AN: Had this idea for a long, long time but finally decided to write and post it, so hope you like. Quick note just to stop confusion… You, DumE and Butterfingers are all Tony's robots, Jarvis's dialog will be in italics and I have a couple of OC's. It's a Tony/Pepper pairing but its not the main focus and this story is set post-Avengers and doesn't include Iron man 3 so it's had slight universe alterations, Rated T for Tony being Tony in later chapters.
I don't own the Avengers or the song 'Psychophobia' by Black Sabbath, Enjoy.

Chapter 1 – Technical difficulties

It was the beginning of the attack on Manhattan. Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America were on their way, the same hopefully went for Bruce Banner. Everyone just hoped Thor was alive and kicking but meh he was a god.
As for Tony? Well he was up in the skies.

"IT'S TIME TO KISS THE RAINBOW GOODBYE," his voice sang out through the iron man helmet as a nearby Chitauri got a repulsor to the face.

Sir I really don't think that now is the time for Black Sabbath...
"Jarvis, it is always the time for Black Sabbath"
But Sir, the fate of the world is currently in your hands.
"Oh lighten up you," Tony laughed sending an energy blast into the air.

Commencing command 'lighten up, You'…

"Stark we're on 3 heading north east" Black Widow linked access into the comms.
"What did you stop for drive thru? Swing up park I'm gonna lay them out for you." Tony replied as he sped onwards with several alien things trailing him.

Render complete Sir, command 'lighten up You' has been fulfilled would you like to access the results?

"Jarvis what are you talking about, I'm kind of busy?"
Here is a picture of 'You' sir.
"Jarvis I don't need any pictures of myself… omg what have you done to 'You'?"
Robot 'You' has been successfully rendered a lighter shade of colour, analysis shows that it will be possible to reduce You's weight by 7.3 pounds, if certain parts are removed, continue?
"You painted him pink! Where did you even find that atrocious colour in Stark Tower?" Tony chortled as he looked past the hologram of his pink little robot twirling around.
"Remove the paint Jarvis and note that You is also a pronoun"

Note accepted, but are you sure Sir? I think 'You' pulls it off….
"Really Jarvis?"
Removing all paint sir…
Tony laughed, "I don't remember programming you with sass J"
I learn from the best Sir, now will that be all?
"Keep track of all these aliens and keep me linked in with the rest of the Avengers."
Yes Sir I will keep you inform-

"Jarvis, buddy you there?"
Sorry Sir my protocols- they seem to be…
"Ok Jarvis jokes over respond now please," Tony pleaded as he flew over and exploded a group of the Chitauri.
"That was a bit too easy Stark, I thought you were meant to be a genius"

"Wait that wasn't Jarvis… "How did you know my name and what did you do to Jarvis?"
"Did you really just ask how I know your name? You must be dumber than I thought…" Jarvis responded but it wasn't him, Tony knew it wasn't him, it still had his sarcastic British accent but there was someone behind it, controlling, hacking.

"I'm impressed, no ones managed to get past J's firewalls, but I really don't have time for this at the moment. Can't you hack into my suit when I'm not fighting these ugly buggers off?" Tony snapped as he shot at a large swarm of the aliens.
"Oooh who's feisty today?" The voice teased which sounded weird especially as it still sounded like a robotic English butler…
"Well excuse me for my rudeness, I'm sorry I find it hard saving the world from frickin aliens on flying jet ski's whilst playing chit chat with some weirdo who hacked into my system! You know my mummy always told me to not talk to strangers".
"And when had that ever applied during your numerous one night stands?" the voice retorted.
"Oh I see! Did we go out or did I steal your fiancée or something? Because if that's the reason your angry then you should know I don't do that thing anym-"
"I DID NOT GO OUT WITH YOU!"
"Ha I knew you were a woman, also chill, it was a high possibility so I thought I might as well ask... Well unless you're Jake of course, in which case you should also know I don't swing that way nowadays…"

"I didn't know you were bi" the voice replied with a tone of amusement, Tony sighed.
"I'm not. I'm mean it was once, I was just experimenting, wait why am I even talking to you?"
"Because I'm bored," it countered.
"Oh ok, well it was lovely talking to you and all, hey maybe we can catch up later. Remind me again what's your name?"

"Erm… Milly" the voice answered.
"What's your real name!?"

"Do you think I'm that stupid Stark, I'm not going to tell you"
"Whatever I can just find out who you are later, you know with the perks of being a billionaire genius."

"Yes I suppose you could. Tell me how is your palladium alternative core getting along?" Tony froze, "how do you know that?" he asked.
"Ah well it seems you aren't the only one who has perks now are you"
Tony converted his anger into a huge blast of energy sending one of the space ships crashing into the ground.

"Oh someone's getting touchy", Tony whipped his head from side to side. "Are you watching me?"
"Maybe I am? Now come on! Do some fighting already, I didn't climb all the way up here to watch you fly around in circles all day".
And at that moment Tony caught sight of a huge metallic flying worm emerging from the portal, so he sped towards it still very much conscious of what had just happened.

