Random little oneshot I started ages ago and finally finished during a class that was super duper boring.
Disclaimer: I don't own Stand By Me or Gordie or Chris. I own the other characters in this, however.
Warning: Slight cursing. Nothing over dramatic.
Yes there's some gayness in here. Beware, or whatever. It's ridiculous that I should have to warn people about the presence of homosexuality. That's so stupid.
Flamers: Go be insecure and ignorant somewhere else.
Reviews are enjoyed but not demanded.
Notify me of any mistakes of any sort. Except for plot errors; this is AU, people.
It is two forty in the morning. I am tired. Goodnight then.
Chris wanted to go home.
Not that his rundown apartment was much of a home, but he'd rather be there than here.
He didn't often come out to bars, because he refused to drink. Even through all of the pressures of his college friends and expectations, he managed to not follow the same path his father had, and in his nineteen years of life, still remained permanently sober. So it was a rare deal for him to make an appearance at a bar. Except, today was his friend's birthday, and the small group of people he befriended at college talked him into attending the celebration with them.
So here he was, cheering his friend Chad into downing another shot of hard liquor. Chris was the youngest of his group, and the rest of his friends were either old enough to get their own alcohol, or friendly enough with the bartender to talk their way into a beer.
Together, their small group had five people. Chad was the oldest, at a lovely twenty-five years old. He had started college late because it had taken him a few extra years to save up enough money to go. But he was in his third year now, along with Bobby and Randy. Ellie was the only girl in their group, but she was a complete tomboy and Chris was pretty sure she wasn't attracted to the opposite sex.
The bar they were at was called Eleanor's Pub, named after the owner's late wife. It was a small place, and a little out of the way from their college campus, but Chad loved the tiny pub and introduced it to his friends, who had immediately chosen it as the perfect place for Chad's birthday party, and pretty much just showed up at Chris's apartment and dragged him along.
Randy had already bought some drinks from the bar and had gotten Chad his very own round of shots, but they had chosen an actual table instead of barstools so that either a waiter or waitress would come over and offer them greasy finger foods.
Sure enough, about seven minutes into Chad's fourth shot, a young guy in a black button-down shirt and black slacks approached the table with a notepad and pencil.
"Aw, damn," Chad said, sounding only a little buzzed. "We were hoping for a chick waiter." He grinned stupidly at the boy. "Not that you're not pretty and all," he added, smile widening as the poor boy flushed. "But only one of us will be able to mentally have sex with you while you feed us." Chris, along with the rest of the table, laughed at that. Chris expected them all to look teasingly at Ellie, but to his confusion, the other four members were giggling knowingly at him. It took a second to realize why they were staring at him instead of the girl in their group, but the moment it clicked in, he began to protest.
"Wait, what? No, I-"
"Bring us some hot wings, won't you? And maybe some onion rings while you're at it," Bobby chimed in, cutting off any argument from Chris. The waiter scurried away, and although Chris hadn't really had a good look at him, he could imagine that the guy was probably still blushing furiously. Chris turned on his friends the second the guy was out of earshot.
"What the hell was that about?" He crossed his arms and gave each friend a healthy glare. "I'm not a homo. Don't spread rumors in places about stuff that's not true." But instead of apologizing and trying to convince him that it was only a joke, his friends kept smiling at him.
"Oh, come on, Chris. You know you don't have to hide things from us. We're all friends, right? Hey, we didn't have a problem when Ellie came clean, and we kind of already guessed about you, so you don't even have to really have to officially come out or anything," Randy explained. Chris went to argue again, but something caught his attention.
"Wait, what about Ellie? You- you came out? You're a lesbian? Randy was right?"
"You can't possibly tell me that you think I'm into men," Ellie said flatly, gesturing to the men's clothes she was wearing, the boyish haircut she had, and then waved a hand around the table. "There's a reason I'm friends with guys without sleeping with any of them." Chris stared at his glass of Coke that Randy had gotten him, wondering why he should even be surprised by this. He had always pinned Ellie for someone who didn't chase after boys, anyway.
