I'm baaaack. At least momentarily. Just dropping a little Easter one-shot your way. I hope to occasionally continue to check in on this little universe I created. Perhaps the one-shots will be in the future, showing the family's progress over time, or perhaps we will go back and dive into the in-between details that were already written. Only time will tell! For now, enjoy.
In Betweens, Chapter 1 - Easter
Ed pulled his pastel blue sweater on over a white button down and briefly checked himself in the floor length mirror he and Olivia had in their bedroom. Adjusting the brown belt on his light blue jeans, he smirked at himself as he realized he didn't look so bad for a man in his upper fifties. Still not hearing any movement from Noah who was parked in front of the television and watching a few Easter themed cartoons, Ed quietly padded into the bathroom and leaned against the door, admiring his wife. Olivia stood against the bathroom counter donning black leggings and a white tank, allowing Ed to see the pale pink lace of her bra as she carefully curled her dark brown locks.
It had been almost a year since she had finished her chemotherapy and despite anxiety about how and when her hair would come back, it seemed to grow back quickly and hadn't changed much in color or texture. She kept it shoulder length, just at the right spot to either curl, leave straight, or pull up in a loose bun. Mom hair, she proudly called it, still never taking for granted that title of hers.
"Can I help you?" she asked, releasing a strand of her hair and scrunching it so it fell perfectly against her neck. She quickly grabbed another strand and twisted it around the rod, holding her husband's gaze through the reflection of the mirror.
"Oh, nothing," he said softly, pushing off the door frame and coming up behind her. He slyly wrapped his arms around her middle and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Just…watching you. I love watching you."
"Charlie will be here soon," she said wistfully. Ed watched her mind wander off, as it did often when their oldest daughter and her family were on their way to visit. Olivia, though she remained stoic, had struggled with their move back into Manhattan more than she verbalized. But even Ed had to admit it was tough the first few months. Olivia was still getting fully back on her feet from the cancer, Noah was enrolled in t-ball and also sticking with gymnastics, and Ed had begun to do some part time PI work again. The Tuckers were so overjoyed to be back to normal, that they ended up over-booking themselves and finding it hard to navigate the new found distance between them and Charlie, Trevor, and Lizzie. And Olivia seemed to be the one missing them the most.
"I'm just so used to her being right here, under my watch," she had lamented to Ed one night after they had played phone tag and eventually conceded to try again the next day. "Hear her voice, see her facial expressions, and know if she was really okay. It just still feels so…abrupt. And off."
"It does," Ed had allowed, but then he pushed his own worry down and focused on his wife. "But we both trust Trevor. And maybe…maybe she needs to spread her wings."
Olivia just chuckled. "She coulda done that our here, ya know, next door or something."
Ed laughed and pulled his wife into his chest, beginning to kiss at her face. "Here…lemme distract ya."
Pulling himself out of the memory, Ed moved his head, though still resting on Olivia's shoulder, so he could meet her eyes. "Been a while since they were out…" he said, deciding to just commiserate with her for the time being.
Olivia released the last strand of her hair and turned around in Ed's arms, resting her hands on his chest and looking up into his blue eyes.
"You think…" she began to ask, playing with his collar and shrugging a bit. Ed almost groaned. Her sometimes insecureness before asking a question heightened his desire for her.
"Yes?" he prodded, moving his face down so his nose nudged hers.
"You think we could find a way to get me some alone time with our girl?" she finally asked, looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, as if he would somehow deny her anything she requested of him.
"Of course," he replied simply, moving his hair and running his fingers through her hair. "Anything you want."
He leaned down for a brief kiss, his one hand still tangled in her locks, until Olivia jumped back, startling Ed.
"What" he asked, his eyes wide with worry. "What's wrong baby?"
"Ed…." she groaned, turning around and looking at her hair. "You messed up my curls…"
Ed just laughed, shrugged, kissed the back of her neck, and then backed away all while smirking at her through the mirror.
"Sorry," he said. "Well, no I'm not. I'll just mess them up even more later…"
With that, he finally exited the bathroom and allowed his wife to get ready for their holiday dinner.
Laughter and shrieking filled the Tucker's backyard several hours later. Ed was manning the grill, having set up heat lamps on their deck so the adults could comfortably visit while the kids ran around finding the eggs that he had hidden the night before. Trevor was refereeing the hunt, but it was almost unnecessary. Noah was quite happy to help Lizzie find the easy eggs, and he would share some of the more difficult hidden ones. At now eight and three, the uncle and niece seemed to keep their tight bond in tact, despite no longer living under the same roof.