Hello Sir.
"Jarvis finally! Buddy is that you?" Tony's asked his voice thick with relief.
Yes Sir I am here, apologises for that unauthorised hacking, should I try and trace the hacker's location?

"Err yeh ok, try and track 'em down, but could you also set me a flight course with maximum alien causalities?"
For you always sir…
"Good, good"

"Stark, Stark do you copy?" The Captain' s voice crackled only seconds later.
"Yeh I read you loud and clear Capsicle" Tony smirked.
Steve groaned, "Where have you been Stark? We've been trying to patch through for the last 5 minutes!"
"Yeh sorry about that…" Tony trailed off.
"At least you're responding now. Are you seeing this?" the Cap asked
"What the big flying slug? Yeh I'm seeing, just working on believing…"

…oOoOo…

Wait, this wasn't Shawarma, this was SHIELD's horrible medical bay! Tony would know he designed it…
"Mr Stark please don't pull on your IV line" a middle aged man with a funny bald patch and a white coat sighed.
"Why am I here?" Tony asked completely ignoring him as he began to try and yank out the stupid needle.
"You fainted during your meal, not surprising really as with all due respect Mr. Stark. You didn't honestly believe that flying into outer space wouldn't have its consequences, as for falling back again…" he chuckled.
"Alright, alright I get it I'll take my medicine and sleep and stuff now can I please go. Look I even said please!" he added but the doctor just continued to look at him.
"I'm afraid I can't do that Mr. Stark, orders from the Director himself" he said pressing a button that made the door shut.
"Look I'm flattered that Fury does in fact have a heart, but it's still a no. Sorry you've been a wonderful audience good night" he smirked trying to stand up only to be held down again by the various tubes.
"Mr. Stark please lie down"
"No I don't want to"
"You are acting like a child"
"What if I am?" Stark raised an eyebrow, the man just walked over to him and stuck another injection into his arm.
"Ow, what was that"
"It was morphine to soothe the pain"
"But I'm not in pain!" the doctor just shrugged and attached more morphine to the IV line. And headed towards the door again.
"If you feel strange press the button to your left," the doctor added as he began to type into the keypad to open the door.

Hmm how many times could he ring until they confiscated it? Tony thought as he felt the drugs pouring into his bloodstream making everything was going all hazy, jeez this wasn't morphine this was elephant tranquilizer or something. They must really want him out cold!
"Try to get some sleep Mr. Stark" the doctor said before walking out the door leaving Tony just lying there for a while.

Okay so maybe he lied a bit, his ribs killed but he frankly didn't give a damn, he just knew he really needed to get out of there. He absolutely loathed hospitals with their horrible white hallways, painfully bright lights and the ever lingering smell of disinfectant. Goddamn it he hated them so much! But wait a second shouldn't he tell someone about the hacker, or should he keep quiet? The drugs were making him woozy.
"Wait err," Tony slurred as he tried to reach for the bell but instead fell off the bed. Not a second later the doctor came in again looking annoyed and flustered "Mr. Stark I will sedate you if you choose to abuse your button privileges" he sighed heaving him back up with great difficulty.
"Noo the voice" Tony slurred, the drugs already taking their toll… "Like during the battle the voice, it was in my suit. It was JARVIS!" he laughed making big motions with his swaying hands.
"I'm afraid I don't understand Mr. Stark" the doctor asked puzzled.
"I meant there was a hacker," Tony finished lamely.
"Wait one second" the doctor said as he noticed the Director, turning to rush out of the room as Stark rambled on "Hey look its pirate dude"…

"Director, do you think Mr. Stark could have developed some form of schizophrenia?" The doctor questioned after he made it out into the hallway making sure the door was shut completely.
"No" Fury said deep in thought, "Then what's he talking about then, you don't believe him do you?"
"Give him some credit Agent" Fury sighed loudly pinching his nose for the umpteenth time as he turned to a female agent, conversing with her in short quiet sentences until the agent finally nodded, huffing as she stalked away. Fury began to follow in her lead leaving the doctor to retrieve more serums.

When the doctor finally returned, Tony's head was lopped onto his pillow.
"I'm just going to inject some stronger sedative to get you to sleep" he said swabbing Tony's arm and placing the injection.
"Ow, what's even the point of me having an IV if your not even going to use it" Tony winced. The doctor just turned and left and soon Tony felt his eyelids starting to get heavier and heavier until finally he slipped into an empty drug filled sleep.

…oOoOo…

"Stop hacking," Mylo said as she entered the building.
"Hacking what do you mean hacking, I have no idea what your talking about?" the lady grinned.
"You know exactly what I mean, now stop it before he traces it back to you and we both get in trouble" he sighed.
"You are way too paranoid Milly and do you really think I would make it that easy! Jeez, I'm offended." Mylo just rolled his eyes, he knew she was just winding him up.
"Just put your apron on" he chucked her the green cloth.
"Fine if you're going to be like that, moody" she pouted.

AN: Well that's the first chapter, not really sure about it but I've been developing this idea in my head for ages so I thought I might as well start it now even if it has been a year. This chapter was just having a bit of fun and mildly introducing my OC's in a less obvious way plus you gotta love sassy Jarvis.
Thanks for reading, feedback would be great!