Episode 1: Effy
7:34 AM
She blinked, again and then again before turning her head ever so slightly to look accusatorially at her beeping clock, it was far too early for her liking and she knew for a fact that she herself hadn't set that alarm, she had a distinct feeling that the culprit, however, was lying next to her, sound asleep and blissfully unaware of the irritation she'd caused.
Brushing her wild, almost untamable hair out of her face, the girl called Effy Stonem sat up, bleary eyed and looked around, the sun had come up, it was the last days of summer before autumn truly took hold, she'd have to get used to dark mornings again soon. Reaching onto her bedside table, she grabbed a box of Richmond cigarettes and peered inside; eight left, better than she'd expected.
Lighting one up with a Tigger lighter, which she also wasn't responsible for, she inhaled sharply, allowing the smoke to filter into her lungs, slowly bringing her closer to death apparently, but at the moment? She really didn't care. The alarm was still going and, with a sudden jolt she realized that her Dad would probably be storming into the room soon, bellowing about how it was his day off and he wanted to sleep in and other typical Dad things.
After shutting off the alarm she turned to the other occupant of her bed and shook her gently. "It's morning." She said gently, as the girl moaned loudly and irritably, waving her arm in Effy's direction warding her off. "Come on Pandora, get up!" She took another drag from her cigarette.
"The alarm hasn't gone yet." The blonde Pandora mumbled, still half-asleep as she turned over, face-down in her pillow. "Come on Eff, just five more minutes wait until the alarm, yeah…?"
"The alarm has been and gone, Panda." Effy replied sourly, stepping out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. A skinny girl dressed only in a black vest top and panties stared back at her, her lips parted with a lit cigarette in between them. She sighed, removed the cigarette and turned back to look at the slumbering Pandora. "Now fucking get up or I'm not sitting with you in college."
That did it; Pandora was up in a flash, looking at her best friend with the big wide eyes that those acquainted with her were accustomed to. "You're not just gunna leave me, are you Eff?" She suddenly looked a little frightened and got out of bed, rummaging through a large leopard print carrier bag for her clothes.
Smiling, despite herself, Effy shook her head as she managed to extract her straighteners from a maze of wires, flicking the switch on and left them to heat up on her cluttered desk as she removed her vest top and walked out into the hall. "You can use the shower after me; I'll only be about ten minutes."
"And the point in waking me up was…?" Pandora muttered sulkily once she was sure Effy was out of earshot, dropping the clothes she'd taken out and collapsing back on the bed, wrapping herself in the pale pink duvet.
7:44 AM
A blonde girl stood in front of her cupboard, she'd been ready for ten minutes already. Today was the first day of the rest of her life, looking at herself in the mirror she smiled confidently, running a hand through her long bleached blonde hair, contrasting with her tanned skin and smiled at her reflection.
Catching sight of the welcome pack she'd recently received in the mail for Roundview College, she picked it up, looking intently at the pages, a small smile on her face. This was the change she needed, a fresh start, a chance to make new friends, friends that didn't stab her in the back or make her feel like shit for something that wasn't her fault.
She was snapped out of her reverie, however, by a sudden shout up the stairs. "Tess!" Tearing her eyes away from the booklet, she dropped it on the floor and opened her bedroom door, peering into the hall beyond. "I'm running late, I don't suppose you could do the breakfast for me, love?"
Rolling her eyes Tess walked out into the hallway, that was the real reason she'd gotten ready so early, she'd had an inkling her mother might throw something like this at her. "Fine." She yelled down the stairs to the second floor where her parent's room was although it felt more like parent, singular, lately.
Walking across the landing to the door opposite hers, she knocked lightly before entering an impossibly pink bedroom, the sight of which always made her feel like gagging. It was still dark, there was no chance of Darcy being awake yet and, sure enough, in her younger sister's bed she could see a lump underneath the duvet.
"Come on Peach-pie, time to get up." She prodded the lump gently but when it showed no sign of moving, she rolled her eyes and moved to the curtains, opening with a loud crash; that did the trick.
Darcy was up like a bullet. "Where's the bomb?" She murmured sleepily, rubbing her eyes hastily as her long brown hair, Tess's natural hair colour as it happened, fell in and around her face.
"No more 24 for you, youlittle muppet." Tess ruffled her hair fondly, smiling a little before ushering the eight year old towards the door. "Now go get in the shower, do you want frosties or cheerios today?"
"Cheerios, because I'm cheery." Darcy replied brightly, earning herself an exasperated chuckle from her older sister before scampering out of her bedroom towards the bathroom. "Don't forget the sugar."
