday she had told him. She had told him her deepest, darkest secret and he had not left her.
Yesterday she lay in bed, silently crying her eyes out while he lay in a slumber next to her, his arms wrapped around her waist.
She was glad he wasn't awake then. She didn't want him to see her like that, crying over a baby which wasn't even his. A foetus which was hers with an other man.
He would have understood though. Had he seen her crying he would have tried to comfort her, reassured her. But he would have wondered if she was regretting her decision and had he asked her she would have had to say no. It was the truth, she did not regret the choice she made, but she would have felt guilty admitting that truth.
Therefore she was thankful he was not awake. It was enough that he was there, that he had forgiven her for not telling her and that he reminded her of what she gained by making that choice.
Today she had asked him if he thought differently of her know. Know that he knew, was she not a different person to him? She was no longer who he thought he married.
But he had answered that she was exactly who he had married. Her abortion was a part of who she was and what had made her, her.
He was right she realized. Her life would have been so different had she not gotten pregnant. She would never have gone to Berkeley and she would have never met Sandy. She probably be married to Jimmy and been head-newpsie. He would have worked for her father and she would have been home, or at the spa, planning the next newpsie- event, just like they planned.
That thought scared her because she realized that she might have ended up as one of those women she now loathed.
It was strange to think that one decision had affected her so much, one tiny event in her life. But the more she thought about it the more she realized how true it was.
An event can change you life completely, and there where other examples of it.
Julie had changed immensely since Caleb died. She had become more thoughtful, humble, not to mention nice. She had become a real friend. One Kirsten had been able to confide in and that listen to her when she had a problem.
She might already have had all those qualities inside her, but they had not been shown until after Caleb's death.
The same applied for Summer. Kirsten had seen Summer change a lot since her son first started dating her. And she did admit that everyone changes trough high school and certainly when they get to college, but since the summer Marissa died, she had really grown up.
She had taken an interest in other things than fashion and TV shows. And she had begun to think about stuff around her. She had grown up and changed, definitely for the better, though Kirsten. Know she just hoped her son would change in the same way or else she doubted they would last.
Summer was now more a woman, but Seth still needed to become a man.
These events where not minor, but she still was amazed by the way they affected people. And she kept coming back to the same conclusion; that she did not, could not regret her decision to have the abortion. Not when she knew how her life had turned out.
And maybe she missed out on some things, like having in-laws that actually likes you. She might have missed out on Emily and Jonathan, but she had Seth and Ryan to gain for it. And she had the new life inside her and she had Sandy by her side, and it was had to imagine herself anywhere else.
just a little not at the end: Emily and Jonathan are the names I imagined Kirsten and Jimmy's kids being called. She did tell Summer they had names for their kids so...
Also I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes...
please tell me what you think... ;) thanks!