Girl Talk
By Carla Fox
A/N: First of all... I'm more amazed by this than any of you can be. I realized I don't hate Cameron after all! I thought I did, but I just don't like her near House, House is property of Cuddy. Period. Who I really dislike is Stacy... oh well, the things you learn when you write and just don't watch old House episodes everyday :)
This was born after watching the Valley Girls videos in the bonus section of the DVDs of House. My brother and I laughed so much we woke up our parents. So I thought it would be a nice and funny one-shot. Also, I was listening to Desert Rose by Sting, so there.
I strongly recommend watching the videos before reading this, because you need to know the tone of their voices! It's very funny. They are on YouTube, you can search them writing in the search box "house valley girls".
This is absolutely OOC for every character; I only did this for laughs. It takes place in any part of the 4 season. Nothing deep in this fanfic!. Please consider this before reading.
Oh... and this is a thousand percent Huddy at the end. Enjoy!.
Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D or their characters or stories or anything really, just my cats.
"Dr. Cuddy!!" said Cameron when both women bumped into each other in a crowded line in front of the stadium. Cuddy looked at the young doctor in awe, while the crowd, mostly of women, kept pushing them to get into the security lines.
"Dr. Cameron... how... what are you doing here?" asked Cuddy, trying to keep her balance while a very rude redhead tried to push her way in front of her again. She was so losing patience with her.
"Mmm..." said Cameron looking down, a little ashamed. "Sting fan," she said showing her ticket to Cuddy, who smiled at her.
"Me too," she said showing a V.I.P ticket to her…she could afford the expensive ticket after all. Both women laughed a little, feeling uneasy. Cuddy felt busted, and frankly a little annoyed because she had been waiting for this day for a long time and didn't want to share it with anyone. Cameron felt the tension and forced a smile on her face.
"Well, I guess I'll get back to my line. Nice to see you, Dr. Cuddy," said the young doctor going into her line. Cuddy raised her eyebrows and gave her a not so genuine smile in good bye.
Both women stood in their places far away from each other, but Cuddy felt a pinch of guilt in her stomach. She repeated to herself that she didn't do anything wrong to her employee, but she felt guilty anyway. Cuddy was about to call her when the annoying redhead crashed into her.
"Would you stop?" exclaimed the Dean of Medicine, when before her eyes the woman's eyes rolled back in her head and she fell to the ground with a seizure. In a heart beat, Cuddy kneeled next to her and put the woman on her side.
"Cameron!" she shouted and the young doctor ran next to her, ready for action.
Both women did their best to attend to the patient while the security team left enough room for them to work. Paramedics were soon close to them, but both doctors made it clear that they called the shots. When the patient was stabilized, they took her into an ambulance.
Cuddy and Cameron stood there feeling agitated, but glad with a job well done. The women around clapped at them and they both looked at each other a little embarrassed. The lines were back into their messy order when Cuddy realized she was stepping on something. She looked down and picked up a forgotten V.I.P ticket, probably the sick redhead's. Cameron was looking in another direction, so she didn't notice. Cuddy bit her lip as she tried to make decision.
"Well, I'm going back into my line," said Cameron, saying goodbye to her boss.
"Wait," said Cuddy stopping her, and Cameron looked at her expectantly.
"Look what I found," and Cuddy as she showed Cameron the ticket causing her eyes grow wide.
"That's a V.I.P! It must belong to that woman. Maybe we can leave it at the front desk," said the young doctor and Cuddy rolled her eyes, wondering if she was always such a goody-goody.
"She's not going to use it and they are not going to refund the money to her either, so why waste a perfectly good and very expensive ticket?" asked Cuddy smiling playfully, but Cameron was not sure what to do. Cuddy sighed in exasperation. "C'mon... with these tickets you can actually feel Sting's breath on you! With yours you can hardly see him. Look, the woman is going to PPTH. I'll make a call later and be sure the hospital pays her bills while she's there. Happy now?" asked Cuddy using her charming administrator voice. Cameron smiled slowly and nodded.
