Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

AN: This is just a completely ridiculous Sasunaru crack fic. Read at your own risk. I just used the name Naruko for ease. And yes, I'm aware Kakashi was Rukodaime in canon. I just didn't do that in this story. I've said multiple times that until I figure out what I'm doing with my ongoing series, I won't post the other three series on my phone. However, this isn't one of those series, this is a one shot. It's pretty much complete, so I figured I'd post it. Since I kept shifting around on the pov the timeline might not be entirely accurate after Sasuke leaves Konoha. Sorry about that. I feel 'T' is a fair rating, but I'm not completely sure, so feel free to correct me if you think the rating is wrong.

At g.o.d. Really. I just posted this a bit a go and someone anonymously put the review 'go kill yourself you disgusting fag', I deleted it because I will not tolerate such repulsive behavior in the reviews of my fanfics, but really?. Just really? What part of 'this is just a completely ridiculous Sasunaru crack fic' didn't you understand? If you don't like some aspect of that, don't read it. It's not my job to please you. Ideas pop into my head nd won't leave me alone, so I post then for people who would actually enjoy them. If you hate my fic, that's fine, it's your opinion, but you cross a line when your say things like, 'kill yourself'. Just go away.

Update: Just cleaned it up a bit.

Sakura and Sasuke stood in front of Naruko defensively. They'd been feeding Naruko lunch so she wouldn't be weakened when they tried to get the bells together. Then Kakashi had shown up. He'd been pissed that they defied his orders, but Sakura and Sasuke wouldn't back down. Naruko was their teammate, and they told Kakashi as much.

Kakashi looked them all over gravely, "Are you sure this is the course of action you wish to take?"

Sakura looked nervous, but determined, "Yes. I won't abandon my teammate just because you tell me to."

Sasuke nodded, "And despite what you say, we area team. Hokage-sama assigned us together. So either you'll pass us all, or fail us all. There's no in between."

Kakashi sighed, then started doing hand signs. The sky darkened, the ground rumbled, and Kakashi's hand was covered in lightning, "In that case you all..." Just as abruptly as it started, it ended. Kakashi's hands were free, the sky was clear blue, the ground had settled, and Kakashi was eye smiling at them cheerfully, "Pass!"

"Eh?" Naruko was confused.

"Huh?" So was Sakura, who said this at the same time as Naruko.

"... What?" Sasuke was a bit more dignified, and voiced this a moment after his teammates. Naruko and Sakura both stared at him, he was more defensive than confused this time, "What? I got something on my face?"

Naruko shook her head, "Dude! You messed up the synchronized confusion. That's vital for teams. Even I know that."

Sakura nodded seriously, and Sasuke gave them an incredulous look. Before he could say anything, an equally grave Kakashi broke in, "They speak the truth. Synchronised exclamations are one of the most important skills teams of Shinobi have. It builds teamwork and tells without words how in tune to each other they are. Sakura, Naruko, good job on your teamwork. Those exclamations were synchronised to the millisecond. Sasuke, " He gave a tired disappointed sigh, "I'd heard you were a genius, but apparently those claims were exaggerated. A true genius can synchronize with people he's known for less than a minute. I'd heard you trained every spare second you have, but I guess that isn't true either. What do you really do in your free time? Tell me the truth, I'm your sensei now."

Sasuke lowered his head in shame, "I just tell people I train so no-one knew that I stalk Naruko, who I'm totally in love with." Sakura fell to her knees in shock, and Naruko turned as red as a tomato. Sasuke jerked his head up to look intently as Kakashi, "But it isn't completely my fault! Half the time I really do try to train, but then I get swarmed by" Horrified shudder, "fan gir-"

Suddenly Kakashi was in front of Sasuke, hand covering his mouth, cutting the boy off. He looked around wildly in terror, then turned back to Sasuke and gravely intoned, "Do not speak the beasts name. If you call, they shall come, no matter the distance."

