Hello my loves! So this is my first ff (well, the first one I've worked up the nerve to post!). I've been working on the idea behind this story for a few months now and finally got my thoughts organized enough to put it all together. First and foremost I have to thank my bestie, fellow Twihard and unofficial beta for inspiring me to finally put my thoughts into words. She's given me countless ideas, let me bounce my ideas off of her and helped this story come to life. Reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated! Read on!
Update: Okay, I can't help myself. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to certain things and this story is one of them. I've noticed a few inconsistencies between the chapters that you may or may not have picked up on, but they bugged me so I needed to fix them. Some of them were grammar and/or punctuation amongst other things. One thing I changed was the reduction of the f-bomb. I was slightly worked up when I wrote this the first time and realized I used it a little more than I wanted too *blush* lol. Another thing was that in the part where Edward is in Bella's bedroom looking at the picture of her with Emmett, it says she is in a bar, but I made it very clear that Bella is underage. When I was underage, I snuck into or found ways into bars all the time (Okay, not all the time. That makes me sound like a raging alcoholic but, occasionally.) so I didn't even realize that most readers would find it confusing that Bella was in a bar before being 21. I added a little something in there to help explain the situation.
"And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place.
And farther than you can find me, I'm leaving.
Yeah, I'm leaving today.
And I, I'll never let you find me. I'm leaving you behind with the past, no I won't look back.
And I don't wanna hear your reasons.
Don't wanna hear you tell me why I should stay.
And try, try to understand me.
And try to understand what I say when I say I can't stay.
I, I'm moving on from this place.
I'm leaving and I won't quit running away,"
Running Away-Midnight Hour
~BELLA~
I don't know how long I had been sitting there, sorting through the box of old family photos. It had been three months since the accident and I found myself starting to forget the little things about my parents. I pulled out an old, faded photo of us at the beach. I could feel the tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. Charlie and Renee had their arms wrapped around each other as he dipped her back for a kiss. Emmett and I were sitting in the front and I was screaming my head off because he had just smashed my sand castle that I had spent a good 20 minutes building. I couldn't help but laugh. Emmett and I hardly looked anything alike. I had long, wavy brown hair to the middle of my back just like mom and Emmett favored dad with his curly black hair and bright green eyes.
Even though he had tortured me incessantly when we were kids, I always felt safe and protected with Emmett. I knew he loved me and he was the only family I had left in the whole world. I heard Jacob's key sliding into the front door and I quickly shoved all the pictures back in the box, wiped the tears off of my cheeks as best as I could and headed toward the living room.
"Hey baby, how was your day?"
"I'm exhausted," Jake said sliding out of his jacket and boots and flopping down into the recliner.
"We were completely slammed at the garage today."
"I'm sorry babe."
I bent down over top of him for a kiss, but he just looked at me and reached around to the coffee table to grab the remote. I went back into the kitchen to check on the lasagna and I struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening me again. Don't be ridiculous Bella, I scolded myself, he's just tired. I'd been saying that to myself a lot lately. Weren't guys supposed to be the ones that wanted to have sex all the time? Not that I was missing out on much with Jake, but a little affection and appreciation now and then would be nice. Hell, I'd settle for a conversation that lasted longer than 10 minutes. I could hear the obnoxious ring-tone on his cell phone going off, alerting him of a new text message. I grabbed a couple of plates and glasses and began setting the table.
"Jake, dinner's ready," I called into the living room. I cut myself a square of lasagna and sat down at the dining room table. He came around the corner with his jacket and boots back on, cell phone in hand. I could not believe he was pulling this shit again.
"Yeah, babe, I'm sorry, but I promised Sam and the other guys we'd hang out tonight." He looked anything but sorry.
"Are you kidding me right now, Jake?"
"What is your problem?" he snapped at me.
"What's my problem? I'll tell you what my damn problem is. My problem is that I never see you anymore. My problem is that I work all week long and go to school, come home and clean this shitty ass apartment and for some unknown reason cook your dinner every night and you don't do one damn thing to help me out around here. All I want from you is some of your time and you can't give me so much as a couple of hours?" The tears were starting to spill over now, running down my cheeks and dripping off my chin into my plate.
"No, I'll tell you what your problem is Bella. You're too damn clingy. It's been three damn months and all you do is mope around and cry. I need to be able to go out and have fun with my friends every once in awhile and you have to make me feel guilty for it!" He was screaming now, towering over me in my chair. I knew that Jacob would never hit me, but he completely lost control when he was upset and I couldn't help but wonder if one day he'd just snap and break my nose. The anger was rolling off of him in waves and he was shaking.
"Every once in awhile?" I shouted back, incredulous. "I've seen you for a total of six hours this whole week! And you don't even invite me to come out with you. I like to go out too you know."
"Bella, you're underage. You can't even get a drink. All you'd be doing is sitting there. And besides it's just the guys, why the hell would you even want to come anyway?" He was fuming. I could see the anger slowly consuming him.
"Well I have no idea. Why would I want to come? Maybe so you could spend some actual quality time with me? It's not like I haven't gotten into bars before. Why does it always have to be about getting drunk? You know what? Forget it. Just fucking go. I can't even look at you right now."
And with that, he stormed off back through the living room and out the front door, slamming it so hard the wall shook.
I was alone. Again.
