Chapter 1: It Should Have Been You
Peeta's POV
My heart always leaps into my throat whenever she walks through the front door of the bakery.
Her silky brown hair is always in that single braid running down her back - that single braid that I just want to undo. That hair that I just want to run my fingers through. Her face is round and striking, her lips voluptuous (even if they are somewhat chapped and not rouged). And on this particular day, she enters in her blue dress. The dress she always used to wear to the Reaping, and is probably the finest piece of clothing she owns. The fabric accentuates her curves that have become more wholesome as she has grown into womanhood. At my age - 28 - I find it surprising, but a deep relief, that she has not yet married. Though people say that she has never wished to, and wants even less to be a mother.
Katniss Everdeen is the most accomplished huntress in District 12. With her skills, she could have made a run at becoming Victor of the Hunger Games, if she had been Reaped. She spent many years feeding her family, after her father - a Seam miner - passed away in a tragic collapse. Her mother followed when she was 18, and since then, she has helped to raise her little sister, Prim.
I have been in love with her since I was five years old...
"Peeta! I almost have this delivery for the Hawthornes ready! Can you take it over? You know how Gale likes his bread on time!"
... And yet, I am reminded at the sound of my wife's voice, how I married the wrong woman.
I didn't exactly have much choice in the matter. When I turned 18, my mother pretty much arranged for me to marry Delly Cartwright, my childhood friend. I had wanted to propose to Katniss. Even though, she being Seam and I being a Merchant, marrying across class lines is almost universally frowned upon. Even though she has never expressed a desire to marry or have a romance with any man. Even though we have hardly spoken and don't really know each other.
Well, except for that one time we interacted. But it was years ago.
It was when we were maybe 11, not long after Katniss's father died. She and her family were starving. One rainy day, I burnt some bread on purpose and gave it to her. We never discussed it again after that. No thanks or welcomes were ever exchanged.
I watch Katniss now as she approaches the counter, her game bag slung over her shoulder. "Two squirrels, as requested," she tells my father. Thank goodness she deals with him, and never again has to worry about getting caught by my mother. The hag mercifully died two years ago.
As Katniss makes her sale, her gaze happens to intersect with mine. Our eyes lock. Her grey eyes smolder, like plumes of smoke. She almost glowers at me, even as her countenance looks sad. For beneath her stare there appears to be regret, obligation, self-loathing and...
Longing?
Does she remember the bread? Does she remember that one moment we shared as much as I do?
We finally tear our eyes away from each other. I notice Katniss tug slightly at her braid, self-consciously, almost. She takes her leave. Delly calls to me that Gale and Madge Hawthorne's order is ready, and I depart out the back to take it. At one time, I had thought I would lose Katniss to Gale Hawthorne, for he was the only man she could be seen around. But he went and married the former Mayor's daughter. A boon for his Seam miner family, I should say.
When I return from the delivery, Delly is waiting for me up in our bedroom. She sits in nothing but her skivvies, and I inwardly groan. From her body language, I can tell right away that she is not happy.
"How do you want to do this? Shall I start, or you?"
I brush past her. "Not tonight, Delly."
There is a pause until she finally snaps at my back: "If you two want each other that badly, why don't you just jump into bed and get it over with?"
I spin around to face her. "Excuse me?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Peeta! I see you! Every day, watching the Everdeen woman like a hawk when she strolls in. You both are such idiots, the staring contest you get into, wondering who's gonna blink first! You've never looked at me the way you look at her."
I should deny it, the way any good husband would. But I can't find it within me. "You're right. I don't. Delly... my heart belongs to another. We can't keep this up, that we see each other in a romantic sense. I know it, and so do you. It's no secret."
"Your mother hounded us about when we were going to have a baby," Delly sniffed. "And your father's now taken up that cause."
"Delly," I try to say as gently as I can. "You're like my sister. You always were. A baby would do nothing but try to force us to be something we are not. And never have been. Being your husband... it has been a mistake."
Delly's eyes pool with tears. "But you've been more than just a brother to me... Fine! You want Katniss Everdeen? You can have her! Fuck her! See if I care! I release you. She wants you too, God forbid; I see the way she looks at you."
I can't believe it. She's letting me go. I actually sigh with relief. "Thank you." I peck Delly's cheek once and then race out of the Bakery, heading for the Seam. I am going to do what I should have done in the first place, a long time ago...