A/N: This story was written as an entry for The Houses Competition, Year 3, Round 10.
House: Gryffindor
Year: Head Girl
Category: Standard
Prompt: 9. [Object] Stuffed animal (teddy bear)
Additional requirements: Representing your houses traits (Gryffindor, Courage.)
Word count: 1488 words (written on Google docs)
Betas: Thank you to CK (Theoretical-Optimist) for beta'ing!
WARNINGS: This story explores the grim nature of things like miscarriages and thalidomide used during pregnancy. It is still within T rating, but please read at your own discretion as it does contain triggering/ sensitive themes for some.
Additional notes are at the bottom.
Hush Little Baby
Hush little baby, don't you cry,
Mama's going to sing you a lullaby.
Beatrix rocked her infant, trying to stop his tears. Every cry struck her heart, and she wanted nothing more than to make him all better.
"You're spoiling him," her husband said, leaning against the door of the nursery.
She gently placed her son back into the crib and looked around for something to help him. Spotting his teddy bear, she held it to him.
"You know exactly why I spoil him," she said.
Eighteen months earlier...
Beatrix's hands shook as she held the letter from the Healer, torn between happiness and fear.
"Bea, are you in here?" Cadmus asked, opening the bedroom door.
She tried to hide the parchment underneath her, but she wasn't quick enough. Cadmus held his hand out for it.
"You're pregnant?" His thick eyebrows rose as he read the letter, but soon his face broke into a wide smile. "You're pregnant!"
She nodded, too choked up to answer. She allowed him to pull her up off the bed and spin her around, not willing to spoil his excitement just yet.
"Oh, this is wonderful news!" he said. His smile faded as he saw the tears still sliding down her cheeks. "We've always wanted this…"
She wiped her eyes. "I know, but... what if it happens again?"
She glanced down at her stomach, her hands covering it protectively. She desperately wanted to give Cadmus a child, but she didn't think she'd be able to bear it if she had a third miscarriage.
She looked back up to see him shake his head. "It won't."
"Cad, I'm scared—"
He took her hands and cut her off with a kiss. "Courage, my dear, have courage. This time, we'll be extra careful."
Beatrix squeezed his hands. He was right; she had to be brave.
Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
"Here, Gaspard, it's going to be alright," she said. "Hush now, my darling."
"He's not going to take it," Cadmus said, scoffing as she shook the bear.
Beatrix turned to him, her heart squeezing as she saw the contempt in his eyes. Any excitement, hope, or love that had once filled them was long gone, despite the long-awaited birth of an heir. Gaspard simply wasn't the child he'd wanted.
Beatrix clutched her stomach, both trying to keep down her breakfast—she'd thrown up seven times already that morning—and to soothe herself, as her eyes lingered on the clock. She was due to see the Healer in just half an hour, but Cadmus wasn't back yet.
Had she been this nauseous the last time? What if the Healer had bad news again? She didn't think she'd be able to cope by herself if anything was wrong.
"Courage, Bea, courage," she reminded herself.
"Dear? Are you in there?"
She sighed in relief as Cadmus opened the bedroom door, his eyes bright and hands full of packages.
"What's all this?"
"Just a couple of things for our baby," he said, tipping the contents of a Twilfitt and Toddlers bag onto the bed.
She pushed down the thought that perhaps it was too early to be buying items—she was only a month into the pregnancy—and instead looked at the little garments. She held up a pair of pretty blue gloves, smiling as she saw the little ducks emblazoned on the fingers.
His cheeks reddened. "There weren't any with dragons."
"Well, I'm sure our little one will like it," she said before her fear crept back. "If there is a child still."
"Come now, I have two more things for you," he said, holding out a bag.
Taking it, she pulled out a small stuffed bear with a cream ribbon wrapped around its neck. The bear's fur was the softest she'd ever felt, and it brought tears to her eyes. She really hoped their child would get to see it for themselves.
She got up to hug Cadmus, but her stomach churned as the nausea made itself known again.
"I also remembered to get you this," he said, holding out another package.
It was the potion the Healer had given her for her nausea, causing her to smile. She hadn't had the Thalidomide Potion in her previous pregnancies but found that not only did it ease her morning sickness, it also lessened the doubts she had about this pregnancy.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
"You should chuck it out."
"What?" Beatrix whipped around, her brown eyes narrowed.
She knew Cadmus was still hurting, but that didn't mean he should be so harsh to Gaspard. What had happened wasn't his fault.
"The bear. It's no use to him," he said.
"Be brave, be brave, be brave," Beatrix chanted as she raised the potion to her lips.
