Hey lovelies! New 2-parter story with Seth Rollins! Very angsty, hope you enjoy, and if you do, hit me up!
Torn - Part 1
Today was a step for me.
It had been nearly two years that I hadn't allowed myself to care about someone, to be in this nervous state just before a first date, excited and freaked out all at once. I hadn't been able to have feelings for someone for a long time.
Someone other than my best friend, that is.
Being in love with him was the very worst and the very best thing to ever happen to our relationship. On one hand, every moment with him was exhilarating, mesmerizing, had me forgetting all my problems and worries. On the other, every moment with him was pure torture, every lingering stare had me confused, every contact of skin made my heart sore, every embrace had me shaking. I had no idea where he stood in that regards, and I was tired of waiting to find out. He was a ladies-man in the most classic sense, always a beautiful woman on his arm, never the same one. He was discreet about it, but not enough that I couldn't notice.
And I noticed, a lot.
When Baron Corbin asked me out for a drink, it was the first time since falling in love with Seth that I had considered being with someone else.
"You look amazing."
Sasha's voice had me snapping out of my thoughts, my eyes leaving my reflection in the long vanity mirror so I could face her as she sat on the edge of my bed. I was currently trying on my dress for the evening, having been so nervous I had asked my friend's opinion in a hurry, needing her approval.
"Are you sure?" My voice was shaky as I let my hands slide on either side of my body-tight dress, as though it would calm me. "It's not too revealing?"
"Just enough," she winked, smirking, and I let out a chuckle as my shoulders relaxed slightly. I felt better already, but nothing she could say could make me stop worrying altogether. I really needed this date could go well, to be my first step towards another chapter of my life.
A chapter in which I wasn't battling my own feelings in order to keep my friend by my side, dreaming of a different outcome to the same situation. Not that my hopes were entirely set on Baron, but it was a start; proof that I could move on.
It was a step for me.
"Alright girlie, I have to get to the arena really soon, so I'll catch up with you later," Sasha announced, jumping from the bed and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. Just then, I heard a knock by the door, and as Sasha was nearly there, she opened it. Seth stood in the frame, holding two coffees and looking annoyed.
"Hey there," Sasha greeted him, walking passed him as he walked inside of the room and she was on her way out. "Oh and Evie, if I don't see you before then, have fun on your date!" she sang before disappearing, leaving me in an awkward situation. Seth had no reason to feel as such, but I did. It was precisely to get away from my feelings for him that I was making such of fuss about this date. Somehow, I worried it showed on my face.
"Your date?" Seth inquired, handing me one of the coffees he was holding as he stared at where Sasha had been, like he could get answers out of her instead of me. I cleared my throat, sliding out of my dark pumps as I took a sip of the beverage he had handed me.
"Yeah, Baron finally asked me out," I explained, stealing one last look at myself in the mirror, meeting Seth's burning eyes. He seemed even more annoyed than before, but I made a point of not staring at him too much and go on one of my regular spirals of wondering what it could all mean. Today was the first day of knowing it meant absolutely nothing.
"Corbin," he breathed his name, spitting it out like venom from a wound. I was fully aware that they were far from being each other's biggest fan, but not enough that seeing Baron was an affront to my best friend. Or so I hoped. "Good for you."
I rolled my eyes at the sentiment, knowing better than to comment on his tone. We'd had this conversation before, ever since I had confessed to him that I might be interested in getting to know Baron better after few too many drinks. Seth was adamant that he didn't think we would be a good match, but good luck with that, anyway, he said. Luck had quite frankly nothing to do with it; it was mostly flirting. A lot of flirting.
I still wasn't sure what kind of feelings Baron held for me, though. I was confused as to whether this was a friendly-date or a romantic one. I'd tricked myself into thinking it was the latter, but my unpleasant habit of extrapolating everything had me worrying I was reading the situation wrong.
I felt a finger graze my forehead as Seth got my attention, teasing at the worry lines above my eyes. He would do that from time to time when he could tell I was getting inside my head. He would always tease he could read me like a book, but I knew better. There were a lot of things he had no idea were going through my head in his presence.