"Okay, yeah, I kind of already guessed," Chris admitted. "But I'm not gay."
"Nice try, Chambers," Bobby teased. "We aren't stupid. But hey, I think the waiter is up for a nice little homosexual spin. He was totally checking out your ass when we first came in here." He turned to Chad. "That's what homosexuals check out, right? A guy's ass?"
"Well, I don't really think he could check out other parts through jeans, right? So it would have to be his ass. But maybe they check out other stuff, like arms. Chris, do you guys check out arms, too, or is it just parts to have sex with?"
"What? Jesus, guys, I already said-"
"Here are your onion rings, guys. The wings will be out in a few minutes," the waiter said suddenly, popping out of nowhere with a huge tray of deep-fried battered circles.
"Oh! Just in time! We were just asking our dear friend here what guys look at when they see another guy!" Chad spoke up loudly, gesturing wildly with his shot glass. "What's your name, anyway?"
It was a split second before the waiter answered that Chris actually turned to look at him. He once more noticed the neat, black clothing, and also saw that the kid was kind of gangly and bony. He had soft looking brown hair, though. Chris began examining his face, but froze. And then examined it again. And again, because there was absolutely no way-
"Um, it's Gordie. And I have no idea what parts guys look at. For other guys. Is there anything else I can get-"
"You could get our friend Chris here a good look at your ass," Chad piped up, and Chris wanted to smack the crap out of him. Except he was still in shock because Gordie was right there and god it had been so long since he last saw him. Gordie shot a bewildered look around the table, and went to reply to the tipsy Chad, but he paused. And then he ran his gaze around the table again, stopping right on Chris.
"Hi," Chris managed, wanting to add in that he most definitely did not want to check out Gordie's ass or harass him in any way that his friends were suggesting, but his brain couldn't wrap around the fact that his childhood best friend was four feet away. Gordie continued to gape at him, but then Chris saw a change occur in his expression. In fact, he could probably pinpoint the exact moment when Gordie remembered the reason why he hadn't seen him in ages, and the thin brunette shot a withering glare at him.
"Well, he's out of goddamn luck. If he wanted to see me shake my ass, he lost the opportunity a few years ago. I'll get the wings," he muttered, spinning gracefully and storming off. The table was silent for a moment before Bobby turned to Chris.
"You already know him?"
"Y-yeah," Chris whispered. "We used to be best friends. Before I met you guys," he added at Chad's scandalized look. Chris never had more than one best friend as a kid, because Gordie was the closest person he had. But now the four people sharing a table with him were equally close to Chris, and they probably were long overdue for the story of Gordie.
"Spill it, Chambers," Ellie prodded.
"About two years ago, he… he came out to me. It took a lot of guts and I probably should have already known, but I didn't and I freaked out on him. My dad and brother were both homophobes, and even though I never was one," he shot a quick, meaningful look to Ellie, "I just… exploded. It was really bad. I said so many things… I can't even imagine how it felt to be on the receiving end of it. I was horrible, and he never spoke to me again."
Randy frowned. "Well, it is hard for someone to hear that their best friend was lying about their sexuality for so long, but-"
"It wasn't just that. He also… he said that he liked me."
"Oh."
"Yeah." The silence at the table was tearing Chris apart almost as much as the hurt that still lingered in Gordie's eyes did.
"Well, I, for one, think that now is the perfect opportunity for you to go make nice with this Gordie and have gay babies with him," Bobby decided, earning a drunken, spluttering giggle from Chad and Randy. Ellie snorted, throwing back another chug of beer, and Chris banged his head on the table, trying to force away the impending flush of horror.
"I second that proposal," Randy added on, eyebrows shooting upwards as Gordie approached the table with a platter of fried chicken parts. "Welcome back, dear Gordie," he greeted moronically. "We were just talking about how much Christopher has to throw up, so can he borrow your back alley?"
"And then can he use your bathroom to hurl in?" Chad tacked on, causing an eruption of snickers around the table, excluding Chris. Gordie rolled his eyes and turned to leave.
