DRIVING MISS RAZIEL

Disclaimer: Only Lupa & Vladimir and Vladimir's house actually belong to me: all other characters and locations do not. Raziel and Nosgoth belong to Eidos and the good people who created Legacy of Kain: Kurt (blue fur and all!) belongs to those lovely people at Marvel Comics. All Ó remains with them.

Author's Note: This story takes place before Raziel fights Kain at the end of Soul Reaver 1 – not that this has anything to do with the actual plot that follows!!! *grins…thinks: "Plot? What plot?"*

"Raz, can you drive?"

"Little busy….right now…sorry…."

Raziel, wings flaring angrily, turned and swiped with his bare claws as the Soul Reaver abandoned him. The Dumahim snarled and tried to circle him, watching for weak spots.

Lupa put her hands on her hips and started tapping her foot, impatiently.

The Dumahim adult lunged forward, and Raziel scraped his claws across its ugly face. It backed off, screeching angrily, and Lupa gave an interrogative cough. Raziel groaned.

"All right….what? Drive? You mean as in a car type driving?"

He pivoted on one cloven hoof and kicked the vampire backwards as it tried to rush him, and it stumbled into a convenient pointy sculpture mounted on the wall. Impaled, it shrieked and began to burn up.

"Of course I can't drive," Raziel said, tearing aside his cowl and drawing the vampire's soul in to consume it. "Why should I be able to? Nosgoth isn't known for its tarmac or pedestrian crossings."

Lupa sat down on a nearby rock and sulked.

" Got my driving test tomorrow," she sniffed. "Just thought you might have picked up a few extra skills while you were staying with Kurt that last time."

"Why don't you ask him then? I know he has a car."

"He drives like a maniac. No-one who changes gear with his tail should be allowed on the road. I wouldn't go out driving with him if you gave me full body armour."

Raziel replaced his scarf and went over to her. "Look, you'll do fine," he said, doing his best at the comforting thing. It wasn't really his best skill, being as he was an emaciated wreck of a creature with eyes and claws from some gothic nightmare – but he did his best. He even reached out with his heavy claws and patted her uncertainly on the shoulder. "Um…there, there," he offered. Lupa gave him a look that said, quite plainly, There there? What am I, a toddler?

"I'm gonna fail," she said, with utter certainty.

"Well, it's your first time. Lots of people fail first time."

"Not me," Lupa said, darkly. "I don't do failing. That's why driving makes me so cross. I'm no good at it."

Raziel thought about this for a minute or so, then said: "I wasn't any good at swimming at first either…"

Lupa laughed, bitterly. "Believe me, if learning to drive was achieved by killing the driving instructor and absorbing his soul, I'd have been there already and be zooming about in a convertible right now."

Raziel's eyes glowed brighter in amusement.

They walked through the Sanctuary of the Clans, heading for the nearest warp-gate. Raziel held his arm up, the Soul Reaver curling around it like a snake. The ugly glow of the wraith-blade illuminated the ruins and threw dancing shadows before them as they walked, Lupa's paws silent, Raziel's hooves making a regular click-click-click on the hard rock surface.

"So where to?" Raziel asked, activating the gate. Lupa watched as the greenish warp-bubble tracked through possible destinations: The Seraphan Gate, Zephon's Keep, Domino's Pizza, Middle-Earth, The Drowned Abbey, Westchester, Rouge City, and many, many others, far too many to list here.

She pointed. "This one," she said, and the views stopped cycling.

Raziel walked through the gate as calmly as if he were taking a Sunday stroll: Lupa followed with rather more trepidation. She hated the sensation that the gates gave the traveller – a feeling of being stretched out like gum and then snapped back. She was still scratching behind one ear, trying to shake the feeling of small insects crawling in her fur, when Raziel stopped directly in front of her and said: "Where's this, then?"

"This is where I live…"

Raziel stared about at the quiet street for a whole second before turning on his heel and starting back towards the gate.

"Hey, wait! Where are you going?"

"I'm not staying around here!" he exploded, with perhaps rather more vehemence than he had intended. "Your mad housemate lives here! He scares me!"

Lupa looked him up and down, once.

"Let me get this straight," she said, dryly. "You have the general appearance of a half-starved homicidal demon – and you're scared of my housemate."

"He's a nut," said Raziel firmly.

"Don't worry. I just want to borrow his car."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? You don't have your licence yet!"

Lupa ignored him and walked up to the door of her house. "Damn…no keys…Vladimir!" she bellowed up at the open window on the first floor. "Vladimir, get your ass down here and let me in."

