As she weeps I watched from the doorway silent as she cried. Unable to interrupt the sorrow I did not feel. I felt like an outsider looking in. Hinata was clutching the bear he had since birth, her face buried in the white fur as if she were trying to hide her tears. A jab to my shoulder alerted him to the presence of another, I shifted slightly to face Tatsuya. He pushed past glaring at me, willing me to do something to comfort my grieving wife. I could only watched as he hugged his mother and cried with her. I was in shock, that was what the doctor had said, I at least hoped that's why i was feeling empty. My youngest child had died and yet I felt nothing. I could not cry. I left the scene, unable to watch her any longer. Hinata had locked herself away in his room for almost a month, and it was breaking my heart that i couldn't comfort her, that I couldn't grieve with her. Natsumi passed me a mug of tea as I made my way to the couch, she looked subdued. For the sake of her mother she had removed the piercings, and the makeup and taken to wearing simple clothing. I grabbed her hand as she passed, asking if she was alright.
"Papa I'm fine, I'm going to see if I can contact Yukiko today." her twin had yet to be informed of the passing, she was still away on a dig in the middle of egypt. I sat my mug down on the table, moving a pile of books to find a coaster. Annoyed, I eventually picked up the stack, grumbling about how he always left his books everywhere. Halfway towards his room the books slipped from my hands, it had just hit me suddenly. My youngest son wasn't coming home. He was never coming home again. I slumped to my knees, clawing at my hair wanting to howl in pain. I felt hollow from loss, I wanted to cry and mourn, I wanted to hit something to distract myself from the pain. Getting up I continued walking to 'his' room, Tatsuya was still there. He took one look at me before getting up off the floor, squeezing my shoulder as he passed. I walked over and joined my wife on the bed, which was two small for the both of us, I wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her close and buried my head in the crook of her neck. And cried. Hinata gripped my hand tightly till I stopped, when I finished I felt better like I could finally deal with all that had happened. I kissed her temple mumbling 'it will be okay.' like a mantra, till she fell asleep. When I woke up Hinata was awake, she wasn't crying.
"Gaara why did he have to go?" Hinata asked, her voice hoarse from crying and lack of talking. I squeezed her hand tightly.
"Sometimes things happen that are out of our control, and he wouldn't have wanted to live like that," I whispered. He had been hit by a car, walking home from his part-time job at the library, I could remember he was excited about something because he called home earlier that day. When we heard the news, Hinata had been in the kitchen and was the one to answer the phone, I wished I was the one that had answered it. She dropped the plates she was holding, screaming 'no.' The receiver had been dropped, I picked it up and calmly asked what had happened. He was in hospital in a coma, on life support. It had been our choice to turn off the machines, his siblings never saw him in hospital. I felt sick when I saw how bad he was burned, and the badly his body was mangled. Luckily his face was fine, just a slight graze or otherwise Hinata wouldn't be able to handle it. I hadn't cried then and at the funeral I still couldn't cry. To me it felt like he was still at the library, waiting to be picked up because he had borrowed one to many books again.
"He was only fourteen, he didn't deserve this, he was only fourteen." she muttered, sounding like she was ready to cry again. I kissed her cheek.
"He was going to have his novel published," I said, I hadn't told her yet. I had received a call two days ago from a publishing firm, they were asking whether it was okay to go ahead since he had died. I had allowed it, it had been his dream to be an author.
"Really?" she was crying again.
"Yes, still is, the release date is next week." there was a parcel on his desk, it was unopened. Leaning over, I picked it up and passed it to her. Hinata sat up, opening it slowly. She gasped when she pulled out the book, it was a light blue and the picture on the front was one of her and I when we had started dating properly. She was smiling, trying to take a photo of the both of us while holding the camera, I was kissing her cheek.
'a love story' that was the title, I opened the cover to show the inside message. 'Mama and Papa, I will pick up those books when I get home, I swear I'll do it this time. I love you both.' Hinata laughed.
"He says that every time and yet we still do it for him, I'm proud of our son, but I'll still miss him." I wrapped my arms around her waist again.
"He will always be in your heart."