So I finally decided to give it a try.
Warning: Character death.

Perfume

Until this moment she didn't know what pain was.

Until this one single moment she had not a single idea what it felt like to feel the pain of someone else, making it your own pain.
Darkness, everything was dark.
There seemed to be nothing, but the pain.
Nothing.
Just pain.
And something she didn't want to remember.
It only made her pain increase.

She had broken down the moment she had closed the door behind her.

Broken down because of the pain.
Because of the tears.
Because of the silence.
And because of the thing that was so clear but wasn't meant to be remembered.

A few moments back she had been Kate Beckett.
No, it was wrong, a few hours ago she had been Katherine Beckett, and now she was nothing, the only thing she consisted of was pain.
Physical pain.
Mental pain.
She didn't care.

There were sounds in her head.
Again and again the same sound.
The loud, never ending tone, the breath, the stopping of breath and then the sound of the thing she didn't want to remember.

Kate got to know loss long ago.
She knew what pain was.
She knew what it felt like to lose somebody.
But this was different.
She had watched the lights go out.
The lights that had forced her back to life.
The lights that had shown her the good, the funny, the extraordinary.
She had watched them go out.

Back then she had experienced pain.
Unbelievable pain.
But this time she wasn't going to survive the pain.

This was the end.

It was until then where she noticed red.
Everywhere.
Red all over her.
Blood.
His?
Hers?

She hadn't cared until now.
But she needed it gone.

She had no idea where her strength came from but somehow she made it to the bathroom.

Water.
Water.
Red Water.
She needed it gone.

That was when she realized it.
She wasn't going to get rid of the thing she wanted so bad to forget.
It was like perfume that was all around her.
It was him.
Nothing but him.
Everything was him.
He was everywhere.
But he was gone.

Rick Castle, who always had her back hadn't been able to flee from death this time.
He wouldn't just be able to rewrite the ending as if this was one of hies books.

It was just one loud shot.
A breath.
Nothing.

No last words.
No final glance.
His eyes open.
Blue like the ocean.

All she wanted was to forget about everything.
Good Times.
Bad Times.
Fights.
The Kiss.
Always.
The books.
Everything.

She needed to forget.
She wasn't able to handle it this time.
She needed the strength, just like last time, when it was her mother lying there.
She hadn't been able to forget last time.
But this time she needed to.
She was broken.
Her wall was down.
She wasn't going to heal this time.

But she knew she couldn't forget.
Everything around her was him.
She could move to another continent, but he would still be there, the same way as her mother was still there.

Because she remembered him.
Remembered his personal perfume.
The smell of him.
As long as she knew what he smelled like she would never forget.
And if she knew one thing: She couldn't forget what he smelled like.
So much like Castle.
So much like Rick.
So much him.

And as this realization hit her she broke down from pain.
She was pain.
Everything was him.
And she wouldn't forget.

She noticed the white of her bathroom.
A call from outside the door.
Her dad.
She had to be strong for him.
She tried to get up but again the memory of his smell overhelmed her.
She couldn't hide from this memory.
She needed a place to hide from it but there was nothing there.
She heard muffled voices, calling her name.
And then everything turned white.
Into nothing.

A few weeks back a friend of me said to me this sentence:
"You can't forget somebody you care about as long as you still know what they smell like. "
I immediately thought about Caskett.
I couldn't get it out of my head and so I finally decided to write this down.
I'm sorry, I know it's kind of sad.
So there you go, judge away :)