once upon an time…
there was an dragon named grima. he had many hobbies. he liked to destroy nations, manipulate humans, fight his sister, naga, chat with his 52nd cousin, anakos, and be worshipped. but there was one thing that topped all of that.
READING THE NEWSPAPAER!11!
the newspaper was grima's absolute favorite. it had so much information and was so pROFFESSIONAL! the pages were smooth to the touch and had easy to read print. it made him so so happy. he read them every morning and night.
but one fateful day…
chrom, the prince of ylisse, and rival to grima, was ready to fIGHT THE SUN- wait i mean grima. so then he decided to hold an meeting of how to fight that newspaper loving dragon god. he invitied his waifu, sumia, his tic tac, ruben, his butler, frederickson, his sibling, lissa, and lissas kid, owein, his strong bab, lucina, the dragon expert, nah, and inego for some reason.
everyone filed into the the meeting room, some grumbling and most of them confused. why were they in the planning room when it was an time of peace? we will never know. they all sat at the round table like the knights of the round table who like ham and jam and spam a lot. when everyone had settled, chrom stood up onto the table.
"chrom get down from there," lucina said.
"no im the exalt i do what i want!111!11!" chrom said.
lucina just sighed n let him do chrom things.
"ok so like i was sAYING,,,, i wanna fight grima," chrom yelled.
"Wait a second — you want to fight the fell dragon again? Do you even remember what happened last time we —" ruben started to say, be they were cut off by chrom.
"well exCUUSE mE tACTICiAN i didnt ask your opinion!" said chram.
ruben stood up and started walking towards the door. "I'm done with this. Meet me when you've cleared your mind," they said exasperatedly, exiting the room.
"youR gROUNDed yOUng tACTICIAn!" chrom scolded.
the tactician gave 0 shits. "ok fine," they said sassily.
"well good their gone. ruben is suuuch a party pooper," chrom said, sitting down on top of the table.
"heres a pillow milord," frederickbear said, handing an luxurious velvet pillow to his precious sempai milord.
"thanks fred," chrom said, sitting on the pillow.
frederick blushed, his sempai noticed him! aaAAAA
"MY SWORD HAND TREMBLES!" owein yelled. what was he even doing here.
"i agrEE! ok maybe we should use oweins sword hand," chrom suggested.
"uhh what if he gets killed? i'll be single and w/ out my bae," inigo said.
"and i wont have my wonderful child," wailed lissa!
chrom stopped for a moment to really ponder that descicion. it was very likely that owein wouldnt come back alive. and owain was really the only person who understood chrom! and he was his nephew.
"ok i take that back. no sword hand," said chrom.
"awwww ok," said owain.
inigo and lissa sighed in relief.
"has anyone considered destroying the newspaper factory? grima really loves the newpaper and if he lost that…" nah pointed out.
"excellent iDEA nope!" chrom said, standing up again, knocking over sumia's glass. sumia groaned. she had no idea why she married this man. his antics were ridiculous.
"its nah," nah said.
"whatever! nah! ok well now lETS DO IT," chorm said like shia le beouf.
TO BE CONTINUED!