I dumped my plate in the sink and threw myself onto the couch, letting myself drown in the tears. How could he say those things to me? Three months; as if that was long enough. As if my parents hadn't just been scraped off of the highway. Is it possible to simply fall out of love with someone or was the way that I was feeling a product of never getting any love in return? Something had to give. Something needed to change. Jacob was not the man I fell in love with. No, the person that I loved was warm and caring and considerate. He would have never left me to spend another night alone in that goddamn queen size bed that he insisted we needed to get. He wouldn't have told me that he needed to go hang out in some shitty hole-in-the-wall bar with his emotionally retarded friends instead of spending time with me one damn night this whole week. I sighed again, fighting the urge to break something and pulled my knees to my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to force myself to fall asleep, but I couldn't stop replaying our fight over and over in my mind like a slide-show of heartbreak.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"I'm coming!" I shouted, crawling out of bed and heading toward the living room. I swear to God if Jake forgot his key again his ass is sleeping outside. I stumbled around in the dark, tripping over my feet and practically killing myself in the process. I made it to the door and yanked it open.
"Are you Isabella Swan?" a gruff voice asked me.
I couldn't process what was happening. Something was wrong. My stomach dropped. Why is there a police officer at my door in the middle of the night?
"Y-yes," I stammered, fighting against the lump in my throat.
"Ma'am, maybe you'd better sit down, I have some bad news."
Oh God. No. Jake. Not Jacob. I knew it. I knew that one day he was going to drink too much and try to make it home. I could feel the bile rise up in the back of my throat. I couldn't breathe. No, not Jake. The last thing I said to him was that I couldn't stand looking at him. I stumbled backwards into the apartment and dropped onto the couch.
"Ms. Swan, I'm afraid there's been an accident," the voice spoke again. Did this person have a face? I couldn't see. The room was starting to spin.
"I'm sorry Ms. Swan, but your parents, Charlie and Renee Swan, were involved in a head-on collision. They died upon impact."
What? No, no. This wasn't happening. I was still dreaming. I had to be dreaming. Any second now I was going to wake up. But I didn't. There wasn't enough oxygen in the room. And the ringing, the ringing was so loud in my ears. I felt like I was drowning; being pulled down under the tide until my lungs would eventually collapse.
"Are-are you sure? I mean how do you know? Are you sure it's them?" I didn't even know I began speaking. It was like listening to someone else talk. And the tears were streaming full force down my face, sobs rising up out of my chest. And then there was the hand, the warm hand on my shoulder pulling me up through the current; forcing me to focus in on my reality.
"They spun out of control and ended up in the oncoming traffic. I am deeply sorry for your loss Ms. Swan," the voice spoke again.
And that was it. That was it. A complete stranger had come to my house in the middle of the night to tell me that my parents, my own flesh and blood, were dead. Dead. I would never see them again. And he was completely calm and casual, walking to the door. He had just destroyed my whole life and he didn't even flinch.
The ringing was so loud I thought my head was going to explode. I rolled off of the couch and barely missed busting my head on the corner of the coffee table. And the ringing still hadn't stopped. I finally realized it was the phone and sprinted across the room to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Bella! Took you long enough! Let's go to Eclipse. I'm so stressed out. I really need a drink!"
"Rosalie, it's the middle of the night, what kind of bar is open at this hour?" I replied, still a little shaky from the nightmare.
"Bella, what the hell are you talking about? It's only 9:30."
"Oh, well aren't you forgetting the fact that I haven't turned 21 yet and they're definitely not going to let me in?" I sighed, knowing how this argument would turn out.
"Didn't we have this very conversation just last week? That's why I said Eclipse. I have connections. I'll get you in. It's no big deal Bella. They never card." She was starting to sound annoyed.
"Yeah no big deal for you. You have I.D."
"I.D. isn't how I was planning on getting you in anyway. Just let the bouncer cop a feel and you'll be getting free drinks too!" she laughed.
"Rosalie! What the hell? I'm not letting some nasty, dirty bouncer grab my tits. Not that he'd want to anyway." I sighed again, deeper this time.
Hanging out with Rosalie always took a hit on my self-esteem. The girl was absolutely stunning with her long, golden blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a body that should be on the cover of Maxim. I knew I wasn't ugly, but next to her there was no way to compare.
"Come on, please? Please come Bella. I need you!"
"Ugh, fine." I rolled my eyes. I knew I never had a chance to begin with.
"Sweet! I love you. Get your ass together. I'll be there in 10."
I shook my head and hung up the phone. I knew arguing with Rosalie was pointless and it would take a lot less energy to just let her have her way. I shuffled to the bathroom and did a once over in the mirror. I hardly recognized the girl staring back at me. My hair used to be bouncy and shiny and full of life, but now just hung in limp strings around my too pale face. The dark circles from night after night of no sleep were becoming more and more apparent. I sniffled back a tear and headed to the bedroom. I stared at my closet for a good five minutes before deciding I had absolutely no desire to pick out a new outfit so Rose was just going to have to deal with the jeans and t-shirt combo I was currently rocking. I could hear her loud mouth calling me all the way up the two flights of stairs to my apartment and quickly hurried to the door, grabbing my purse and phone and locking the door behind me.
"Jesus Christ Rosalie. Pipe down, will you?"
