I wrote this for the songfic challenge on The Twin Exchange with the song "Don't Wake Me" by Skillet. Before I receive any reviews pointing out that I didn't follow it perfectly, I never intended to. The song was merely a starting point. Besides, the lyrics don't really say much, do they?
Hope you enjoy it.
"Ron," she whispered, reaching out to touch his face. "I love you." Her eyes filled with sadness. "Don't you love me back?"
"Of course," he replied hoarsely. "I always have."
Her face hardened. "If that were true, you wouldn't have done this. You don't love me, Ron – not enough." She turned and walked away.
"Hermione," he called. Ron tried to take a step forward, but his foot remained planted on the ground. After regaining his balance, he again tried to claim her attention. "Hermione, I'm sorry! You've got to believe me."
She did not turn back.
Ron sat up so quickly that he hurt his neck. The pain went unnoticed, however, as he recalled his dream. As usual, it was already fading, leaving behind only the end. It was the same bitter ending that he always had, a reminder of how much he had screwed up.
"It didn't end that way," he muttered to reassure himself.
Like always, he felt worse as he recalled how it had actually gone. He had foolishly told Hermione he did not feel the same about her anymore. After a short argument, Ron had let her run out. He could have gone after her. He could have begged to take his words back.
Instead he had been pleased at the opportunity to ask out the new bird at work.
He had quickly found her too dim-witted with hair too straight and opinions too agreeable to his own. In short, she had not been Hermione. Ron wanted his Hermione back, but she wasn't his Hermione anymore.
Knowing he could stay up forever analyzing all the places he had messed up, Ron rolled over to go back to bed. It was no longer a good idea for him to sleep with Hermione on his mind, but his dreams always centered around her anyway.
Ron slowed as he reached the door to her flat surprisingly early in the morning for him. Despite having been there hundreds of times, Ron felt foreign and unwelcome. Likely he was. He hesitantly lifted a hand and knocked on the door. After an eternity, it opened.
"Ron," Hermione said, her face hardening as soon as she caught sight of him.
"Hello, Hermione," he replied awkwardly. "Can I come in?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," she said with a glance inside her apartment.
Ron wished he knew what she was looking at. He also wished he hadn't let her go in the first place. He wished they were at his flat, laughing like children as they got out of bed.
"Look," he finally said. "I know I've been a git, and I know you're furious with me. I know you probably want nothing to do with me, but I'm sorry. I don't deserve a second chance. Could you give me one anyway?"
He looked at her with red ears as she bit her lip. Just as she opened her mouth to reply, a male voice cut her off from inside the flat. "Hermione? Who is it?"
Ron's nose flared as Oliver Wood appeared behind Hermione, his button-up shirt hanging open.
Hermione flushed, embarrassed for whom, Ron was uncertain. "I'm sorry, Ron," she said. "I know this may be hard for you, but I've moved on." She gazed up at Oliver as she spoke. "I think it would be a good idea if you did the same. Goodbye."
With that, she disappeared into the flat, leaving Oliver and Ron facing each other. After a few tense moments, Oliver offered him a faltering grin. "You two broke up weeks ago. No hard feelings, right?"
No hard feelings? Ron could feel his face turning redder as he replied, "Of course not." Without saying goodbye, he left. He had gone about thirty paces when he heard Oliver close the door. Ron imagined them talking about him for a few minutes before going back to whatever they'd been up to when he had interrupted. He refused to imagine what it might have been.
Once again, Ron opened his eyes, although he was at least still staring up at the ceiling this time. That first time he had seen her with another man had been hard. Oliver's face flashed before his, quickly morphing into Seamus Finnegan, Draco Malfoy, some muggle bloke, and even Percy – all the guys he had seen Hermione with either in person or in tabloid pictures with since they'd broken up.
According to Harry, Ginny thought Hermione was using the various men as rebounds and switching boyfriends every month was her way of proving she still longed for Ron.
He disagreed. That had not been the only time Ron had tried to apologize to Hermione, but she wanted nothing to do with him. She always said there was no reason to revisit a childhood romance when they were both adults now (words that stung him to the core). Besides, he notied that her freedom to move on to whoever she fancied seemed to make her feel more active and alive than ever.
He couldn't get along that well. Aside from the two dates he'd had with his coworker, Ron had not even attempted to get out and about. No one compared to Hermione; he saw no point in trying.
The dreams, while not enough, were almost enough. Ron could pretend they were still together if he went to bed in a good enough mood. Even if he didn't, she still appeared in them, the object he could no longer have. Negative or not, Hermione was present in a way he couldn't get in reality anymore.
They were his sanity, the reason he never wanted to wake up.