Pokemon- A fanfic of epic proportions
By: Hyancinth-black www.hyacinth-black. was written by hyacinth-black, who does not have access to a computer and cant post this. All credit goes to her, but you can still comment!
Prologue
cue epic music
It was a serene spring morning when our hero, the dashing, beautiful, and immensly intelligent Hyacinth (stfu, I'm entitled to a little exaggeration) was preparing to set out on what would become the most epic journey ever conceived. Dressed in black star-shaped pasties, a bandana with a pattern of stars and a cartoon hand giving the finger, baggy jeans, and five-inch heeled black clogs, there was nothing that could stop her.
Okay, enough of the pompous heroics. Hyacinth was leaving on a pokemon adventure. Woooow. That's four o's in that Wow. Four fucking O's. And that's what makes this special.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"she called out, walking into the kitchen. "MOOOOOM WHERE'S MY BACKPACK? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY ROOM!"
"You don't have a mom," said a man in a gimp suit and an apron who was busy making some delicious cake.
"Aww, you're right Gimpy,…" Hyacinth said shrugging, "ya got me!"
"And youre backpack..wait, since when did you have a backpack?"
"Since now," said Hyacinth as a backpack suddenly appeared in mid-air next to her. "after all, I'm the prince of this story. And what Prince has no backpack?"
"The atrist formerly known as prince has no backpack," Gimpy said.
"Fuck you. This backpack sucks balls. But I'll take it," Hyacinth said, grabbing the backpack and putting it on.
"If youre going on an epic journey, where's your pokemon? You need pokemon for a Pokemon journey."
"I still havent gotten it from Professor Cannabis"
"That is so not a professor's name. Cannabis isn't a tree, dipshit. It has to be a tree. And for the record we live in the Hoenn Region(author Note: JHOTO KICKS ASS, but we're folloring the Heonn story…for now…) so you're stuck with Professor Birch".
"Fiiine, be anal retentive…" Hyacinth said rolling her eyes. Gimpy looked back at her with a pained expression , you know, through the Gimp suit.
"Sorry…forgotyou were wearing a butt plug…of course you're anal retentive…gehehehe," she said, sniggering, "anyways, so I haven't gotten my Pokemon from Professor Birch yet. I wonder if I can pick from all of the starting Pokemon…ever…whoopes fourth wall LULZ."
"Just get out of the house already, I'm busy making cake."
"Delicious cake."
"Just go."
"Kay, bye mommy."
"FUCK OFF!"
Hyacinth then walked outside. Over the years Littleroot had become a tourist attraction and renowned Pokemon Trainers Brendan and May ( the damn bastards) set off on their quests. Right now a group of tourists wearing khakis and t-shirts that said I LOVE LITTLEROOT were gathered outside of May's old house snapping photos of each other.
"Good God that's annoying." Hyacinth remarked loudly, which in turn made the tourists give her dirty looks, which quickly turned to shock as they saw that she was wearing only pasties, a headband, a shitty backpack, some baggy pants, and five inch black clogs.
Hyacinth quickly shrugged it off and began walking towards Prof. Birch's ;ab while singing 'boku wa Rorikon.'Upon arrival she kicked open the door and shouted, "PROFESSOR! I WANNA GO ON AN ADVENTURE! GIMME A POKEMON!" Professor Birch looked up in horror to see the Trainer walking towards him ambitiously.His brian tried to formulate a method to escape her, but he realized that there was no avoiding it. She would have to get a Pokemon.
"Guh…H-H-Hyacinth…well hhaaaay there. Uh. N-nice ti- shoes…nice shoes."
"I know right. I got 'em on sale. Wheres my Pokemon?"
"It's well, it's in this bag right here," Professor Birch said, holding up a sack he used for carrying pokeballs.
"Proffesor! I'm not falling for the 'pokemon's in the bag but then you knock my lights out and dump me behind the lab after assraping me thing' again!"
"Wait, when did that happen?"
"No…wait…where am I again?"
Professor Birch sighed exasperatedly, shoving a pokeball at Hyacinth, "look, there's a Mudkip in here. Take it okay. And yes I herd u like Mudkips, lulz etc. just go already. And take some extra pokeballs."
"WOW A MUDKIP! COOL!" hyacinth said, puttin the empty pokeballs into her backpack eagerly, "IMMA GO ON MAH QUEST NOW KTHXBAI!"
"Hold it! Don't you want to name your Mudkip?"
"Uh…I like the name Mudkip. And as I stated previously, KTHXBAI!"
Professor Birch stared after her and sighed, "You know sometimes I wonder if stupidity like that should be legal."