Sasuke's eyes widened in horror, and he nodded rapidly. Kakashi slowly released him, "Good if you understand that, we can get back on topic. I'm not supposed to tell you three this, but Naruko's father was my sensei. The only reason I couldn't adopt her was because her parentage was hidden for her protection, and thus she fell under the jurisdiction of the civilian council, who denied me every time I tried to file for it. Which was every six months on the dot as that's the period someone is required to wait before trying to get either of the councils to change their decision on a matter. The Hokage wouldn't let me see her either, as without the adoption I wouldn't be able to explain why I cared about her since I'm not supposed to mention knowing her parents. That said Naruko's my little sister in all but blood. I won't try to stop you from pursuing her, but I'm only going to warn you once." It came back. The sky was so dark it almost seemed like it was night, the ground rumbled even worse than before, and Kakashi was almost completely covered in lightning this time, "You hurt my little sister and the Uchiha will end at you. Understand?"

Sasuke nodded slowly, "I understand."

Just as abruptly as before, it was gone again, and Kakashi cheerfully chirped, "Good!"

Naruko tilted her head at Kakashi, "So you're my Kakashi-Nii?" He nodded happily, "Cool. Can you let me go now? Being tied to this post isn't exactly comfortable."

Kakashi didn't hesitate to release her, "Of course imouto-chan! Though, you'll have to call me Kakashi-sensei around others, not including Sasuke and Sakura of course. Similarly, I'll have to call you by your name too."

She nodded. She glanced down at the still shocked Sakura, then up to Sasuke, and blushed heavily again. He smiled and edged a bit closer. She got redder and looked away.

Sakura got over it surprisingly easy. Eventually she admitted that while she did find Sasuke attractive, she'd only originally started saying she had a crush on him because she wanted to fit in with the other girls, who up to then made fun of her for her large forehead. It had worked until they got old enough for the girls to start seeing each other as competition for Sasuke's attention. By then it was to late to take it back. So Sakura had dropped all pretenses of being a fan girl around them. She continued to pretend when anyone else was around seeing as it made people underestimate her.

On the other hand, after confessing to being in love with Naruko, Sasuke started actively pursuing her. She only said no to his first attempts to get her to go on a date with him out of shear embarrassment. She agreed the fourth time he asked. Sasuke didn't even seem to care about the murderous look Kakashi sent his way. They started officially dating a week later, though they didn't tell anyone, for fear of Sasuke's fan girls killing her before she could get strong enough to fend off the demonic horde.

Kisame grinned darkly, "Can I cut off a leg? Maybe an arm? It'll make keeping her in line easier."

If he didn't have such good self control, Itachi would scoff. They didn't need Uzumaki Naruko to be missing limbs to handle her. She was a Genin. Barely that even, if what he'd heard of her skill level was to be believed. Kisame was just sadistic.

Before he could tell Kisame no. His brother tore around the corner into the hallway. He glared murderously at Itachi, "Stay away from Naruko! She's mine!"

Itachi was horribly confused. Especially when Uzumaki turned bright red and buried her face in her hands.

Naruko was sitting with Sakura, Kakashi-nii, and Sasuke at their training grounds. Currently Sasuke was explaining the curse seal and the group of Shinobi that had attacked him the previous night, "They called themselves the Sound Four. They said they were Orochimaru's best. While I'll admit that they kicked my ass, if they're his best than that's just pathetic. All four of them at the same time would easily lose to Kakashi-sensei. The problem is that they did something to the curse seal, and now it won't shut up. It keeps trying to get me to kill you guys, betray the village, and run off to Orochimaru for power."

Kakashi hummed thoughtfully, "That's troubling."

Naruko thought for a few minutes, then grinned at them, "I've got a plan."

Sakura eyed her in weary curiosity, "Scale of 1-100 how crazy is it? 'Cause I know that grin. That's your 'this plan is stupid, and would be suicidal if anyone else tried it, but I'm Naruko and I don't give a fuck, so somehow this is gonna work anyway, and we'll all come out better off'. " Sakura paused, then elaborated, "1 being normal enough that a regular person might think of it if they're desperate, 100 being insane even by our standards."

Naruko tilted her head in thought for a moment, "99."

Sakura sighed, "Ok then. Let's hear it."

