A/N: Okay, so I've been reading about this thing of Punk and Beth breaking up and somehow I felt sad (I know, I need to get a life… but trust me, I have one!). Now, I don't know if it's true, a rumor or what, all I know is that as soon as I read it I felt like I had to write this. Enjoy ;)

Until Never

It is amazing how cold and distant someone can turn into when his love for the person that cares for him the most vanishes out of thin air.

It's sad almost to a devastating point… to have this person who used to be your everything wake up with you and go through the day wishing you were somewhere else, seeing him politely evade your touches by making up excuses that sound stupid to your ears and witnessing how he retreats into himself until he barely speaks to you anymore.

So yes, it is sad, especially when you can compare the now and then to corroborate that it was better before and that maybe, just maybe things are finally over.

I've have seen it gradually happen to me, the torturous process of seeing the 'love of my life' falling out of love with me.

Not that I should be surprised, after all everyone warned me about him and his infamous ways and I stupidly turned a deaf ear to all their words. Maybe it was that I fell too hard too soon but what can I say? This man that is now killing me with his indifference wasn't always like this with me; not at all… in fact, he was quite the contrary.

Phil… when we started this and for a good part of the year we've been dating, he acted like the most caring and attentive man I've ever met. He took me places, he introduced me to all his friends and before I knew it I was moving most of my things to his apartment in Chicago.

At the time it seemed like the best decision to make and I didn't mind leaving my own house in Buffalo to spend all the time I could with him. In that moment nothing mattered but him…

I don't know how to explain it, but he sucked me into his world and I gladly made the jump. I did it without looking back because Phil, despite having the reputation of being a loud mouth, smart-ass, jerk that he definitely is, also knows how to use his charm to his advantage.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that he played me for a fool since the very beginning, no; I know that in the few times he told me that he loved me he meant it and I can say without a doubt that some of the best moments of my life I spend them with him.

So… even though our ending will not be the most ideal, I will never regret the decisions that I made regarding him. I mean how can I regret it when I still love him with every cell of my body?

Besides it's not like he's a bad person that mistreated me all this time; far from it, his only fault is the one everyone pointed to me when we started going out; he doesn't commit for long and he falls out of love as quickly as he falls in.

I thought that he was going to change with me, but he didn't…

Now, I can't exactly say when he started to change, but one good day I realized that he didn't laugh with me like he used to and I started to suspect something was wrong. But he was tired with so much work at the time so I just assumed that he was burnt out and that things were good between us.

Then he started to go out on his own, we stopped traveling together all the time and I started riding with Natalya and Tyson more often. I, blinded with love justified it by saying to myself that since Nattie and I were working both Raw and Smackdown shows while Phil remained on Raw, that it was more convenient to ride with her instead of with my boyfriend; after all we always ended up meeting in Chicago and when having the same schedule, we still rode and roomed together.

I thought that traveling with other people could do us good, after all every couple needs their time apart and I didn't want to overwhelm him with my continuous presence.

I mean for almost a year we traveled, rode, ate, trained and lived together so it could be easy for him to get tired of me.

I didn't want that to happen and since Natalya was the only friend I could rely on, I didn't mind spending more time with her.

Unfortunately, that only made things worse and before I knew it, Phil and I were arguing over nothing all the time.

I didn't understand how that happened, but that's how it all went to hell. Then as previously as last week we ended up arguing one last time. It was about something stupid that I can't even remember right now but I sure as hell remember how it ended, I asked him the big question, was he seeing someone else?

He got mad at that and as he always did, he gave me the silent treatment and for the first time in months, I took a flight to New York while he went straight to Chicago.

We didn't talk on that time apart, the only thing I heard of him was that he went to Atlanta to make a guest appearance in one his ex-girlfriend's radio show and I'm not going to lie, I was jealous out of my mind.

I was already asking myself if the reason he was acting like that with me had to do with another woman and it didn't help that he went to her while he was mad at me.

But being more stubborn than anything else, I fought hard against the urge of calling him and waited until last night to talk things with him. After all it was Monday night Raw and if I could count on something, it was that I was going to see him there.

Now, imagine my surprise when the first thing I see when walking into catering is my boyfriend, sitting comfortably in one of the tables while talking to her, Amy Dumas aka Lita, the ex-girlfriend.

That's when I knew it was over, it was one of those moments when retaliation hits you so hard in the stomach that for a full minute you forget how to breathe. I mean he was just there, talking and laughing with her like he didn't do with me anymore.

I don't think he saw me turn in my heels and flee the room so I could seek refuge in a secluded corner of the arena and I'm glad he didn't. I didn't want anyone to see me and for the good part of half an hour I sat with my face in my hands while I cried my eyes out.

