After reading the first chapter of Ulrika Fjellborg's Luna Olympia on Facebook (Search for Luna Olympia and you'll the official page!) I really came to admire her bounty hunter Rebecca. That is one bad ass woman, trust me. Read it and see for yourselves. Then I saw this tweet from the author, I quote:
"I found my bountyhunter Rebecca from #LunaOlympia at a bar in my #steampunk novel #EmeraldEye... time for sleep. How did she end up there?"
And then my imagination went berserk, what really happened at that bar? Being a Star Wars and Marvel (ok make that Disney) fan this soon became a wild cross-over (with a special DC appearance) and now it is time to share it with you! Hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
The Bar – A fanfic by MissStarLord
In a bar in a galaxy not so far, far away we find Rebecca, the bounty hunter, enjoying a cold beer after another successful journey. She looks around, "It seems to be the usual amount of scumbags as always in this place" she thought to herself. "Some things never change."
"Well, well, of all the bars in the galaxy…"
Becky sighed and looked at the person who leant on the counter next to her.
"I'm Peter Quill, and you know what?"
"Fuck off" Becky responded, already tired of his presence.
"I'm not always hooked on a feeling, but when I am, I'm high on…"
He doesn't get to finish the cheesiest pick-up line of all time, because Becky punches him in the face. Peter falls into a crumpled pile on the floor.
The bartender sighs and calls out: "Gamora! Would you please come here and scrape your boyfriend off my floor?"
Gamora walks up to the bar, turns to the pile on the floor and tries to assemble her boyfriend. "Peter, what have I told you about flirting with other women? You're lucky she didn't give you her best…" Peter whimpers and stays in his pile-position, hoping that Becky will ignore him, while Gamora sighs and turns to Becky.
"I'm so sorry about that, he gets like that after too many beers…you know, he's part earthling so he can't take that much… Thinks he's the king of the fucking galaxy…"
"No worries" Becky ensures her. "I thought I saw some mandalorian ships in orbit, I think I'll go over there and see if Boba Fett is around."
"Haven't you heard? He fell down one of those worm-holes on Tatooine."
"He forgot to check his jetpack-engines again?!"
"Yep, boys will be boys…" Gamora tries to get Peter to stand, but he seems quite comfortable on the floor.
"Worm-holes, the boys get so strange after those rides." says a voice from a booth not too far from the bar. Becky turns around, smiles and raises her bottle.
"Hey Nat! Long time no see!" Becky leaves the bar to join Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, at the booth.
"Is Tony around too? I've got a brand new implant that he would die too see. Do you think he might be up for the challenge of upgrading it?"
Nat laughs "You know Tony, he wouldn't sleep for a week…or a month, not till he has figured it out."
"Where exactly is this implant?"
The two women in the booth turn and greet Pepper Potts that joins them, sipping a glass of white wine.
"Don't worry Pepper" Becky ensures her with a smile. "Stark is all yours, but he's so funny when you get him to go into the 'Frankenstien-mode' and he goes berserk trying to fix things."
"I know all about that mode…" Pepper replies, not at all amused.
Becky turns to Nat. "Hey did you see the last clone I delivered?"
Nat laughs "Well yes I did, nice work on that one Becky. He kind of reminded me of someone…someone tall with well sculpted muscles…"
She looks at Becky that sips her beer with a huge grin on her face. "Yep, I had a nice 'specimen' to relate to." The two laughs while Pepper just quietly sips her wine.
"I have a DIY-kit for a super soldier and a cryochamber to grow him in, do you think that I should timetravel a bit and plant it? As Becky and Nat laugh a tall, dark haired man in blue tights and a red cape sits down beside Becky.
"You know, I have some moves I think you would like." he says with a charming smile.
"Hey, what the fuck!" Becky pushes him back. "I'm not interested, you freak!"
The man stands up and looks really, really upset. "What is wrong with you people?!" he says with tears in his eyes. "I am Superman, the man of steel! And I can fly backwards around things really, really fast to be able to go back in time! What did you think…Oh! I would never! I've had enough of this, I'm going home to my icecastle." He exits the bar sobbing, seemingly beyond offended.
