A Very Long Voyage

By: Kami Kat, Head Priestess at the Temple of Dead Fandoms

For: The idea wouldn't leave me alone…

Okay, so I picked up the DVDs of Slayers at a convention (my first convention, no less; ironic to pick up my first real anime in DVD form there) and watched them all, back-to-back. Very enjoyable time.

But one little thing nagged at me. Something from the first season, from the episodes where Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were running from the law (and often into some clichéd situations).

So this story just explains the rest of a particular voyage. Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about…

Disclaimer: Slayers certainly ain't my idea, but rather the brainchild of the wonderfully talented Hajime Kanzaka. Slayers is all his, though if he wanted to let me be in charge of making Toykopop finish bringing over the rest of the Slayers novels, I certainly wouldn't mind. I'd even bring a tazer…

Lina stretched in her deck chair, content to be lazy and enjoy it. The sun was warm and, combined with the gentle rocking of the waves, made her feel like she was resting in a comfy bed after a large buffet. Add a cool drink to that--even if it was a pink drink--and, well, you had all the ingredients of a very persuasive nap.

She wasn't alone in this assessment, either. Amelia lay in the chair next to her, very softly snoring. The tiniest bit of drool was apparent on the young princess's lips.

Lina smiled at the girl, feeling a little bit like an older, protective sister. A few of the sailors passed by, and Lina turned to them, a smile still on her face. They returned the gesture politely.

It was incredibly fortunate that this particular ship was crewed by a group of men that were not only highly skilled in their craft, but also highly intelligent.

Not only were they kind enough to not make rude comments about their passengers, they were also smart enough to realize that pissing off the sorceress who had rid their port of a nasty--though highly effeminate--dragon would lead to pain-filled times of fireballs, lightning bolts, and ice arrows.

They were even smart enough to realize that any resemblance between the group of magic-wielding passengers and those wanted posters must be a coincidence and should certainly not be brought up during this voyage.

Anything strong enough to take out a dragon that had literally smashed the entire contents of a port and completely destroyed the hundreds of warriors who had come to deal with the threat--well, that was just the sort of thing you shouldn't mess with. Even if that thing was in the form of two small women and one bulky idiot.

Although there were some questions about the guy. Very specific, embarrassing questions that Lina never heard, but knew must be asked.

Speak of the devil…

She took a long, cool sip of her drink as a horrible wailing caused everybody to pause for just a moment.

It wasn't that she didn't feel for Gourry. After all, the guy was her self-proclaimed bodyguard and a nice guy to boot, but there was very little Lina could do about the situation.

She had already threatened to throw Volun into the ocean--and she had been kind enough to do so while the ship was relatively close to land and he could have swum back--but the captain, who didn't find Volun as annoying as Lina did, had made the compelling argument that people whose faces were on wanted posters should not throw others overboard.

And try as she might, Lina really didn't want to start a huge fight that would result in the three of them needing another ship, particularly a ship that was full of crew members who hadn't witnessed the petite sorceress zap that dragon and would therefore be very willing to turn the three of them in to the authorities and cause no small amount of distress to their traveling plans.

Gourry had already made it abundantly clear that he would not, for the foreseeable future and beyond, put a dress on. Nor a kilt, nor panties, nor anything besides his regular clothes.

Granted, the cross-dressing had produced a very odd and utterly creepy side-effect, so Lina wasn't too mad at Gourry for refusing to try her brilliant plan again.

But that meant they needed this ship, which meant Volun did not get dunked into the ocean, which meant he was free to bestow his affections on--

The wailing started again, just a brief loud groan really. But enough to know the owner was not at all pleased with anything.

And about ten seconds later, Volun could be seen coming up from below decks, a stunning bouquet of flowers in his hand dragging on the wooden flooring and a look of absolute disappointment on his face.

For reasons known only to him--Lina sure as hell couldn't understand this guy--the self-proclaimed demon slayer made a beeline for her chair. He slumped as he stopped right next to her, then half-fell into a sitting position.

Lina did not like him, but the hurt puppy atmosphere around him was too strong to ignore. Against her better judgment--which was yelling at her to shut up and get back to sunbathing without being distracted by annoying and creepy men--she sat up.

