A gender swap fanfic. Only the golden trio have gender swapped.

"Are you two awake yet!" An annoyed Hermione strolled casually into the Girls Dorm, getting strange looks.
At the far end on two twin beds sat Harry and Ron doing their make up.
"Omg!" Said Ron, "have you seen Spell Bound by Magicalynne! It's soo sparkly!"

Hermione walked over, rolling his eyes, obviously Ron was talking about that. She was just make up obsessed. He, on the other hand, was holding some books that might help them find out about the chamber of secrets. "Heyyyy! Come over Hermione, I'll try the new eyeliner on you," Ron, again, Hermione shook his head and sat down.

Almost at once, Harry was tugging away at his short bushy lock with a hair brush.
"Shhhhhhh!" He said while spraying every bottle he could find at the unsuspecting tangles.
"You won't fix them!" Hermione growled, "let me speak, for gods sake."

"Soz!" Said Ron, "give it a rest!"

"The Chamber of Secrets is a supposed chamber in the castle built by Slytherin and can only be accessed by-"
"Y'know what day it is tomorrow?" Ron said, lovingly.
Sighing, Hermione slammed his head on the bed, "No I don't, but you're probably going to tell me!"

Ron and Harry both gushed at the same time, "Valentines Day..."
There were literally love hearts coming out of their eyes.

"No-one cares, anyway, back to the topic, Salazar's Slytherin has a heir and only when he comes to this school will the Chamber be opened."

"Or maybe he's came already." Ron said offhandedly.
Hermione snapped his book shut and stared at Ron for a minute.
"What do you mean?" He said awfully like Molly Weasley.

"Well, that Draco Malfoy seems the type doesn't he, evil and good looking."
Muttering something under his breath, Hermione gave them a book each. "Just do some research, OK?"

On his way out, he noticed Ginny Weasley was writing a lesbian card for Harry. "Here, let me help with those enchantments!" He said to a happy Ginny.

? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾘﾍ

The next day, when Hermione went into the hall, he saw his friends at the table excited.
But that wasn't all.
The sky was a beautiful shade of blue and little love heart confetti was falling on the floor.

He felt as if he was going to throw up, when he saw Lockhart. Lockhart was in Bright Pink robes and was helping a bunch of gnomes dressed like Cupid. The gnomes were small potato shaped creatures and had golden cupid bows and piles of letters in their hands. They looked especially grumpy.

By now everyone had settled in their seats and Hermione dashed and sat beside Ron. She had a soft shade of red on her lips and looked so kissable.

"Argh!" Hermione shook that thought out his mind. Shit, now people were looking at him and Ron and Harry were weirdly staring too.

Lockhart stood up and started to give a speech about Valentines Day, love potions and his messenger gnomes. According to the sighs from Ron and Harry, he'd got 42 Valentines Cards too.

Ginny, who was on the other side whispered about her card to Harry and he smiled. Looking at his dark haired friend, he grinned.
Harry was eating a heart shaped pancake with strawberries and chocolate. Ron was wolfing down practically all the sweet things and more.

Opening a book, Hermione got reading and tried to ignore the lovestruck sounds around him.

? ﾟﾒﾄ?

"Thank Merlin we're out of there!" Hermione huffed, "honestly, Lockhart though!"
Harry chuckled girlishly "He didn't look bad...anyway what we got next?"
"What have!" Corrected Hermione.

Just then a little gnome came up to them. "Go away!" Hermione shouted.

The gnome, who was Scottish was angry and grabbed Harry by the waist.
"Right then, listen here mate, I've got a special message for ya!"
He cleared his throat then began:
"Her eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,
Her hair is as dark as a blackboard.
I wish she was mine, she's really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord."
Harry looked extremely embarrassed and all around them the crowd was laughing.
The gnome let go of her and said that it was from Ginny Weasley with love. The Valentine's Day card had a recording of it too.

Ron scratched the back of her head and was awfully confused when they saw a red faced Ginny.

"Ginny...I'm not gay.." Harry said awkwardly before anything else. "But we can still be friends!"

Everyone was shuffling about and Ginny fled the scene. Draco Malfoy came up to Harry and smirked. "I'm still here babe. Ha! Joking! Half Blood bitch."

Ron grabbed hold of him and shouted at him, "You opened the Chamber of Secrets, you're Slytherins heir!"

Luckily enough, Snape came round the corner. "Miss Weasley, what do you think you are doing? I'm sure we all don't need to see your precious squabbling skills right now!"

"She was defending Harry, Professor!" Hermione stepped in boldly.
"I do not care about that, I will not tolerate any fighting against my house whatever the reason!" Snape snarled with a twisted lip. He gave them all a dirty look, sent sparks at Ron and left like an oversized unpopular bat.

"I hate him," Hermione said, as Malfoy closely followed.

? ﾟﾦﾁ?

Up in the Gryffindor common room, that night, when the others were asleep, the golden trio discussed a plan.
"There's only one way which I can think to infiltrate the Slytherin Common room to get closer to Malfoy!" Hermione announced quietly with a large dusty book in her hands. It was called 'Most Potente Potions'.

"Where'd you get that old thing from? Not the restricted section?" Asked Ron with raised brows.

"Yes it is actually. Lockhart gave me permission!" Hermione said, "after a lot of persuasion!" He added sarcastically.

"I wanna infiltrate it!" Harry smirked, "if you know what I mean!"