She was in her fifth month of pregnancy now, but she still woke up every morning feeling nauseous. The Healer had assured her that everything was normal, but it seemed to be a warning sign to her. Something was wrong, she just knew it. How could they make her keep going if only more heartbreak was at the end?
Looking down at her shaking hands, she twisted her wedding ring. Cadmus had bought it as a promise to always be faithful to her, and her to him. He deserved a child, to have a wife who would fulfil her duty.
He deserved a wife who could be brave.
Taking a deep breath, she took another swig of Thalidomide and relaxed. She could do this.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.
"Come on, sweetie, take the bear," she cooed, her voice shaky.
She reached down and brushed a lock of his fine brown hair. Gaspard stopped wailing for a moment and opened his eyes. They were the same green as his father's, but just as she went to remind Cadmus of that fact, he squeezed them shut and began crying again.
"You can do this," Beatrix said, smiling at her reflection.
The mirror showed a healthy young mother with a nice, round bump. It was all going well, and the Thalidomide had finally stopped her nausea altogether. All she had to do was survive another two weeks and she'd welcome their child.
"You can do this," she repeated, feeling strong.
"Talking to yourself again?" Cadmus asked, walking in with a smirk on his face.
He wrapped his arms around her and twisted her to face him. A sudden pain stuck her stomach at that moment, however, and she doubled over.
"Bea?"
It was like someone had cut her with a spell, and it continued over and over again. Tears flew to her eyes as Cadmus escorted over to the bed, uttering soothing words in her ear.
And if that looking glass gets broke…
"Come on…"
Her eyes stung as she pushed the bear at her weeping infant, convinced that somehow, by some miracle, he would take it and all their problems would be over.
When Beatrix re-opened her eyes, the pain in her stomach had dulled to a throb, but not the one in her heart. All she could hear were the hushed voices of the Healers, rising only as her husband argued with them.
"What do you mean it was the potions?" he shouted.
"It's only just been discovered that they cause—"
"Fix it!"
"We can't, Mr Shingleton."
A sob escaped her throat, and Cadmus quickly came over and squeezed her hand. It seemed like he was debating with himself as he said, "He survived. Are you ready to see him?"
Her heart lifted, but something in his expression told her it wasn't time to celebrate. She nodded silently as a Healer came over with a bundle wrapped in a blue blanket.
Beatrix took her little boy, smiling as she saw his face. He was the perfect mix of herself and Cadmus. Glancing back up at her husband, she saw tears sliding down his cheeks.
He silently moved a fold of the blanket. Their baby waved stumped arms at her, no hands or fingers aiding him.
...You'll still be the sweetest little baby I know.
"Be brave, my boy."
Beatrix wiped her eyes. She tucked the teddy bear in the crook of Gaspard's left arm, relaxing as he finally quietened.
"I don't even know why you bother," Cadmus said, huffing and walking out the door.
She ignored him and watched her baby boy, more tears falling from her eyes. Gaspard was still perfect to her, no matter how many limbs he was missing.
The Healers had apologised, and she was sure, deep down, Cadmus blamed himself. She knew it was really her fault, though. She wished she'd known about the effects of Thalidomide, that she'd been courageous enough to not need to rely on it.
Now her baby needed to be courageous too.
Additional A/N: The lyrics to the lullaby are public domain, but have been altered from the various versions created over time. For example, the usual 'goat' line and last line presented in this were altered, mainly to connect the two scenes since I ran out of words in the original.
Thalidomide pills were sold in the late 50s and 60s under names like 'Distaval' to ease nausea (usually the normal three months, but women can be nauseous a lot longer in some cases). In this case, the Healers borrowed it from the Muggles (or created it first) as their own potion (capitalised to distinguish). The sad fact is that many babies were born without limbs (if they survived) before the connection was known. Although it is used today in some cancer treatments, the awful fact is that many women are given it in third world countries without knowing. Thankfully, Thalidomide has been outlawed here.
This is AU, of course. I debated having this happen to one of the Lestranges, but as I scrolled through characters and the wiki page, I came across Gaspard Shingleton. He was born in 1959 (according to the wiki, with some canon discrepancies they've highlighted), and the inventor of the self-stirring cauldron. Although he has his hands on the card, I figured who better to have invented it than someone who needed the product most?
It may be the mark of a bad author to explain the plot, but I hope the idea that it alluded to the first baby being a miscarriage shone through. I know it's awful the reaction the husband had, but it seemed to be common back :(
Nevertheless, thank you for this year of THC, and thank you for reading. I hope you all have a pleasant rest of the year. Go Gryffindor! Xx