Walking out of his office after placing the note on his desk, she knew she would here from him. True to the thought she saw him walk into the office and then virtually straight back out again.
It wasn't hard for him to hunt her down; he knew she was in the lab and that she would; could only be in three places because they were working the case together, so walking through the lab he checked the basic place, break room, when it came up empty, he went to the locker room, also empty. 'Right' he thought 'must be in trace getting results'. Walking to trace he was disappointed when it showed up empty with only Hodges inside. Walking back towards his office he saw Ecklie in so he walks over to him, "Ecklie, have you seen Sara?"
"Yes, I have actually," he said smirking.
"And … where did she go?" asked Grissom a bit annoyed.
"She put in for some personal time so I authorised it, don't blame me, she brought it straight to me," he said, then looking at Grissom's face added, "what's wrong?"
"I walk into my office to find this note on my desk saying 'you going solo on this one Grissom, I'll see you soon. Sidle' and I wanted to know what she meant, but now I do."
"Well do you need some personal time as well?" he asked.
"No, shifts over now anyway so, I'll see you tonight Ecklie," with that Grissom walked away from Ecklie back into his office, grabbed his jacket and left the lab, searched for his car, got in a put it straight into drive and drove straight to Sara's apartment. Without thinking or even hesitating he walked straight up to her door and knocked.
Without checking the spy hole she opened the door, upon opening the door, she wish she didn't as of who she saw, "what are you doing here?"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, your not deaf Grissom; I asked what are you doing here?"
"Well you just left, without an explanation."
"Grissom you're my boss, what explanation was it I needed to give? I wanted some time off, I knew you wouldn't authorise it so I asked Ecklie, he said no problem. So if you don't mind I need to pack, I've got a long drive a head on me."
"Where are you going?"
"Away."
"Very funny Sidle, I care about you."
"Bullshit. Since when have ever cared about me, all you have done is be horrible to me ever since you invited me out to this hell hole," 'bit harsh' she thought 'fuck it he deserves it'.
"Ok I deserve that; I suppose, but what can I do? I'm your boss."
"I know I heard, 'you'd have to risk everything in order to have her' was that me you were talking about?" she asked with anger in her voice yet looking at him, willing him to look into her eyes and be able to read his soul.
And he did, he looked straight into her eyes and was shocked by the amount of hurt he saw in them, "yes, Sara it was you I was talking about. I wanted no more then take you home that night and show you how I felt, but then it would be wrong of me to think of you like that because you ain't some piece of meat Sara you are so much more, and I can't give you that, I really really want to but I just can't."
"Didn't someone ever tell you that there isn't no such word as can't, you mean you're scared? I was when I moved here Grissom, I was moving on the hope that you still felt the same way about me, and that was 5 years ago," she said looking straight at him, "no wait," she said holding up her hand. "I'm not finished. I didn't move here to be with you, but I did move here to see how you felt and to see if I could have something with you, but over the last 5 years, you've thrown it all back in my face and I haven't got much emotion left in now or much fight. I needed this vacation time so that I could restart myself and if I found the true me I mean the one that was at that seminar, because I am now sick of hurting Grissom, and believe me what I said about being to late, remember that you were. Now please leave," she said standing from the couch and going to the front door to open it for him to leave. When he didn't move from the couch she said it again, "leave Grissom, I don't know why you came here, I don't want you here, now leave please."
Slowly getting off the couch he moved his way over to Sara, not the front door but to Sara, and upon instinct he moved to her when mere inches away he leaned in and kissed her square on the mouth, it wasn't rushed, or forced, but he pulled away looked her in the eye and said, "sorry I'm too late Sara," and with that he walked out the door.
"How could you?" she shouted after him.
He slowly turned around to look at her, slowly walked back to her, "because when I realised that I had been an ass, and I was going to lose you for good I needed to do something that would make you to come and at least see me, because Sara Sidle, I know that every night since that case, I have seen you every night before I go to bed, and every time I'm at a crime scene when I see a victim I think it's your face and that case did effect me but I still couldn't have you."
"Bullshit, Grissom, pure bullshit. You could have had me but you were too scared, and you lost it all because you could lose what you had worked for," she said still with anger in her voice.
"Sara, you don't understand, you never could because your so you…"
"Don't you dare say I'm too young Grissom, because yeah there is 15 years between us, but at the end of the day as long as two people love each other, that's all that matters right? And don't you dare say I don't understand, because the time Nick was taken all I could think of it was you, you in that box not him, and it terrified me that I might lose you," she said her voice raising slightly.
"Sara, I'm not going to argue with you on the door step," he said plainly. Sara stepped aside allowing him back into the apartment. "I know you have emotions everyone does, but you keep them bottled up Sara, and believe me when I say this not as your boss but as a friend, I do care about how you are feeling and I hope; no I wish in future you can come and talk to me about the problems you are having."
"Bit rich coming from you that," she spat back at him.
"Why are you being like this Sara?"
"Like what?"
"So judgemental, so angry at me, so hurtful towards me," he asked puzzlement across his face.
"You have to ask me that? You really have no clue? Grissom what happened 8 weeks ago? Do you even remember what you said to me then?"