"You'll be fine," he assured me, his features softer than before. He had stepped closer to me and my nostrils filled with the lingering smell of his cologne, his brown eyes deep with care. It was one of the many reasons being around him was so difficult, why my feelings had not wavered through years of friendship. Not once. "You'll rock his socks off."
A slight grin tugged at my lips as he smirked, and for a moment I almost forgot what we were talking about. I forgot why I was nervous, why I was wearing this dress, why I needed to be with someone else. The Seth Rollins effect what in full swing.
A feminine voice spoke from the doorway, and suddenly I was back, taking a step back from Seth to get to my suitcase and choose my clothes for the day. I tried to ignore the rushed conversation he was having with the small brunette, her insistence to stick around after a night with Seth a reoccurring situation with his one-night stands. Somehow they never got the hint that their charm had worn off by the next morning.
This was one of the many downsides to a habit Seth and I had to get rooms next to each other at every hotel. It had seemed like a good idea when we came up with it, so we could hang out after shows and be close to our rooms at all times. But once I realized it meant seeing the parade of women come out of his room in the morning, my bubble was popped real quick.
"Did you forget to tip her?" I joked when Seth had closed the door to my room after hushing his date out. Seth scoffed, folding his arms across his chest as he feigned to be insulted.
"Ah-ah, good one," he pretended to laugh, fighting what I knew was a smile at my words. Our usual banter of the morning. "Aren't you a funny one."
"I am hilarious, thank you very much," I retorted, finally satisfied with the pair of shorts and loose t-shirt I'd picked out of my suitcase. "So, are you going to drive me to the arena or were you just there to gloat about your conquests?"
"I don't gloat!" he exclaimed, not being able to hold back a laugh as I stuck my tongue out at him. "Will you stop giving me a hard time about this?" He seemed almost serious, but a smirk was still very visible on his attractive face.
"Alright, I'll stop," I agreed, making my way to the bathroom door and stopping through the doorway. "If you can answer this very simple question."
Seth squared his shoulders as he pursed his lips together, challenging me to whatever I was about to say. My eyebrow went up in amusement as I shook my head at his typical cockiness. "Shoot."
"What's her name?"
Seth's face fell suddenly, his eyes going wide as the realization hit him. He was quick to control his features, pretending to be unfazed, but I knew better. I, for one, could actually read him like a book. For the most part.
"Anything?" I sang, not being able to resist smiling triumphantly. "Anything at all?"
"Shut up, I know this!" he insisted, racking his brain to find the information. His look of panic had me laughing, finding him absolutely adorable as he struggled in front of me. "Sasha! No wait- that's not it."
"Sasha is our friend, who just left."
"Shut up!"
I let out a loud laugh, stepping into the bathroom, closing it halfway. "Okay Seth, I'll get changed while you figure this out. Don't hurt yourself," I teased, closing the door finally as I heard Seth groan in frustration. Having him as my hotel room neighbour was difficult at times, but it came with the perks of seeing him every morning, and teasing the hell out of him every time.
Like I said: being in love with him was the very best and the very worst thing to happen to me. After two years, however, it was more than time for me to stop towing over that middle line simply and walk away.
Completely.
Live shows were always a blast. We would mix things up, team up with people we usually didn't wrestle with, temper with story lines, play around for the entertainment of the crowd. It would usually leave a warm feeling through my chest; I felt at ease, knowing I was doing exactly what I was supposed to with my life.
Despite this one being just as rewarding as the others, my head was in a different space. My nerves were ever-present, a nagging feeling in the back of my head. What if this date goes badly? What if you're making a mistake? Maybe you should give Seth more time, maybe he does have feelings for you. I had to shake those thoughts out my head at least five times during the evening, and even more so as the show ended and Baron and I were set to meet in a nearby bar.
We agreed we preferred to go out on the town instead of simply hanging out at the hotel bar, where other wrestlers and crew members would be and things wouldn't feel as private. His insistence on the privacy aspect had my cheeks blazing in heat, imagining what else we could think of doing away from prying eyes.
My dress fit just as well as it did in my hotel room, but I was a thousand times more nervous. Baron and I were set to meet around 11:30, and it was currently a quarter to midnight, and I was still alone at the table. My breath was slowly quickening as I let the overwhelming flow of worrying thoughts take control of my brain, my hands grasping at the half empty glass of wine in front of me. This was the worst thing that could happen. I checked my phone to see if he'd texted me that he was running late, but nothing. There was just a text from Sasha wishing me good luck.
