I Almost Do

Part One:
Preparing for Nationals

Chapter One:
I Almost Do

I heard this song while working on my next chapter of 'We Could Have Had it All' and was inspired. It made me think of St. Berry in season 2.

This takes place after Rachel and Finn break up during season 2. Around Original Song. Since the songs they generally perform for the Glee club never make it to competitions, this is how this fits in. The song, I understand, wasn't released at this time but let's just pretend it was, ok?

And for those who read WCHHIA... Don't worry. Another chapter is coming very soon! I just had to get this out of my system.

Our assignments were clear. We had to write an original song and present it to the Glee Club for consideration for Regionals. For me - I wrote a lot of songs that fell flat on their face. I need to find a muse. After an unfortunate encounter with Quinn Fabray I had written an incredible song. One I was exceedingly proud of. As I sang 'Get it Right', Quinn looked rather annoyed at me - especially when she saw Finn's reaction to it. Good. She didn't deserve my friendship anymore. Not after what she did to me. Not how she did it - she never had any intentions of helping me or worrying about my feelings. No; she just wanted to make sure I was nowhere near Finn.

The thought that they were together... It really hurt... More than you could possibly imagine, however, it wasn't as bad as I had always assumed it would be. I always knew that deep down Finn and Quinn would find their way back to each other. They want similar things and neither of them care much about passing on this god forsaken town. Me? Well, New York wasn't a dream… It was an inevitability.

That's how Jesse had put it last year. I would be a star and I could never do that here. Sure - Finn and I stood a chance at surviving but if I had to be completely honest - I never saw Finn adventuring into New York. He would make an awesome teacher who would someday take over Glee Club. That's where I saw him. Not only was I getting to New York and being a star an inevitability so was Finn and my demise. We were a teenage dream.

That's not to say I don't love him because I do. He was in many ways a dream come true for me. I will always love him in a peculiar way. Was he my first love? No. That honour was reserved for one Jesse St. James.

On the surface, he was always my perfect match. Our goals, our inspirations, our dreams... Correction, our inevitabilities were the same. We loved the same music, musicals, show tunes... We both wanted to take over Broadway... We just worked together perfectly. We would strive to do whatever it took to be on top and oddly enough - it was that obsession with being on top that drove us apart.

First my whole debacle with Run Joey Run all because of Quinn's pathetic Glist fueling my pathological need to be popular then Jesse's desperate claw back to his rightful place on top of Vocal Adrenaline. I saw the anguish, the hesitation in his eyes before I egged him on - no pun intended. He loved me, I knew that without a doubt but I knew what it meant to be on top. To be the undisputed star. We had both sacrificed each other for the sake of popularity and the limelight.

That came with a price, of course. He went on to win Nationals, becoming the most decorated show choir lead in Ohio history, possibly the United States and eventually made his way to a little place called the University of California Los Angeles. You may have heard of it - it's in Los Angeles. He had contacted me a few times through email, more or less letting me know what he was up too. I never responded though. I was always too afraid of what would come of it if I had. He never apologised or even discussed what happened with our bitter end. He simply wrote to me as if I was a friend he missed dearly; a girlfriend even without actually being his girlfriend. I was with Finn… how could I have ever risked of being tempted to stray from him… kinda ironic isn't it? I still ended up straying from him – with Puck nonetheless.

Maybe that's not why I was so afraid to answer. Maybe I was afraid simply for the fact that with any 'hello' there's always a chance for Goodbye. The first time I said goodbye to him was torture; I could not imagine even attempting to do it a second time. It would destroy me and my predictions of being like Barba in 'The Way We Were' would become reality. We couldn't have that, could we?

We were now in Glee club. The group song was finished and it was amazing. Tonight, it was the job of our star dancers to come up with an incredible dance routine for it with rehearsals starting heavily tomorrow. Mr. Shue decided to open the floor to us to sing whatever it was we were thinking. It was all the opportunity I needed. I raised my hand and without hesitation, I was given the floor. I had heard this song earlier on my iPod. Jesse always had a closet crush on her, I swear, which would be a perfect explanation as to why her CD's were on my iPod.

I smiled as I recalled the last email. It was rather detailed and made this song just that more appropriate. I stood before my fellow glee club members with my head held high. I was losing the Rachel I had become when I was with Finn and slowly regaining my true self. The girl on her quest to New York. That quest would begin with Nationals this year. Nothing was going to stop me now. For now, though, I was going to express my feelings for one Jesse St. James. I only wish that he could hear this.

"I am going to sing something I don't think I ever have - country," I stated with a confident grin causing mixed reaction from the group.

Quinn looked very amused. "Considering that song you wrote, I think it is safe to assume you'll be doing one of Taylor Swift's pathetic 'he broke my heart' anthems?"

