(CHAPTER ONE)
A figure in a dark room could be seen lying on a bed with a strange looking helmet on his head. "Link start," the figure said.
(IN THE GAME)
The figure appears in front of some buildings. "Ah sword art online, it's been a while since the beta. I wonder if anything has changed," the man asked himself and looking up he saw a bunch of adds in front of the buildings. "Ah come on what is this shit, it's disgusting," he says to himself. "Activate add blocker," he says and a pop up screen appeared in front of him.
SAO store, add blocker costs sixty dollars. Would you like to make this purchase? The screen said. "Ha, I'm going to burn this fucker to the ground," he says.
(A FEW HOURS LATER)
A man in the basic player garb, with brown hair, and hazel eyes could be seen being knocked to the ground by a boar. "Wow, congrats, you were defeated by a pig," the man in a red basic player garb and blonde hair said.
"Fuck you Naruto, that's like the pig from hell," the brown hair one said.
"Really," Naruto said as he picked up a rock and activated a player ability and through it at the boar. The rock hit the boar and it died immediately. "My God, I've stumbled upon the most powerful weapon in the game," Naruto said.
"Stop," the other one said.
"The mythical pebble of pig smiting," Naruto said as an epic instrument started to play in the background.
"Please stop," the brown haired man said and then Naruto took a big gulp of air.
"For you see, long ago this pebble was forged in the pits of Tartarus by the grand black smith of Lucifer himself, in a time before the world began."
(A FEW HOURS LATER)
Naruto and the brown hair man were sitting on a hill watching the sunset go down. "And thus Mardosa guardian of the pebble, fell to his knees and passed from this world. Leaving behind the mighty weapon for he knew that one day its power would be required once more," Naruto said the last part of the story.
"Are you done," the brown haired man said as he looked at Naruto.
"Yes," Naruto said as he looked out into the sunset.
"You know, I get a feeling you get beat up a lot at school," the brown haired man said.
"Shut up, pebble of power," Naruto said.
"Whatever, anyways I have a pizza being delivered to my house right about now so I better go. But thanks for the quick tutorial on pig slaying and the not so quick tutorial on rocks," the brown hair man said as he got up.
"Anytime, balls deep 69," Naruto said as he looked at the man's gamer tag.
"Uh it's just a joke name for a character I'm going to stick around with until I get used to the name," Balls Deep said.
"Right, right. So uh your pizza," Naruto said and Balls Deep opened up his menu and started scrolling down it.
"Hey uh Naruto total noob question here but how do I log out?" Balls deep asked.
"Are you serious man?" Naruto asked as he walked over to Balls Deep.
"Come on man, its nerve gear, I can't just press the keys on a keyboard," Balls Deep said.
"Ugh fine its right, here?" Naruto said but finished the last part in a question when he saw that the logout button was missing.
"Wow, thanks player guide," Balls deep said.
"No, it's here, it's just blank," Naruto said.
"Well whatever I'll just pull the nerve gear off," he said as he started to dance around like a helpless idiot.
"Hey dumb ass, it doesn't work that way. The nerve gear disables your motor function. That way you don't move while you play. Don't you remember all those videos of the beta testers," Naruto said.
(FLASH BACK)
A figure wearing normal clothes was walking through the hallway with the nerve gear on. "Whoa so real," he says. Then a man smaller than him walks by.
"Hey man how's the game going?" The small man asked.
"TROLL!" The tall man yelled as he started punching the smaller man as he shoved him on the wall. The man punched the man repeatedly in the face before he finished it off with a knee to the stomach.
(FLASH BACK END)
"So many law suits," Naruto said.
"Uh do you feel tingly?" Balls deep asked as a blue light surrounded them and then they were teleported to the town of begging's.
"No, why," Naruto said. Looking around they saw players appearing around them until the entire town was packed. Then a red hexagon saying warning appeared on top.
"What the hell is that?" Balls deep asked.
"Well Balls deep, I believe the locals call it a hexagon. I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing that correctly, I'll have to get back to you with that," Naruto said.
"Fuck you," Balls said as the rest of the sky was covered in red hexagons. Then the sky started to bleed.
"And the sky is starting to bleed," Naruto said.
"Wow, they are really working for that M rating," Balls said and the blood took shape of a large man in red robes hovering over them all.