"Sara what has 8 weeks got to do with now?" he asked puzzled.
"UHHHHH," she screamed. "You really have no clue, think Grissom think," with that she went and sat on the seat near the window bringing her knees up to cuddle.
Slowly walking over to her, he started to speak, "8 weeks ago we went to a conference together. You got pretty drunk one night…"
She stopped him there, "no, Grissom, I didn't get drunk you did, I took you back to your room, and lets just say you made the move and I thought if I got tonight it wouldn't matter so yes I took advantage of you in a way but you started it. Now why would I possibly bring this up now? Huh?" she asked quietly as he took a seat on the couch next to her. She looked up at him and saw the confusion in his eyes. "Do I need to spell out what happens when two people have sex Grissom?"
His head shot up and looked her directly in the eye, "you're pregnant?" All Sara could bring herself to be nod her head. "And you were going away to get rid of it?" he asked not sure he wanted to know the answer. "Would you get rid of it knowing I was the father and knowing I hurt you? Do it out of spite? Would you have ever of told me if I didn't come over tonight?" he asked, looking for reassurance she wouldn't do them things he had said.
After sitting quietly for a few minuets she answered, "yes, no, no, definitely not, yes but when I got back."
He looked at her confused then he realised that she was answering his questions, "So where are you going then?"
"Away Grissom, it doesn't matter, you'll be here when I get back and so will the baby," she said taking her eyes from him. "Look, I wasn't going to tell you just yet because I have things going on, and at the moment I hate you too much to stay here."
"Hate me?"
"Will you stop quizzing things that I'm saying, yes fare enough I invited you in the second time, actually no I didn't so you even listen to me or get out stop quizzing me."
"Sara, you say you hate me, but you need to elaborate, you've just told me I'm going to be a father and then you're leaving tomorrow, and I don't know how long for, I need answers."
"I never said you were going to be a father, I just told you I was pregnant with your sperm, Grissom. I'm leaving in the next few hours not in the morning, and to be honest I have as long as I need, Ecklie was fine with it. I need time to think about things and yes I hate you for everything I have ever done for you and I don't know you can't fix this by taking me to a body farm, or giving me what I want. I don't want you any more and I can't stay in Vegas, so most definitely I'll be transferring before I come back."
"So you're going to a job interview? And if you are, you never intended to tell me about the baby did you?"
"No I didn't, do you want to know why?" she asked, and saw him nod from the corner of her eye she carried on. "I don't want to stay in Vegas because of the baby Grissom and I don't want you to want me because I am having your baby, and this baby is going to be apart of both of us and I will never forget you, just give me this one wish and you'll never hear from me," she was almost pleading with him on this.
"I can't let you go Sara," he said while reaching for a hand, when he grabbed she stood up and pulled away going to stand and look out the window. "Sara, please. I don't want you to stay in Vegas because of me or the baby, and I want you to stay because you want to. But if you go then I'll be in constant contact wanting to know how my, our baby is." When she didn't reply he got of the seat and went to stand by the window next to her, that's when he saw the tear running down her cheek, "Sara, don't cry," he said wiping away the tear. "I can't apologise enough for the hurt I have caused and I know you don't want to love me but in the end you cannot help it like I can't for you Sara," with that sentence she looked at him, "yes Sara, I love you,"
"Love is a funny word Grissom, and I'm sure I have said it to you many times. I have had time to think about it and I don't mean to be harsh, but i don'tlove you any more. I'll always remember you, but my heart has been hurt too much from everything in my past and I need to move on if not just for me but for the baby too Grissom and I need you to understand that. I want a clean start I need to get away."
"Ok, I get it, when do you leave?"
"You're not coming, and I don't want to see you before I go."
"Sara?"
"No, Grissom I mean it, I don't want you over here."
"This isn't fare, when will I see you?"
"Tonight I am coming in, I have goodbyes to say, and need to give my notice in to Ecklie…"
"Wait why is Ecklie getting it? And I thought it was a holiday?"
"It's not a notice of resignation Grissom, because I know I will be back, but I have time on the books, and I need to get away."
"Well go on holiday and transfer to days or swing, just don't leave, if not for me, then please think of the baby."
"You want me to be miserable so that you can see the baby?" she was getting angry again.
"I didn't mean it like that," he said honestly.
"Oh of course you didn't. Look I'll do that but there is too be no contact between us unless we have been put together or about the baby, and you can do that through Nick."
"Ok, yeah that's fine, wait a minuet Nick knows?"