Ed would sip his beer and look out over the scene, smiling in contentment as their pure joy and laughter just continued. Charlie had fussed over Lizzie's light purple dress when they first arrived, but she had clearly given up and resigned herself to the fact it would be covered in grass and dirt by the time they sat down to dinner. After laughing at Lizzie's triumphant find of an egg hidden under the slide, and Noah's total surprise at her detective skills, Ed snuck a glance over at his wife and daughter who were side by side on the wooden swing he had replaced after the last winter. Both wore leggings and pastel sweaters, pink for Olivia and yellow for Charlie and they each had a drink in hand while looking out at the kids. But Ed could almost see the wheels turning in his wife's head as she searched for a good, sly opening line. Turning his attention back to the lamb chops, he brushed more sauce and seasoning over the meat before turning them over and letting out a content sigh. As far as he was concerned, all was well in the world of Ed Tucker.
"How's the new job going?" Olivia finally asked, elbowing Charlie and snapping her out of whatever fog she seemed to live in these days.
"Good," she said, giving her mother a genuine, soft smile. "I really like it. Gives me the freedom to come and go as I need to with Lizzie and her preschool schedule, but also flex my writing wings again."
Charlie had taken a job with a small, local neighborhood news site. The actual office was in Long Island City, but for the most part Charlie was able to work from home or any place that she could plug in her computer. It was a new type of publication, only online at the moment, but the creators seemed excited to add a sports twist to their usual social justice and political type of article and perhaps reach a different audience. Charlie had been able to work on pieces helping expose inequality in the sports world, while also landing one really nice feature article on a successful, female coach who had fought through the trenches of women in sports.
"You've done some really good stuff," Olivia commented, having set up a google alert so she would get a notification every time a new article hit the site with Charlie's name attached. She'd get the email and would immediately call Ed over to read alongside of her on the iPad. "You want to stick with writing?"
"For now," Charlie shrugged. "It's all I really know. And, to be honest, it feels good to get something back…and not have to start a whole new type of job."
"Are you happy, sweet girl?" Olivia finally asked, knowing that Charlie understood how loaded her question was. While she initially asked if she was happy with her job, the question ran much deeper than that. And as she watched Charlie bite her bottom lip in thought, she knew her daughter understood the intent and took the question seriously.
"I think so," she answered honestly, finally turning her head to look into the soft, loving eyes of the only woman who had ever been a mother to her. "I mean, what even is happy? How do you know?" She shrugged, and Olivia knew it was rhetorical. Her daughter had more to say. "I'm functioning. I'm present with Lizzie. I'm there for Trevor. I'm keeping up with my job. I don't just fall apart all the time. So yeah. I think I am happy."
Olivia studied Charlie's blue eyes, a near replica of the eyes of her husband, and thought about how to respond. In a way, Charlie was right. But Olivia still, years later, couldn't shake the nagging motherly worry that would bubble up in her gut. So she settled for something simple, in that moment. "You'll tell me if something is wrong? If you're not happy? You'll talk to me?"
Charlie's eyes shot up as she saw a brief watering in Olivia's eyes and heard the slight desperation in her tone. Their relationship had been severed a good bit with her and Trevor's move to the city. Partly because of the distance, but partly because Charlie had done so on purpose. She knew that, but she didn't even understand why herself. It was as if she cut those cords because she felt that's what she was supposed to do, but it hadn't made it any less painful or difficult. And as she finally saw her mother that day, she realized it was hurting her as well.
"Hey," Charlie whispered, putting her bourbon down and reaching for Olivia's hand, squeezing tightly. "Are you okay?"
"Of course," Olivia replied, surprised that the tables had been turned but also a little proud. Her daughter was about as evasive and head strong as she was. And she secretly loved it. "Just been missing my time with you."
Charlie's heart cracked a little at the admission. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I…when we moved…I really thought it was for the best. I still do. Or I think I do. But…I didn't realize that it was gonna hurt you and Dad, too. I thought…well…it would be a little relief."
"Relief?" Olivia asked, her head snapping a bit as she tried to understand that comment. "From what? From you?"
Charlie bit her lip and looked down, choosing to reach for her bourbon instead of answering.
"Oh Charlotte…" Olivia breathed out, reaching to twist her shorter, but still light brown strands through her fingers. "I…we never needed, or need, relief from anything that has to do with you. We're your parents. We love you."
Charlie swallowed hard, her eyes shooting up to the sky, desperate to at least spend one holiday without crying, or being emotionally needy with her mother. But Olivia read her thoughts.
