Ferus smiled as he felt his partners arm still around him, where it had been all night. He carefully rolled over in bed so he was facing his handsome boyfriend of over three years now. Roan appeared to still be fast asleep, which pleased Ferus. Roan hadn't slept very well since they had reunited three weeks ago after a brutal month and a half apart in which Roan had suffered torture from the empire. Ferus had rescued Roan with the help of others and together they traveled to a distant planet where Roan had received the best medical care. Ferus had not left his side for more than a few minutes since they had reunited and he had promised his boyfriend that they wouldn't be apart again. Despite them sharing a bed almost every night since they reunited, it was only a few days ago they had been able to make love again. As nice as that was, it was nicer that Roan was alive and physically healthy again. The emotional and mental scars would take a lot longer to heal if they ever did, but Ferus was going to be there with him and help him as much as he could.
Ferus remembered the first time he had met Roan. It was a few months after he left the Jedi life behind and it was instant attraction at first sight. Though Jedi were forbidden to love or have attachments, it didn't mean that they were immune to developing crushes. When he first met Roan, he was painfully shy and guarded because he hadn't had any true friends when he left the Jedi order and because he still lived with the 'no attachment' ideal. Despite the guard he presented, Roan was always kind and very flirty with him. It took a little bit to get accustomed to both the kindness and flirting but overtime, Ferus had become as equally flirty back and after a few months of talking and flirting, they entered a relationship with each other. It was new and different for Ferus but for the first time in his life, he felt like he belonged. He found a home and purpose with Roan. They started a business and became partners in that business as well as life partners. For over three years, they shared a life together domestically and in fighting the empire. It was hard being away from each other but they knew they had to split up occasionally for different missions, but they made their reunions special and unforgettable. Over the past few weeks, seeing how badly Roan was hurt, and knowing he almost lost him, Ferus had started thinking more seriously about their future. The war against the empire seemed like it was never going to end. The losses were painful and constant, and Roan was not a person that Ferus could lose. He was ready to settle down with Roan. Though he knew it was selfish, he was tired of fighting and wanted to just enjoy time with his love without having to worry about fighting or splitting up for sperate missions. Their relationship was out in the open now, though neither of them cared anymore after almost losing one another. No one judged them and agreed that in these troubled times, it was nice that there was a little more love in the universe. More so than before, since Roan had been rescued, Ferus was thinking about marriage. It hadn't really come up before but it did cross Ferus's mind occasionally even if he didn't talk about it with Roan. Ferus didn't want to spend another minute not married to the love of his life now. He wanted to marry him and find some place far away from the empire and just enjoy some time together. Would it be the right choice to try to settle down and quit fighting? Probably not morally, but emotionally and mentally, if he could get Roan to agree, it would be the right choice. Ferus was exhausted, and he knew now more than ever Roan was as well. Roan didn't tell him much about what happened, and he never pressed the issue, but he could see that it had changed Roan deeply. One thing Roan did tell him that was he only fought to stay alive due to his love for him. Ferus was Roan's strength and Roan was Ferus's. Ferus softly put his hand on Roan's cheek, needing more physical contact with him and hoping the soft touch wouldn't cause him to wake but almost immediately Roan opened one eye and smiled at Ferus.
"Morning handsome," Roan whispered.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," Ferus whispered softly almost against Roan's lips. Roan softly pressed his lips against his lover's in response.
"I wasn't really asleep," Roan admitted with a soft smile. "I just wanted to enjoy laying here with you a while longer. You seem tense. What's up?" Roan squeezed Ferus's bare side as a loving gesture which gave Ferus the encouragement to start talking.
"I want to talk to you about some things," Ferus began nervously. "And I don't know how well you'll take them."
"As long as you're not leaving me then I'm sure I'll take them well," Roan joked, hoping the humorous tone of his voice would cover the nervousness.
Ferus smiled and kissed Roan softly and sweetly for a brief moment before breaking away. "I promise I'll never leave you. Actually, I do want to talk about leaving though. I want to marry you and go somewhere far away from the empire and live the rest of our lives together. I'm tired of fighting and I know you are too. Even if you don't want to admit it." Ferus caressed Roan's cheek and forced himself to continue looking him in the eyes. Roan opened his mouth to say something but Ferus held up his hand. "Please, let me finish first. When I saw you broken and bruised, I lost my mind. You are everything to me. I hate that I could not have gotten to you sooner. I wish I could have and I blame myself."
"It's not your fault," Roan said, unable to prevent himself from interrupting.
"Shush," Ferus said with a small smile. "I know we've never really discussed the idea of marriage, but it's something that weirdly enough I have thought about a lot throughout our whole relationship. I want a life with you away from fighting, away from this war that seems like it's never going to end. I hope you don't think I'm selfish for this because when I saw how bad off you were, everything changed. If it's selfish then I want to be selfish. I want to live with you as your husband. I don't want to live in fear that you might die." Tears were sliding down Ferus's face and Roan moved his hand to gently wipe them away. "I was so scared during the time you were tortured. I just want to go somewhere new and far away and have a life together as husband and husband. Maybe even find a couple kids to adopt if possible. I know this is a lot to think about but I hope you can think about this. Going somewhere and starting over and about marrying me…" Ferus felt his cheek heat up when he asked Roan to think about marriage to him.
Roan smiled and leaned in to kiss his blushing boyfriend. "I don't have to think about any of it because I want the same things. I don't think it's selfish to want to find somewhere and start a proper life together. And you're right. I am too tired to keep fighting. I don't want to get into details about what happened while the empire was torturing me but I want to get away. That experience changed me and I'm too tired to keep fighting anymore. I didn't want to mention wanting going away because I didn't want you to think I was being a coward or anything." Roan's eyes were filled with tears. Ferus's heart broke at that sight and he pulled him in for a tight hug. "But dang it, I was so scared when that was happening and I can't take anymore."
"Oh, love, I would never think that of you. You're the bravest person I know, and I am going to never let anyone hurt you again. I promise" Ferus said as he kissed Roan all over. Roan sighed as Ferus placed kisses all over his body. For a while, they forgot about talking as they explored one another's bodies with touches and kisses, bringing intense pleasure to the other.
"I love you Roan," Ferus said as Roan got comfortable around him again.
"And I love you. So are we going to really do this," he asked seriously.
"Do what," Ferus asked softly looking in Roan's eyes with hope.
"Start a new life away from war and get married," Roan answered Ferus with a smile. "Because I want to do both. I really want to be your husband. You're not the only one who has thought about marriage."
Ferus smiled as Roan kissed him deeply. "Hmm. Ok. I'm glad we're on the same page then. Other people won't like it but I don't care. You're important to me. Too important to lose again. No one is going to hurt you again. I won't let them."
Roan smiled and hugged Ferus tightly. Ferus held him and sighed. He always hoped he would become a great Jedi Knight but now, in his soon to be husband's arms, he only hoped he would be a great husband and father if the galaxy willed it.