"Bella, what are you wearing?" she said, putting her hands on her hips and raising her perfect eyebrows at me.
"Um, clothes? Look, I'm not in the mood. Jake and I had another fight and I've been feeling really shitty lately, so cut me some slack all right?"
She closed the distance between us and slung her arm around my shoulders.
"Hey, Bells, you know I'm only teasing you. I'm really sorry sweetie. You wanna talk about it?"
I shook my head furiously, fighting back another round of tears.
"Let's just go. Maybe I could use a drink after all."
"That's my girl." She grinned at me with her blindingly white teeth.
We pulled up in front of the door to the bar around 10 and I immediately spotted Jake's motorcycle across the lot.
"Hey, isn't that Jake's bike?" Rosalie said, sliding out of the car.
"Yeah," I replied, my brows furrowing in confusion.
"Well why the hell would he come to this piece? He's 21. He can get into any bar he wants."
I shook my head, not really knowing how to respond, but I could feel a pit beginning to form in my stomach, especially knowing he came to a bar that never carded, but had made a huge deal about not bringing me because I was underage.
"Come on! We're wasting precious time." She hooked her arm through mine and dragged me to the door.
"Hey Aro! I didn't know you were working tonight," Rosalie said innocently, flipping her hair over one shoulder.
"Uh, um, yeah. Yeah I am."
He could barely tear his eyes away from her breasts covered in the unconvincing piece of scrap fabric that she called a shirt. I had to laugh at her. The girl always got what she wanted. She knew how to work a man.
"So, my friend Bella and I need to go inside, just for a couple minutes. That's okay with you right?" Rosalie said in her best phone sex operator voice, peeking up at him from under her lashes as she trailed her fingers across his chest.
"Oh, man I don't know. You know I could get in trouble Rose," Aro replied, looking nervous as hell.
"Please?" she begged again. "I promise we won't tell anyone. We're good girls."
Rosalie was seriously out of control.
"Shit. Fine. Hurry up and get inside, but don't make yourselves obvious, okay?"
"Thanks baby. I owe you one." She winked as she breezed past him, "accidentally" brushing her ass across him as she went by.
I walked in behind her and immediately started scanning the crowd for Jake. Maybe he had cooled off by now and we could actually hang out.
"Bella! How the hell are you?" Sam reached down and scooped me up into a hug.
"I'm hanging in there. Have you seen Jake? I really need to talk to him."
"Uh, you know he left like an hour ago or something. He should be back at your place by now." His eyes were darting nervously through the crowd.
What the hell? Why would Sam lie to me like that? And why did he look so antsy?
"Um, that's bullshit. I just came from my place. And uh, his bike is still outside, so…what's going on Sam?"
I tried to push past him, but he stepped in my way.
"Damn it! What is your problem? I need to see Jacob."
I could hear my voice reaching a new octave and I was getting more pissed off by the second. I turned around to see if I could spot Rosalie, but she was already too busy flirting with the bartender. I shoved past him and scanned the bar, spotting Jake in a dark corner booth and I sank to my knees. How much can one person endure? Can you actually, literally die of a broken heart? Because it sure felt like that was what was happening. I could see the brunette straddling his lap, grinding herself against him. And he was fucking glowing. Smiling so hard I thought his face would crack. And then she was kissing him and he was pawing at her breasts right there in the middle of the bar. Right in front of all of his stupid friends who just sat by and said nothing. Was this some kind of sick, cosmic joke? What had I done to deserve all of this? I picked myself up off of the floor and ran out the door.
"Bella! Bella, what's wrong? Where are you going?" Rose was yelling after me and I could hear her heels on the pavement struggling to keep up with me.
"He's cheating on me Rose! Jake's cheating on me!" I cried out, my breath coming in quick, shallow spurts. I bent over in front of the car, willing myself not to throw up.
"What? What did you just say?"
"I saw him! He's in there making out with some slut sitting on his lap."
I began shaking, silently pleading with myself not to lose control. The one person that was supposed to love me and cherish me and be there for me didn't want me. What had I done in my life that was so wrong? Why wasn't I good enough?
"Why is he doing this to me Rose? Why?" I couldn't hold myself together any longer and I slumped to the ground. I watched her whip out her cell and furiously punch out a text message then slam it shut.
"Stay here Bella," she spat out. I watched her turn on her heels and march back towards the bar.
"Wait, what are you doing? Rose, don't!" I pleaded with her, but she was already storming back through the door. I called for her to come back, but I didn't have the strength to go after her. So I sat there in the middle of the parking lot letting the agony rip through me.
"Get your fucking hands off of me you crazy, blonde bitch!" I heard Jake screaming now and watched him stumble through the door, flanked by his pack of followers and Aro dragging Rosalie by the elbow. I wanted to turn and run. How could this be happening? And I didn't know which was worse. The fact that he was cheating on me, or that his friends, our friends since high school, had known and didn't even bother telling me. I looked up, scanning the faces of the people I thought I knew. Hoping that maybe someone could give me some answers. Tell me I was on some ridiculous new reality show, or, at the very least, show some sign of remorse. But all I got in return was Embry blushing and looking slightly embarrassed, mostly due to the fact that he was trashed and Paul, who was actually laughing. And then there was Jacob. Jake. I felt my heart crack in two looking at his face, which was currently forming a pretty, red welt on the side shaped like Rosalie's hand. I knew I loved her for a reason.