Naruko didn't need more prompting, "So the curse seal is giving Sasuke problems, and he's not sure if he can control it right?" nods all around, "And we obviously don't want him losing control of it and hurting, possibly killing Konoha Shinobi or civilians, right?" another round of nods, "And Orochimaru is a huge problem for Konoha, right?"

Sasuke jolted, then gave her a wounded look, "You're not actually suggesting what I think you're suggesting, are you? I'll probably die! Then how am I supposed to convince you to marry me and have a huge number of kids! Oh, and kill Itachi."

Sakura sweet dropped at the way he absently tacked Itachi on, 'And to think, the entire village is under the impression he's obsessed with revenge. When really he's more interested Naruko.'

Naruko blushed, then huffed, "He's not going to possess your body immediately. He'll train you first, so your body's up to his standards. You'll use his training against him when he's at his weakest. You should probably kill Kabuto too, just for good measure." Sasuke still looked unsure, she blushed heavier. They'd been dating for two months now, but she still got embarrassed a lot, "We'll talk, and that means we'll discuss it this isn't a promise, about marriage and kids when you get back. Besides, you can take advantage of technically being a nukenin to freely hunt down Itachi. If Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Itachi were gone Konoha would be much safer for any possible kids we might have."

She wasn't trying to manipulate him, but she realized how he took that when he froze for a moment, then abruptly grew ridiculously determined. Sakura sighed again, "If we're going to be doing this, we might as well plan for other stuff too. Like how to get Naruko the Hokage position. After all, the Hokage were all rather obvious choices. The Shodai founded the village, the Nidaime was his brother, the Sandaime was Nidaime's strongest student, the Yondaime may have snatched the position from Orochimaru, but he was an obvious candidate for his actions in the Third Shinobi World War, and Tsunade-sama was not only the Sandaime's student, but the Shodai's granddaughter and a Sannin. While there's no reason for anyone else to be the obvious choice, except for sensei who would defect before being forced to be Hokage, there's also no reason for Naruko to be the obvious choice either. I don't like those odds. Let's stack them in her favor."

Kakashi nodded rapidly at her assessment of his willingness to be Hokage, and Naruko perked up, then nodded enthusiastically, "Uh huh! And we should find something for Sakura-nee too!"

Sakura looked at her pseudo little sister in fond bemusement, "I've already started training to be a medic under Tsunade-sama. If I become a medic nin of a similar level to her, I'll probably be practically handed the position of Head Medic at the hospital without even having to try to much."

Naruko nodded, so Sakura continued, "Ok. I've only got a bit planned out, so feel free to add anything you think we should do. Here's how it's gonna go..."

After an hour of Sakura explaining, and each of them adding a bunch of things to the plan, then hashing it out, Kakashi tilted his head, "Ok, let's go over the basics. So Sasuke will pretend to lose it and defect to Orochimaru. He'll train under him until he's strong enough, then when an opportunity presents itself he'll assassinate him and Kabuto. While Sasuke's with Orochimaru, Sakura will train with Tsunade to become a medic nin of equal or greater skill. Naruko meanwhile, will be on a training trip with Jiraiya, Sasuke stop looking like that, he won't try anything, for heaven's sake he's her godfather."

Sasuke relaxed, but Naruko looked at Kakashi with wide eyes, "Ero-Sennin is my godfather?"

Kakashi nodded, "Yes. I don't know why he hasn't told you. Don't take the fact he didn't raise you the wrong way Naruko. He's Konoha's spymaster. His job not only takes up almost all of his time, but it also takes him to places that would've been far too dangerous for a child. Trust me, he wanted to raise you, he really did, but he couldn't. Anyway, Sasuke kills Orochimaru, Naruko comes back from training, and we really get started. Naruko starts using her closeness with Tsunade-" Naruko looked uncomfortable with using one of her precious people, but Kakashi just keeps going, "-to get missions that are either important or give her the opportunity to work her weird voodoo charm on important people. The latter will make her the logical choice for Hokage due to her political connections in other nations. She's already close to Suna's Jinchuriki, so she's got a foot in the door. At the same time Naruko deals with most of Akatsuki herself. Seeing as they're all S-Class, it'll show she's strong enough to be a Kage. Sasuke meanwhile, will be dealing with Itachi, then Danzo since we need to get rid of that old war hawk, and there's no guarantee we'll be able to find a legal reason to execute him. At that point Naruko uses her political pull to get Sasuke to be allowed to come back, as by then it her parentage should be known and will add onto what she built up by befriending important political figures through the elemental nations. She's already got a head start on the future clan heads here in Konoha, since Hinata adores her, and though she isn't very close with them, the other future major clan heads are mildly fond of her. So she'll also use this time to become closer to them."

