If Russia was in Hogwarts RRD/RRC spoiler alert for first bk!
One day Random Russian Dude got a letter from Hogwarts in Russia. He wondered what a Hogwarts was and then he went to Dragon Alley and bought an owl he named Random Russian Owl. Then he went to the wand store and met Mr Ollivander. Good morning Random Russian Dude said. Good evening said mr Ollivander. Then they tried out a wand for Random Russian Dude.
Random Russian Dude got a wand that was twin with Voltmeter's wand. Random Russian Dude wondered who Voldemort was when he left the store with Random Russian Owl. Then a redhead spoke to him.
"Hey I'm Random Russian Communist", the redhead said. Random Russian Communist was tall with freckles and red hair that was almost on fire because he was too close to a brazier. At least that was what they thought but then Random Russian Dude realised that there were other redheads that were his brothers. Except for one that was his sister.
"Hello I'm Random Russian Girl", his sister said shyly. Random Russian Dude didn't pay much attention to her. Then a girl with brown hair appeared.
"I'm Random Russian Smuggle Girl", the brown head said. Random Russian Dude shrugged and then he followed the Random Russian Half Giant to another store and got ice cream that was named Magnum. It tasted awesome because it was magic.
Then he said goodbye to Random Russian Half Giant and went to the train with Random Russian Communist. People were amazed by Random Russian Dude and took pictures of him. Random Russian Communist was jealous.
Then at the train Random Russian Smuggle Girl appeared and repaired Random Russian Dude's glasses. Random Russian Communist tried to be a show off and attempted to turn his Random Russian Rat into a Random Russian Yellow Rat but it failed and the Random Russian Smuggle Girl was not impressed. Then they got to Hogwarts and there was a sorting.
They put a Random Russian Hat on their heads and he said what they would be. Random Russian Smuggle Girl was in Gryffindors and another Random Russian ended up in the Coco-puffs house and another Random Russian went to Ravenswood and then an evil boy called Random Russian Evilness went to Slutherin and then a boy called Martin Luther went to Gryffindors too after a while because the Random Russian Hat doubted him then it was Random Russian Dude's turn.
The Random Russian Hat said: "you are awesome and I can't find my pretentious words at the moment because I cannot read the dictionary as I am a hat so I will sort you to Gryffindors."
Everyone applauded and then Random Russian Dude prepared to eat delicious food but then the ghost of King Louis XVI showed up and he was nearly headless because apparently the guillotine didn't manage to really cut his head of. And the Slytherins had a ghost too. Random Russian Dude asked who it was and it was the ghost of Stalin!
No one cared about the other ghosts so then Random Russian Communist's big brother Random Russian Sissy led them to the Gryffindors tower and all the Random Russians and Martin Luther was chilling in the room.