A young boy gets up and follows him, it's Luke Skywalker.
"Hey, wait a minute! Do you think that you could alter time, speed up the harvest and teleport me off this rock? Hey wait!" He runs after the offended Superman out of the bar.
They nearly bump in to Steve Rogers aka Captain America who just enters, to our ladies delight…
"Steve! Over here!" Nat waves and Steve walks over to their booth. "Sit down, we were just talking about you."
Steve sees the huge grins on Nat and Becky's faces and turns to Pepper:"Do I want to know what…"
"Nope" Pepper answers ordering another glass of wine.
Becky turns to Nat again to continue their conversation. "Well those cloners over at Stella don't always get it right. Last time they tried to create that fine", she pauses and looks at Steve, "'specimen' they didn't get it quite right. You see he caught fire, he was like burning…but he kinda remind me of…"
"Classified!" Pepper interrupts Becky midsentence and then looks at Nat. "That goes for you too. They look similar and no, you cannot ask why."
Nat is about to answer when a group of mandalorian bounty hunters enters the bar dragging a young woman along their trail. They look around and spots Becky that raises her bottle to greet them. "You can park that here" she says and points at the woman. "We can babysit." The mandalorians park the woman at their booth and head for the bar.
"In trouble again, your highness?" Becky asks the young woman with the crazy cinnamon bun-hairdo.
"Are you kidding?" Princess Leia answers. "Have you seen how gorgeous they are under those helmets? I mean…DAMN!" She smiles like only a horny teenager can.
"Oh my…I don't want to hear any more…" Steve whimpers and tries to hide behind his shield to protect his virgin ears.
"Are you still here?" Becky turns to Steve with surprise…and a grin.
"Yes" he answers from behind the shield. "I've never been allowed to sit at the cool kids' table so…" he trails off sneaking his beer in behind the shield.
With a bang the doors slam open and in struts Jack Sparrow, "Captain" Jack Sparrow.
He makes his way to the bar, picking a few pockets along the way and then spots the booth with our crowd. He orders rum, pays with the money he just stole and heads over there. "Well hello ladies" he says in his usual charming pirate voice. He spots Leia and starts to make a move towards her.
"Don't even think about it Sparrow" Becky growls and holds out a metal arm in front of him.
"This princess is not for you."
"Yeah, Jack. You should get out of here while you still can…" Nat adds finishing her beer.
Sparrow looks a bit offended but backs away from Leia. He mutters "You know, there should be a 'Captain' in there somewhere…"
"I'm here" says a voice and a hand comes up from behind the shield. "I'm the Captain."
Jack smiles and turns to Steve with exalted joy. "A fellow captain! Man the sails and trim the ropes!" He grabs the surprised Steve and drags him towards the bar. "We fellow captains must acquire a ship and set sails!" Then Sparrow stops. "But a ship cannot have two captains…"
"Well I'm more of a soldier, you know a super soldier…" Steve starts.
"Splendid!" Jack interrupts him and starts to head for the bar again. "Then I will be the captain and you will be the second-captain-soldier-thingy. Come, we must find rum and then a ship…" Steve looks puzzled but tags along (maybe just to get away from the grinning women at the booth).
Luke Skywalker, who just entered the bar again, overheard the captains and rushes over to them. "Do you guys have a ship? Can I go with you? I tried to catch up with that other 'superguy' but man, he was fast."
"Join us lad, there is always room for shipmates" Sparrow grins as he picks Luke's pockets. "Now, rum." They head for the bar while Luke tries to find his money…
Then suddenly Luke stops and starts to float towards the door. "Oh no you don't." a dark voice says followed by asthmatic breathing. Darth Vader uses the Force to retrieve his son. "You are coming home right now."
"But daaaad. " Luke whines.
Leia tries to hide behind her hairdo, but nothing escapes the dark lord. "And you" he says lifting her with the Force to place her beside her brother. "You should be ashamed! I felt your hormones rushing like a disturbance in the Force."
"What are you doing here dad?" she asks with her arms crossed. "Aren't you supposed to be at the other side of the galaxy doing something evil?"
"I had just blown a moon to pieces when I felt the disturbance so I trimmed the lightspeed. I'm evil, that's what I do." he grumbles in reply before lifting the youngsters by their ears with the Force and dragging them out of the bar.
"Nice." Becky smiles, brings out her notepad and scratches "Blow up moon" off her to-do-list. "That guy just saved me a ton of work. Now let's see…what's next…" She scrolls on the pad and then stops. "What was that guy's name, you know, Gamora's boyfriend?"
"That would be Peter Quill" Nat answers.
"Does he go by any other name?" Becky asks her eyes still on the pad. "Something like Star-Lord?"
"Nope" Pepper snaps fast. "That's classified." She gives Becky an icy stare, Becky looks up and grins.
"Be nice Becky" Nat tries to calm the situation. "It's not easy for Gamora to get boyfriends, you know, being all green. She tried with the Hulk, but constant anger isn't her thing."
Peter Quill, who just got back on his feet, looks around and tries to focus. Gamora is holding him up and starts to half-carry, half-drag him out of the bar while muttering "Why am I doing this? Why am I always saving your ass?" Peter, who is still drunk and dizzy from Becky's wholehearted slamdown, starts to defend himself and his battered honor. "Gamora, I am Peter Quill. I don't need to be saved! Dance-off! Right now! Me and you. Let's see how long you last against the legendary outlaw. 'Cause that's me! I'm Star…"
"PETER!" Pepper shouts and the bar falls silent. "Classified!"
Peter looks up with a grumpy face. Sulking like a child he puts on his headphones, turns on his Walkman and disappears out the door with Gamora.
"If they ever break up, I'm taking him." Becky says putting brackets around 'Star-Lord' on her list. "When that facebook-status turns to 'single' I'll be there. Maybe I could even get Gamora to help me, it's nice to have a side-kick sometimes…"
The door opens again and in comes Captain Hook. "Did anyone say…Peter?" he asks in his most sinister voice.
"NOPE!" Pepper shouts almost spilling her wine. "And there is enough captains in this bar so you go back to where you came from!"
Hook stares at her for a moment, but then decides not to mess with that woman and exits again.
At this moment the women see a shield with legs travelling in their direction. When it reaches their booth Steve unfolds himself and tries to slip into the shadows behind his shield.
"That captain-whatever is crazy! If I have to listen to one more story about the women of Tortuga…I can't take it…I JUST CAN'T!"
"Tell me about it" Will Turner says from the booth next to them. "Give me a bow and some arrows, I can fix him..."
"Oooo, what arrows do you use?" Hawkeye asks, popping up from out of nowhere.
"What the… Where have you been hiding?! How long have you been here?" Will asks.
" I've been here the whole evening." Hawkeye replies with pride in his voice. "In my nest, looking at you guys.
"Yeah" a voice says coming out of the darkest corner of their booth. Bending into the light to reveal himself Aragorn lights his long pipe.
"The dark spots are the best."
"Aragorn, remind me never to play hide-and-seek with you. You've been here all evening too, haven't you?" Nat says turning to the hooded figure.
"Yep, I have. I have something to collect here." he says puffing on his pipe.
Steve shrugs behind his shield. "Who is this guy and why haven't I noticed him? I might even have been sitting on his lap!" he thinks while trying to find a suitable explanation to leave the scene, this is getting too weird for him…
"Your package awaits you at the bar Strider." Becky says emptying her beer. "Never send a ring wraith to do a bounty hunters job."
Aragorn smiles and goes to the bar, he returns with a sack and when he opens it four small figures tumble out on the floor.
"Hey, where are we? Is it time to eat now? Oooo..is that ale?" Merry and Pippin scrambles to their feet and looks around with astonishment.
"Stop it!" Sam tries to calm them as he, not so gracefully, gets up with his frying pan clutched in his hand. "Where are we and who do I need to fight to get home?!" Frodo opens his big eyes and just stares at the group of people at the booth. His hand wanders towards his pocket…
"That is not a good idea." Becky says grabbing his hand with the speed of light. "Aragorn, would you please take care of your dwarves?"