As my eyes left my phone and went back to the front door of the bar for the hundredth time, I saw him, and a relieved sigh rumbled out of me. He spotted me from across the room and made his way over, his face stern. As soon as he sat down, I noticed a small cut on his bottom lip, the area swollen and red.
"What happened to your face?" I asked, my voice betraying my worry.
"Ambrose got a little too carried away during our match earlier, no big deal," he shrugged, avoiding my eyes, and I took it as a hint not to press further. I was perplexed, however, having seen him right after his match earlier in the evening, a fight from which he had come out unscathed. "I've had worse."
"Haven't we all," I laughed, trying to ease the tension, and Baron finally smiled for the first time since getting there.
"Good point."
His eyes focused on me as I sipped my wine, and he swallowed swiftly, grabbing the menu to join me. I held his stare, my cheeks tinted with a slight blush at the intensity of his eyes.
"You look beautiful, by the way," he spoke, his voice low and his eyes twinkling with something I had never seen before. I passed a nervous hand through my loose hair, biting my lip.
"Thank you. You too – I mean, you look handsome," I rambled, causing Baron to chuckle in front of me. That only made me blush more, and I felt utterly embarrassed by his amusement. "Wow, I'm a mess."
"It's cute," he assured me, reaching over with one hand to catch mine in a soothing manner. "You're cute."
A few hours later, Baron and I made our way back to the hotel, his hand encircling mine as we walked side by side. We'd held hands for most of our time at the bar, and he'd insisted on keeping it this way.
Our date was going even better than expected, and I felt foolish for worrying as much as I did. There was a reason why I liked Baron so much, and I was reminded as he pulled me to him in the hotel lobby, catching a strand of my hair through his fingers to place it behind my ear. Our eyes met and I smiled, enjoying the view of his strong features.
"I'll walk you up," he told me, pressing his hand tighter around mine, and I simply nodded, almost entranced. As he walked forward, my eyes fell and I looked around myself, almost shy at the thought of someone witnessing our moment.
And someone had.
From my standing point in the lobby, I had a clear view of most of the hotel bar where Seth sat, his stare locked on me as I froze into place. He seemed less than happy, and unfocused in the conversation he may or may not have been having with this redhead to his right. She clearly hadn't noticed his disinterest as she kept babbling on. All the while Seth just looked at me, and I waved at him politely. I felt weirdly guilty about this, like I was parading around my new flame to an ex.
But Seth and I were never together, we were friends. I had no guilt to feel, no remorse to deal with. I was free to be with whoever I pleased, free to be with Baron. And so, when he pulled on my hand ever so slightly to edge me into walking away, I did.
We made our way up to the third floor, walking by Seth's door to reach mine. I stopped, my hand lingering on the handle as I turned to Baron, my back resting on the door. I bit my lip, my ever so present inner battle resurfacing. Baron gave me no time to ponder, however, before he had me pressed against the door, his lips resting above mine as they moved every so slightly. I felt my heart race as I met his movements, allowing his tongue to slip into my mouth, his hand holding my head up and it tangled through the back of my hair. Our kisses were getting hungrier as he groaned through my mouth, his body completely covering mine. I moaned at the contact, heat traveling from my cheeks to my core, before I had to step away.
I untangled myself from him as I struggled to catch my breath, my hand resting on his chest.
"I think I want to take this slow, for now," I explained, meeting his eyes shyly and my fingers traced lines to his collarbone. He nodded, pressing his forehead onto mine, a smile playing at his lips.
"That's fine," he said, his thumb tracing my lower lip, causing me to hold in a whimper as I cursed myself for stopping him. I wanted this, but I knew I needed time. Today was just a step, not a jump. I had to pace myself. "Just as long as I can see you again."
"Of course," I nodded, meeting him for one last, heated goodnight kiss. He sighed once it was over, taking a few steps back reluctantly, and I smiled at him. "Go to bed before I change my mind," I laughed, and he shook his head as he groaned.
"That's mean," he pointed, making his way down the hall as I giggled. "You'll pay for that."