"Go away," came the response.

"Vladimir, it's me."

"Well, who else would it be?" the voice retorted. "Strange women do not generally stand under my window and scream, sadly enough."

"Look, if he doesn't want to be disturbed," Raziel interrupted reasonably, "why don't you come back to Nosgoth with me? We can stay at Dumah's, it's warm in there now I've got the furnace going…"

"Who's that?" the voice from above called, sounding interested. "I'm coming down."

"It's just Raziel," Lupa shouted, and there were footsteps on the stairs within.

"Ohh, no," said Raziel, turning on his heel, "I'm leaving."

Lupa's hand whipped out and grabbed his wrist in an iron grip.

Vladimir opened the door and stepped out onto the pavement, smiling.

"You must be Raz," he said, grabbing Raziel's claws to shake. "She's told me so much about you. Do you really not have a lower jaw?" He reached up for the hem of the scarf.

Raziel pulled his scarf away with a meaningful growl and a look at Lupa that said: I will kill him, you know. It's what I do.

"Uh, Vladimir," Lupa said quickly, "no-touchee on the scarf, okay?"

"Oookay," said Vladimir, affably, and popped back indoors. "Come on in. I'll put the kettle on."

Raziel stood on the doorstep as Lupa bounded into the hall, and glowered.

"Oh, come on," Lupa wheedled, turning in the doorway, "he's nice really if a bit loopy, and we don't have to stay for long. I just want him for his car."

"I'm glad you don't want him for his personality and charm," Raziel growled, and wiped his cloven feet carefully on the mat as Lupa closed the door behind him.

"Don't be silly," Lupa whispered to Raziel as they watched Vladimir's scarily inaccurate attempts to make tea, "that'd be like me wanting you for your pretty face."

"Hey," Raziel objected. "I'll have you know it used to be a very highly-regarded face, this."

Lupa patted him on his exposed ribs and smiled. "I know, babe," she said. "I liked your old face too."

Vladimir pressed a large mug into Raziel's claws. "Tea," he said briefly, before disappearing off to the fridge again to put the milk away. Raziel held the mug, surprised that he could grip it. The handle was very wide and the mug itself had indents in the pottery as if perfectly suited for his three-clawed hand.

"It's Kurt's," Lupa explained. "It's designed for weird fingers. Just don't drink the tea."

"What?"

"Not advisable. Pour it in the plant pot."

Raziel regarded a rather sad-looking cheese-plant.

"Don't worry, it's used to it," Lupa said. "Just get rid of it quick before he comes back."

"I'm already dead, what harm is it going to do?" Raziel asked.

"Suit yourself, but I'm going to take cover until the fizzing and the screaming dies down."

Raziel abruptly splashed the contents of his mug all over the plant just before Vladimir came back in with a packet of biscuits.

"Biscuit anyone?"

Raziel glanced at Lupa, who thought for a split-second, then nodded. He took a biscuit gingerly and held it in the tips of his claws, uncertain of what best to do with it.

"Sorry," Vladimir said, "I should have got you a straw or something for the tea." He was looking at the drenched plant.

"Yes," Raziel said, putting the biscuit away under his cowl, "I tried my best but I'm afraid most of it escaped me. It smelt interesting though."

"So, Vladimir, can I have the keys?" Lupa interrupted.

"What? Keys? What?"

"Car keys? You said I could borrow your car? I want to take Raziel for a drive."

"But you haven't passed yet," Vladimir objected.

"I'm only going to drive round the field in the back. Off road! Pleeeeeeeease?"

Vladimir looked at her suspiciously for a moment, then grinned.

"Okay. Here you go."

He threw a set of keys at her. "Just watch it when you're driving it out the garage. I just had the panels beaten."

Lupa snatched the keys out of the air.

"Yesss! C'mon, Raz, let's go!"

"Is she safe?" Raziel asked as Vladimir followed them to the back door, Lupa running ahead of them.

Vladimir winked his yellow eye.

"Only when it's not full moon. Don't worry, kid. You'll be fine."

The back door slammed shut behind him. Raziel looked up to see the full circle of the moon just hiding behind a straggle of cloud.

"Raz, come on," Lupa called impatiently, and revved the engine of Vladimir's VW Beetle.

"I knew I was safer with the block puzzles," Raziel muttered to himself, and got into the car.

Okay, so it's not really going anywhere yet…! Will Raziel escape from the VW with all limbs intact? Will Vladimir get his car back? Is the cheese-plant going to mutate? Let me know what you think….be nice *sniffsniff* cos it's my first try…please R/R.