Hey guys! Not too long ago, my best friend Crystal (aka LighterthanWhite, aka beforethebraces on Tumblr) posted something called "Dear Blank" on her Facebook page. Basically, it's one of those Facebook posts where you do a miniature letter to different people in your life (Ex: dear self, dear best friend, dear future husband/wife, etc). I loved the concept on it and went all board with posting my own "Dear Blank" too on my Facebook page and the two Tumblr blogs I have. But while typing my "Dear Blank" post, I began reflecting on the fanfictions I've done on this website for the last several years. introduced me to the world of fanfictions when I was 11-years-old. Sixth grade was the year where I explored the depths of where my emerging bookworm personality could go. Six years later, fanfiction has become my secondary form of reading.
If you haven't already guessed, this isn't a new story. Rather, it's meant to be a reflection for all the stories I still have posted on my account. *braces for the readers that'll review "this isn't a fanfic. TAKE IT DOWN."* Psh… so what if it isn't a new fic? I could always put this on my profile, but the amount of rambling I'll do makes my reflection more fitting to be done as a fanfic. Think of this as a story of my journey through my years of being on this site. So in some way, it's a story. SO SUCK IT. [Excuse my sarcastic speaking. She slips in when she wants to make a point.]
Many of my old fics were deleted, including the first fanfic I ever wrote, Starlight (aka the fic where I imagined myself being in the Twilight universe and interacting with Twilight characters) and the one Pokemon fic I tried to do as a crossover with Twilight (I was bad with updates then, so I deleted since I didn't want to leave readers who wanted more disappointed). My main inspiration for doing this was watching YouTuber danisnotonfire's (aka Dan Howell, my YouTube bae. But Phil is bae too) "Dan Reacts to his Old Videos" video. Dan reacted to the first few videos he ever posted on his YouTube. What he did in that video is how I react to my old fanfictions: I cringe, I smile, I have moments when I want to slap my younger self for typing those fics. So come along on this journey as 18-year-old me (19 on September 13… no joke, my birthday is the same as Bella Swan. No wonder I'm so clumsy) looks back on my old fanfics and see how much I've changed since my middle school days. As an official adult, now seems like a perfect time to reflect upon my almost seven years being a member of this site.
-O- -O- -O-
More Than Friends: For those who watched Dan's "Dan Reacts to his Old Videos" video, think of this fic as the equivalent to his "Hello Internet" video. My following reaction will mirror how Dan reflected on his "Hello Internet" video: by wishing to jump off a cliff than see the whole horror play out before his eyes. MTF may not have been my first fic, but it was my first M-rated fic. *cue couch potato faceplant from Dan and Phil's Chimbot video on their gaming channel* WHAT WAS I THINKING? Back in 2010, if you were a 12-year-old typing a lemon story, you'd be bashed by readers who shame on you for being too young to write smutty fics. Now, in 2016, you'd still be bashed, but it isn't an uncommon thing nowadays. Seems as if later generations get into smut at younger ages. *sighs* Anyway, 2010 was the year I got into smut fics. I loved how… intricate M-rated fics are. The plots appealed to me and the writing were mind-blowing. I remember, as a 12-year-old, I wanted to be that person. I wanted to type fics like that too. So MTF came to be. When I look back at this one-shot, I probably shouldn't have disclosed my age. I should've kept that a secret and let readers focus on the fic content than my age. I skimmed through that fic and I'm cringing. I keep thinking "Did I actually write that when I was 12?" The way it was written does reflect how a typical middle school student writes, though for me, I could tell how much I desired appealing to Twilight readers. As for the OC characters I added in, hehe… *cue second couch potato faceplant* I still keep in contact with most of the real-life counterparts of those characters. AGAIN, WHAT WAS I THINKING? I still see RL Radford around, though RL Lucy no longer has feelings for him. xD Anyway, since that fic, I never wrote a lemon again… until this year. And let's just say 12-year-old me would be baffled to learn her return to writing smut would be for an entirely different fandom and for slash.
The Mystery Guy: Ah, TMG. The first fluff fic I can recall doing, albeit my horrendous grammar and cheesy plot. And for some reason, you guys liked it. It was the first (and only) fic I ever wrote for a holiday: Valentine's Day, aka Single Awareness Day according to my otaku friends. I remember writing out half of that one-shot first before finishing the rest while typing in a Microsoft Word doc. Because of the positive response I got from TMG, I decided to continue it. I'll go more into depth with the continued version of the TMG later. Despite the cheesiness, I smile when I look back at this one-shot. It reflects how I was when I was 12 and how cute and innocent I could be when my emerging smut side was retained.