"That's the plan," I sang, as he disappeared through the elevator doors, crossing paths with none other than Seth. I suddenly wondered if he heard the end of our conversation, the feeling of guilt resurfacing through my stomach. "Hi," I greeted him, searching through my purse for my key card, Seth already pushing his through the slit in the door.
"Hey."
"Did you have a good night?" I asked him, noticing his cold tone. He shrugged, opening his door but not stepping through it.
"T'was alright. What about you, with your big date and all that?" he inquired, pointing at the elevator doors where Baron had gone a few minutes' prior.
"It was good," I smiled, not wanting to insist on the details. Seth nodded, watching me as I finally got my door opened. We stood in front of each other for a solid minute in silence, neither of us making a move towards our room. "So, do you want to come hang?" I finally asked, breaking the tension. "We could watch a movie or something."
Seth stole another glance at the elevator, his face twisting in surprise, and went to grab his phone in his back pocket.
"Uh- yeah, sure let me just –" he started, but was cut off by the ring of the elevator, the doors opening to reveal his redheaded friend from earlier. She held up two bottle of champagne as she walked over, a proud smile illuminating her heavily made up face.
"Look what I got," she sang, reaching Seth as he cursed under his breath. I suddenly felt very out of place, obviously a disappointing alternative to a romp in the sheets with the attractive woman in front of me. Seth gave me an apologetic smile, and I my eyes burned at the sight. This was a situation I was more than used to, yet even after all this time, I felt just as emotional when I witnessed it. Seeing them leave in the morning was one thing, but watching them arrive, right before it happened… It was all too much.
"Oh- I'm sorry. You guys have a good night," I mumbled, stepping into my room and locking the door behind me before Seth had time to say anything.
I held a hand to my chest as I stood in the dark, familiar tears sliding down my cheeks. Despite my amazing date with Baron, I wasn't yet in a place where seeing Seth with other women didn't break my heart. I just hoped, in time, that it would eventually go away.
It had to.
Dating Baron made most of everything a lot easier. A month into our relationship, I felt confident in trusting him with my thoughts, my worries, my joys, and even my body. He was respectful with just the right amount of kinky, and every moment spent in his company only solidified my decision to pursue our relationship further.
My only issue was Seth.
Being with Baron made being friends with Seth easier and harder all at once. Seeing him with other women was getting more and more bearable. I had started to go to bed with my cheeks void of tears, even knowing Seth's bed welcomed another conquest, especially since mine was usually occupied with Baron.
However, as time went on, he was becoming distant. He only answered half of my texts, always found excuses not to hang out. I blamed most of it on Baron's presence, knowing that they didn't get along and they weren't exactly thrilled at the idea of spending time together. But even when I offered to hang out just the two of us, there were instances where he just didn't seem interested. It was weighting on me, to say the least, that my very best friend seemed to be moving on from me.
Fitting, I thought, as I was trying to move on from him. Romantically, that is, not in terms on his friendship. Us not being friends was something I could barely even think about without tearing up.
After a week of him avoiding me, I gave up on trying to reach him by phone and resorted in cornering him in person. I waited until he was done with his gym session late at night, knowing he would be alone, and caught up with him right before he made it to the locker room.
Can't escape my friendship now, jerk.
"Seth!" I called after him, basically running to his side. He jumped slightly, taking an earbud out as I heard the faint sound of his music blasting through it.
"Evie, you scared the shit outta me," he breathed, pausing his music as he looked me over. "What are you doing here?"
"I just came to see if you wanted to hang out," I asked, attempting my best impression of a puppy dog face, batting my eyelashes. Seth was barely looking at me, however, avoiding my face and kicking a mat nonchalantly on the floor.
"I'm kind'a beat," he shrugged, scratching his head. I felt my face fall as I tried to hide the utter disappointment screeching at my heart. "I should probably just go to bed."
"We don't have to hang out for long, just, you know, catch up. I haven't seen you in a while," I pressed in a small voice, taking a step forward as to see his face. I needed him to look at me so he would know just how much I missed him without me having to pathetically say it.
"It's not like you don't have anyone else to hang out with," he grumbled through his teeth, and I frowned at the implication.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, feeling suddenly attacked even though I was the one doing most of the talking.