"Wait, Gordie!" Chris blurted out, causing the brunette to freeze in his tracks. "I- can I… I really need to talk to you. Can we… go somewhere quiet or something?" he begged, praying that Gordie didn't spite him and storm off without answering, even though Chris totally deserved it. Gordie hesitated, and for a second Chris feared that he would just walk away, exactly like Chris did two years ago.
But Gordie was a better person than Chris, and after a moment of absolutely no reaction, he turned halfway back to the table. "Follow me," he muttered, walking off towards the back of the bar. Chris sat there for a second, not understanding, until Randy and Ellie grabbed him by either arm and hoisted him to stand, giving him a helpful shove after the brunette. It only took another moment of stupid obliviousness from Chris until his brain clicked in and he began to trot after his ex friend.
Gordie didn't lead them to the back alley or the bathrooms. Instead, he led them to a small room that had a rusty sign on the door labeling it 'storage', but really only contained a few crates of aged rum and a dozen imported cases of vodka. Gordie had murmured something about it being the secondary storage room when they first walked in. The brunette moved to lock the door behind them, but then seemed to think better of it and left the door slightly ajar.
"Alright, Chambers, I can manage five minutes without my boss hunting me down. Make it fast."
"I'm sorry," Chris began instantly. Gordie rolled his eyes.
"Little late for that."
"I know, but I still am. Gordie, I- I never meant to-"
"Don't. Don't say you didn't mean to hurt me. You broke my heart that day, Chris. Maybe the first two minutes of you yelling at me was just a bad reaction, and I might've been able to forgive you for it. But you yelled at me, cursed me out, and tore apart my feelings for an hour. I have every right to hate you for the rest of my life." Chris stayed silent for a few minutes, chewing his lip nervously.
"Listen, I know- like, I really know- that I don't even deserve to be talking to you right now. You were my best friend and, even though it was a really touchy subject, I shouldn't have freaked out like that. Gordie, you don't even deserve someone like me. You deserve someone who would jump for joy when you confess your feelings to him, and to have him return the feelings. You deserve someone amazing-"
"Three minutes left, Chambers. And so far, I hate you just as much as I did yesterday."
"Okay, okay, but I-"
"Listen, I don't know how you found out where I work, or why you needed a support group to come in and tease me about being a homo. All I know is that I think you're an asshole, and your friends are just as idiotic as you for playing along and making jokes about my ass. But I really don't want to see you around here again, okay? I've seen your friend here before, the one who keeps downing shots, and up until now he's never been a problem. But if he's as homophobic as you-"
"But I'm not!" Chris winced at how he could almost feel Gordie's look stabbing through his face. "I swear I'm not. That girl that's with my friends? She's a lesbian. But she's one of my best friends-"
"Oh, so it's okay if a girl is gay? What makes her different than me, Chris? Does she let you watch her make out with other girls?"
"What- no! That's ridiculous! Gordie, I'm saying that I'm not homophobic, and that the only reason I acted that way was because-"
"Because I was gay for you, right? That's why you acted like the world's biggest jackass, right? Well, no need to worry about that anymore. I've been over you since that day, Chris." The sudden numbness that hit Chris with that statement was overwhelming, and with a horrible shudder, he realized that… losing Gordie's affections, and knowing for sure that they were absolutely gone was worse than knowing that Gordie was still pissed off at him.
"But…"
"Besides, I have a boyfriend now, and we've been together for over a year," Gordie continued, but his tone was off. Chris frowned. He recognized that tone… it usually meant that whatever Gordie had said was bullshit, but why would he be lying about having a boyfriend?
Chris panicked when he realized that his silence irritated Gordie and the brunette was leaving.
"You're lying," he said lamely, but it did the trick. Gordie's hand stopped a few inches from the doorknob.
"What?"
"I… I can tell," Chris continued, hoping to god that what he was saying wasn't making the situation worse. "You… why are you lying about having a boyfriend?"
"I'm not!"
"Unless…" Chris hesitated, praying that he was right and not making a complete moron of himself (again). "Gordie… do you still like me?"