Mr. Shue went to say something to the blonde girl when I silenced him. I shot her a dirty look and locked my eyes with hers. This was becoming a battle with her. She loved trying to use her relationship with Finn to hurt me but I wasn't going to give her that ability anymore. She could have him; I still need some time to heal but I would get over it and move on. I had too.

"No, actually, while I am singing a Taylor Swift song it is neither an angry break up song nor is it directed towards your boyfriend," I snapped back. She pursed her lips at me.

"Glad to see you still have a backbone, Yentl." Santana laughed

I nodded at the Latina with a grin. "This song does show how I feel right now though. Puck? If you would?"

Puck stood with a grin and grabbed his guitar, taking a place on the stool beside mine. "Anything for my hot little Jewish American princess."

He began to play a soft melody, signature to Taylor Swift's ballads. I looked at him and smiled in appreciation and took my place beside him.

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

Jesse often told me about how his dorm room looked out into a gorgeous few of the city. He enjoyed his late nights either watching musicals or at a party. Often made me wonder when he did his academic work. I closed my eyes and remembered how I had first sung this song the night before around three in the morning. I couldn't sleep as per usual. Not with 'get it right' in my mind.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

Finn was looking at me perplexed and utterly confused while Quinn looked annoyed and not convinced that the song wasn't for Finn.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

How very true those words are. Anytime anything exciting or big in my life happens my first reaction is to always call Jesse and when things are bad - he's the one I want to tell me it will be all right. Even when I was with Finn. It's always been Jesse for me - just as it's always been Quinn for him. What happened next though - no one was expecting; especially me.

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It's probably better off this way.
And I confess, babe,
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.

His voice carried through the room with such a commanding force. Puck smirked and continued to play as I reeled in utter shock. Standing in the doorway, singing the bridge to one personal Taylor Swift song was Jesse. Jesse St. James had returned to McKinley for some unknown reason and he looked absolutely divine. He had on a right black T-shirt, jean jacket, scarf and tight black jeans. Undoubtedly his ensemble - necklaces included, were part of Alexander McQueen's line. Finn's reaction was predicable but he didn't dare to interrupt the song - partially due to Quinn's interference. She seemed to understand now the context of the song. As for the rest of the Glee club... They have mixed reactions. Santana shared a knowing look with Puck that I didn't miss. I would have to talk to them about it afterwards. Mercedes immediately grabbed her phone and began texting, no doubt sending the breaking news to Kurt. Tina, Mike and the rest seemed genuinely happy for me. Tina had always supported Jesse and I, even if the rest of the Glee club didn't.

Jesse was now standing in front of me as I stood with my profile facing the glee club. Our eyes locked as we sang together flawlessly.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

It was my job to end the song, which I did with as much emotion as I could muster. I apparently did such a good job since a few tears escaped my eyes.

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.

The explosions around me started and I didn't care. Puck whispered to me that I did well and said hey to Jesse like they were old friends before taking his seat. Mr. Shue kept the glee club… correction Finn at bay while Jesse and I were lost in our own world. He wiped a tear from my eye and smiled at me. It was a real smile with his eyes full of light and love.

"I do wonder about you, all the time," he whispered softly. "It's good to see you again Rachel. I do believe we have a lot to talk about. Maybe we could go to the auditorium?"

"That's a good idea," Mr. Shue stated before yelling at an irate Finn who was not only yelling about Jesse but now fighting with Quinn while the team watched amused. "You two go ahead. That was beautiful Rachel. Good to see you Jesse."

"As it is to see you," Jesse replied to Mr. S as he ushered me out the door

"Finn, sit down right now," I heard Mr. Shue yell from inside the choir room, "You are hardly in a position to be telling Rachel who she can and cannot be around. Sit down and show some respect."

Finn being yelled at due to his obvious display of jealousy was amusing. I could only imagine how livid Quinn was at the moment. At the moment, I didn't care; frankly, they both deserved it. The walk was silent yet pleasant. There was never any awkward silences between us. Everything was comfortable if not natural for us. With Finn, I always felt like I had to be less Rachel and more... Quinn. The trophy wife is what she would be. Me? I was destined for greater things.

Once in the auditorium I let out a giggle and ran to the stage. Jesse seemed amused by this but followed behind with grace and poise. I couldn't help but twirl on the stage before taking a spot with my feet dangling at center stage. Jessie's laugh filled the space with so much spirit. He took his place beside me and playfully nudged me.

"This is a different style for you," Jesse noted giving me a once over. "You look like..."

"Quinn?" I finished as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Yeah well…"

"Why did you guys break up?" Jesse asked looking at me pointedly

"When you and I were together… that night we almost did it," I began emphasising the point, "He apparently did it with Sanatna. He, however, told me that he was still a virgin. Lied to me about it for months. I found out about it and in anger…"

Jesse laughed, "You made out with Puck, didn't you?"