Naruko decided to speak up, "You guys still haven't told me how I'm supposed to do that."

Sakura sighed, "Just be yourself. Like Kakashi said earlier, your charm is like some sort of voodoo. It's almost creepy. I mean, do you even realize that Neji has become fanatically loyal to you since you beat him in the exams?"

Naruko blinked rapidly for a moment, "He is?" At Sakura's exasperated nod, she continued, "Oh. Ok then. Be myself. Ya, I can totally do that!"

Sakura gave her a deadpan look, "I should hope so." She shook her head, then returned her attention to Kakashi, "Continue."

"Right. So, while Sasuke's dealing with those two and Naruko's making herself the logical choice for Hokage, Sakura will be making it clear that she's either at Tsunade's medical level if not surpassed her. This should make it almost painfully easy for her to secure the position of Head Medic. After that, it's just a matter of getting Tsunade to decide to step down, so Naruko can take the position. That about all?"

The three nodded. Sasuke grinned, "Then Sakura runs the hospital, Naruko is Hokage, and I convince her to marry me and have a lot of kids." At Kakashi's dark glare, he quickly adds, "And you sensei, get to spend the rest of your life lazing about, reading Icha Icha and doting on your nieces and nephews."

That pacified Kakashi, but Naruko was quick to add with a murderous look, "That's fine, but you better not read Icha Icha in front of any kids I may have."

Kakashi blanched at her look, and agreed rapidly, a moment later he paused, "Ok, this plan could go wrong in so many ways, but the chances of that increase if we have no way of contacting Sasuke and insuring he's not overheard when we do."

Naruko perked at that, "Oh! I have something for that! Ero-Kyofu has been teaching me seals. I made something similar to Sandaime-jiji's crystal ball, but instead of seeing anything in the village, they're two and they connect to reach other, letting whoever has matching sets see and speak to each other. I could ask Ero-Kyofu to teach me how to make a better version of the privacy barrier seal, then give some to Sasuke. As long as he tells me when he's low, I can send Gamakichi with more while he's got one of the seals activated."

The three stared at her in shock for a moment, then all of them thought something along the lines of, 'And the village thinks she's dead last. To have already invented a new seal, she must be some type of genius.'

Naruko paused, "You know what? Rather then me trying to use political pull, why don't we just let Tsunade-baachan in on the plan, and have her write a pardon for Sasuke, dated today or tomorrow as proof that she knew the entire time. She'd agree to send him away if we explained about the seal, though it'll take a while to convince her to let him go to Orochimaru. And she knows and supports my dream of becoming Hokage, so it's not like she'll judge or attempt to stop the plans concerning that. If anything, she'll probably help by giving me the missions I need for the plan to work. The only real issue is figuring out what to do about Danzo. If she signs a pardon, then it'll make people realize she sanctioned the death of a councilmen, since I damn well know that she wouldn't argue against it."

Kakashi tilted his head, "I'm sure Tsunade-sama can come up with a solution."

Naruko hadn't even been back from her training trip for a day when they got the message from Suna. When they got there, Sakura saved Kankuro. Then they chased after Gaara, who was apparently Kazekage now. Naruko didn't like taking advantage of their friendship, but she knew him being the Kazekage instead of just Suna's Jinchuriki would boost her political connections, therefore increasing her chances of becoming Hokage. Or rather, it would as long as he survived. Not to mention, saving their Kage would give the people of Suna a favorable opinion of her, further increasing her influence. She didn't like thinking about it in those terms, Gaara was her friend. She wanted to save him for that reason alone, but Sakura insisted on quietly informing her if the potential political ramifications of this mission behind Chiyo's back. Thankfully, they saved Gaara, so she didn't have to think about it too much.