"Hey baby, are you okay?" I heard the drunken brunette slur at Jake.
"Oh, hey Bella! How's it going?" she said as she stumbled over her heels.
"You have absolutely got to be shitting me. You're cheating on me with Leah Clearwater?" I screamed. How could this possibly be happening?
"Wait, you know this bitch?" Rosalie turned to me, still visibly fuming.
"Oh, yeah I know her. Want to know how I know her? I used to babysit her! She's 16 Jacob! 16! What are you some kind of pedophile now?" I bit down on my lip hard, drawing blood; needing a distraction from the pain that was currently burning through my entire body.
"Hey you can't talk to my boyfriend like that!" Leah slurred again as she attempted to come towards me, but wound up stumbling and being caught by Sam.
"What did you just say?" I practically growled. There was a crowd beginning to form outside in the parking lot. Great. Now everyone in town would know that Jake had been cheating on me for God knows how long with a damn child.
"How could you do this Jake? I trusted you," I hissed, slowly shaking my head back and forth, still in disbelief. And he had the nerve to be pissed with me!
"You know it all makes sense now. Emily called me the other night. She wanted to know why I never came to the bar with you, seeing how all of the other girls always came. She wanted to know why I was always too busy to come hang out. So, what? You've been lying to everyone? Making up shitty excuses for me? Pretending that I didn't want to come with you? Guy's night. Really, Jake? Is that what you call this?"
"You know what Bella? I put up with your shit for about as long as I could. You should be getting down on your knees and thanking God that you were lucky enough to have someone like me," Jake spat at me.
Oh my God. What had happened to him? I didn't even know this person standing in front of me. It wasn't long ago that we had been talking about getting married and now…now he was a complete stranger. I had wanted to remain composed, but my traitor tears slipped out and ran down my face, slow and taunting. Rosalie had one arm wrapped around my waist and her sharp, red nails were digging into my side, as she tried to hold herself back.
"Come on Rose, let's go. He's not even worth it."
"You better watch your step Jake. You're nothing but a worthless, lowlife dog, you cock sucker." I had known Rose for years now and I don't think I had ever seen her quite so pissed. We slid back into the car and she peeled out of the parking lot, driving like a maniac and doing at least 30 miles over the speed limit like she always did. I purposefully kept my head turned as I peered out the window and let the tears come silently. I could feel her throwing quick glances over at me every so many minutes and I stifled back a sob.
"I'm so, so sorry Bella. I-I just…" and for once Rosalie was speechless. "You're staying with me tonight. And don't even try to argue. I'm not leaving you alone tonight and if I have to stay over at your place there's a good possibility I might chop Jake's balls off."
"Fine. At least take me back to my place to get clothes and stuff."
We pulled up in front of my building and trudged up the steps. I headed to the bedroom and immediately stripped out of my clothes and pulled on my favorite tank top and faded sweats. I could still smell Jake's cheap cologne wafting through the apartment, practically suffocating me. I had never understood why he needed to get all dolled up to go hang out with the guys. I guess I finally had my answer. I threw my over night bag onto the bed and began packing clothes and underwear when I heard my cell phone go off and couldn't help but smile a little as I recognized the ridiculous, cheesy 80s song he had demanded I put on my phone as his ring-tone.
"Emmett!" I sighed into the phone, immediately feeling a sense of comfort and home.
"Hey sis, are you okay?" He sounded worried.
"What, are you psychic now?" How could he possibly know I was upset?
"Not hardly. Rose sent me a text message and told me what was going on. I can't believe that dick. He's lucky as hell I'm not there right now."
Oh, right. Of course she had told him. I had almost forgotten how close the three of us used to be before Em left for college.
"Well then, I guess that means you know what happened because I really don't want to talk about this right now." My voice was shaking and I was fighting off another round of tears. Rosalie finished packing my bag for me and I could almost see her forming evil schemes as she eyed Jake's stuff.
"Look Bella, I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but why don't you take me up on my offer? You haven't been the same since-since," he paused to clear his throat "the accident and now all of this shit? You always told me that if things didn't work out between you and Jake you'd come to Forks. I miss you Bella," he tacked on at the end, suddenly sounding really depressed.
"Emmett, you know I miss you too, but I can't just leave my apartment. And what about school?" I did have to admit the idea of leaving this whole ordeal behind was appealing.
"Bella, you're like a goddamn genius or something. You can transfer to the University with me. They have a great undergrad program and you could live in off campus housing or some shit." He was practically begging now. I looked at Rose who pretty much had the gist of the conversation and even though I knew I was going to miss her like hell, she nodded her head vigorously at me in agreement that I should go. After a few more minutes of Emmett begging and pleading with me and trying to convince me of all the reasons why I should move to be with him, I finally caved and decided I didn't give a damn if I walked out on Jake or not.
"Well," I hedged, "you better get your ass down here and help your baby sister move."
~ooo~
~EDWARD~
"Tanya? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" I sat down next to her on the edge of the bed and pulled her into my chest. She let out a muffled sob and began crying even harder. I sat there, stroking her hair and shushing her, scared out of my damn mind as to why she would be so hysterical. She glanced up at me through her tear soaked lashes, "Edward, I'm pregnant."
