Disclaimer: I own nada. Dick Wolf is the man, and you can't beat the man... unless you're Chuck Norris. The song "How Strong Do You Think I Am?" is by Alexz Johnson, which is from Instant Star. Search it up on YouTube if you're interested!

A/N: So this is my first SVU fic! It was kind of hard to think about what to write. However, this song came up on my iTunes and it thought, "HEY! This fits Liv so well!" So I decided to do a song fic... I'm not sure how song fic stories go, but I'm just gonna go with what I have. Anyway, here is the first chapter... it's a little short, but just stay with me here! Enjoy.

How Strong Do You Think I Am? - Chapter 1

If I don't cry, do you think I don't feel?

If I look away, it doesn't mean I don't see,

And just because I wasn't someone when I'm alone,

Doesn't mean I'm helpless,

That I can't stand on my own.

How far can we go before we break?

How long can I wait?

Today was just another long day at the 1-6 precinct. People came in and out, a couple of interrogations here and there, a few trips out into Manhattan to question suspects, a little bit of arguing about a case, and listening to another one of Munch's conspiracy theories.

A lot has changed within the last 9 months in the Special Victims unit. The squad room was renovated, both Casey Novak and Alex Cabot are back working in the DA office, two new detectives, Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins, joined the squad, and one of the best detectives left. Elliot Stabler's departure has taken a toll on Olivia. The day she heard about Elliot handing in his papers from Captain Cragen was the worse. She broke down into tears in one of the interrogation rooms. Days later, Cragen ordered her to clean his desk. It couldn't stay as his "shrine" any longer. So Olivia did what the captain asked. She cleaned everything off his desk. Detective Odafin "Fin" Tutuola watched Olivia as she placed Elliot's belongings in the box. He could tell that she was hurting badly. It hurt him to see her upset. Once Olivia was done with the task, she sat the box next to her desk. It hasn't moved since.

Olivia sat back in her chair and stared down at the pile of paper work that awaits her. She grabbed the closest pen and a file. She began filling out a DD5 on the current case she is working on with her new partner Amaro. He was a nice guy that obviously cared about the job as much as she and the rest of the squad did. However, Amaro was no Stabler. She tried to keep her anger and sadness out of the squad room when it came to Amaro and Rollins, but it is starting to build up more and more inside.

Olivia stayed strong while she was out in the field. She stayed strong for her victims, but her anger sometimes got the best of her. Although she can still focus on her work, it still takes a little bit of time to stay focused. She has not been able to function to the best of her ability since Elliot left. Yes, she understood why he left. The shooting that took place 9 months ago took a toll out on everyone. The 1-6 lost someone close to them, Sister Peg. She has been a big help when it came to dealing with some cases. Having Sister Peg die in her arms was very hard because it was the second person she lost. ADA Sonya Paxton also died during the investigation they had with Alicia Harding's stalker. Elliot shot and killed a young girl, who was the victim's daughter on a case they were working on. She came into the squad room and began shooting her gun at everywhere and at everything. He took a shot at her to stop her from shooting anyone else. Unfortunately, the shot killed her as he held her in his arms. Something that drastic can change someone in a big way. After the shooting, Elliot left—no word about where he was going, how long he will be gone, or when he was coming back. Even though Olivia wasn't mad at him for leaving, it didn't stop her from being pissed about him not saying anything to him. Just a simple phone call would have been enough for her. Just to hear it from him instead of Cragen 9 months later would have been fine.

Fin and Munch walked into the bullpen arguing with each other.

"Can't you just shut the hell up about this shit? Your old ass is constantly comin' up with dumb shit that don't make sense." Fin spat.

"And what exactly is Munch talking about now?" Detective Amanda Rollins asked raising up from her desk.

"We just had snow and it's only November 3rd. I'm telling you, 2012 is in the making." Amanda rolled her eyes and chuckled as she walked over to Fin's desk. "Fine, don't believe me."

"I think that's the best thing you said all day." Fin laughed. Munch sat down at his desk and glanced over toward Olivia.

"Doing okay over there, Liv?"

Olivia glanced up from her DD5's and gave a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Munch continued to look at the detective, obviously aware that she is lying. She hasn't been completely herself in a while. He got up from his desk and walked over to the coffee machine. "Coffee anyone?"

"Sure, I need a refill over here." Detective Nick Amaro said as he walked in.

"I don't think you wanna do that, Amaro." Fin said with a laugh.

