Full summary:

The Funny Farm, with their two newest members, Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, are starting their third year at Hogwarts. Rachel and Dean have some potential romantic interest in each other, but Seamus and Hannah aren't happy about it. Haley and Oliver are even more in love than before, and Katelyn and Tanya are just trying to ride out the storms. New couples, new teachers, new conflicts, and, of course, a sampling of the teenage angst to come!

And now for the story.

Letter transcript: Katelyn Barcanic, Rachel Hekman, and Hannah Schreiter to Harry Potter. Received August 1.

Dear Harry,

Happy Thirteenth Birthday!

Happy birthday to you

You live in a zoo

You look like a monkey

And you smell like one, too.

Just kidding. We figured this really applied to you, though, because the Dursleys sound like real animals. Anyway, we'll give you your present at school, since none of our owls would survive the trip.

Yours truly,

Rachel

Katelyn

Hannah

Letter transcript: Rachel Hekman to Seamus Finnigan. Received August 4.

Dear Seamus,

Hi! I don't have a lot of time, so I'll make this short—which, knowing me, won't be very short. Anyway, Hannah, Katelyn, and I are taking a Portkey to Diagon Alley on August 30. Maybe you and Dean could meet us there! Well, even if you can't, I can't wait to see you both again. Send a reply immediately!

Love,

Sushi (in case you've forgotten, I'm Rachel)

Letter transcript: Seamus Finnigan to Rachel Hekman. Received August 15,

Dear Rachel (who I haven't forgotten is called Sushi),

Shouldn't that be whom? Anyway. Count me and Dean in. We'll be staying at the Leaky Cauldron for a couple of days. See you there, then.

Yours,

Seamus (who as of yet needs a nickname)

--------------------------

Rachel Hekman unfolded the Daily Prophet with a snap, nearly scaring her mother. into driving off the road. "Sirius Black," she read aloud. "Hmm."

"Sirius Black?" Mrs. Hekman asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"He escaped from a London prison earlier this week."

"Oh, yeah…oh, dear! Azkaban…"

"Azkaban?"

"The wizard prison, Mommy. Our gamekeeper had to go there last year because—er, I mean, someone falsely accused him of something. He's been cleared. Anyway, men go mad in that jail. This dude escaped!"

A speeding black SUV swerved in front of the Hekmans' car, and Mrs. Hekman had to jam on the brakes. "Well, I'll sleep in peace knowing that we're safe in our beds and you'll be the first on his list."

"Hardee-har-har. Seriously, Mommy, it says here: 'Black, possibly the most infamous prisoner ever to be held in Azkaban fortress, is still eluding capture, the Ministry of Magic confirmed today.'"

'What did he do?"

"You…have to ask me that? Oh, that's rich."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Rachel, still grinning, turned the page. "Apparently, thirteen years ago, he murdered thirteen people with a single curse. He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who."

"No, I don't."

"V…Voldemort. Think Al Capone gone international, times ten."

There was silence for a while as Mrs. Hekman turned into the forest preserve where Rachel and the others would take a Portkey to London. "Hi, guys," Rachel shouted, getting out of the car.

"Hey, Sushi," Katelyn Barcanic cried, waving from where she was talking with sisters Haley and Hannah Schreiter.

"Hola, mi chica!" Haley, a seventh year, cried. She bounded over, her light brown hair bobbing up and down.

"Hola, Haley," Rachel replied. "Even though I never understood the logic behind that. You're German."

"Among other things," Hannah chimed in. "Hi!"

"Hiya, Schmurf," Rachel grinned, patting her friend on the back. "I see you still haven't grown."

"I see you haven't, either. It's only been two months." Hannah flipped her dark brown hair over her shoulder and smiled.

"It's Rachel!"

"Hey, Tanya, how was your summer?"

"Great!" The blonde sprang to Rachel's side and produced a slick portable DVD player. "I brought it!"

Katelyn grinned wickedly. "Seamus and Dean are going to watch Monty Python whether they like it or not."

Mrs. Hekman looked at her watch. "Are we ready to go?"

Hannah nodded. "Sarah and Shelby went to find the Portkey. Ah, here they come."

Sarah Carter emerged from the trees, carrying an old metal can with a pair of tongs, Shelby Root tagging along behind. "Okay, everyone, get your things and gather round."

The girls each hugged their respective family members, promised to write and be good, and got their stuff and put a finger on the can. "Five…four…three…two…one…"

Rachel felt a jerking in her stomach, and suddenly they were standing outside the Leaky Cauldron in London, where, incidentally, it was pouring rain. The owls hooted indignantly as their owners lugged inside the inn.

"Oh, I know, Romulus," Rachel cooed, unlatching his cage so he could climb up on her arm. "I don't like it either." The great tawny owl shook water all over his mistress in reply. "You naughty little bird, you…oh, hello, Tom."

The innkeeper had come up to take their baggage. "Morning, little misses. Have a nice holiday?"

"Of course," Katelyn said.

Romulus suddenly gave a whistle and took off flying across the room, landing on the shoulder of a tall wizard in the corner. "Oy," said the wizard, "can't you take better care of your animals, woman?"

"That was uncalled for, miste—Seamus!"

The wizard turned and grinned. "Fooled ya, Hekman."

"You big, awful, brute, you," Rachel said with a smile, hugging Seamus Finnigan around the neck. Romulus swayed and clicked his beak indignantly.