Though she did resolve to create an alternate version of her father's, who she totally didn't know the identity of, Hiraishin. She argued fiercely over it with Jiraiya for a month, then finally proved his claims of it being impossible wrong. It was like a combination of a summoning contract and the Hiraishin. The modified Hiraishin seal went on a Shinobi, and a corresponding seal went into the contract. The contract had a seal that connected to the seal placed on the summoner, allowing them to summon whoever they concentrated on. Though, a downside was that unlike the animal summon contacts, you had to have a specific person in mind, you couldn't just focus on what you needed and have someone with that ability appear. Still, Tsunade immediately implemented it, though only put them on her most trusted Shinobi for the time being, as she didn't want any possible spys to know just yet.

Jiraiya took being proven wrong in good grace, congratulating Naruko on her achievement. Later, when they were alone with her team, the three of them signed a contract with Naruko, so that she could summon them if she needed them. Naruko was a bit put out that it would be impossible to meet up with Sasuke so he could sign her personal contact, but resolved to do it at the earliest opportunity.

They were at the Tenchi bridge. Naruko felt like laughing at Orochimaru. He was mocking her about Sasuke. He talked about Sasuke like he belonged to him. He didn't know that in reality, Sasuke was planning on assassinating him for her. Primarily so that the kids he wants to convince her to have with him will be safer. Then he told her that he was going to take Sasuke's body soon, consequently killing him. She saw red. That washer boyfriend. Orochimaru barely survives the encounter, and decides to ask Sasuke about the nature of his previous relationship with Uzumaki when he gets back.

Orochimaru tried to take over his body. Sasuke absorbed him instead. Then when Kabuto approached, thinking Orochimaru in control, Sasuke beheaded him. Stepping over Kabuto, he went to collect the team he'd put together shortly before. That night he secured his room and happily reported Orochimaru's death to his future wife. She was pleased about the progress in his portion of their plan, but even happier he was alright. That just improved his mood even more. He almost forgot to mention Karin, the Uzumaki he'd found in Orochimaru's ranks. She was even happier at finding a member of her near extinct clan. The next day his teammates were baffled at his abnormal cheerfulness. He didn't feel like explaining himself either.

Jiraiya went to spy on Akatsuki. He was shocked and heartbroken to find Yahiko was the leader, with Konan being his primary enforcer. The fight rapidly went downhill for Jiraiya. When it became obvious he'd probably die, he summoned a messenger toad and quietly told it to go to Tsunade and tell her to summon him in precisely two minutes. Then he quickly tricked Yahiko into using a devastating attack, and in the smokescreen created from the attack he preformed Naruko's modified Kage Bunshin, the Kage Shitai(1). It couldn't do anything, it was literally a fake corpse, but unlike it's parent jutsu, even if someone struck it, it wouldn't dispel, to a certain limit of course. The modified Kage Bunshin could only take so much damage, but considering most people didn't go around beating corpses even if they were enemies, it wasn't really an issue. When he felt the pull of Tsunade summoning him a moment later, he happily went to her.

She scolded him fiercely for nearly getting himself killed while she healed him. They quickly decided that they couldn't afford to let Akatsuki know Jiraiya's ploy, so it was decided he'd hide away for the time being, and Tsunade would announce his 'death'. The only person they chose to inform of the truth was Naruko. Mostly because they knew it would hit her hard, and likely distract her from her training.

When Tsunade sent word of Naruko leaving for sage training, Jiraiya felt proud of his goddaughter. He just knew she'd master it, just as surely as he knew she'll surpass her father.

He was in the room Tobi had put him in. He'd applied Naruko's privacy seals and was waiting for her to answer his call on the communication orb. He was feeling rather emotional after everything Tobi had told him, and implanting Itachi's eyes while he was unconscious. As soon as he saw her, he felt much better. He was definitely still a mess, but he no longer felt like he would do something drastic.