"Means what it means, Evie."
I scoffed, unsatisfied with his justification and upset at his incapacity to face me with his issues. He was looking down still, like he wasn't confident enough to tell me what he had to say face to face, which was nothing like him. Seth never had a problem saying what he meant, to anyone.
"Look, if you have something to say, just say it," I told him, clenching my jaw in frustration. "If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, just god damn say it. Don't be a coward about it."
Seth's eyes finally snapped in my direction and I knew I'd gone too far, but I couldn't help it. If Seth wanted nothing to do with me, I needed a clean break. Waiting on him had proved unsuccessful in more ways than one, and I couldn't go through another two years of heartache over our friendship just like I did over my feelings for him.
Just rip my heart out, why don't you.
"A coward? Me?" he exclaimed, taking a step in my direction challengingly. He was obviously pissed, and I welcomed the sight. Angry Seth had a lot to say, let him say it.
"You're avoiding me. You don't answer my calls, barely answer my texts, you always find reasons not to do stuff together, just like now. What's your problem?" I explained, my voice louder as my face got red. I was flustered and upset, and Seth's angry demeanor did not help me to focus on the conversation in the slightest.
"You're different, okay?" he snapped, waving his hands around. "I don't like who you are when you're with him. You're not the same."
"What?"
My voice was barely above a whisper as I processed his words. He might as well have struck a knife right through my chest, insinuating that I had changed myself for someone, when I knew very well I hadn't.
"That's my problem. You're different, and I don't like it," he concluded, breathing heavily as his voice calmed. I shook my head in disbelief, feeling overwhelmed and panicked. Tears prickled my eyes as I stepped away, taking a deep breath.
"So you don't like me anymore, then?" I asked, a warm tear sliding across my cheek. I swiped it away, staring down into the face of the man I tried so hard not to love with my entire being. He didn't like who I was anymore, he didn't want to spend time with me, to be my friend.
I was utterly gutted and humiliated, my chest aching in a way I never knew was possible.
"I didn't say that," he breathed, realizing my state and feeling seemingly guilty. I let out a shaky breath, more tears clouding my eyes. "I just… It feels different now."
"Different how?" I cried, letting go of any ounce of shame as I openly let my feelings get the best of me in front of him.
"I don't know. I just need time, I guess," he shrugged, and if I wasn't too busy crying I might have punched him. I took a deep breath, freeing my cheeks from as many tears as I could, before I nodded, swallowing a lump in my throat.
"Take all the time you need," I told him, taking another step back. "Better yet, take all the time in the world. I'm done."
"Evie," he breathed my name, trying to walk towards me but I kept on moving backwards, holding back sobs I knew would tear through me once I was out of sight.
"If you can't be happy for me, Seth, I have nothing more to say to you."
With that, I spun on my heels and made my way out, hearing Seth shout my name but ignoring it. I let my emotions flow through me I was ran towards my room, taking the stairs instead of the elevator as to avoid running into anyone. I was still sobbing when I entered my room, stopping long enough to hold a small conversation over the phone with Baron to wish him a good night before going straight back to it.
Never in a million years did I ever think I would walk away from having Seth in my life. I wanted my love for him gone, but never did I imagine I would consider going through life without him by my side, if just as a friend. It felt surreal to think I was the one to end it, knowing how deep my feelings for him took root within me.
A month. That's the time it took to go from the first step to the last one, to walking away from Seth. How long would it take for my heart to stop breaking, then?
Life without Seth was difficult, to say the least. Seeing him was even harder than before, regardless of his frequent attempts to get in touch with me.
I'd decided this was for the best. Letting Seth back into my life would only hurt me more in the long run, and I took this fallout as a sign to move on to other things, with other people.
Like Baron, who had now been my boyfriend for three months. We were going on a romantic date to celebrate it, and I was dressed accordingly, feeling good and ready for a pleasant night.
We met by the hotel lobby and took a cab to a fancy restaurant, settling at a private table by a window, watching the busy street as we dined. Baron was dressed in a buttoned-up dark shirt and slacks, a sight for sore eyes if I've ever seen one. He was so amazingly handsome and sweet, a drastic change from his in-ring persona.
