Hello again! Well, looks like another John Shepard/Kaidan Alenko fic. But this time, it is real romance. No smut today folks. :) Tried to keep it in-character – as in character as the game probably would have allowed if there was gay romance. This started off as 200 words, then it sprouted legs and plodded on a bit. Sorry it's not as long as others I've written. But, I had a lot of fun writing this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Entirely inspired by Consequence by The Notwist.

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.

Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.

He's the second thing I remember.

The first thing was: I am John Shepard.

Then, the letters of his name. Begins with a K.

Kaidan Alenko.

I spell out his name in my head. I sound out syllables with my mouth.

Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko aboard the Normandy under Alliance-Spectre, John Shepard. It all rushes back like a shock of cold water.

I remember his brown eyes, as fascinating as rock pools and deeper than oceans.

I remember the colour of his hair, his soft and rhythmic pants against my shoulder and arm, the warm curve of his smile.

I'm blinking because my eyes sting from staring blankly at the photo on my desk, from the frame to the man in it. Sitting in my cabin, the Normandy S2 feels all of a sudden empty, as silent as a grave.

I.

There's no easy way to say it without sounding like a love struck girl, but I liked him. More than friendship would allow. And Kaidan's not dim. He knew my visiting him on the second level of the Normandy meant more than base curiosity. I wasn't sure how it happened, but I had the distinct feeling that he didn't mind.

II.

Three seconds after I've expressed my interest, he tells me he needs time to process all of this.

So, I note his gradual manner rounding as the days wear on. Slightly more coy, teetering on unsure, and the definite vibe, 'interested'.

The first time he drops a bombshell of an innuendo aimed at me, we don't blush. Instead I don a shit-eating grin and offer him a private lesson on handling his pistols.

III.

Kaidan tells me how much he's changed during the mission, how much he's learned under my command, hunting Saren, and thanks me in a soft tone, turning around as if to leave. His figure pauses. Then he does a complete one-eighty, kisses me on the mouth with his hand at the back of my head, and he's out of there before I've the chance to speak. That's the first and last time he did that; I don't pursue him.

I admit that it was cute. My dopey smile was indicative of that.

IV.

The trip to Illos. He pulls the cloth out from under my feet then and I remember everything, every detail. It was slow, our first together, and he knew we both needed it. He's a different person under me. Kaidan's generous with his voice...

They say there's always something about the quiet ones. They're right. I breathe heavier recalling it.

V.

Kaidan's not the sort for unnecessary force but lying beside me on my bed, he knows where it hurts as he pinches me playfully under my arm. I can feel more than hear him swallow before he presses his lips to mine, and there's no trace of tongue in that, it's so pure. It seems to mean: Congratulations. I don't kiss him back because he's lowering down the length of my body, tugging the sheets away from me, doing exactly what I thought he was going to do.

VI.

The bathroom mirror is so fogged that Kaidan's a beige and black blob in it. Covered waist-down by a towel, Kaidan outstretches one hand to the mirror and as he wipes the moisture away I swiftly step toward him and wind my arm over his collarbones, my bare chest to his bare back. Kaidan's eyes widen as he watches me press my lips to the side of his neck through the stroke of now-clear reflection. He stumbles a little, and through the corner of my eye I see his jaw drop to say, 'John.' My eyes travel to his reflection's eyes. Kaidan doesn't turn his head, expression stunned and naïve. I mouth three famous words at him, cherishing that moment, before pressing him gently to the wall with the sole intention to prove it.

VII.

The crew is safe. Joker is safe. Kaidan is safe. That's what I tell myself, over and over, as oxygen rushes out of my hardsuit. Cerberus deserves credit – I remember my last goddamn thought. It's crystal in my mind.

Remember me.

Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko... It rolls off the tongue nicely. With all the things I do remember, what I've forgotten is the feel of his skin. His clumsy and indistinct words as they tumbled out of his mouth on the verge of his climax.

I don't remember having this stint of pain in my chest when I think about us.

Two years is an interrupted power nap for me.

Two years means a lifetime to him.

I know I'm bitter. But if this is the last time I'll see his face... then I have no right to taint his memory. I glance at the picture, and he comes into focus again; Kaidan looks like a knight. The smile that grows on my face is as natural as breathing.

I'll come back to you. We'll make everything all right.

Wait for me, Kaidan.

Redeem me, Kaidan.

I miss you, Kaidan.

So... Tell me how you liked my first attempt at a romance. xD;