She smiled, "Sasuke! Thank god! What happened? You've been out of contact for so long that I was beginning to worry."

Just like that the damn broke, and it all came tumbling from his mouth, "I didn't even know, but apparently Orochimaru was still alive. Itachi removed Orochimaru from me before dying, he also apparently killed our clan to prevent a coup that very well could have led to civil war. I'm really grateful to Aniki for removing that parasite before it had a chance to kill me. This guy who calls himself Tobi grabbed me while I was unconscious after fighting Aniki. He's the one who told me the truth about Aniki. And he's Akatsuki."

He forced himself to stop rambling for a moment, and Naruko frowned in concern, bless her, his sweet angel. She studied him intensely for a moment, "Are you ok Sasuke?"

Sasuke nodded, this tone his speech was much calmer, "I'm pretty sure Tobi only told me about why Aniki killed our clan in an attempt to turn me against Konoha, especially since he asked me to join him, but my family knew what they were doing, they made their choices, and so did Aniki. I do regret killing Aniki now that I know the truth, but Aniki had wanted it to be that way anyway. Dying at the hands of the brother that once adored him had been some sort of poetic self served justice for killing our family."

Naruko hummed in thought, "Could you do me a favor Sasuke? I understand if you don't, it'll probably be rather emotional for you."

Sasuke nodded, "Never hurts to ask though."

She smiled lovingly at him, "Could you pretend to join Tobi for now? I wanna have an eye on him. Also try to learn what he's planning if you can."

Sasuke thought for a minute, then nodded in acceptance of his new task. From there the conversation became casual, but half an hour later he had to go as someone was knocking on the door.

When Yahiko attacks Konoha, Jiraiya sets out under Meisaigakure to intercept him. However by the time he gets there, Naruko is back, is fighting him in a flawless sage mode, and using a new type of Rasengan that he's pretty sure even he couldn't use. He's even more proud of her then when she left to train with the toads.

Jiraiya curses fiercely under his breath when Naruko gets pinned, and goes four tails when she sees the Hyuuga heiress 'die'. He follows the two as they fight, debating whether he should interfere to pull Naruko back to her senses. However, before he can reach a decision, Naruko goes six tails, so he decides to stay back unless the fight finishes or it looks like Naruko might release the Kyuubi.

He nearly has a heart attack when Naruko bursts from the Chibaku Tensei in eight tails form. Then breaths a sigh of relief a moment later when she somehow reigns in the Kyuubi's power. After the fight, Naruko picks up one of Yahiko's chakra rods, then stabs herself with it. It confuses him, especially since after a moment her gaze snaps in a seemingly random direction and she takes off.

Jiraiya's heartbroken when he sees Nagato's condition. Then listens as Naruko and he discuss how to reach peace. He's touched that the argument that Naruko finally settles on, and the one that convinces Nagato, is about him and his first book 'The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi'.

Then Nagato says something about atoning for his sins, and uses a Jutsu. Jiraiya nearly cries when his old student dies. On the way back, Naruko collapses, but before he can catch her, Kakashi appears and carries her home. It's then that he realizes what the Jutsu that Nagato used does. Despite Konoha being leveled, there isn't a single casualty. He smiles as the villagers start cheering for Naruko, then slips away before anyone can notice him.

Tobi had asked him to bring in Killer B. He wasn't happy with the order. He had no desire to help Tobi's plans, nor did he want to kill the man for doing nothing but protect his country from a Biju. He was well aware of Killer B's ploy with the transformed Hachibi's tail. Seeing as Karin didn't sense it, and the other's hadn't noticed, he ignored it. He couldn't really be blamed for missing it when even Karin hadn't sensed it, no? He hoped Killer B would do something better when Tobi inevitably came after him. Such tactics wouldn't work on him. He mentally wished the Hachibi Jinchuriki good luck.

The Kage's and their high ranking Shinobi had gathered for a strategy meeting. Naruko was distantly amused that Tsunade had brought her when she was still technically a Genin. She was yanked out of her musings by a shout from behind her, "Uchiha?! How dare you show your face here, you treacherous little-"

She was at the door in an instant, opening it despite the loud protests of the the everyone else, excluding Tsunade, Shizune, Kakashi, and Sakura. Opening the door she pulled Sasuke in despite the guards, then closed the door and resealed it.