Maybe if she talked to him, she could talk him out of his plans to somehow woo Gourry. The fact that Volun wanted to do that in the first place, even after it had been revealed that Gourry was in every way that counted a man…

Lina really didn't get it. When girl-Gourry had caught the attention of Volun, she could sort of see it. After all, Gourry's hair was an eye-catching mass of blond, he had nice features, and the fruit they had crammed into his bra gave him some considerable womanly assets. The shoes added to the affect, forcing the warrior to walk with more sway to his hips, and the dazed expression in those vacant blue eyes was a turn-on for some guys.

But when the illusion was ripped off and Gourry's masculinity revealed for everyone to see--or almost see; thank Ceipheed that jellyfish brain hadn't ripped off the panties too--Lina and Amelia assumed that would be that.

For Volun to claim he loved Gourry ten seconds after seeing him, well, that was just stupid. And proved the guy was incredibly shallow and vain and only into appearances.

Except that he still claimed to love Gourry after the whole "I'm a MAN!" scream-fest.

Which meant that Volun was either somehow sweet in that he didn't care about the features of his love, just that this person was his love… or he was even creepier than previously thought, because his fixation on looks transcended gender.

Lina shook herself out of her thoughts--they weren't headed anywhere productive--and focused on Volun.

"--and anyway, those dresses were of the finest quality! And the silks I had the pants commissioned from--"

Lina reflected that she could have paid attention to Volun's whole speech, but just the snippets were sending her to sleep.

"Okay, Volun, listen up," she interrupted. The self-proclaimed hero sat up straighter.

For a half-second, Lina considered being mean and just telling the guy off. Yet Volun possessed that same idiocy that Gourry seemed to, and she doubted he'd listen to facts or common sense.

"You seem to really like Gourry, but I don't think he's ever going to like you back." Volun's face fell, and Lina scrambled for words. "See, he already has someone he likes." That was plausible, right? "He's known this person forever. He's kind of like her knight in shining armor, and he promised her he'd always be there for her." Appeal to the hero mentality. "And Gourry is way too noble to not keep his word, just like I'm sure you are." Her stomach was feeling ill. "So, as you can see, it really would be impossible for Gourry to return your affections!"

The air felt way too cold and clammy at the same time, and Lina swore her guts were trying to march an attack on her head. That bunch of garbage was just… just… there were no words to describe it.

Bleh!

Volun, however, looked thoughtful. "I see, Miss Lina." He stood up, a determined look in his eyes. "Thank you for your honesty in this matter. I know now that to pursue Gourry would only shame us both!"

Lina sighed, smiled, and nodded. Oh, thank all the gods, that worked.

"So, Miss Lina, who is this girl? Maybe I can persuade her to let go of Gourry so he can be free to come with me."

Every muscle in Lina's body seized up. She needed to say something, but her jaw refused to oblige her. Outrage, shock, and complete malicious humor all warred within her.

An acceptable answer came to her so quickly, she had no time to reconsider or even stop herself.

"Luna Inverse. My sister."

Volun nodded again, banged his fist into his palm in an act of conviction. "It's settled then. I will find this Luna and make her give up Gourry! Which way is she located?"

"Back at the port we just left. North of there." That should get the horny jackass good and lost and leave them with some peace once they docked.

"Then I must borrow one of the life boats and go back!" Volun proclaimed, running off towards the captain.

She couldn't hear anything, but it appeared that the captain was more than willing to sacrifice a small boat to get Volun off his ship and away from the magic-wielding and highly-prone-to-losing-their-tempers-and-blasting-the-ship group of travelers.

Lina stared. And blinked. And found that she didn't want to think about it anymore. Her head hurt enough trying to comprehend what just happened, let alone why it had all happened.

She rolled over and went to sleep.

Amelia yawned and turned over in her chair, still catnapping. She had heard enough to know Volun would be gone for the rest of the voyage, and that was all she cared about. His voice had disturbed her sunbathing.

Lina picked her drink back up from the deck and took a few more sips, her mind still on Volun.

The whole blond fetish that guy had was too weird.

At least, though, it seemed they were quite done with this for now. She put the drink back down and curled up on her side. Sleepy time.

Neither girl thought to inform Gourry it was safe to come out.