"Ladies and gentlemen I'm am Kayaba creator of sword art online and –" before he could finish what he was saying everyone started talking to each other. "Uh hello, people I'm talking here, focus," he said. "Okay just going to disable chat and there," he said and a mute sign appears over his head.
"He is aware he just muted himself, right?" Balls deep asked.
"Just give it a minute," Naruto said and the mute sign disappeared.
"Alright I just now realized what I just did there. It's very fun but right now, it's serious time. How many of you have seen Tron?" He asked and everybody looked at him and gave him a blank stare. "W-what seriously none of you have seen Tron. Shit I was really banking on that. Okay no problem I can wing this," he said as he cleared his throat. "Much like the World of Warcraft none of you are here by choice. Unlike WOW however you are stuck here by me, not by your need to escape your empty fucking lives. There is no logout button or any other way to log out of Sword Art Online and if someone on the outside tries to pull the nerve gear off, well has anyone seen Scanners," he said and again everyone gave him blank looks. "Seriously it's a movie, okay whatever I'll just do this," he said as a video of a man's head being blown up is shown. "Okay that was from Scanners, and basically that will happen to you," everyone gasped in shock. "Finally I have some gears turning, were making progress," he said. "So the only way to keep the nerve gear from blowing up one of the functions of living is to make your way through castle Aincrad and beat Sword Art Online," he said.
"So you want us to beat an MMO?" a random man said.
"Essentially," Kayaba said.
"Fuck you," the man said.
"Whoa, getting a lot of hostility here, don't appreciate it," Kayaba said.
"Well really when was the last time you heard of somebody beating Ever quest?" the man stated/asked.
"When was the last time you heard of somebody play Ever Quest?" Kayaba asked.
"That's a fair point," the man said.
"Anyway, for all you guys who wanted to play as girls, and you know who you are, well I got a surprise for you," Kayaba said and then a mirror appeared in every ones hand. Then a blue light surrounded everyone. When the light died down Naruto looked at the mirror and saw his normal face. He had untamed blond hair, three whisker marks on each cheek, blue eyes, and the most stand out feature is a red and blue demonic looking arm was in the place of his left arm (Nero's devil arm).
"Naruto?" Balls asked as he walked up to Naruto. "You look so young," he said.
"And you look exactly the same Balls," Naruto said.
"My name is Connor, okay," Connor said.
"As you can see I have peeled away your digital disguise to show what you truly are. Barely attractive twenty year olds. Good for you it kind of ruins the whole cold light of day thing I had planning, but good for you, way to break down stereotypes," Kayaba said as he looked at everybody. "Oh one more thing before I go, I should mention that if your health points reach zero your real body perishes as well." Kayaba said.
"WHAT!?" A random man asks.
"Okay if you die in the game you die for real," Kayaba said
"WHAT!?" the same random man asks.
"Really, okay, sometimes things are born. They live and then they stop living," Kayaba explained.
"WHAT!?" The same man asks.
"Ugh," Kayaba groaned and then the video of the man's head exploding appears.
"Oh my God if we die in the game we die in real life," the confused man said.
"Okay I'm just going to keep that tabbed. And with that I say farewell to you all. Oh last thing I disabled the profanity filter, have fun," Kayaba said as he disappeared in red smoke. Then there was complete silence for a few seconds.
"WERE FUCKED!" Somebody yelled.
(SCENE CHANGE)
Naruto and Connor were in an alleyway talking. "Connor I'm heading to the next town and I need your help," Naruto said.
"Really you need my help?" Connor asked in a surprised way.
"Yea there is a mini boss along the way and I need someone to take some damage for me, you in or out?" Naruto said.
"As tempting as that sounds, I really should stick with my friends. They're about as skilled as I am so I figured we have a bigger chance of surviving if we all stick together," Connor said.
"Well monkey and type writers I suppose," Naruto said.
"In any case you are probably the most unbearable asshole I've ever met but you are really good at this game so me and my guild could use your help," Connor said.
"Yea I forgot to mention I have no friends so that wouldn't work out so see yea," Naruto said as he started running to do some grinding.
(AUTHORS NOTE)
Review on what you think and yes I took a majority of it from the SAO abridged series and it will only be for this and the next chapter, the next chapter will only have a few dialogue sayings in it. I do not own Naruto or Sword Art Online this is purely fan based.