He knew he was right the second Gordie's fist clenched around the doorknob and tore the door open, nearly tripping over himself to get out and slamming the door behind him. Chris stood in the storage room for a minute, knowing that he wasn't wrong but completely dumbfounded about how to pursue this.
If Gordie really did still have feelings for him- which, from his reaction, he totally did- then he was giving Chris the cold shoulder because he was still hurt. That was a whole lot better than him not having feelings and ignoring the Chambers kid out of hatred.
But if Gordie was anything like he had been as a kid, he would be stubborn as hell about this. Taking a deep breath and hoping that his friends hadn't approached the waiter after he took their friend to a dark back room, Chris stepped out of the storage closet and began wandering around the small bar, searching for his ex-friend.
Apparently, Gordie's shift had ended a little bit after their closeted conversation, and a new server began to offer them beers. His name was Paul, or Pat or something, and he wouldn't stop hitting on Ellie. Which was weird because A) she actually told him that she wasn't into men, and B) she was, in turn, hitting on a drunk chick sitting at the table next to them.
Chris was kind of super depressed. Just when he discovered that the person who should still hate his absolute guts from two years ago still got butterflies over him, the guy got away.
Without even bothering to pay for his drink (now really, Randy could definitely afford one glass of Coke if he was generous enough to pay for Chad's six or seven shots, right?) he grabbed his jacket and headed outside, strolling around the back of the bar curiously. It was a small bar in a smaller town, but there appeared to still be an alley way hidden behind the brick building. Chris turned the last corner, not really expecting to find him there, but just checking anyway-
And he stopped dead in his tracks.
Gordie was there in the alley. He was sitting against the back wall of the pub, face buried in his hands, and he was trembling. With a nauseating jolt, Chris realized that he was crying. Chris stood there awkwardly for a few moments, trying desperately to think of something awesome to say, but failing miserably.
"If you're not going to say anything, then go the hell away," Gordie said suddenly, voice muffled by his palms. Chris winced when the boy's voice cracked a little with tears, and suddenly his Friend Instincts kicked in. Without really thinking it through, Chris walked over to Gordie and slid down he wall next to him, wrapping an arm around him and side-hugging the sobbing teenager. Gordie accepted it for a split second, but then realized that Chris was kind of hugging him and jumped away. "What the hell? You can't just come back and hug me!"
"Why? Am I going to get in trouble for being back here? Because I don't really mind."
"No, I mean…" Gordie turned away, wiping his eyes roughly on his sleeve. "You can't just come back… after two years… and think it's okay to…" he broke off, a fresh wave of tears streaming down his face. Chris looked at him miserably. Gordie still cried the same as he always did. His eyes scrunched up and his mouth was open and twisted, like he was trying to keep his lips closed but the corners of his mouth refused to be pried shut. God, he still looked the same, too. His hair was maybe a bit longer now, and his face might have filled out a tiny bit, but otherwise it was like he hadn't even changed since the last time Chris had seen him.
Chris himself didn't look too different, either. But he had grown his hair out a little, and it kind of spiked up now. It looked good, according to Chad, who would swear on his life that he's straight, but just happened to know when a guy looked attractive.
"Why did you follow me back here?" Gordie's voice broke Chris's thoughts, and he glanced back to his friend. Ex-friend. Whatever.
"I want to fix this."
"You can't." Gordie sounded so final, and felt like a punch to the gut.
"But I want to."
"Oh well. We can't all get what we want," the brunette replied mockingly. Chris closed his eyes, trying very hard not to break down.
"Okay. Okay, listen. I know that I don't deserve to even be near you right now. But two years ago, I panicked because you admitted things to me that I never expected. Even though I should have," he added, ignoring Gordie's questioning stare. "These past two years have been… different. I made new friends, but the only thing they did was make me realize things I refused to previously."
"If this is gonna be some big speech about how they made you realize you're gay, then stuff it. I don't want some half-assed coming-out story about how you 'suddenly realized you liked man-parts'. I'm not stupid, if you recall."
"No, it's not- I'm not making a speech like that. All I'm saying is that I realized things, Gordie, and I-" He faltered as Gordie pushed himself to stand, looking down at Chris with a loathing glare that he almost believed in, except for that Gordie didn't loathe him, even if he wanted to with all his might.