"Ah yes, the sugar." Tess muttered to herself in exasperation. "No wonder her school hate us." She didn't bother going to wake up James, he was twelve, he could get himself up and he'd probably yell at her anyway so she went straight to Hadden's room on the second floor, the nursery next to her parent's room.
He was already awake, standing up in his crib. "Tessa!" He called jovially, straining against the wooden bars, reaching out his arms for her to take, his big blue twinkling so happily that
She picked him up, clutching him to her chest tightly in a bear hug before moving him to the changing table. "So what are you wearing today?" She asked, setting him down and fishing through a wardrobe, pulling out two baby outfits; blue dungarees with red buttons and a stripy shirt or a little sailor suit, it was a rhetorical question really.
Silently, he pointed to the dungarees and she nodded. "That's a good choice, Hadden." She ruffled his mousey brown hair, knowing that it would probably be gone when her Dad got home, he insisted on shorter hair for his son. It was a shame; she'd spent ages getting it into a nice style.
Still, he was only a baby; it wasn't like he'd care much.
Downstairs in the kitchen she found her mum, fully dressed, smoking a cigarette at the window, peering into the meager back garden they had, a big house but a small concrete garden, a fair trade-off. In all actuality, she was staring over the fence into the neighbor's garden, or patio or whatever as a man left hurriedly through the garden door into the alleyway beyond.
"That bitch next door is doing the help." She remarked sourly, stubbing out the cigarette into an ashtray when she noticed Hadden in her eldest daughter's arms. "Her husband's a good man, the little tramp."
"I thought you said you were running late." The blonde girl said accusatorially as she pulled two bowls out of the cupboard, pouring cheerios into one and cocoa pops into the other before adding milk to the cocoa pops but leaving the cheerios dry; Darcy was lactose intolerant and deliberately left out the sugar that had been requested.
"I was, I needed a fag." Looking somewhat apologetic, Kath pulled a cigarette out of a carton on the table and threw it to her daughter. "Sorry." Moving to refrigerator, she ticked Hadden's chin on the way, earning herself a coo of delight before pulling out a jar of baby food. "You're getting the bus today, right?"
She set the bowls down onto the table, a spoon next to each and nodded. "I guess so." With a furtive glance at her younger brother, she opened the back door and stepped onto the concrete beyond, feeling the end of the summer breeze against her face before lighting up the cigarette her mother had given her. "You did say you'd give me a lift though."
"Did I?" Kath seemed genuinely surprised at this and Tess rolled her eyes before a look of dawning comprehension crossed her face. "Oh god I did! I'm sorry love, but I've got to get James and Darcy to school and then Hadden to nursery and…"
"It's fine." Tess sighed, a false smile on her face as she stared at the blue sky. "I figured you'd forget, I've got my bus pass anyway." She took another toke from her cigarette and exhaled the smoke into the sky. "I'll be fine, I always am…"
8:09 AM
Anthea Stonem was already up when Effy ventured downstairs, fully dressed and having just literally forced Pandora into the shower. Her mother was sat at the table, pouring over the newspaper, smoking a cigarette and nursing a cup of coffee. She hardly seemed to notice as her daughter walked in and began rummaging through the cupboards. "Jim's gunna give you and Pandora a ride at some point, so make sure you're ready."
Ignoring her mother, Effy pulled out a box of cocoa pops and unceremoniously shoved a handful into her mouth, crunching down on them loudly as she waited for the kettle to boil.
Upstairs, she heard her Dad's shouts as he realized the bathroom was in use, Pandora would probably stumble out, screaming her apologies, probably having forgotten to wrap a towel around herself and the entire thing would escalate into a needlessly huge drama. Counting down softly in her head, she heard a muffled yelp of "Sorry" from Pandora and a muffled yell presumably from Jim and then a girlish scream, Pandora again and the sound of running footsteps down the hall and the sudden slamming of a door, Effy's bedroom door.
Anthea smiled to herself, stubbed at the butt of her cigarette and finally turned to grin at her daughter. "So, first day, looking forward to it?"
It took her a minute to reply, she was staring at the ceiling thoughtfully before coming to answer; "Sure, why not?" Effy's features spread into a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes before turning to the kettle as the button clicked, signifying the water was now boiling, and adding the water to a large black mug with Dad of the Year engraved onto it along with a tea bag and four spoonfuls of sugar.
"You don't sound overly enthused." Neither did Anthea, ironically, she was staring unseeingly at the paper on the table in front of her with such intensity that her daughter briefly found herself wondering if her mother was on something. "A fresh start, mind you don't mess it up again like you did at GCSEs."