The blaring of the car horn snapped me out of my reverie and I could see in my rear view mirror the driver behind me gesturing wildly at the green-light I was now sitting through. I had almost completely forgotten the fact that I was driving. I hit the gas and cruised down the road, totally absorbed in my thoughts again. A few short months ago my world had been flipped completely on its axis when Tanya had sprung on me the fact that I was about to be a father. How did that shit even happen? I knew she was forgetting her birth control pills. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to have a future with her much less a goddamn baby. I had finally convinced myself that even if Tanya wasn't 'the one', that I was going to buckle down and take responsibility for my actions. The kid was just as much mine as it was hers. I had almost even gotten excited at the thought, and then, right when I thought my life couldn't spin out of control anymore, she told me she had lost the baby. And that's when I lost her completely. She sort of went off the deep end. Completely lost control. She was constantly out, every single night with her friends, drinking and stumbling in all hours of the night. Half the time she didn't even make it to work anymore and I wanted out. I couldn't do this bullshit anymore. I had to question whether or not I was a complete tool for even considering leaving her after everything she had just been through, but I also knew it wasn't fair to either one of us for me to stay if I knew I didn't love her.
I pulled up in front of my apartment building, cut the engine and rested my head on the back of the seat. What the hell was I even doing with my life? I heard my cell ring and grabbed it off of the passenger seat.
"Hello?"
"Hey man, it's Emmett."
"Hey. What's up?" I grabbed the keys and headed towards my apartment.
"Listen dude, I gotta ask you a really big favor."
"Whatever you need man. You've had my back with all of the Tanya shit that's been happening. What's going on?" I had only known Emmett for about nine months, but he was more of a brother to me than Jasper ever was. My own blood barely even spoke to me anymore, not to mention the rest of my family. And for what? I had bailed Jasper's ass out of trouble more times than I could count and the last time was the one that had cost me everything I had.
"You remember my sister Bella I told you about that lives in Florida?"
"Uh yeah?"
"Well she hasn't been doing very well since," he paused briefly and took a deep breath, "what happened to my parents and then the other night she caught her douche bag boyfriend cheating on her." He sounded murderous.
"Jesus Christ, that's some hard shit, but um, what does this have to do with me?"
"Well I've convinced her to move her ass to Forks with me and her stuff's all packed up over at her new place and…" he trailed off. I knew where this was going.
"So you need me to help you unpack?" I finished for him.
"Yeah, I mean she's having a hard time and she starts her new job today and her roommate, hot as hell, but completely OCD or some shit and Bella doesn't want to inconvenience her by leaving all her stuff around. She stresses out a lot."
Even though I was running on about maybe three hours of sleep if I was lucky, had a shit ton of work to do for school and had no clue as to what was actually happening in my life I told Emmett to come pick me up and I'd help him out. I mean, it was the least I could do after all the crap he had been through with me. I quickly shoveled down some Chinese takeout from God knows when, pulled my old, beat up Chucks back on and headed out the door. Emmett was already sitting out in front of my building in his totally-unnecessary-and-ridiculous-for-Forks Hummer and I climbed in the passenger seat.
"What's up, man?" he said, slapping me on the back so hard I coughed a little. He really had no idea just how big of a dude he was.
"Ehh, you know. Same shit, different day." I shifted in my seat to try and avoid the onslaught of questions I knew were going to be thrown my way.
"How's everything going with Tanya?" he asked as he made a completely illegal U-turn in the middle of the road. That was the one fucking thing I had been hoping he wouldn't bring up.
"I'm thinking about leaving," I mumbled, not wanting to get into this. But all I got in response was a grunt as he cut someone off across three lanes of traffic. I don't know what I was really expecting anyway. I had been so emo lately I half expected him to go Dr. Phil on my ass and ask me to talk about my feelings. He left it at that and we pulled into a parking spot right in front of his sister's new place.
"Christ, this is pretty nice for off campus housing," I muttered, taking in the huge brown and white duplex in front of me.
"Yea, well you think it looks nice from the outside, wait til you see what's waiting on the inside," he said, wagging his eyebrows at me and elbowing me in the ribs. I wasn't quite sure what he was implying at first until I saw a very petite and extremely attractive girl practically dancing towards us. She had a short, dark bob, big, round eyes and an amazing little body that I quickly realized did absolutely nothing for me. I had been with Tanya for so long I didn't even know how to act around attractive women anymore. I mean, sure, I could appreciate a hot chick when I saw one, but no one held any interest for me. Tanya had taken practically all I had to give and then some. I noticed Emmett eyeing her appreciatively and quickly realized she must be the "hot as hell" roommate he had been talking about and knew I wouldn't have had a shot with her anyway, even if I had wanted one. When Emmett had his mind set on something he followed it through til the end and women were no exception. This chick had no idea what she was in for.
"Hey Emmett! And you must be Edward," she greeted in her musical voice. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, wondering how she knew who I was, but figured Emmett must have told her I was coming by. I extended my hand to shake hers, but was instead pulled forcefully into a hug. Shit, she was strong for such a tiny little thing.
"Everything's going to work out, Edward," she whispered in my ear before pulling away and gesturing for us to follow her inside. "I'm Alice, by the way," she called over her shoulder. What the hell was that about? Did Emmett already tell some chick he had just met all of the personal shit going on in my life? I couldn't imagine him doing something like that, but what else could she have meant? Alice was creeping me out.