"Yes, and Greg, I needed to tell someone Grissom and they wanted me to do the same as you because then they wouldn't lose a friend in me," she said moving away from the window. "I don't mean to be rude but would you mind leaving it's just I'm a bit tired and I would like to go to sleep before the shift," making her way over to the front door, and opening it to let Grissom leave through it, he made his slowly over to her, pausing in front of her for a second, and sensing on what he was going to say she answered his question, "I'll think about it, I'm not sure however you will be in ever decision that I come across about the baby, even if were not together. I want the baby to know who you are, and if I stayed or not I would of told, maybe not face to face, and I wouldn't tell where I was either so you couldn't find me, I shall explain everything to night at the lab Grissom," she said signalling him to leave her apartment, and he did. She shut the door behind him. Feeling emotionally and physically exhausted she made her way to the bedroom, just dropping herself on the bed fully dressed, and feel into an easy sleep…
Before she knew it her alarm was signalling saying it was time for a shower before work, flipping a hand out of the covers she hit snooze on the alarm clock. Suddenly someone shouted through to the bedroom, "Come on, Sara get ya lazy but outta bed." Groaning, she slid her legs over the side of the bed and pulled herself you, walking from the bedroom to the kitchen to find Nick kissing Greg.
"Cheers guys, first thing I want to see is you two kissing," she said with a smirk on her face.
"You're only jealous, that I have him Sara," said the younger of the two.
"No you can keep Greg, I know where he's been and I bet it isn't clean there," she said smiling at them both.
"Cheeky, I cleaned it up thanks," he said tapping her arm.
"What did he tell you, you couldn't have unless you tied then?"
"His bum," said Greg smiling and Nick going slightly red.
"Greg to much information, I'm going for a shower," she said turning around and heading back down the hall.
"What about breakfast?" Greg shouted after her.
"Not so hungry, you can eat it," and she left them too it and went back into her room getting ready for the shower she was about to get into.
20 minuets later after getting out the shower, she got dressed in her black skinny jeans, then her white tank-top with a black shirt over the top, walking over to her mirror to pick up the straighter and doing her hair. Finally emerging from her bedroom she found the two guys sat on her couch, well Nick was sitting with Greg's head in his lap, reading a forensic journal from the table. "We ready to go then gents?" she asked coming into full view.
Greg swung his legs of the couch and stood up while Nick also stood up, "Lead the way Stokes," said Greg, wrapping his arms around the Texan. Nick made his way to the door, followed by Greg, who was followed by Sara. Once Sara had locked the front door they made there way down to the cars.
15 minuets later they were pulling into the parking lot at the lab, and all 3 of them getting out of separate cars, wouldn't believe the secrets that they knew about each other, only Sara knew Nick and Greg were together. And they didn't mind.
Walking through the front doors, no one looked at them funny, only they were 30 minuets early for work, may have been a factor. But Sara needed to be early so that she could go talk to Ecklie, quickly spotting him she tapped Nick and Greg on the shoulder, "he's in his office I'm going to speak to him, meet you in the break room," once they both nodded she went to Ecklie's office.
Upon arriving she knocked and waited for the courteous, "come in," once said she slowly walked into his office, looking up and realising that it was Sara, he addressed her, "Miss Sidle, what can I do you for? More personal time?"
"Uh no actually I was hoping to apply for a shift change, for when I come back from my vacation time?"
"Um sure, why would you want to change though?"
"I need the change, and I want to stay in Vegas though, as I have some really good friends here."
"Which would you prefer? Days or Swing?" he asked.
"Not bothered probably swing because then maybe I can still work along side them or with them on certain cases."
"That's fine I'll do the entire document while you are away and when you come back we'll get you to sign them, yes. And how long are going for? I see you have 14 months on the books for vacation time."
"I don't know, I think I better take them all but, I might be back before then."
"That's fine, does Grissom know?"
"Know about what?"
"Change in shift's? The vacation time?" he asked puzzled.
"Yes and yes but it doesn't matter this is for me."
"Ok, well give me a ring when your back in town and you can sign the documents," he said smiling at her.
"Yes I will do, thank you Conrad for the support," she said then left the office. Heading towards the break room, 'that went easier then I thought it would go' she thought to herself. Walking into the break room she was a bit surprised to see the whole team in there already. 'Might be better, then I can tell them all together, I mean Grissom already knows. So I could tell them get it over and done with, I mean this is the reason I came in for then I was ready to go' she smiled to herself. Making herself a cup of coffee she turned to the rest of the group, "I have an announcement to make," she said getting the attention of the team, as Grissom walked into the break room 'shit' she thought. "After this conversation, I will no longer be on the night shift at Las Vegas Lab, I have put in for a transfer to swing, and it's not that I don't like working with you because you're all great people, and also I won't be working tonight as I am going on vacation for a while I don't know how long for and I don't know where, but when I'm back I'll let my supervisor tell you all," she said with a smile on her face. All the faces staring back were with mixed emotions, she noticed Catherine look at Grissom, and when she saw a blank expression, she was puzzled.
Slowly getting from the seat Catherine walked over to Sara and gave her a hug, "you have my number so if you need to talk or just need me while you away or anything just call ok?" Sara nodded her head in reply, slowly each man stood and hugged her, finally Catherine added, "hey it's not like we'll never see her again I mean not if she has transferred to swing right."
"Right," said Sara. "I'm going now so I'll see you all soon," with one last smile she left the break room, not looking back at Grissom, he was the only one not to hug her or anything, to be honest he was very distant from her. Without anyone seeing she slipped into his office and left an note on his desk…
Grissom
I was wrong, I do love you always have always will, don't look for me, I have 14 months on the books, I can't have you there if your not willing to lose it for me … love you always
Sara x