So this just came to me on Saturday night. i was in a crack-fic-y sort of mood and this is what came out of it! Enjoy!
Full Tilt Drama Prince
It was a quiet Sunday morning breakfast in the palace dining hall. Thor was discussing political matters with his father, Odin Allfather. The blond-haired prince had recently come of age, and would be ascending to the throne in a matter of years. Thor paused mid-sentence, noticing the absence of his younger brother. He turned to his mother, Frigga.
"Mother...where is Loki?"
"Oh...he should be along soon...he was angsting again this morning..."
Thor groaned.
"Again? When is he going to grow out of this phase? It's just too much, all the pouty face, and the poetry! Ugh!"
As if on cue, the double doors flew open, and a fine mist began to spread over the flagstones. A lean figure stood silhouetted against the late morning sunlight flooding in behind him. He sashayed forward and flipped his long, dark hair needlessly.
"Mother, father, I have arrived!" he announced, strutting to his seat, twirling on the spot once, and gracefully plopping onto the chair. He threw up one foot to rest on the table.
"Loki," Frigga warned, "Feet off the table!"
"Ugh," Loki sighed dramatically, "You're like so totally ruining my life! God I'm just trying to express myself WHY DO YOU HATE ME!?"
Frigga looked at her youngest son properly.
"Loki is...is that my eyeliner!?"
"UGH GOD! NO MOTHER! It's my eyeliner, OBVIOUSLY! Stop ruining my life!"
Frigga sighed. This has been a long six months. She took a deep breath and counted to ten. Exhaling, she smiled.
"So, what does everyone have planned for today?"
"Father and I have business to discuss this afternoon, and then I'm going to spar with Lady Sif and The Warriors Three!"
Loki rolled his eyes, and sighed loudly.
"Well I," he stared pointedly at Thor, "Am going to work on my poetry. I think it's my calling. And then I'm going to practice pouting in the mirror, then I'm going to hang out with my cool new friends. We're going to Midgard to see this awesome band and th-"
"Wait, what? Midgard?" Odin questioned, "And when were you going to ask for permission to go?"
Loki sighed impudently, rolling his eyes again.
"I don't need permission! I do what I want, when I want!"
"Oh no no no you do not, you are a child Loki-"
"OH MY GOD I AM NOT A CHILD!"
"You're sixteen Loki!"
"EXACTLY! NOT A CHILD!"
"You are not going to Midgard without an adult and that's final!"
"I HATE YOU!" Loki yelled, "I HATE YOU ALL! I HATE EVERYTHING! YOU ALL SUCK! EVERYONE SUCKS BUT ME!"
He kicked his chair over, storming out of the room with a dramatic flourish.
"Can't we just take him back to the pound or something?"
Meanwhile in Loki's bedroom...
Loki stared at himself in the large mirror.
"You're fabulous," he told himself, "You are fierce. You're a fearless bitch!"
He smoothed his hair down and fluffed it out again.
"Look at yourself, Loki...you're beautiful...you don't need that boring old family hanging over you like a dead horse!"
He posed provocatively in front of the mirror, one hand on his hip, biting down on his lower lip.
"You sexy thing. You're the brains and the beauty of this family. People should be worshiping you, falling at your feet, pandering to your every whim!"
He struck several poses, pretending he was in front of a camera.
"Work it, Loki, work it! Own that camera! Show it who's boss!"
Loki sighed heavily and, with a feminine twist, flopped onto his bed. Burying his face in a pillow he began to sob out of nowhere. Just yesterday he'd overheard Fandral call him "dramatic and self-absorbed" and he like so is not. And then Sif actually agreed with him and called him a "diva"! Imagine! How could they say those things? He was the most selfless, kind, attractive person in Asgard! Ugh! Jealousy! He didn't blame them of course, not everyone can be as exquisite as he!
Several hours later...
"Thor did you spar with your friends today?"
"Oh yes mother! And I won overall as usual! We also had a chat about Loki..."
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Loki descended from the ceiling in a shower of dry ice and sparks.
"DID I HEAR MY NAME?" he boomed.
Thor recoiled. It's like saying his name summons him!
"Uh...no brother," he laughed nervously, "Nope, no one said your name...-Mother? Did you? No? Father? No? See Loki no one was talking about yo-"
"DO NOT LIE TO A LIAR," lightning flashed, "THOR ODINSON!"
Frigga looked up.
"Loki get off the chandelier right now!"
"UGH MOTHER! YOU RUINED THE ILLUSION!"
"What illusion? We can all see you hanging from it!"
Loki fell to the floor after Thor threw Mjolnir at him.
"OW! MOTHER!"
"Thor! No throwing Mjolnir at your brother!" she berated, "Apologise!"
"Sorry Loki," Thor muttered.
"No!" Loki stomped his foot, "No! I am not taking this any more! I am treated like crap in this family, when clearly I am the most wonderful person in all the Nine Realms! Yggdrasil can't even handle me right now! I'm sick of you all! You are so not cool! I'm leaving forever, goodbye, LOKI OUTIE!" he threw a handful of glitter at Thor's face, and strutted out of the room like a catwalk model.
"That's the third time he's 'left forever' this week," Thor groaned, spitting the gold particles out.
The collective sighs of the family could be heard all the way in Helheim.
"He's in his room again, probably. Talking to himself in that blasted mirror," Odin rubbed his temples, grumbling inwardly, "I should have left him on Jotunheim."
TAH-DAH! Please review, they do so make me happy c: