I don't know what I've done, or if I like what I've begun. But something told me to run and, honey, you know me. It's all or none.
It had only been a year since Sozin's Comet and the end of the hundred year war. The time had changed everyone and everything around her. Here she was, in the Fire Nation capital visiting the Fire Lord. The man who had once been just a banished prince. However, she was not alone. The entire group was here, simply reminiscing about old times. This time last year, she hated the Fire Nation with a blinding passion and she had never left her tribe. How time changed things… because now she was close to the Fire Lord and had seen the world.
At the end of the war, her home had been taken over by Sokka and made to be as great as their sister tribe in the North. With the help of Master Pakku and the other waterbenders, it was not long until one mirrored the other. Katara could not express how proud she was of her silly brother and the changes he made. When the time came, he would make a great leader.
She, on the other hand, felt a bit lost. It had been a year since she kissed Aang in Ba Sing Se. A year since she made her choice. Something within her told her she should feel something more. She should be excited and stupidly in love, like her older brother. Why couldn't things be that simple with her? Aang was around but they were not nearly as close as Sokka and Suki. It came to the point where she would feel jealous whenever she saw the two. That love was all she wanted.
And it was then she came out of her thoughts, looking to Toph and Aang going back and forth with Earthbending. A smile crossed her features as Aang used Airbending, causing the girl to accuse him of cheating. It was almost like the old days. Back then everything seemed simple. At least, in the group. Things should be simple now! She should not be here wondering why she even attempted a relationship with Aang.
There were sounds in my head. Little voices whispering that I should go and this should end. Because I don't know who I am without you and all I know is that I should…
Katara wandered away from the dueling benders, trying to find some place a little quieter. She wanted to gather her thoughts. This was really it. She could not continue acting like everything was alright. No one should live like that.
But that worried her. She would sacrifice everything for Aang's happiness, even her own. That was what she needed to speak with him about. She had to know if he really loved her or if he felt the same way she did. But, that was almost impossible. He had loved her since she rescued him from the ice. This was going to be a disaster.
"Katara?"
The waterbender turned, coming to face the Fire Lord. She smiled at him, brushing a few strands of hair from her eyes. "Zuko. I hope I am not interrupting anything." As she waited for his answer, she ignored her heart skipping a beat when he returned her smile.
"Not at all. I was just taking a break from a bit of paperwork I was handed this morning. What brings you around here though? I thought everyone was out in the courtyard." He stepped a bit closer to her, finding the distance awkward.
"Well, they are. You know Toph. She challenged Aang and now they are in a duel." She laughed when she saw his face pale. "I am sure they won't break anything. And if they do, they might at least put it back." Her reassurance did not ease the look of worry on his face.
"I hope so…" His words trailed off as he looked over her. "Katara, are you okay?"
She cursed in her head and nodded, still smiling "Of course, Zuko. I am fine. But, I did have a question. Of all the faces, I have seen… I have yet to see Mai."
It was then that he looked away. "Oh. Well, she has decided to go off and see the other kingdoms. She was tired of living the life of a noble and that meant she was tired of me." When he spoke, he did not seem upset. He just seemed to accept it.
"Oh, Zuko. I'm sorry." She placed a hand on his arm, frowning. He just smiled at her, he had already accepted.
"Don't worry too much about it. She and I went our separate ways and I am glad she is happy." He covered her hand with his, squeezing gently. Her heart did a flip. "I am afraid I have to return to my office though. The sooner I get this work done, the sooner I will be able to spend time with you."
Katara did her best to control the blush creeping onto her cheeks. But he had turned, reluctantly letting go of her hand. If he saw the blush, he made no comment. It was then that she realized she had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach, like butterflies. This was new.
See I thought love was black and white. That it was wrong or it was right…
She found herself back in her room, staring out the window. Her emotions were everywhere and all she wanted to do was figure out why. She loved Aang but felt butterflies with Zuko? That made no sense. What was going on with her? Why couldn't she just be happy? She tried to figure it out. But, it seemed she would not get that chance.
"Katara! There you are." Aang's voice caused her to jump, taking her out of the trance she had been in. He smiled at her, walking over to see what she was so enthralled by. "You left. Everything okay?"
Is this where she lied? What life would she lead if she kept pretending? "No. It's not okay…" She turned, looking back out the window. "You and I need to talk about a few things and I am just afraid of what may happen…"
Aang nodded and took her hand, leading her over to the bed. He wanted to know that they would not be interrupted. "Alright. What is going on?"
"I… I'm not happy. When I see Sokka and Suki, I get incredibly jealous. They are so in love and I'm not." It was then that she looked over at him. And he did not look upset or even sad. That rendered her speechless.
"Katara, I am young but not entirely ignorant. I felt the same for a while now but I was just as afraid as you were. Look at us. Everyone expected us to end up together and married. But when I look to the future, it is not you that I am with."
"Exactly!" She interrupted him. "I love you, Aang. But not in the way—"
"That other people expect." He finished for her. "I love you like a sister. What I had for so long was a simple crush and it was not fair to put you in the middle of that. And, for that, I am sorry."
He had taken the words out of her mouth. The entire relationship was not being controlled by her or him. People wanted them to be together so badly, the last thing she wanted to do was disappoint anyone. They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity.
And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you. All I know is that I should. Because she will love you more than I could, she who dares to stand where I stood.
They were laughing now, talking about old days when they were still traveling together. He was the man who had shown her the world. For that, she would be forever grateful. And there was no possible way to thank him enough. Gran Gran had said their destinies were intertwined. Aunt Wu said that she would marry a powerful bender. All the signs pointed in one direction, compelling them to remain in a relationship that neither of them wanted.
As they spoke, Toph entered the room and she saw the look Aang gave her. Perhaps this wouldn't be the end of everything. Like after Sozin's Comet, this was a new beginning. Deciding to leave them alone, she walked out of the room. She would be the woman to stand where she stood, beside the Avatar. Perhaps even love him more, love him the way he should be.
The first place she went was to Zuko's study. She felt fearless. She could do this. Just walk in and confront him. Get all this over with. What could it hurt? Aang would get his happiness. Shouldn't she?
Before she had a chance to knock, the door opened and there was the object of her thoughts. Zuko had a confused look on his face, opening his mouth to say something. Before he had a chance to speak, Katara moved. She threw her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips to his.
And I won't be far from where you are, if ever you should call. You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved before. But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you… This is what I have to do.