"I'm leaving. Don't follow me."
"Gord- Gordie, wait!" Chris fumbled as he tried to get up, but the brick wall behind him was slippery and he had immense difficulty standing. After struggling for another moment, he collapsed to the ground with a frustrated cry, and punched at the concrete as he felt tears start to push from his eyes and stream down his face. "I missed you so much, and I had so many speeches planned out for if I ever met up with you again," he sobbed.
He couldn't even tell if Gordie was anywhere near him anymore, but after two years of pent up frustration, denial, acceptance, and overall self-hatred, he'd still be bawling and having a nasty case of word-vomit no matter who was near him.
"Right after I yelled at you, I ran home and puked up everything I ate that day. I felt horrible, and I felt like the world's biggest asshole for even ever thinking the things I said to you. But I never did think them, you know? I mean, I know that I said them, but it was what my father and Eyeball would've said. Jesus, Gordie, I love you. You've been my best friend since before I could even start remembering things, and I couldn't care less if you told me you wanted to start sleeping in a cave and wear ladies' shoes. I still love you. And I don't think I was ever able to differentiate loving you like a best friend, like a brother… and loving you as something more. I don't think I would've even cared if you ever kissed me. But that one day… it was that same week that Eyeball had found me… you know… playing with myself… and can you guess what I was moaning? It was your name, Gord. And I didn't even realize it, but he found me there, in the bathroom, and I forgot to lock the goddamn door…"
He could swear he heard shuffling next to him, but he was so caught up in his emotions that it didn't even faze him.
"He beat the hell out of me that night. I had bruises all over the place, but you didn't see them because they were under my shirt. Christ, I still have a scar from where he used a stool on my ribs." Chris paused, momentarily forgetting what had started this rant. Once it came back to him, he let out another broken sob and continued his babbling to… well, anyone who was near him, if there even was anyone around.
"And then you came up to me, saying you needed to tell me something. And I was okay with you being a homo. But then you said that you liked me, and the first thing I thought was… well, I didn't really think anything, because my head was buzzing. The person I had been thinking about lately confessed feelings to me. I should have been happy, and maybe I was. But then… I don't even know what happened. God, I am so, so sorry, Gordie, and I know you'll never forgive me, but I love you and I'll never stop because I never have stopped-"
Chris's ramblings were cut off because something was covering his mouth. At first, he thought Gordie was kissing him, and was fully prepared to return the gesture. But when he cracked open his eyes, he found Gordie crouching in front of him, and one of his hands was cupped over the lower half of Chris's face.
"I thought you'd never stop talking," he mused, inspecting Chris's face curiously. "You know, right after… well, you did that whole thing, that day, the only thing running through my brain besides 'he hates me' were the words you said. Your speech was on replay in my head for the next week, no matter how hard I tried to forget about it. And the only thing I could think of was that those weren't your words. I knew those weren't your words, because they were your father's, and they were Eyeball's. And you're not them. It didn't mean that it hurt any less," he added quickly at the spark of hope that had plastered itself on Chris's face. "But I knew that you didn't really mean it, either, and that something else was making you react like that."
"Mff wmph!" Chris insisted. Gordie smiled a little, lifting his hand an inch off of Chris's face.
"What?"
"It was! It was something else, and I still can't forgive myself for taking it out on you. Especially after all you went through just to get the guts to confess everything to me." He gave his best puppy-dog look, because even though he knew that it would take more than a few speeches, tears, and a doe-eyed stare to ever make it up to Gordie, Chris could see that the other boy was slowly caving in to at least give him a chance.
"Christ, Chambers." Gordie sighed heavily and for a painful second, Chris thought he was going to tell him off again. There wasn't much fight left in Chris, and another negative response would kill off any remaining courage to try again. But suddenly Gordie smiled. "I never could say no when you gave me that look," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet and stood straight, smoothing his little waiter apron with both hands. Chris didn't dare to stand up as well, because if another rejection was on its way, his legs would just collapse on him anyway.