Secrets that we Hide: Ah, my first song-fic. That was the time when I got into Pretty Little Liars and was hooked over PLL's opening theme song. I watched a few episodes of the first season, but stopped when laziness got in the way. I remember thinking how the song resembled Edward throughout the Twilight series. It was the first fic I didn't use AH characters. And damn it, it wasn't easy tapping into Edward's head. But I got through it, and once I did, I vowed to myself never to do another song-fic again. Fics based by songs, I can do and love doing lately.
To Save the Day: The one and only superhero fic I did. And boy, was it a challenge. I didn't read comic books, so it was hard to come up with an original superhero and supervillain. The Shape Shifter… *cringe* Yup, totally reflects 12-year-old me. I do like Mother Nature though. She was a formidable villain. I was still in my cheesy romance phase, hence why my one-shots always had kiss-scenes toward the end of the story. TSTD was also the first time I ever entered a Twilight Fanfiction contest. *grins* Never underestimate the power of Twilight Fanfiction contests. It's those kinds of contests that give me plot bunnies to work with. It allowed me to venture outside the box. TSTD was the foundation of my everlasting obsession to entering contests. Even though I don't win most of the time, I still stand by what I write. As long as I'm happy with what I produce, then I don't care about winning or losing.
Head over Heels: *cheeky smile* The first Twilight fanfiction contest I won. For the romance category in story form of course. Still in that cheesy romance phase. I typed HOH because of my growing interest with Secondhand Serenade, an indie band that I still adore to this day. My friend (who's still my friend), a musician, played this song for my friends and I one day while we hung out during our lunch period. Fall for Me was my introduction into the world of rock, though it took a couple years until I solidified my interest in said genre. It's the song that means a lot to me since all my middle school friends know it and we'd play it through our phones at times to remind ourselves about the one song we all knew and loved. But anyway. I melted while writing that fic and besides the grammar, I'm having no cringe attacks.
Broken Pieces: Holy shit, my first angsty fic, in poetic form. It was for the same contest I entered HOH in. If I can choose one of my middle school fics I mentioned so far that I love the most, it's this one. I can't cringe when I read this, no matter how hard I try. For 12-year-old me, I never thought I was capable of writing an angsty poem like that. Was it hard? YES. I was an adolescent who lived for fluff that when I tried to write something non-fluff, my mind was at a confused state. Fortunately, I channeled in my inner angst side and produced BP as a result. It was meant to be a Bella/Jacob poem, though it could have been interpreted for Bella/Edward too, so I left Bella's other half as a choice for the readers.
Chilling Nights: Okay, this one was a story based off the historical fiction story I had to write for my 7th grade English class. Then I stumbled upon the Age of Edward contest and thought something along the lines of "Hey! My English paper could totally work for this!" Being Filipino, I wanted to reflect on my Asian heritage. I could have chosen any time period, but I chose World War 2 since it was a historical event I remembered Philippines having a decent to big role in. Chilling Nights had original characters, so while changing the characters' name to Twilight characters, I may have forgotten to change a few parts, hence why the name Elizabeth for Bella may have been there once or twice. It wasn't a mistake. Am I cringing? Sort of, but not really. I wasn't born in the Philippines (my parents immigrated here a few years before I was born), so I resorted to Google Translate for the Filipino dialogue. But still, CN wasn't a too shabby fic.
True to your Heart: I was living in Waipahu when TTYH came to be. I think my loneliness of moving from Kalihi to Waipahu and having a lack of new friends was the motivation for me to type that. Oh, and I couldn't stop playing "Boats and Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk on my iPod ever since I stumbled on said song on YouTube. My inner angst showed. My moodiness was worth it in the end. Eighth grade started to become the time when I learned to write fics that gave readers the feels.
Always Remember: Like TTYH, my moodiness lingered. This one-shot in particular was for the Pick a Pic contest. By the end of 2010, I did have a few friends, though it was hard to bond with them the way I had with my Kalihi friends. God, now than I think about it, I think I was in part 1 of my existential-crisis phase. THANKS DAN. But death is a universal phenomenon. It happens to everyone. AR came to be because of how a death of a person who died so young can have a huge impact on their loved ones. And… yeah. Hahah… my fingers are starting to get tired and I have a lot more fics to get through.