The Raikage glared at her, "What the hell are you doing Uzumaki?! That man is a Nukenin, and in league with Madara! Have you betrayed us?!"

Shikamaru frowned, eyes flicking between Sasuke, and the relaxed Tsunade, "Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade gave Sasuke an annoyed look, "The scroll? Just hand it to Shikamaru, he's closest other than Naruko."

This confused the other occupants of the room, and they tensed when Sasuke grabbed his sword. He ignored them, and messed with his weapons handle for a moment. Then the end of the hilt popped open reveling a storage seal engraved into the weapon. Sasuke pushed a bit of chakra into the seal, and with the customary poof, an official Konoha scroll popped out

Sasuke promptly handed the scroll to Shikamaru, who wearily accepted it, then with a questioning glance opened it. Upon scanning the contents his eyes bugged out, "Hokage-sama?! This- This is an official pardon for Uchiha Sasuke, signed by you, dated before he left!"

Tsunade lifted an eyebrow, "I did write it you know, I'm aware of it's contents. I suppose you want an explanation?" There were loud shouts of 'yes' so she sighed, "The curse seal has a mental aspect. Just before Uchiha left, he realized he wouldn't be able to control it for much longer, which was a verybad thing, considering it wanted him to kill his comrades and flee to Orochimaru. These insane brats, " She sharply pointed at team seven, "Came up with a suicidally insane plan, involving Sasukepretending to lose his shit and run to Orochimaru. Everyone knows Orochimaru's immortality jutsu occasionally leaves him incredibly weakened, we just didn't know when. Not to mention it would've been nearly impossible to get to him in that time frame, even if we did know it, as he would've been ridiculously over guarded. So these crazy brats decided, 'well if Sasuke's gotta leave anyway, he can just train with Orochimaru until Orochimaru's weakness presents itself, then kill him, and Kabuto. Then use the freedom of technically being a Nukenin to hunt down Itachi', who was another stupidly dangerous enemy to Konoha. I agreed when it became obvious Uchiha would leave whether he had my consent or not, as he didn't want to hurt his teammates."

Everyone gaped at the reunited team seven. Shikamaru shook his head in disbelief, "You- You guys planned all of that? When you were twelve year old rookie Genin?"

Naruko tilted her head, "Well, Kakashi-Nii wasn't a rookie Genin, nor twelve."

Kakashi pouted, "Imouto-chan! You're not supposed to call me that around other people!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Kakashi-sensei everyone knows Naruko's parentage now, there's no reason to pretend anymore."

Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose, "By that statement, I'm going to assume Kakashi told Naruko about her parents even though he wasn't supposed to." Team seven shared glances, then nodded. Shikamaru sighed, "Anything else you'd care to enlighten us about?"

Kakashi frowned, "Well, there was a lot more to The Plan then just having Sasuke off Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Itachi, but if we told you the rest we'd have to kill you. You know, to insure your silence. Sooo... We won't tell you, because it'd interfere withThe Plan if any of us became actual Nukenin."

Shikamaru, and everyone barring Tsunade and Shizune for that matter, stared at then incredulously. Then Shikamaru sighed, "You know what, I don't wanna know anyway. You guys are already giving me a migraine. It's all troublesome to the extreme."

They glanced at each other, then Sasuke straightened, "Oh ya, I almost forgot! I wanted to get the whole 'I'm not actually a Nukenin, sorry' out of the way first, so I had them hang back." He opened the door and poked his head out, "They're not gonna kill me now, you guys can come in!"

With that he moved away from the door, and with blurs indicating incredibly fast movement, the first four Hokage appeared in the room. Sakura tilted her head, "Sasuke? How did you-?"

He shrugged when Sakura trailed off, "Orochimaru puts an imprint of his chakra and mind in all of his curse seals. It's not enough for him to properly come back, but if you know what you're doing, you can pull it out and he'll manifest for a few minutes. I pulled him from Mitarashi's curse seal, andconvinced him to use the Edo Tensei on the Hokage before he disappeared. I figured some reinforcements would be appreciated."