"Stop," she said firmly, cupping her cheeks in her hands and forcing Charlie to look into her eyes. "You've…you've been through more than even I can imagine. More than anyone knows. More than you let anyone know. The weight…is so heavy. I know it's heavy. And I don't care how old you are, what time it is, or what you need. I'm here. We're here. And that will never change, no matter where you live. You don't have to carry anything alone."
"Momma…"
"Charlie I want to be here," she said, continuing her Olivia-style speech and moving her head so she kept eye contact. "I always want to be here for you. Please, keep letting me."
Not knowing what else to say, and needing to give herself a chance to process, Charlie gave Olivia a teary, appreciative smile and leaned in for a giant, tight hug. "I love you Momma."
Several hours later, Olivia and Charlie were dying Easter eggs with the kids while Ed and Trevor cleaned up from their late afternoon barbecue. While Noah typically dyed eggs before the actual holiday, he insisted upon waiting for Lizzie.
"It is TRADITION," he explained to his parents a few days prior, showing off his ever growing vocabulary and also reminding the pair that he much preferred his entire family together for these such activities.
Now as he patiently helped Lizzie drop her eggs and watch them fizzle under the watchful eyes of their mothers, Ed took the moment of semi-privacy to nudge Trevor about his daughter.
"How's she been?" he asked, not looking up from where he scrubbed the metal bars on the grill.
Trevor continued his task of hosing off the large pans that previously held the lamb chops. "Really great," he answered, in a tone that led Ed to believe he was being honest. Or as honest as he could. "She's really liking the new job. Seems to smile a lot when home with Lizzie."
"That's good to hear," Ed said, heartened by the response but also feeling something he couldn't quite identify.
"I honestly wasn't sure how the move would go," Trevor continued, bringing the now clean tray over and pausing to sip his drink. Ed paused too, allowing their conversation to move forward. "I was expecting some home sickness, or for her to spend more time out here than she has. But maybe she really was ready."
The way Trevor said the last two sentences caused Ed to pause. The man seemed genuinely convinced things were fine, and Ed was on board to believe him. But he, too, had expected a little more separation issue from Charlie. In fact, the lack there of had almost made it worse for Olivia in his opinion. But deep down, he thought that perhaps this was for the best.
"Well, I won't lie and say we don't miss you guys," Ed allowed. "A lot. But I'm just relieved to hear she's doing okay. I just…I still worry about her. A lot."
Trevor's face softened and he squeezed Ed's shoulder. "Me too," he conceded. "And, no matter how happy she is in the city, she's always going to need you."
Eyes drifting down, Ed allowed Trevor's words to permeate his being. Ed Tucker needed to be needed, especially by his family. And the younger, yet taller, man in front of him seemed to say exactly that.
"You'll let me know if that changes?" Ed asked, giving Trevor as hard of a glare as he could muster in their bonding moment.
Trevor smiled, having predicted a little protectiveness. "Of course. You're my first call."
"That went too quickly," Olivia lamented as she and Ed turned the comforter down and crawled into bed later that night. "I wish they had stayed the night."
"Me too," he admitted, turning his lamp off and pulling Olivia against him as they settled onto his pillow. "Long drive to do round trip in one day. But Trevor seemed anxious to get back. He's got a big hearing in the morning."
Olivia let out a sound and traced patterns on Ed's bare chest.
"What is it, baby?" Ed asked, sensing her mind was somewhere else, even though her movements signaled she wanted him.
"She's still holding back," Olivia whispered. Ed could hear the building emotion behind her tone. It was tearing her apart. "She just won't talk to me like she used to. Even before the move she clammed up."
"Maybe she's just trying to stand on her own two feet," Ed offered, almost afraid at how his wife would react. But she just took the comment in stride, so he continued. "Trevor seemed to think everything was really going okay. That she was truly beginning to flourish. Was he…am I wrong here?"
Olivia just sighed and nuzzled Ed's chest, not wanting to dampen the mood but not convinced the men seemed to get the deeper emotion in either of the women. Deciding that it was best left alone for the moment, Olivia slithered up her husband's body and draped over him, her hair tickling his face as she studied his eyes intently.
"I don't know," she whispered. "I just worry. But for now, I wanna not worry."
Ed smirked, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear, a simple act he no longer took for granted. "Well, who am I to deny you anything?"
Smile growing, Olivia leaned down and pressed her lips against his. Her legs fell to either side of his and Ed pulled her as tightly against him as he could.
"I love you," she gasped out between kisses. "So much."
"Love you too, baby," Ed rasped, moving her to her back, removing her tank, and crawling over her. "Happy Easter."
Well? Leave some love.