"Nice to see you, too."

Rachel grinned at him. "You're still not any taller than I am. Ha. But your voice broke over the summer!"

His ears turned red. "Really? I hadn't noticed."

Rachel ignored his sarcasm and held her arm out for her owl to get onto. "I'm just trying to make the best of the pre-jet lag exhilaration, that's all. Come on; I want you to meet my mom."

"Er…okay."

"Great." Rachel seized the sleeve of Seamus' Muggle polo shirt and pulled him over to the rest of the group. Dean Thomas was already in their midst, conversing animatedly with Hannah.

"Mom—Mommy…"

"What?"

"This is Seamus Finnigan. Seamus, this is my mom."

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am," Seamus said, shaking Mrs. Hekman's hand.

"Sure, Seamus. So…how do you know my daughter?"

Rachel sensed dangerous waters ahead, and her trepidations were well founded when Seamus said, "She's in my House. We're friends."

"Your house?"

"Mommy," Rachel said hurriedly, "there are four Houses at Hogwarts. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. They're just systems of classification, you know? I've explained this to you before. Seamus is in Gryffindor with me and Katelyn and Hannah and Tanya—and Dean."

Mrs. Hekman raised her eyebrows and gave a slight nod. "All right, then. Are you all ready to get your supplies?"

"Oh," Seamus said, "let me get me mam. She's got the wizard money."

He scampered off, but was back in a moment with a sandy-haired woman who was clearly his mother. She looked a lot like her son, but in a feminine, motherly way. "Hello, you all," she said pleasantly. "I've heard so much about you, I hope you don't mind that I feel like I know you already."

Everyone immediately decided then and there that they liked Mrs. Finnigan.

"I'm Katelyn," the brunette gushed. "Katelyn Barcanic."

"Hello, Katelyn. I must say, I love your shirt."

Katelyn straightened her scarlet Hogwarts t-shirt and beamed.

"I'm Hannah Schreiter."

"Of course, love. Seamus said you have very bright blue eyes."

Seamus' whole face turned red at this, but Mrs. Finnigan was unfazed.

"I'm Tanya Rogers."

"Ah, yes. You're Russian, if I remember correctly? Yes, you have the pretty blonde hair."

"I'm Sarah Carter."

"Hello," Mrs. Finnigan said, sounding slightly puzzled.

Sarah smiled. "Shelby here and I aren't in Gryffindor. We're losers."

"Of course you're not, loves!" Mrs. Finnigan was shocked. "No one is."

"Mam," Seamus began, sounding embarrassed.

"Hold your horses, Shay, love. I haven't met Rachel here yet."

"Hang on—you know my name?"

"Aye. Process of elimination, love—plus, Seamus said you were tall."

"Obviously not from her, though," Rachel grinned, pointing at her rather short mother.

"I'm Sharon Hekman, Rachel's mom," Mrs. Hekman said.

"Pleasure," Mrs. Finnigan replied, shaking Mrs. Hekman's extended hand. "I'm Moira Finnigan."

"Mam, can we please go and get our stuff?"

"Of course, love." Mrs. Finnigan fished around in her purse and drew out three gold Galleons. "This should be plenty for your supplies."

Seamus gave an exasperated look at his friends as if to apologize for his mother. No one minded.

"I'd be plenty happy to take them around to the shops, Sharon, if you'd like to have a lie-in," Mrs. Finnigan said.

"Well, actually, I was hoping to have some quality time with Peanut here," Mrs. Hekman said with a grin, giving Rachel a one-armed hug.

"Mommy!"

Mrs. Finnigan laughed. "Of course."

"You're welcome to come along, though."

"I'll take you up on that offer."

Try as they might, the Funny Farm could not shake the two mothers off their tails. "Not that we want to," Hannah said, "but it's annoying."

"It is. I'm happy, though, that my mom is taking this so well. I mean, she's never been here before…"

"They're having fun," Seamus noted as another peal of laughter came from the above-mentioned parents.

"Almost too much."

"Well, whatever. Hang on." Rachel stopped outside of Quality Quidditch Supplies. "Look at that Firebolt! Holy crud…it's got everything!"

"Rachel, you're drooling."

"I need a new broom."

"Ah, ha, yeah right."

"No, seriously! Look—Oliver Wood sent me a note. Rachel—you're a good Beater but you need a better broom to play your best. Consider a Nimbus model, if you will. Pick up a copy of 'The Beaters' Bible,' too, if you don't mind. Quality Quidditch Supplies is where you need to go. Quidditch season is only four months away! —Oliver."

She ducked inside the shop, the others not far behind. While she inspected the different brooms for sale, the others poked around the shop, admiring the dragon-skin wristguards, authentic Quidditch robes (Seamus fell in love with a green Kenmare Kestrels set) and the top-of-the-line Firebolt.

Finally, Rachel paid for her book and used Nimbus 1000 and they left, finding their mothers panic-stricken just outside. "Where have you been?" Mrs. Finnigan shrieked when she spotted Seamus. "You could've gotten kidnapped or hexed or poisoned here!"

Mrs. Hekman said essentially the same thing to Rachel. "Don't you ever run away like that again!"

"We were right in there, Mom."

"Tell me next time!"

They were making quite a scene, and the Funny Farm exchanged exasperated looks. "I can't wait to go back to school," Seamus muttered when his mother's back was turned.

"You got that right."