Kyrza: I don't own the Avengers or Loki or Thor.

Loki: You obviously don't, mortal. Honestly, if you did, you wouldn't have to "fan"fiction. Really, disclaimers are so ridiculous.

Edit: Sorry I put up the unedited version.

Hello to the Citizens of Midgard and Asgard:

It has come to my attention that you oblivious Midgardians and idiotic Asgardians have once again made the wrong assumptions on well, EVERYTHING. Honestly people, going and assuming such ridiculous things… Anyway, as I am currently feeling gracious, I shall inform you what REALLY happened.

As you are all aware, I am a shape-shifter. As you are probably not aware, any shape-shifter worth his salt knows his original form (really, what in Yddgrasil possessed Odin to think he could hide the truth from a shape-shifter?). I will not enlighten you with the intricate designs and magic shape-shifting is; I fear it will be too much for your thoughtless brains. At any rate, even if they are not aware of it, after some time as a shape shifter they do. Because really, how ridiculous would it be if a shape-shifter didn't know his original form?

Anyways, because of this I knew my real form (obvious statement, but I have noticed that the Æsir have an annoying tendency of stating the obvious, and decided to try my hand at it). Now you may be wondering why, exactly, I did not go crying to Odin as soon as I found out. Well, it was because I was in Alfheim in that time. And guess what? Alfheim has some absolutely excellent books on Jotun customs. Apparently, one of the customs is putting the royal child with the Casket of Ancient Winters so a magical bond can be formed. I had recognized the clan lines and came to the conclusion that I must be Laufey's child, otherwise Odin wouldn't have taken me. And so, my Jotun family hadn't abandoned me, and Odin had, in fact, kidnapped me.

The adoption part wasn't that surprising, because I'd already figured that out (Really, who, except an idiot, thinks that two blond haired, blue eyed people who comes from a race of blond haired, blue eyed people, can have a black-haired, green eyed kid whose body structure and complexion is also different from them?). It was the Jotun bit that was surprising. But then again, it wasn't that surprising considering Frigga was supposedly pregnant with me during the Æsir-Jotun war, and the pregnancy was supposedly hidden to supposedly protect Frigga and supposedly me.

And another reason I didn't tell Odin was because I wanted to find out the truth by myself. So I popped off to Jotunheim, sneaked around a bit, heard some exceedingly juicy gossip and other interesting stuff (Apparently, the rebels down in the south were sacrificing animals to Odin in an attempt to piss Laufey off). After poking around a bit, I found out the Jotun version of my story. Apparently I was thought dead, tortured to death by Odin. Fun. Also, I was supposedly kept with Casket for longer than normal because it was the most protected part of the kingdom.

And anyhow, I revealed my heritage to dear old Papa, there was is teary (or icy?) reunion, and a lot of tissues and hugs. Of course, this was after I managed to prove who I was; before that it was nearly being strangled and killed because they thought I was an imposter… Afterwards, I returned to Asgard and began my passive-aggressive quest of taking revenge on Odin (that was quite delightful, and I'd love to talk about it, but it's another story). I wanted stay in Jotunheim, but the food and the size of the people were a bit put-offing. Not to mention, I hadn't read all the books in Asgard yet and being a Prince of Asgard did have it advantages. Plus I wanted to play with the casket of ancient winters.

As the years passed by I grew closer to Jotunheim and the other Worlds, and further from Asgard (really, it's not my fault that Asgard's so boring). Soon though, even Jotunheim began to be a little stifling. Then came Thor's coronation. The Frost Giants in the vault had less to do with Thor and more to do with getting Laufey off my back about being a Prince of Jotunheim by getting rid of two very dangerous and annoying criminals. I tricked them into trying to take the Casket when it wasn't safe so that the Destroyer would, well, destroy them.

Then came the Jotunheim incident. I had sent a warning ahead to Papa so he could bring out the decoy clones instead of real people. So no, no one actually died during the Jotunheim incident. And then I turned my hand blue. I had to, because I knew Heimdall was watching and if saw that my hand didn't turn blue, he would get very, very suspicious. And at any rate, I had already come up with the beginnings of a plan…. Only one thing to do, I had thought gleefully, become an emotional wreck, and cause Odin a lot of stress! Of course, Odin just had mess with my plans and banish Thor. Seriously?! Who in the Nine Realms banishes his own son? So, to vent some of my annoyance, I went all gloomy and yelled at Odin some and sent him to sleep. Oops, I must have overdone it. That meant I had to be ruler didn't I? Oh, no. this was all Odin's fault. He was always such a coward. Now, what's the best thing to do when you have more problems than you can handle? Fake your own death and take a vacation to Midgard, of course!

Anyway, before I move onto what happened on Midgard, there are some things you should know about Jotunheim. On one side of it, people live. The other side is barren, undeveloped, rocky, and magicless. Jotunheim could use some farming land and living space. The Bifrost is a laser beam of magic. Put them together and what do you get? A perfect, dramatic, suicide plot guaranteed to fix Jotunheim's problems. Originally, I had planned to supposedly sacrifice myself to save Jotunheim. Then Thor started bashing the Rainbow Bridge with Mjolnir. What fun! This meant that even if they saw me in other worlds after my faked death, they would have a hard time trying to reach me because the Bifrost would be broken. And of course, Odin provided me with the perfect excuse to let go of Gungnir. "No, Loki," he said; seriously, what was he expecting? Though, I still can't believe they actually thought I died, considering I told Heimdall that I knew how to travel between the worlds. Huh, Asgardians must even stupider than I thought.

Still, since my plan worked, it meant that finally I could sit back, relax, be lazy, and pull pranks to my hearts content! And oh, how much fun I had. Then the purple evil lord of doom had to come burst my bubble. There I was, minding my own business, charting unexplored worlds, and he just kidnapped me without so much as a hi! Really, the nerve of some people. And not to mention, he wanted me to get him the blue cube of doom and blow up my favorite planet. What was he thinking? Still, I decided to play along, just so I could blow up his army. Ha! Take that Thanos. You all may think I lost, but I won because I got exactly what I want. Thanos army? Gone. A response team who can take care of earth when I'm busy? The Avengers. A guilt-tripped family, who'll do anything to get me back? Check. Granted, because of that, Thor's been chasing after me for a while, which is a bit annoying, but I can handle it.

So anyway, so now you know what REALLY happened. Please be sure to correct your assumptions.

Lots of Love,

Loki.

P.S. If you love me, you must review. If you do not, I shall assume that you do not love me and that you in fact hate me.