Worth So Much More: My introduction to drabble-writing. *groans* You know how people complain about having a lack of things to say for an essay? Well, mine is having too much to say. Still having that issue to this day, though I'm growing out of the habit bit by bit. In this case, typing a story in exactly 100 words was excruciating. Do you know how much details I had to remove to fit the 100 word count? Some of the details I deleted were so good, but I had to delete them so the flow of the story wouldn't be too choppy. I succeeded… and then proceeded to internally scream to myself 25 chapters later.
The Substance: *laughs* Okay, I'm having my "what was I thinking" moment. It was my first crack-fic and the first time I used a pairing other than Bella and Edward. That paper was written for my 8th grade English class when I worked with a few people to create a story while incorporating vocabulary words we had to know for the week (I think it was a week). I actually still have the written version of the story somewhere in a binder at home. Short, but it brought a little return to my happy-go-lucky personality.
Pride Lost: Ah, my obsession with Pokemon taken to a whole new way. As soon as I read the rules for the Nerdward contest, I absolutely knew my Edward had to be a boy obssessed with Pokemon, as well as a Bella who could beat him with every Pokemon battle they had via Wi-Fi. Because let's face it, guys tend to have hard-on's when girls are into video games. In this case, this is a Bella who didn't just know Pikachu and watches the anime. She wasn't a noob and meant to reflect how I wish I could be whenever I battled against my cousin (beats me most of the time). Was I insane for typing that? No. It was me being proud of being a Pokemon fan.
My Savior: Yup, my angel phase. I was into myths surrounding angels, demons, and devils. And after watching the three-part special of the Wizards vs. Angels episodes in Wizards of Waverly Place (Selena Gomez, you rocked being Alex!), I wanted to do my own version of angels. I'm surprised that 13-year-old me was capable of typing that one-shot. My grammar wasn't too horrendous and the fluff was just right to avoid being cheesy. I never got around to doing that continuation I planned on doing. Writer's block got to me for that.
Why Can't You See?: That's literally word-for-word for the speculative fiction short story assignment I did for my 8th grade English class. I just put that under Twilight since it seemed like it could be seen as a twisted version of Twilight vampires. I don't have much to say about that, other than I wonder if I'll ever have the inspiration to continue it.
Fall with Me: I had a serious crush on a guy during this time. I was 14 and in my first year of high school. You guys get it, right? Teens have emotional rollercoasters when it comes to love. I wrote that after I learned said crush was moving away. It was the first one-shot with a stripped-down, raw feeling where readers could melt for this AH version of Bella and Edward. Save for the minor typos, if I wasn't so caught up with schoolwork, I could have definitely added a few more chapters to that one-shot.
The Cookie Snatcher: *laughs* Ah, good times. That was based off a memory I had during recess back in 8th grade while I lived in Waipahu. Besides TS, it was one of the few fics I wrote where it was all about pure friendship. Hmmm… maybe I should write more pure-friendship fics. Oh wait. I will. It's for a new Dan and Phil I'm working alongside another Phil x reader story.
My Bitter Heart: *couch potato faceplant* This AH version of Edward was the reason why my fanfics since this discontinued multi-chaptered fic went along the angst route. MBH was based off the first guy that broke my heart and thus left me in a very, very dark, heartbroken phase. It was part 2 of my existential-crisis phase, though this one lasted for several months. The Facebook conversations described in that fic are all real, which I never, ever want to look at again. I forgive MBH RL Edward now, but every time I look at this fic, I'm reminded that if it wasn't for my terrible updating schedule, I could've finished this. I was swamped with school. It sounds like an excuse, but I was placed in harder classes than the average ones for a typical student. That's what happens when you have a close to 4.0 GPA. MBH is still here though to serve as a way for readers to sample what happens when I have an angsty mindset.
Our Perfect Relationship: Straying away from the angst for a bit, I'm disappointed at myself for not finishing this. I had 10 chapters planned and if it wasn't for school, I could have finished this. I enjoyed working on this fic and I'm really sorry that it'll no longer be continued. Though if anyone wants to continue it, feel free to do so as long as you credit me for being the original author. I DON'T CONDEMN PLAGARISM. So yeah. OPR = one of the best fluff fics I did in my early fanfiction-writing years.
We'll Always Be Great Friends: Back to my angsty fics. This Edward is based off by my 9th grade crush I mentioned in FWM. I love this story to the bottom of my heart and someday, if my heart feels it, I may add on to it. Just another chapter though. I can only see this as a two-shot. WABGF was for a contest, though judging by how the story played out, I think the plot could've worked better for a multi-chaptered fic.