Midway through the evening, I felt my phone buzzing in my purse, interrupting Baron shyly to see who was calling me. A jolt of electricity passed through my fingertips as Seth's name appeared on the screen, now the third time today. He had left a message after ever attempt, and I figured he would this time, too.
Even after two months of being away from him, I felt no different. Every mention of him had my heart racing, every moment in his presence was unbearable. I figured it would go away eventually, as time passed. So far, it hadn't.
"Is it Rollins again?" Baron asked me, as he took a bite of his steak. I nodded uncomfortably, trying to shake myself out of my stupor as I focused on my own food. "You know, maybe you should talk to him."
"Or not," I grumbled, sipping my wine long enough to avoid having to say anything else. Baron took a deep breath, discomfort evident on his face, and I furrowed my eyebrows at the sight. He seemed like he was battling with something internally, and I leaned over to stare him down. "What?"
"I need to tell you something," he spoke, shifting on his seat, debating his words. "Now, before you get mad, I just want you to know that I regret this a lot and if I could go back, I would do it differently," he went on, holding a hand up in prevention.
I felt suddenly dizzy, my brain going into overdrive trying to imagine what he could possibly have to tell me, feeling sick at what it obviously sounded like. "Baron, you're scaring me," I admitted, my voice shaky and small. Realization flashed on his face and he leaned forward, grabbing my hands with his own.
"Wait, no, no, no, it's not like that, I promise," he assured me, soothing my panic and he caressed the palm of my hand. "I didn't – I didn't cheat on you."
"Oh thank god," I breathed out, feeling blood rush back to my face. I don't think I could have dealt with being betrayed this way by the first person I had opened myself up to since Seth.
"But I did do something stupid. Well, almost," he continued, swallowing loudly, and I could tell how worried he was about what he was about to confess. "On our first date, I… I almost didn't show up," he admitted, looking down at the table instead of my eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"I almost stood you up," he explained, and I shook my head. I still couldn't understand what he meant, why almost and why he was telling me this now. "At the time, I hooking up with this girl, and she texted me that day saying she was free to meet up and I… I decided to go see her instead of you."
"What? I don't understand." I leaned back, releasing my hands out of Baron's grasps, and his shoulders fell as he watched me edging away.
"I was a dick, Evie, and I didn't realize what I was doing. And that's exactly what Rollins told me, too."
"Wait- what? You spoke with Seth?"
Baron nodded, his face twisted into a scowl, and I didn't know if it was because we were talking about Seth or because he felt guilty, or both. I simply didn't understand how Seth was involved in all this.
"He heard me tell Corey," Baron explained, passing a nervous hand on his head. "That I wasn't going to show up. And he caught up with me as I was leaving, told me I was being an asshole and you didn't deserve that. We got into it, he punched me, called me an idiot. He said I'd be the biggest dumbass in the world to pick a hookup over a girl like you."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding passed a trembling hand over my face. My head was spinning as I tried to deal with this information, feeling betrayed but thankful that Baron had confessed this to me, and imagining the situation in my head.
Seth, who didn't like Baron at all, convincing him to go out with me. Seth, who now wasn't even in my life anymore, putting my happiness before his because he knew how much I liked Baron. Seth freaking Rollins, crawling his way through my heart and settling in like he owned the god damn place.
"He was right, about all of it. And everyday I'm grateful that he got me to take my head out of my ass and go out with you, before fuck – it's been amazing. And if I could go back, I'd have been there super early and waited for you and told you how fucking lucky I am that you even gave me the time of day."
His eyes we pleading with me to say something, but I couldn't. I needed time, and a lot of wine, to go through this again and deal with my emotions, which were now painfully taking control of my body once more.
"I'm so, so fucking sorry, baby," Baron spoke, and I heard his voice shaking, realizing he was afraid of the repercussions of all this. "I just wanted to make you see that, even though I hate the guy, Rollins is your friend, and he cares about you. You should hear him out."
Before I knew it, my hand was on my mouth to cover up a sob. This swirl of emotion was overwhelming, paired with Baron's declaration and his early betrayal. I had no idea where my head stood, where my confidence hid, but somehow I knew where my heart went.
I needed to see Seth.
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