Nick shot him a confused look and then looked at Olivia, who was shaking her head. "You know what, never mind. I think I'll pass, John."

Munch shrugged his shoulders and directed his attention back to the machine. "Suit yourself. You don't know what you're missing."

Captain Cragen then walked out his office with a concerned look. "We have a new vic down at Mercy. Rollins, Tutuola, you two go."

"Sure, cap." Fin and Amanda grabbed their coats and made their way to the elevator.

Cragen turned towards Olivia, "Liv, can I see you in my office?"

"Uh, yeah, sure captain." Olivia dropped her pen on the desk and followed the captain into his office. He took at seat at his desk as Olivia closed the door. "What's up?"

Cragen looked at the detective and sighed. "You have to get rid of the box, Liv."

Olivia felt her throat tightening up. "I-I will, captain. I haven't had the time to finish cleaning up Elliot's things."

"Well now you do. I need his locker cleaned out by the end of today. So I suggest you do it now. We can't keep his stuff here any longer." With that being said, Olivia automatically left the office. She felt her blood boiling, but tried to keep calm as she walked to her desk. She picked up the box that sat next to her box and started to make her way to the locker room.

"Detective Benson?" a uniform cop shouted. Olivia turned to see the cop walking in from the elevator.

"Yes?"

"This came for you." He said as he handed her a box. Nothing was on it but her name.

"Who gave you this?"

"Some girl came in downstairs and said to give this to you."

"What did she look like? Did she say what her name was?"

"She's tall, blonde hair, skinny, maybe in her late teens or early twenties. Didn't say who she was. She gave me the box and left before I could ask her anything else."

Olivia studied the small box that sat in her hand. She gave the uniform cop a small smile and thanked him for bringing her the box. She continued her trip to the locker room. She entered the room and walked over to Elliot's locker. She sat the two boxes a bench and grabbed the big scissors. She cut the lock on the door and tossed it aside. She opened the locker to find a few of Elliot's NYPD t-shirts, the gray hoodie she knew too well, and some empty water bottles. She threw the t-shirts in the box and tossed the water bottles. She grabbed the hoodie and tied it around her waist. She slowly closed the locker door and sighed.

That was it. Everything that Elliot Stabler owned was now contained in one big box… and around her waist. She sat down on the bench and picked up the small box she received moments before. She opened it to find a gold medallion lying inside on a gold chain. She gasped as she read the engraving on the medallion. Semper Fidelis. This belonged to Elliot. This was his medal from the marines. But why was this delivered to her? She picked up the necklace and studied every little detail. Tears started to appear, but she quickly wiped them away.

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

She noticed that there was a note lying under the necklace. She opened the note and instantly recognized the handwriting. It was from him. She began to read the note.

Liv,

By now I imagine that you know that I'm not coming back. All I can say is sorry… I'm sorry that I didn't tell you myself. I'm sorry that I left you completely out of the blue. I'm sorry that I didn't stay in touch or answered your messages. I just couldn't take it anymore, Liv. I killed that girl. I was afraid of what she'd do next, who she'd kill next. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she shot you. That day goes in my mind all the time, with the same ending on replay.

I sent Kathleen to the precinct to give you this, my Semper Fidelis medal. I don't want you to feel alone anymore. Keep this with you at all times, that way you know that I'm always with you. Look up the meaning of Semper Fidelis and you'll know. Again, I am sorry for not returning your messages. I promise we will talk soon. I don't know when, but we will.

Take care, Liv. Talk to you soon.

El

She couldn't believe it. After all this time, he sent his daughter to give her this. She wanted to be angry with him. She wanted to be furious with him and the fact that he ignored her. At the same time, she felt his pain; she understood why he did what he did.

But still… all of this was eating her alive. It's been 9 months since she heard from him. No calls, texts, messages–nothing. And he sends her this instead. She stared down at her Semper Fidelis necklace, tears falling down her face. "How strong do you think I am? How much more can I take of this?" she sobs quietly. She wrapped the gray hoodie around her as she broke down in the locker room, wishing that her best friend would come back.

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,

You make it harder than it has to be,

How strong, how strong do you think I am?

So... whatcha think? Comments? Thoughts? Let me know! Leave a review or PM me. I'm dying to know what you're thinking! All feedback is greatly appreciated... it'll help me with the next chapter!

P.S. - if you're into marching band, or something along those lines, check out my latest story Welcome to the 8th Grade!