We followed her into the most expensive looking living room I had ever seen in my life, next to my parents place. It looked like it had been professionally decorated and the couch alone was probably worth more than an entire year's worth of my paychecks. We continued to follow her through the apartment and down a long corridor connecting to the adjoining apartment that must have belonged to Bella. I looked around the tiny space in confusion and exchanged a glance with Emmett who looked just as perplexed as I felt.
"Uh, hey I thought you said we had to unpack all of your sister's shit," I muttered to him.
"I thought we did. It was all still stacked in boxes when I left," he whispered back to me. "Hey, Alice, what's going on?" Emmett questioned as he gestured around the room.
"Oh, well I felt bad for Bella. She seemed so stressed out earlier having to start a new job and all so I took it upon myself to get everything organized for her. I couldn't stand the clutter anyway. I do, however, need your help moving some of the furniture in her bedroom. I can't decide if I should put the dresser near the closet or…" she trailed off, mostly talking to herself and I was shaking my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe in a few short hours, this chick, who was ridiculously small and fragile looking, had unpacked all of Bella's belongings by herself and organized them. I couldn't tell if she was actually crazy or just overly helpful. We followed her into Bella's room and I was immediately hit with such an overpowering and delicious scent it almost knocked me on my ass.
Emmett and I carried the dresser to the other side of the room, under Alice's direction, practically breaking our backs in the process. The most gigantic bed I had ever seen was currently taking up the majority of the tiny ass room and we had to squeeze ourselves past it and maneuver the dresser practically over our heads to get by.
"Hey, thanks guys. I think Bella will really appreciate this. You want a beer or something?" Alice asked turning to us.
"Uh, yeah that would be great actually. Thanks."
"Here I'll help you out," Emmett said following her into the kitchen like a lost puppy. Smooth Emmett. As if she couldn't manage three bottles of beer on her own. My curiosity got the best of me and I took advantage of now being alone in Bella's room to examine her gigantic CD collection on the shelf opposite the bed. Muse, Kings Of Leon, Crossfade…wow, she has incredible taste in music. And then my eyes settled on a CD near the bottom of the stack. Boyz II Men's Greatest Hits. Um, what? That could quite possibly be the most random thing I had ever seen in my entire life. I liked this chick. She definitely seemed to not be a conformist like so many of the other fake bitches running around this town. I scanned the rest of the shelf, surveying her extensive classic literature and finally fixated on a shiny, silver picture frame. I immediately recognized Emmett's big ass taking up most of the shot, sitting at some sort of bar with the most gorgeous woman I had ever laid eyes on. She looked too young to be in a bar and maybe even a little nervous, but I wouldn't put it past Emmett's alcoholic ass to sneak her in. They seemed to be celebrating something and were toasting each other, both smiling ear to ear.
Bella.
Wow. Apparently I could still recognize when a woman "did it" for me. She had the most amazing, chocolate brown eyes and gorgeous chestnut hair falling in waves past her shoulders. Damn, where did that come from? I'm turning into more of a pussy than I originally thought. I sighed deeply, realizing that I was more interested in a photo of a complete stranger than I had been interested in Tanya in a long time, if ever. I headed out towards the kitchen in desperate need of that beer and found Emmett and Alice sitting on the couch ridiculously close, deep in conversation, Alice giggling like a little kid.
"Ahem" I cleared my throat and nervously ran my hand through my hair suddenly feeling awkward and out of place and Emmett looked up glaring at me.
"Uh, can I have your keys Em? I left my phone out in the Hummer." I mumbled. He threw them at me, narrowly missing my face and I took that as my cue to give them some alone time. I had to give him credit. He could literally charm the pants off a woman.
I plopped down in the Hummer and closed my eyes; all of the exhaustion of not getting any sleep these past few months was catching up with me, hard. Maybe I would just take a nap while the two of them dry humped or whatever it was Emmett thought would be happening. I woke up several minutes later to the sound of Emmett's booming voice hollering his goodbyes to Alice as he started the engine and whipped out of the parking spot.
"Dude, what the hell were you doing out here by yourself for 20 minutes? Not that I'm complaining or anything. Alice and I are going out next Friday," he informed me, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.
"I was giving you the alone time that you so subtly asked me for when you tried to stab my eyes out with your keys. I must have fallen asleep. So you and Alice, huh?" I glanced over at him and he was actually blushing. Christ, I thought I was a little bitch.
"So you really have a thing for this chick?"
"I don't know dude, she's just different from all the other girls around here. And it's not just about getting in her pants either. I mean of course I want to make sweet, sweet love to her sexy little body, but I actually don't mind talking to her too, ya know?"
I sighed, suddenly wishing that I did know what he meant. I don't think I had ever had a conversation with Tanya the entire time we were dating that actually amounted to anything. Which made me wonder, what had kept us together this whole time? Was I just so comfortable in not having to be alone that I had just settled instead? Shit.
"Hey thanks for coming with me and helping out. I'll catch ya later, bro." Emmett said as he rolled up in front of my apartment.
"No problem, man. Take it easy."
