A/N: So I'm feeling kind of bored and nostalgic… Please read and review, constructive criticism is welcome!
What's the point in life when we can tell we're going to lose it anyway? When we know that death will come on swift wings no matter what? When every effort turns out to be completely futile? Nevertheless, we struggle with this vain thing called life anyway.
These were some of the thoughts haunting Lee Jordan that fateful June day as he sat in his apartment, drinking his troubles away. He hadn't felt this-there was really no other word to describe his ominous mood-philosophical since the day he saw his sister murdered. He examined the Pensieve on his table warily. It swirled with a silvery starch. Lee knew they were memories-his memories. He wanted to get out of the chaos he was in, he wanted out of the drunken haze he was living. He wanted to die. He had never felt so miserable in his life. He had never wanted to see anyone die, never wanted to gaze upon a thestral, if this were the consequence.
He took a deep breath. Man up. You're from Gryffindor, not bloody Slytherin. He had never dreamed he would feel like this again. He had vowed to himself that Hebe would be the last. He never wanted to feel this grief again, never wanted to mourn. He wanted out. He plunged his head into the Pensieve until he was submerged. Then he shut his eyes and watched.
It was so bizarre. He was standing in bright sunlight outside when, just moments ago, he had been inside his dreary tenement. He heard shrill laughter, euphoric shrieks. It was jarring from the loneliness he had become accustomed to up until very recently. Instinctively he crouched low to the ground, behind a thicket to watch.
He saw a young black girl on a swing, cheering with laughter. He saw her swinging high, parallel to the bar in which was holding up her seat. She was hardly containing her joy. Lee could see she was bursting with happiness.
"Higher, Lee, Higher!" she shrieked. He tensed as he saw his younger self. He was maybe nine, with shaggy dreadlocks and a smile missing several teeth. The younger Lee caught the girl just as she flew backward and let go.
"You're no fun," she pouted, crossing her arms as the boy set her feet down carefully. "You know I wouldn't fall!" Now that she said it, Lee realized how powerful her magic had been, even when she had only been but five. Her magic had been stronger, more vibrant his.
"And Mum would be mad," the boy answered, sounding far more reasonable than Lee had in years and much more cheerful than he felt now. "You know she doesn't like it because of Dad. She thinks we're-we're freaks."
"I don't think you're a freak, Lee," the little girl said earnestly. She was about five, her thick curly hair shining as sunlight hit it. "You're the best brother ever!"
A silvery cloud swamped Lee's vision. When it went away, he was standing next to a sofa in a dank house.
"I don't want you to do any bloody witchcraft!" a woman snapped. "I don't want bloody stupid kids!" He watched as she raised her arm before whacking the younger version of Lee. He saw her pick up something and she hit him with it. He saw the younger version of him stagger away, a long red weal on his cheek showing pink flesh. He saw the boy manage to crawl away, into the darkness of the adjacent hall, but his eyes were gleaming in the gloom. The woman turned to the trembling girl. The woman's eyes were full of hatred. She kicked the girl hard in the stomach, so that she started crying. Lee felt pain prick his neck. The scene tumbled around.
When he resurfaced he found he was standing in a schoolyard, one that he recognized very well. He saw, around an acre away, a large brick building that he recognized as his elementary school. He took in the young boys playing football in the field, kicking the ball away from the others. He took in the swing set-a different one from the first. He saw, with a jolt somewhere near his naval, the merry-go-round. That was where he was drawn too.
"You're such a freak, Jordan, why don't you just go hang yourself! No one likes you anyways," a girl with blonde hair crowed. Lee recognized the black girl from the memory before. She began shaking as tears sprang from her eyes.
"Go cry about it, baby," jeered another girl.
He saw his former self sprinting across the schoolyard to stand in front of her. "Go away," the boy cried, shaking his fist at them. "You're nothing but bullies!" Lee noticed he had a cut running down the length of his face, still oozing blood.
"Well," the blonde sneered, sardonic, "My parents don't want me to hang around your type. My father says your father was nothing but a fool and a bum!" The rest of the children howled with laughter as the boy blushed scarlet.
"Let's go, Hebe," he said, tugging at the black girl's arm.
The tightness spread in Lee's chest as he watched. He quickly reached up to brush some tears away as the scene changed.
Now he was in the playground where the boy and the girl had been swinging at first. The boy was maybe a year older. He had a long scar running down his face. One of his eyes were blackened, but he was smiling. "C'mon Piper! This way!"
Lee saw a girl with long brown hair follow him. They headed through the playground, down the hill, and jumped over the creek. Lee followed. He saw the boy take the girl by the hand and lead her down to a flat piece of concrete. It might have once been a foundation for an ancient house, but now it was weathered and cracked. Lee recognized it.
"Right here, Piper," the boy said proudly. "This is the best place."
"How did you find this place?" Piper asks, awed.