Both women got into the line, but after their heroic display the crowd parted like the Red Sea, and they both went to the front of the line. Sometimes being a doctor was just really cool.
"That was AWSOME!" Cameron shouted a little after the show. They were so close to the stage that the speakers left them a little deaf, but they didn't care.
"Yeah, I love him, he's so sexy!" answered Cuddy while they both walked outside the stadium after the amazing show. Cuddy was very amazed. At first she thought giving Cameron the V.I.P ticket was going to be the end of her night, but it was quite the opposite. Cameron was as big a fan as she was, and they sang all the songs and basically shouted like teenagers. It was nice to hang out with another girl for a change.
They both commented on the show for a while until they were near the parking lot.
"Thank you, Dr. Cuddy," said Cameron smiling genuinely this time.
"No problem."
"Dr. Cuddy…"
"Lisa... we're outside of work," interrupted Cuddy.
"Lisa, would you like to go and get a drink? It's Friday night, and I don't feel like going home yet, and this girls night out has been... fun. I haven't had one since college," asked Cameron, a little afraid that her boss would think this was out of line.
"I was thinking the same thing. Sure, let's go and drink in honor of Sting," said Cuddy getting into her car. Cameron felt relieved and sat next to her.
The bar was filled with people, young and old. The music was loud and the air smelled strongly of smoke. Several men came close to their table, but they found it entertaining to show them up while taking their second round of tequila.
"Oh, c'mon... you are totally into House, admit it," said Cuddy licking salt from her hand, then quickly biting a lemon and drinking the shot of tequila.
"I'm so not," answered Cameron rolling her eyes.
"Yes you are! You came back because of him. You totally missed him," insisted Cuddy.
"Nah! I admit he is cute, but I'm with Chase now," and Cameron drank a shot of her own.
"Chase is cute," commented Cuddy grinning drunkenly.
"Yes he is, and he is soooooo good in bed," giggled Cameron like she was telling her a secret. Cuddy's eyes grew wide.
"Really? He is cute, but I thought he was like... blah in bed," Cuddy added, forgetting most of her vocabulary.
"You are SO wrong... he seems all serious and stuff, but he gives me the Hot Stuff," and they laughed until they had tears in their eyes.
"Tell me, Lisa... the truth," said Cameron giving Cuddy her serious look, but she was actually trying to focus her eyes on her. "How's House in the sack?"
"Naaaah! I'm not gonna tell!" Cuddy refused making a childish face.
"Don't be a bitch, tell me!" whined Cameron curiously.
"Duh! You are asking me to remember something that happened like 10 years ago!"
"That long?! I thought you were doing it now?"
"No silly! Back in Michigan... you probably weren't even born then! Gosh, I'm so old."
"I was totally born!" complained Cameron, offended. "And you look too hot to be 45."
"Shut up, stupid! People can hear!"
"Whatever... so, how was House?" insisted Cameron holding her head in her hands. This time Cuddy rolled her eyes and gave up.
"AWESOME... but don't ever tell him. He has a huge enough ego already."
"I bet that's not the only huge thing he has!" joked Cameron, almost falling from her chair.
"GIRL! Well, yeah," admitted Cuddy, laughing as well.
"Do you love him?" asked Cameron, too curious for her own good.
"I... shut up and drink," and Cuddy poured more tequila.
"You are sooo avoiding the question..."
"Do you?" fired back Cuddy while drinking her own shot.
"I'll always love him... in a platonic way. He is like an actor... or Sting, you know? Sexy, old and so cool," dreamed Cameron looking up at the ceiling. Cuddy smirked at her.
"Yeah right, seriously, he's an ass!! He totally bothers me, and never listens... and he does whatever he wants... no way, I don't love him," said Cuddy holding her head in her left hand, making a face.
"You so loooove him, c'mon…admit it!"
"So not!"