I climbed out and headed toward the cluster of mailboxes and slid the key into mine, pulling out bills and obscene amounts of junk mail. I walked down the steps and into the apartment, immediately realizing Tanya wasn't home. Again. Granted it was only around 7, but she had gotten off of work nearly three hours ago. No doubt she was probably at the bar or the club with one of her white trash girlfriends. I flopped down on to the couch and started sorting through the mail, stopping on a suspicious looking envelope addressed to Mrs. Masen. What the hell? Who was sending Tanya mail thinking that she was my wife? I couldn't help myself, so I ripped it open and tried to make sense of the words on the white page. I kept scanning it over and over trying to figure out what I was reading and trying to convince myself that there was some sort of mistake.
It was a bill from a clinic. There was no way. This had to be a mistake. A huge fucking mistake. I grabbed the phone off its hook and dialed the number listed on the bottom corner of the bill.
"Dr. Mulligan's office, how can I help you?"
"Hi, my name's Edward Masen and I just received a bill from your office, but there must be some sort of mistake."
"What seems to be the problem Mr. Masen?"
"Well my girlfr-wife, she had a miscarriage, but this bill…" I trailed off, everything suddenly clicking into place.
"Well unfortunately Mr. Masen I can't release personal information of our patients so I'm really not sure how I can be of service to you."
"But, it's for my wife, and uh, she's just not doing well dealing with all of this. I have to take care of the bills for her so it would really be a big help if you could pull up some information for me." I could feel the blood draining from my face.
"I thought you said she was your girlfriend?" the nasal voice on the other end asked.
"Girlfriend? No, I didn't say that. Wife. She's my wife. Please, I'm not asking for anything other than you to confirm that she did in fact visit your office." I was begging now, more than anything for this to just not be true.
The nasal woman sighed deeply into the phone before placing me on hold to pull up Tanya's information in the computer. I waited, drumming my fingers on my leg, for what seemed like hours.
"Mr. Masen?"
"Yes, I'm here."
"It says here that your wife, Tanya Masen was in to see the doctor on the 7th. Is there anything else I can help you with"? She grated, sounding slightly annoyed.
I couldn't believe this was happening. How could Tanya pull this shit? How could I be stupid enough not to see this? And why the hell had she told them we were married? Then, realization slowly dawned on me. Why else would she pretend to have the same last name as me?
"Yes I have just one more question. Is there any way to track which form of payment was used?" I heard her clicking away at the keyboard.
"It was a MasterCard with the last four digits reading 6480."
"And just so I'm clear on the situation, she had an-an a-abortion, correct?" I barely managed to choke out.
"Sir, I told you I can't release personal information."
"You just gave out a credit card number. I think we're past personal." I could feel my composure slipping. "So how about you answer my question and I won't call your boss and tell him that you're giving out patient information over the phone to a complete fucking stranger!" I yelled into the receiver.
"Y-yes. She had an abortion," she stammered sounding a little shocked at my tone of voice and harsh choice of words.
With that I clicked the phone off and stared blankly out into the room. How could all of this shit be happening to me? How could I have ever believed that stupid bitch? Not only had she had an abortion, but she had lied and posed as my wife so she could use my credit card to do her dirty work. I scanned the bill for the millionth time, my hands beginning to shake in my rage, realizing I now owed 500 dollars. Motherfuck! I was going to lose my mind. I rubbed my hands over my face and stumbled to the kitchen. I yanked the Jack Daniels out of the cabinet and began chugging straight from the bottle. It was like I had known all along. Not known that that whore had lied to me and killed another human life, but I had known that this relationship, if you could even call it that, hadn't been working out. If only I had listened to that goddamn nagging voice in my head and gotten out when I should have.
I was going to absolutely kill her if she came home now. I needed to get out of here. I needed to do something to get my mind off of all of this shit. Get my frustration out somehow. My first thought was to head to the bar to drown myself in alcohol, but figured that probably wasn't the best idea right now considering I'd run the risk of running into Tanya. I grabbed my guitar from the corner, practically running from my apartment and began walking to the coffee shop around the corner. I knew they were having open mic night there tonight and music was one of the only ways I knew how to get out my emotions without actually having to actually talk about them.
I pushed open the door and the little bells jingled against the glass overhead, coffee and muffins and pastries immediately assaulting my nose. I knew for a fact that I'd never run into Tanya here. You had to have maybe an ounce of class to set foot in this place which I knew she was seriously lacking.
"Edward!"
Oh, Jesus Christ. How could I forget that Tanya's best friend worked here? Guess I was wrong about the whole having to have class thing. I inwardly groaned and kept my back turned from the banshee hollering to me from across the coffee shop.
"Edward, hey!"
She was right behind me now. I was trapped.
"Oh, hey Jessica. How are you?" I said through clenched teeth.
"Better, now that you're here." She replied in what she probably thought was a sexy voice. I couldn't even believe she still tried to get with me every time I saw her. I had been dating her best friend for nearly two years, but that never stopped her.
"So, did you come all this way just to see me?" she cooed, getting way too close for comfort. She had to be just about the fakest girl I had ever laid eyes on. Her hair was bleached to a level of blondish-grayish-white that I had previously thought only existed on little old ladies and her skin was the most unnatural looking "tan" I had ever seen.
And I'd bet my next paycheck on the fact that she probably stuffed her bra. We all knew better than to actually think she miraculously grew into a D cup overnight and there was no way she was making enough money at a coffee shop to get implants.