Life's Suffering: I tried. This was when I experimented with shorter angsty one-shots. Two of them didn't involve heavily on romance, which was great! I gotta lay off on the romance sometimes. In real life, god, my love life is terrible. I live through my imaginations in fanfiction.
Can't Be Pulled Away: The one and only birthday one-shot I ever typed. This was for CookiePandaMonster, who's now LighterthanWhite and still is my rocking BFF. She had a huge heart for BooBoo Stewart back then (I'll always remember him as Seth Clearwater over Jay in the Descendants movie on Disney Channel). This was supposed to be a two-shot, but this was in the midst of my terrible-at-updating time period. Still, if you ignore the ending, CBPA can stay as a one-shot. She's into Calum Hood from Five Seconds of Summer now.
Skin Deep: Another Age of Edward entry for a different year. Still stuck to a Filipino theme, because that was what I did best. The language was too formal (DAMN IT GOOGLE), but I like how I structured the story. Even got me to create my own banner via Gimp 2 for SD as a result. I didn't condemn bullying then, I still do now. EMBRACE DIFFERENCE, PEOPLE. And never, ever, underestimate the brains of an Asian. It's why many Asians turn out to be in higher social classes.
More than You'll Know: *bittersweet smile* Despite hating the Edward MTYK is based by, the way I made this fic is… wow. I loved this. It was my angsty writing going through a new level. And the ending was satisfactory so it didn't have loose ends. Granted, I think the ending was a little cheesy, but it was still a good one-shot.
Meteor Shower Across the Night Sky: WHY DIDN'T I HAVE THE INSPIRATION TO CONTINUE THIS? This was one out of two one-shots I typed all because of my 9th grade crush moving away. *sighs* I guess by the time I moved on from this guy, I didn't have the urge to move forward with the continuation of this story. When I do stories, as long as I'm motivated, I keep it going. Once the motivation is gone and it doesn't reignite, then I can no longer continue the story. Unfortunately, this is one example along with MBH that represented that lack of motivation.
Lucky: Haaaaah… I'm cringing. I know it's written well, but now that I look at it, Lucky had cheesiness. Bella and Edward could have tried to keep in contact. THEY COULD HAVE. *couch potato faceplant* Oh well, you guys can decide what you think about this story. When I think about it, this story should have been continued, because the ending is… *fake vomits*
Four Bases: Cue readers who may be crafting (Dan and Phil reference). This was the first Alice/Jasper fic I did. Personally, typing out the story of my friend and my ex-crush who were in a relationship for several months was difficult. Even with a story outlined in my head, I had to put myself in their shoes to type FB and put aside personal thoughts to get through it. I dunno. Maybe FB can go in the list of fics I may be inspired to continue someday.
Break of Dawn: *beams* Crystal wanted me to keep this up, so I'm keeping it up, even if it's discontinued. BOD reminds me of the happy times I had in the early parts of high school. If it wasn't for moving back to Kalihi and transferring from Waipahu High to Farrington High, I could've seen this story to its end. Sadly, real life has its obstacles and high school put my writing on hold, which you can see during my 10th-12th grade years.
Change: So I had a new crush. And… dah dah dah dah, this was my musician friend I mentioned for HOH. I typed this story when I was overwhelmed by my newfound feelings for him. The later half of the story was made-up, but the first half of the story were all based off memories I had with him. Save for the few spelling errors I overlooked while typing Change, this one-shot was what I believe is the start of the writing style I'm using today.
PTB 2013 Writing Challenge: 16-year-old me was swamped with school (damn it Health Academy), so I didn't have a load of free time to do fanfiction writing. I used this challenge on the Project Team Beta website to ease off some plot bunnies I had in my head. *sighs* If only I had the time to finish this. Some of the prompts posted were those I terribly wished I wrote. *cue internal sobbing*
What Changed?: And then came the time when my 10th grade crush put me into part 3 of my existential-crisis phase. Let's just say love screwed me during my high school years. That fic was a result of pent-up emotions I was feelings for the last few months between my 10th to 11th grade years. I'm considering adding the second chapter that I was supposed to do.
InstAnt: Ah, my return to fanfiction. After about a year of hiatus, I returned to the fanfiction community with this fic for my senior project. For those of you waiting for the second chapter, I have some of it. The ReAct-based chapter exists! Studying for my AP US History exam got to me then, which was why I didn't post the next chapter as soon as I was supposed to. But I will post it! I VOW TO DO SO. This story is my first story based off a Vocaloid song (Vocaloids for life!). Adding on a few elements for my fanfiction project and voila! InstAnt was the story that announced my comeback.