"Yes you do. You love him... it's written all over your face, and he loves you too," said the younger doctor, now totally wasted.
"Shut up!"
"Naah, really... when I kissed him..."
"You kissed him?!" asked Cuddy suddenly very awake.
"Yes... but that was like a million years ago and I was just trying to get something... whatever, the thing is that the kiss was totally lame. He kissed me back after some time, but besides his automatic male biological reaction, there was nothing there."
"Gross!!"
"And then I just like... saw him and he was always staring at you when you walked away, and he just loves to fight with you... and you totally enjoy that!" accused Cameron to Cuddy, who was speechless.
"I... damn you! Ok... ok... I admit it; I have feelings for him, happy?"
"YES!! Now you should tell him."
"No more drink and dial... Wilson is so going to be so mad on Monday."
"He will never imagine it was us. Besides, I bet he enjoyed the dirty talk," giggled Cameron.
"I'm never giving you alcohol again, you're worse than House," commented Cuddy raising her eyebrows.
"You should know..."
"I'm not telling him I love him."
"You see? You said it... you love him!"
"Shut up, dummy!"
"I know, let's go to his apartment and you can tell him!!"
"Are you crazy? Nah...never!"
"Chicken... Lisa Cuddy is a chiiiicken!"
"I'm not! And I can totally prove it."
"Then tell him... let's get into a cab and you just tell him."
"He is going to laugh at me!"
"No, he is going to kiss you!"
"You are crazy!!"
"C'mon... let's go... besides, I want to go home and have drunk sex with Chase," she giggled.
"Shut up!" said Cuddy, but before she could protest, Cameron was dragging her outside to get a cab.
Lisa Cuddy stood in front of House's door trying not to fall flat on her face. She was very drunk and not exactly knowing what she was doing. Cameron was watching from the cab expectantly.
"Knock on the door!" shouted the girl from her seat.
"This is totally lame, I am not!" Cuddy answered back, suddenly feeling scared.
"DO IT!" the immunologist screamed at the top of her lungs from the cab.
"NO!"
"Shut UP!" said House as he opened the door with a sleepy face. It was 4 AM.
Cuddy looked at him and she turned white. Her eyes took on a deep shade of blue and her breath was uneven.
"I...hi..." she said losing a little of her balance. House looked at her frowning, not knowing why his boss was at his door in the middle of the night and clearly drunk as a skunk.
"TELL HIM!!" shouted Cameron from the cab loud enough to wake the dead. House looked in the direction of the taxi, recognizing the voice.
"I'M SO GOING TO FIRE YOU, ALLISON!" shouted back Cuddy, forgetting for a second House was near her. Her shout made him jump in surprise.
"What the hell is going on?" he asked Cuddy, looking at her with curiosity.
Cuddy didn't know what to do. House was in front of her wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants, looking extremely attractive in her drunken state. Her head was cloudy, but she felt weirdly content. She could give a shot to this crazy plan... and damn it... she wanted to.
Cuddy closed the distance between them and without any warning, she kissed him. It was a hard and sloppy kiss and House stood there in shock. Cuddy felt his warm lips on hers and smiled to herself, old memories coming back. She slowly opened her mouth and let her tongue feel the softness of his lips and the mild taste of toothpaste. House didn't know if he was dreaming or awake, but the feel of her warm breath in his mouth and the familiar taste of tequila on her lips was intoxicating. He responded to the kiss and put his arms around her, just enjoying it.
They were so engaged in their kiss that they didn't hear the cheers of a very drunk Cameron from the taxi. When Cuddy held onto House as he slowly took her into his apartment without breaking the kiss, the young immunologist smiled contently. He wasn't for her, she always knew, but she cared for him and wanted him to be happy. When House closed his door, Cameron told the driver to take her to her own place, already making plans on how she was going to wake up her own sleepy Aussie.
The End.
A/N: I know, it was silly, but if you at least smiled at it, I achieved my goal :) Thanks for reading and thank to Dwparsnip for beta this!