I blushed, Jesse knew me far too well. It was almost unnerving. I nodded and nervously put my hair behind my ear. "I told him and he broke up with me. Now he's back with Quinn who not only made out with Puck but slept with him, carried his baby and lied to it for months last year. She can be forgiven but me? Nope. I should be surprised but honestly, I'm not. I mean… he lied to me for so long and I'm the only one at fault…"

"He's a child, Rachel," Jesse pointed out before he straightened out. He turned to face me, resting the side of his knee on the stage and held my hands. "Rachel I wanted to…"

"Apologize?" I asked with a grin, "I understand. What you did with Vocal Adrenaline isn't all that far off from what I did with that video. Well… no, the egging was far worse but the reasoning was almost the same. Don't worry about it anymore. I forgave you months ago."

"You have to know it's my one great regret. I traded love for a four consecutive national's title. It really wasn't worth it. For a first, maybe, but a fourth? No. It was a bum deal."

I nodded, I could see the sadness and regret in his eyes, "Is that why you wrote me all those times?"

Jesse sighed and looked towards the back of the autotorium. "I wanted to feel close to you again. I knew you were reading them but I also knew you weren't telling me to go away. I figured as long as you're not telling to go that I always had a shot. I knew you were with Finn, however, I also knew that it would never last."

"Why did you come back?" I asked, taking his hand again, offering him a soft smile.

"I had to watch you, Rachel," he whispered turning towards me again, "When I discovered that you and Finn had met your inevitable demise I knew I had to come back and make things right."

I raised my eyebrow when I realized we were in the middle of a semester. I know Universities let out early, however, it was never this early.

"When do you go back to school?" I inquired knowing this was the only way to ask without seeming suspicious

Jesse ran a hand through his dark hair. He was nervous, something was wrong. "I flunked out. I thought college would be like it was at Carmel. I was in Show Choir for crying out loud! I figured they would hire some Asian to do my science and mathematics classes. While I excelled in my major classes, my general education and elective classes were all zeros. They kicked me out."

My eyes grew wide in shock. I don't know what surprised me more. The fact that Carmel hired students to do school work for their show choir performers or that Jesse flunked out of UCLA.

"What are you going to do now?"

Jesse shrugged. "I know I eventually want to get to New York. I've looked into Juliard and NYADA as well as a few others, however, due to my stellar grades at UCLA, I have two choices. Go back to High School for a year or so and upgrade my classes, do AP courses or go to community college and build a better GPA."

I couldn't hide the obvious disappointed look on my face, no matter how hard I tried. "I suppose that means back to Carmel and Vocal Adrenaline huh?"

Jesse shook his head which, I will admit, surprised me. "No, god no. I would not go back to my parents place if you paid me. They prefer to support me financially from afar and I couldn't agree more with them. I am sticking with my aunt and uncle here in Lima. I am going to go over it and if I can compete with a high school show choir, despite technically graduating than I will see if Mr. Shue will allow me to come here and if I can't then I will attend university here in Lima to up my GPA until I can get to New York."

I was completely stunned. Absolutely shocked, stun and nearly at a loss for words! I'm Rachel Berry, I have never been rendered speechless. Then it dawned on me; something wasn't quite right.

"There's community colleges in New York where you can upgrade, isn't there? I mean wouldn't you want to do that and audition whenever you can?"

He smiled and handed me a nod as he laid his warm hand on my cheek. "Always so observant, Rachel Berry. That is an option, of course, however, you are forgetting one very important point. You're not in New York yet. I told you I wanted to make things right. That would be extremely difficult to do from New York. I would much rather watch you all the time. I have traded love for fame once, I will roll over in my grave before I ever do that again."

I didn't know what else to say. He was willing to stay in god forsaken Ohio until I was ready to make my move to New York. He wanted me and declared his love for me all over. I felt this warmth in my body I had only ever truly experienced with him. I did the only thing instinct told me to do. I leaped ahead and pressed my lips against his as my arms wrapped around his neck. This stunned him, however, not for long. Within seconds, his arms were around me and fireworks went off as he kissed me back.

We stayed like this for a few moments before we finally broke apart. I smiled and laid my head against his shoulder. It was unspoken but it was clear – Jesse was mine and I would forever be his. I knew whatever he decided would not go over well with the other members of the Glee club, particularly my co-captain but I didn't care. This was where I belonged. Jesse mumbled something about getting back to the Glee club as he helped me get up. We walked off the stage together and towards the doors with our hands together. Just as we neared the exit leading into the McKinley halls Jesse finally broke the silence.

"So, what are you doing for prom?"

There ya go! The song is 'I Almost Do' by Taylor Swift.

I have chapter 20 of WCHHIA about 50% done so it should be up soon.