Conquest: Oh boy. My English 3 (or 11th grade English course) personal narrative paper turned fanfiction. Along with a cliff-hanger ending that I'll never, ever pull off again. *starts literal crafting* In a nutshell, my 10th grade crush (who, in this story, I can reveal I actually developed feelings for to the point that I realized I was in love with him) left me in existential crisis, part 3 for about three years. That title though… it was fitting for this story. Will I continue it? YES. I hate that ending and I can't leave the story there. I'll get to continuing it when I work on a couple other writing projects first.
Endgame: No cringing here, folks! This fic succeeded my dream of completing a multi-chaptered fanfic. Whoo-hoo! Even if it's in drabble-fic format with no dialogue, I'm so happy that after all the years of terrible updating, I produced a fic that I saw the end to (Get it? Endgame… hahah… I'll stop now). EG is based by a friend who I got to know over my high school senior year. Our friendship was given a romantic twist for this story, because hey, love makes the world go round. The Long Game, aka the sequel for EG, is under production. Spring break for college students in Hawaii start next week, so I promise (I guarantee it) I'll work on more chapters for TLG. The first couple chapters will be posted as soon as spring break ends (it lasts a week).
A Spectrum of Infrared: And thus my obsession with Dan and Phil has led me down this path, the path of creating fanfics aside from Twilight. For my Twilight fans who know Dan and Phil (if you don't, go watch their YouTube videos! You'll immediately see why I wanted to write for the phandom), give it a look-see! It was my first time writing slash. I've read several Twilight slash fics (specifically Edward/Jasper, because apparently, they're a pretty shippable slash pair), so that gave me the appropriate mindset to type ASOI. I won't continue it, but I will write more DP fics.
Scintilla: My newer fics give me all smiles. I'm still smiling. The title was based off my Tumblr scrolling spree through a blog called Otherworldly Words. These words aren't just in English, even though scintilla is. For this one-shot, I did it because I wanted to do the balcony scene during the CTSO conference in EG as a what-if, but as a new story altogether. Since some readers followed Scintilla, I'll take it under consideration for whether or not I'll continue it.
Beauty and a Heartbeat: My first non-canon fic! Okay, technically, Bella/Jasper were a non-canon pair in InstAnt. But this is the first non-canon story where every pairing mentioned in the story is non-canon. For this to win matchmaker award in the STTHF contest is just amazing. Still mindblown. BAAH and Scintilla represent how much I've grown as an author. My fics have gotten shorter, but my stories have become more realistic. I want to showcase love how reality might play it out. AND THE TITLE. The title was supposed to be used for a different plot bunny, but I thought BAAH could work as the title for this story. I've always loved Rose/Jasper as a non-canon pair, so this was my way to show you guys my love for this ship.
Your Cinderella, My Romeo: Yaaaaas. This is the best fic to end my reflection by. FIRST SLASH LEMON EVER. IT'S A MILESTONE. Based off of Hatsune Miku's Romeo and Cinderella. This was supposed to be a Bella/Edward one-shot to try my hand at writing a lemon again, but my interest in DP made me want to write this story for them more. I could see the song working more realistically for a slash pair than a het pair. Now you guys see why Dan and Phil are important YouTube figures in my life and why I keep making DP references throughout my reflection. Because of this story, I'm gonna return to writing lemons. If I could write slash lemon, I can write anything… maybe. xD Jk but I'm open to writing whatever catches my eye. Dan/Phil are my sentimental slash pair, so if you guys want some fluff, let me know. Me from the past can write them. Me from the present can still do that.
-O- -O- -O-
The end. All typed in about two hours. My fingers are exhausted. I typed this all in one sitting. I didn't get to proofread it well, so I apologize for any errors.
So yeah. That's my reflection for all 37 fanfictions I have posted on my account over the years. Whether you know me as Vampiregurl101, moonlightoftwilight, MusicalWritingBookworm, or my current name Awkwardauthor, thanks for sticking along with me for the last several years. If it isn't for you guys, I wouldn't be writing fanfics. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every review, every follow, and every favorite makes my day a whole lot better. I've grown from the little 11-year-old who dreamed of being a writer to a mature 18-year-old who is living the dream on fanfiction. And who knows? Someday, in 10 years, I may be living the dream as a New York Times bestselling author. Hahah… we'll see. The future is the future.
Spring break starts in next week, so I won't be having any new fics posted next week since that time will be spent working on other fics. BUT I'LL BE BACK.
Until next time.
~ AA