"Dwarves? No my lady, we are hobbits!" Pippin adds with a grin. "And we are hungry…and thirsty…" Aragorn sighs, he is so ready to put them all back in the sack again and close it…tight…
"Come my little friends, I have booked rooms for us at the hotel down the road. Yes, there is a restaurant…" he adds seeing Pippin light up as a child at Christmas. "Thank you Rebecca, always a pleasure doing business. Good luck with your future hunts." he says nodding to Becky and the others. When he passes Steve he whispers "I would get out now while they are still a bit sober, you don't want to be here when they are drunk…just saying…unless you're into kinks…" Steve bolts to his feet as Aragorn leaves with his trail of hobbits.
"I have to…get back…letters to write…" he mumbles while running out as fast as his super soldier legs can carry him.
"Shame…" Becky says nodding towards the dust behind Steve. "That could have been interesting…I'm a good teacher…" The women burst into laughter, even Pepper joins them on this one.
In another corner of the bar two tall men are just hanging around wearing large capes. The blonde one is smiling widely while the dark haired one seems sooo done…
"I LIKE THIS DRINK!" the blonde says and smashes his glass to the floor. "ANOTHER!"
"So sorry" his companion says to the bartender. "We'll pay for that."
The bartender lets it slide and the dark haired whispers to his blonde friend. "Thor, you big…I can't take you anywhere, can I? Every time we leave Asgard…it's embarrassing…"
The blonde one laughs and gets another beer. "CELEBRATE WITH ME BROTHER!" he then says. "I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO KEEP MY CAPE SAFE FROM CATCHING FIRE WHEN I USE MY MIGHTY HAMMER!" He smiles ear to ear and awaits Loki's reaction.
"Oh…the joy…" Loki states and then spots Rebecca at the booth. "Try not to wreck the place, will you?" he says starting to make his way to the booth. "Odin will not be pleased to receive yet another bill…"
All the women of the room watch him as he approaches the booth, he knows it…and he likes it… He taps Becky on the shoulder "May I have a word with you?" he asks in his most silvertounged voice.
"No need to put on the charms" Becky says. "If you can pay, I can get the job done."
"Ooo…" Loki says with a sinister smile. "I like you, and I actually have a job for you if you are interested…"
Becky gets up to see what Loki has in mind.
"See you girls, we should do this more often" she says and goes after Loki.
Nat turns to Pepper.
"Did you see what was on that list of hers?"
"Yep" Pepper says finishing her glass.
"Should we assemble the gang?" Nat asks.
"Oh yes, definitely" Pepper says while the two women starts to exit the bar.
"Assemble?! Are we assembling?!" Out of nowhere Steve shows up again, shield at ready.
"Steve! I thought you already left." Nat says heading over to the door.
"Yes I was about to, but then I saw this incredible dance-off outside so I stayed to watch it, and then I heard the word 'assemble'…I like that word."
"Wait a minute." Pepper looks at Steve. "Did you say dance-off?"
"Yes, that Star-Lord guy is at it right now outside. He has challenged Captain Hook and they really have some awesome moves…"
Pepper sighs and heads out. Steve and Nat hear her shouting all the way into the bar.
"PETER! Get a grip! Stop this nonsense and go home! This is CLASSIFIED!"
Peter and Hook stop their dancing and look at Pepper. Peter starts to sulk again and puts his Walkman back into his pocket.
"Hey, do you think you might be able to copy that mix tape for me? Hook asks in a whisper, afraid that Pepper might hear him.
"No problem" Peter says and smiles. "We'll finish this another time."
They all head their separate ways and Pepper looks around trying to spot Nat and Steve.
"Come on guys, it's time" she says when she sees them in the doorway.
"Time to ASSEMBLE!" Steve screams while jumping out into the night.
"Oh…my…God…" Pepper rubs her forehead.
"I can be whatever God you want" Loki says from behind Pepper, scaring the shit out of her.
"Loki get the fuck out of here!" Nat says and puts her arm around Pepper.
"Come on Pep, let's call it a night."