But Gordie was tilting his head down at the other boy, driving one canine into his bottom lip in thought. After a painstaking moment, the lanky brunette sighed and looked pointedly away. "You have so much making up to do," he finally stated flatly. Chris kind of went blank for a moment, not understanding the implication right away. Gordie glanced back down at him, realizing that he hadn't quite understood. So instead, he reached out a hand. "Come on, Chambers. First things first, you owe me a date. Well, more like two years worth, but let's start with the café down the street."
Chris still sat there stupidly for a second, but he quickly grabbed on to the offered hand and hauled himself up, entire body kind of feeling like a delightful mixture of jelly and fire. He hesitantly smiled at Gordie, not sure what resolution had just occurred or what point he and his… friend?... were at.
Gordie released his hand as soon as he was sure the other boy was capable of standing on his own two feet, and took a cautious step back. Chris's slight smile disappeared as the close proximity was quickly fattened with hurtful space.
"Wait… what does this… what are we… what?" he asked in utter confusion, not even knowing how to verbalize his thoughts. Gordie rolled his eyes a little.
"I'm giving you a chance, stupid. You probably don't deserve it, and I still don't completely trust you, and if you mess this up then I will never speak to you again, got it?" Gordie stated firmly, sounding a little anguished by the end. Chris nodded immediately, causing his spiked hair to flop up and down a few times and one spike poked him in the forehead. He flicked it away absently, smile fully returning.
"So we can go on a date, then?" he asked hopefully, taking a half step towards his… whatever they were.
"It's a test date. If you screw this up, then I don't care how hard you cry or how long your sob speech is; I'm walking away and never looking back."
"So… on this test date… do I get to kiss you at any point? Or are you going to hold out on me?" Chris half-teased, but he was kind of dying to kiss the boy right then. He didn't know how long he'd be able to not put a move on him, especially if Gordie punished him through withholding physical contact. Gordie stared at him for a moment, and for a painful second Chris thought he had over-stepped the oh-so-fragile boundaries. But that thought was butchered quite dashingly as Gordie took a deep breath and reached out to grip Chris's shoulders tightly, tugging him downwards a bit and jamming his mouth to the other boy's, refusing to open but putting so much into the closed-kiss that Chris still nearly melted. Just as he finally could feel his fingers again and went to wrap them around Gordie's hips, the brunette shoved him away roughly and smirked, licking his lips quickly. Chris stood there, dazed and still in La La Land, until he realized that the kiss- fantastic as it had been- was way too short and had been severely lacking in touching.
"Wha- wait-"
"You gotta work your way up, Chris," Gordie smirked, turning and walking out of the alley. This time, Chris didn't feel like his entire life was walking away from him. "Hurry up, Chambers. I didn't eat yet and you're buying," he called back, turning the corner and disappearing from sight.
After a moment of realizing that he should probably move his feet and chase after the boy who he very much did not want to lose again, Chris finally sprinted down the alley and, only stumbling three times, quickly caught up with Gordie. He walked carefully beside him, fidgeting with his belt loops because he wasn't sure what was okay or not, and Gordie's hand was right there and would it be all right to hold it?
But Gordie hadn't (previously) been his best friend for nothing, and he practically read his mind and ended up biting back a grin and reaching for the other boy's hand, loosely tangling their fingers and pulling him slightly closer. Chris smiled goofily and shivered at the rush of tingles from the close proximity from Gordie. He realized that he probably looked like an absolute moron, but that was okay.
"We're going out," Chris stated unnecessarily, and Gordie gave him a weird look. Chris flushed, realizing how stupidly obvious that statement had been, and tried to think of something else to say before a big awkward silence shoved its way between them. But Gordie smiled brightly after a moment, squeezing his hand.
"Yeah. It's about time," he agreed, and words couldn't quite explain the obnoxiously girly swarm of butterflies that attacked Chris's entire body at the full realization that finally everything had fixed itself. Well, started to fix itself. Hell, for all he knew, Chris might end up spending the rest of his life making this up to Gordie.
And as long as the brunette let him, he was perfectly fine with that.