"Actually, Hebe found it," he said pleasantly.
Lee knew what happened next. He knew how children were. He knew how innocent and blameless children were, and they always thought a little peck on the cheek would be justifiable from their peers. Indeed, as he watched, the boy kissed Piper on the cheek. Lee was so aware of it, so aware of this because it had been him, nine years ago.
There was a crashing sound from overhead in the woods. "Lee! Lee!"
"Control your sister, why don't you?" Piper said irritably.
And then he saw the girl appear over the hill and run down to the concrete platform. "Lee, Lee! There was someone else at the house! I heard shouting inside!"
"Just go home," the boy said roughly. "Hebe, just go home. I'll be back in a few minutes."
"But-" Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm scared, Lee."
"Don't be a coward, just go home!" the boy shouted. Lee, the boy, and Piper watched as she traipsed through the woods clumsily.
"You know," Piper said icily, "Everyone was right. You and your sister are freaks." And she, too, began to head back up to the playground, leaving a dumbfounded boy staring after her.
Eventually the boy picked himself up and headed up the hill. Lee followed. They were at the playground. A block away, he could see his house. And he realized his sister hadn't been lying, for a stranger's car was in the driveway.
A scream ripped the air, so full of agony it pierced Lee's heart as he watched. He did not wait on the younger him. He tore down the street, running as fast as his feet would carry him to see what he knew would be happening. He ran straight through the door rather than opening it, and was surprised to find he glided soundlessly through it. He saw his mother's body lying on the carpet, her head oozing blood. He saw the masked man hold a knife over Hebe's throat. Just as the young boy pushed through the door-
The man jerked the knife raggedly across the girl's throat. The boy stumbled back, his eyes wide and horrified. The girl's face was ravaged by a bright red smile that went from ear to ear, her head lolling aimlessly on what remained of the neck. Blood gurgled out of the gash, hot and sticky, all over the masked man and his clothes, turning his hands a slimy red.
"Hebe…" the boy whispered. The man whipped around and stood to move towards the boy, but the boy was quicker. He made it to the door just as the killer did, but the boy slammed his toes into the door and took off running down the street. He ran to his neighbor's house, knocked the door, and began to scream at the top of his lungs about what he had just witnessed.
The murder was so grisly Lee had to turn his head, but he was interested in seeing the man. Maybe he could see him… And hunt him down… And make him pay for what he had done to his sister… The police had never found him.
The scene dissolved into smoke. Now he was in Hogwarts, which was just as painful as the murders of his mother and sister. He knew what this was.
He was standing beside the lake. He was older now, around thirteen. He was talking to a girl with wavy auburn hair. Lee stepped closer to hear what they were saying.
"-no, Alicia, I really like you-"
"I'm sorry, but you're just a fool."
"You like Fred and George!"
"Look, just do me a favor, and leave me alone."
"But-"
The girl rounded on him. "Just go away, will you?"
And that had been the beginning of a glorious relationship, Lee thought now with a faint smile. That had been the beginning of everything. It had been the beginning of his relationship with the girl he was now married to, the one he had eloped with upon graduating, and they already had two daughters and another on the way.
The next scene had happened the day before.
He was standing in Hogwarts next to Percy, Harry, and Fred. His heart was already wrenched by the knowledge of what was going to happen. He steps back a distance. Lee had no desire to watch the death of one of his best friends-again.
He saw the Death Eaters arrive. There was a rumbling sound. He saw everyone shy away. He saw it all happen so quickly. Fred collapsed.
"Don't die on me," Lee whispered, knowing very well what would happen. "Don't die on me now."
It was too late.
He jerked himself out of the Pensieve, gasping. He tried to convince himself that everything he had just seen was a dream. It was no use. He knew no amount of charms or spells would wish Fred and Hebe back from the dead.
My life is lousy, he thought. My life is a fiasco of disappointments. My life is nothing…
He heard the door to the room open. "Lee?" a soft voice asked hesitantly. "Lee, are you okay?"
He straightened over the Pensieve and its swirling contents and turned to gaze at the woman who had stepped in. If only he'd had the forethought when yesterday, and he could have saved Fred Weasley's life. If he'd had the forethought nine years ago, Hebe Jordan might still be here, one of the most powerful witches of the time.
He didn't have forethought, though.
He met the woman's eyes. "I'm fine, Alicia," Lee said quietly. He crossed the room in a few long strides and wrapped his arms around his wife's waist. They were silent for several minutes. Lee pressed his lips to her forehead, and they stayed quiet, observing the contents of the stone basin. Images of Hebe and the younger Lee and Alicia and two infants soared through the fog but never left the Pensieve.
"Alicia?" Lee began hoarsely.
"Yes?" she asked timidly.
"I have forethought to-to tell you I love you, in case things get dangerous."
"I love you too, Lee."