Yeah, I'll admit it… I cried there, mourning the loss of the love I loved the most.

After a while I gathered myself up, dried my tears and with my chin held up high I survived the rest of the night. I even ran into him once and managed not to break down again when he lowered his gaze and walked right pass me.

That was last night, the longest sleepless night of my life. It may sound pathetic, but after I took a taxi to the nearest hotel I just lay in bed, waiting for him to call and say that it was all good and that he wanted to work things out.

He never called and after crying a bit more I decided that I wasn't going to suffer for someone that didn't even had the guts to stand face to face with me to tell me that it was over. So, wanting to cut all ties with him, I unfollowed him on twitter, I deleted his phone number from my contact list even though I know it by memory and yup, I even deleted his pictures from my phone, even when I had them saved in my computer back home; after that I turned on my iPod to listen to the most depressing songs I could find to cry some more.

But like I said, that was last time and today is a new day, the Phoenix is born out of the ashes and I know I will get better. I have good friends that care about me, I'm in a good place career wise and I know I'll be better… one day.

Ah, but God… if I want to forget about him how come that I'm dying to call him, to hear his voice and look right into his eyes. How come I miss him so much while at the same time I want to go to him and tell him a thing or two?

And this is just the first day! What am I going to do when I see him again? I mean we work together and in three days we'll go to an overseas tour. That means traveling in the same bus, staying in the same hotel and probably seeing him all the time.

Taking in a deep breath and biting hard on my lips, I lift my phone and unable to spot myself, I dial his number.

For a few excruciating seconds I hold my breath and I feel like my heart is going to explode inside my chest.

What will I tell him? What if he is with her?

"Hello." He answers and swallowing down, I clear my throat.

"It's me…" I say stupidly, closing my eyes as I feel my eyes watering.

"I know." He breathes out, probably annoyed that I'm calling.

"Yeah, well I just wanted to ask when you were going to be in your apartment… I um, I want to pass by to pick up my things and I thought it would be better if I didn't run into you."

For the longest minute of my life, there only thing I can listen through the other side is silence and I have to take a look at my iPhone's screen to make sure the time is running and that he didn't hung up on me.

"I'll leave the key over the table, or if you want I can drop it at Colt's or something."

"Why do you want to take your things out?" He asks in a breath and even though I can't see him, I can picture him in my mind, eyes closed and his fingers running over his brows…

His fingers, closing my own eyes I remember the tattoo he got for me there, he came to me laughing that day saying that since I was a hopeless romantic, he honored my nature by inking his fingers with the word romance…

I loved it, but that was such a long time ago now…

Breathing in and clearing my throat once again, I rest my head against the pillow and press the phone closer to my ear.

"Why would I leave them there? They are my things and I need them." Sure, I can survive without them but I want them back.

"I'm going to be there until Thursday, drop by anytime you want."

"I'll wait," Thursday is the day we are leaving to Europe so my things would have to wait until I come back and Phil isn't there.

"Where are you now?"

"Do you care?"

"Beth," He groans. "Why are you always trying to pick up a fight with me? I asked you a simple question so just answer to me."

"I'm not trying to pick up a fight with you, Phil, I just…"

"So why do you call me saying you want to move out while I'm not there if not to pick up a fight? You know, I don't know what do you want from me anymore."

At those words I feel like laughing out loud, but instead I sniff as I'm invaded once again with a bad case of the tears.

I don't trust myself to talk like this so I don't say anything, I just breathe in and out while holding the phone to my ear.

For a while we remain like this, silent. But then he goes ahead and helps himself to ask the worse question ever.

"Are you crying?"

Shaking my head even though he can't see me, I draw in a shaky breath and wipe angrily at my eyes.

I hate it when I cry, especially when people know about it.

"Beth? Come on, talk to me." He asks almost tenderly and my need to cry grows even more.

I just don't get it; I don't know what I did wrong to push him away. "You know, I did all I could to make you happy, but it wasn't good enough, right?"

He breathes out, I can hear him doing it. "I was happy with you…"

"Then what happened? Okay, you don't have to answer to that." I chuckle. "I don't want to know it." Especially if his reason to end things with me have something to do with another woman. "Heart that can't see, heart that can feel."

"Where are you?"

Blinking my eyes open, I bit hard on my lips. "I have to go." I say, my voice low but controlled and then, before he can say anything else I hang up and turn off my phone.

I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to think about anything… I just want to stay in this bed until my heart stops to ache… or beat, the first thing that happens…

TBC?