"Actually, I just came by for the open mic night. It's been awhile since I played, so…" I didn't finish my thought, trying desperately to figure out a way to get rid of this leach.
"Oh, Eddie that's fabulous!" she screeched at me.
"You have such a sexy voice and the way your fingers work that guitar…" she smiled coyly at me and I fought the urge to throw up.
"Yea, well I better go and put my name in and set up and shit." And with that I turned as fast as I could and hurried to the opposite end of the tiny shop.
After listening to the guy ahead of me completely butcher a song by the Goo Goo Dolls, until I thought my ears were going to bleed, he finally ended his set and it was my turn to take the stage. My heart started pounding a little harder in my chest as I made my way to the microphone and took a seat on top of the stool. I cleared my throat and kept my eyes down as I started strumming the chords to the only song I could think of to sing at this moment.
"Wish I was too dead to cry. The self-affliction fades. Stones to throw at my creator, masochist to which I cater.
You don't need to bother. I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther and once I hold on I won't let go til it bleeds."
I could feel all of the emotions I had right now pouring out into the lyrics and I chanced a look up into the crowd. Every single eye in the shop was trained on me and I realized I was probably seriously bringing everyone down, but I didn't care. It felt good to get this off of my chest and I didn't know any other way to do it.
"Wish I was too dead to care if indeed I cared at all." That single line spoke volumes to me. I had never realized how truly done with Tanya I was right until this moment. I was tired of letting her make me feel this way.
"Never had a voice to protest so you fed me shit to digest" I could feel the anger and hurt bubbling up inside me and I began strumming over the strings harder.
"I wish I had a reason. My flaws are open season. For this I gave up trying. One good turn deserves my dying." I could feel someone staring at me intently now. I could feel their gaze stronger than everyone else and I picked my head up to stare into the deepest, warm brown eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. My breath hitched in my throat and I almost forgot the lyrics.
Bella.
Her beautiful heart shaped face was mostly hidden by a curtain of dark brown hair and her chest was heaving up and down as if she had just run a marathon.
"You don't need to bother. I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther and once I hold on I won't let go til it bleeds." I realized I was still staring at her and that she most likely had no idea who I was and was probably creeping her the hell out. I tried to focus my attention back on the chords I was playing, but her face was burned into my mind. I felt such an inexplicable draw to her, it took all I had not to stop in the middle of the song and close the distance between us.
"Wish I'd died, instead of lived. A zombie hides my face. Shell forgotten with its memories. Diaries left with cryptic entries and you don't need to bother. I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther and once I hold on I won't let go til it bleeds." I peeked up at her again hoping not to seem too obvious as I finished out the song to find her still staring as one lone tear escaped down her cheek.
She quickly snapped back into reality, wiped her cheek on her sleeve and hurried off behind the counter. I had almost completely forgotten that I had an audience until I heard the wild cheers and applause. I nodded my head in appreciation and mumbled a quick thank you into the microphone and practically ran off stage.
Bella. Even just saying her name in my mind sounded beautiful. Had she been crying? Had I made her cry? The thought alone of me inflicting pain on her made me feel like I couldn't breathe.
Get a grip Edward. You don't even know this chick, I thought as I packed up my guitar.
I headed over to the counter to grab a bottle of water and was immediately assaulted by the banshee again.
"Oh, Eddie that was so beautiful!" she gushed as she caressed the back of my hand.
I grunted my thanks, paid for the bottle of water and hauled ass as fast as I could across the shop toward the door. Maybe Emmett would let me crash at his place tonight until I could figure out what I was going to do.
"Hey, Edward wait!" Christ I could not get out of here fast enough.
I spun around on my heel to see Mike Newton staring back at me grinning ear to ear. That kid was always so happy it made me sick.
"What's up Mike?"
"Hey, man I was just wondering if you were still coming to my party on Friday?" He looked so hopeful. I had never understood why he liked me so much.
"Oh uh, I dunno Mike. I have a lot going on.""Oh, come on" he begged as he threw an arm around my shoulders. "You have to come man. I need you to be my wing-man."
I couldn't help but chuckle at him.
"And what poor unsuspecting girl is the target this time?"
"That fine piece of ass that just moved into town. Bella Swan."
I practically spit out the water I was chugging and Mike looked at me like I had just sprouted another head.
"Dude, drink much?"
"Uh, yeah, sorry. I'm fine. When is it?"
"Next Friday man. B.Y.O.B."
"Yeah, alright, I'll see if I can make it.""Sweet dude, thanks. It's about time I got laid."
I forced myself to give him a smile and headed back out into the night. I don't fucking think so. Mike had no idea that I was about to become a professional cock-blocker. I was like a man possessed. I hadn't even spoken to Bella, but I already knew there was no way in hell I was letting Mike come within a 10-mile radius of her.
I shook my head and realized just how pathetic I had become. Tanya and I weren't even officially done yet and here I was pining over a complete stranger. I pulled out my phone and dialed Emmett's number.
"Hey, uh I know it's kind of short notice, but um, do you think I could crash at your place tonight?" I said trying not to sound too desperate.
"Oh, yeah, sure. Is everything alright man?" Emmett said sounding concerned.
"Yeah, not really. I'll explain when I get there."