There was more incredulous gaping as the four Hokage studied the people in the room. Then it was broken as the Yondaime went from pleasantly polite to a face breaking grin, "Naruko-chan!"

He was immediately upon her sweeping her into a hug. Naruko smiled in amusement, "Hiya papa! I would ask how you've been, but you're kinda dead, and I'm firmly of the opinion that the afterlife is the most boring place ever."

Minato laughed, "It is rather boring, but it's peaceful." Then he looked around, "Where's Jiraiya-sensei? If this meeting is important enough to include all of the current Kage's, he should be here."

Most of the Shinobi shared glances, then Ino nervously cleared her throat, "Ah, he's, ah, dead."

Minato looked bemused, "Don't be silly, if sensei was dead I would've seen him in the afterlife. Tsunade, where's Jiraiya."

Tsunade sighed, "I suppose now's as good a time as any. Jiraiya! Come on, stop using Meisaigakure!"

At that command, they all heard a familiar voice call from about them, "About damn time Tsunade-hime. I was getting tired of playing dead."

They all looked up in time to see Jiraiya drop the Meisaigakure. He was attached at the sealing with chakra, but stopped and dropped down next to Tsunade. He grinned at the Shinobi, who were once again gaping, "Yo! I'm not dead! And since I know the next question is gonna be how..." He glanced in askance to Tsunade, who nodded, "Naruko-chan being the awesome Kunoichi she is, created a seal that's a cross between a summoning contract and Hiraishin. It allows people to summon each other. Tsunade, being Hokage, had Naruko put the seals on a few of her Shinobi. Myself included. So when my fight with Nagato, also known as Pein, stated going south, I sent a messenger toad to her asking her to summon me back to Konoha. Before she did, I created a smokescreen and used another one of Naruko's modified jutsu. A variant of the Kage Bunshin, Kage Shitai. Pretty self-explanatory jutsu. Tsunade announced my death so that we could use the fact Akatsuki though I was gone to our advantage."

Minato beamed at Naruko, "My little genius! Modifying Hiraishin, summoning contracts, and the Kage Bunshin like that, I'm so proud of you!"

Naruko smiled when he cuddled her to him after his exclamation, "Well, I'm not good at creating jutsu and seals from scratch, but I'm awesome at modifying to the extreme. So I figured I should play my strengths."

Minato's smile seemed to become brighter, even though the other Shinobi in the room thought it should be impossible, "Wise of you, Naruko-chan. Hey did you ever modify the Rasengan?"

Jiraiya loudly cut across Naruko when she took a deep breath, "Don't get her started on that! Rasengan is her favorite Jutsu, so she modified it so many times she's got more versions then she knows what to do with. The biggest ones to mention are Fuuton: Rasengan, and Fuuton: Rasenshuriken, which is a throwable variant of the Fuuton: Rasengan. You can talk about the details after the meeting. As while it's great to see you again gaki, we are kinda in the middle of a war."

Minato looked sheepish, and Naruko looked put out that she couldn't show her dad the modified Rasengan. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear which caused her to beam then nod happily. With that, Tsunade forced the meeting to get back on track.

Years later after being named the Rokudaime many people would ask for the story of how Naruko went from the academy's dead last to Hokage. The only thing they'd get in return was a mysterious smile while she told them that everything went according to plan. It would baffle everyone except her teammates, Tsunade, Shizune, and Jiraiya who had eventually been let in on The Plan. That was usually when one of her and Sasuke's many children would choose to burst through the door yelling about taking the Hokage hat from her.

An: I know they show Konan and Nagato summoning each other, but I'm pretty sure that has anything to do with the Rinnegan. So, Ya.

(1): There are multiple meanings for the word Shitai. Normally I wouldn't bother saying this, but when I went to double check it's meaning, one of the first things that popped up was not the meaning I was going for. I'm using 死体, which means corpse, cadaver, etc. So the jutsu is Shadow Corpse.