"GCSE, singular." Effy corrected her coolly, she added milk to her tea and took the seat opposite her mother at the table, sipping gingerly at it. "I only failed art; I wish you'd remember that." She didn't sound angry as she said this, just tired; this had been a regular conversation at the Stonem household of late.
"Yeah and that was one too fucking many." Jim Stonem had appeared in the doorway, wearing a blue dressing gown and a frown. "Thirteen fucking thousand pounds that place cost us and you fucking rip the piss."
"Not now Jim." Anthea shot sourly, nodding to the ceiling. "You'll get yourself all riled up before you're even out the door." She gave Effy a warning look as the sixteen year old reached out towards her pack of L&Bs and she hastily withdrew her hand.
"EFFY!" The voice of Pandora rang down the stairs and Jim jumped suddenly, much to his daughter's amusement, she snorted into her cup of tea. "I CAN'T DECIDE WHAT TO WEAR!"
"Duty calls." She smiled bemusedly as, taking her mug of tea with her; she made her way out of the kitchen towards the stairs.
"You've got twenty minutes." Jim called a warning after her in what he evidently thought was a threatening parental tone but Effy had always had a difficult time taking him seriously, some of that being the fault of her older brother, Tony, now at university. He paused, watching her pass out of sight before adding in an indignant tone. "And that's my fucking mug!"
Up in her room, Effy found Pandora sat in the middle of her bed, hair dripping wet, a towel wrapped around her body surrounded by a seemingly endless pile of clothes, some of them belonging to her, some not. "I want to look good so boys will want my knickers to put their fingers in." She explained, looking somewhat manic as she sorted through the pile, throwing everything she decided against in different directions around her.
Pulling a bra off her lamp, Effy rolled her eyes. "Panda." She said reprovingly, but couldn't stifle an amused smile as she looked at her best friend's facial expression. "For fuck's sake, just do your hair, I'll pick out your clothes."
Exploding into a wide grin, the blonde girl literally leapt off the bed. "Whizzer! What would I do without you, eh Eff?" Picking up the straighteners she turned to the mirror and began dragging them through her wet hair, ignoring the steam billowing from them.
For a moment Effy looked shell shocked at such disregard for GHDs but she evidently thought better of it, rolled her eyes and began sorting through the clothes Pandora had discarded, grimacing every time she heard the hiss of the straighteners touch the other girl's hair.
"So I spoke to Jake while you were in the shower." Pandora chirped happily, as more steam rose into the air. "He's going to meet us at the doors, okay?" Not catching her friend's disdainful expression, she pouted a little, examining her hair in the mirror. "Eff, how come it's never steamy and hissy when you do your hair…?"
8:37 AM
She'd managed to spill marmalade from James' toast on her skirt so she'd had to change her entire outfit, then she had to make sure all the kids were properly packed for school, make sure Darcy wasn't trying to sneak magical fairy Barbie or whatever into school. Then she needed to make their packed lunches while Kath sorted through her papers for work and then make sure all Hadden's things for Nursery were in his knapsack.
Halfway to the bus stop, she realized she'd forgotten her bag and had to run back to the house and now, standing at the bus stop, a mournful expression on her face, she'd missed the bus; she'd arrived literally just in time to see it turn the corner.
Lighting up a cigarette, she sighed and looked up at the timetable; another twenty minutes to wait. She was going to be late on her very first day, how… she coughed loudly and looked into the contents of her purse, she definitely didn't have enough for a taxi by any stretch of the imagination.
"Shit."
In a word, Tess was screwed.
8:40 AM
Stubbing out his cigarette, Jake scanned the small crowd that had built up in front of the building for Effy and Pandora, the latter of whom had texted him that they were nearly there but, admittedly, this was Pandora, for all he knew they could be halfway to Mexico and she'd think they were nearly here so… not the most reliable by any stretch of the imagination.
"You can relax Jake, we're here." He spun around to find himself face to face with Effy, a lit cigarette clutched between her fingers, and Pandora, a lollipop in her mouth as she smiled excitedly at him.
Quickly catching his relieved expression before it got embarrassingly pronounced he instead put on a face of disdain. "Well hello Effy, nice of you to show up." He nodded at the other girl. "Pandora, a pleasure as always."
"Do you like my outfit? It's totally whizzer because Effy chose it, right Eff?" Pandora exclaimed excitedly, removing the lollipop from her mouth to speak, it was bright red. Jake took a moment to examine the girl's outfit, a long white dress with stylized cherries printed all over it.
He looked at the brunette girl who was deliberately looking in another direction, a small smirk playing across her lips. "Trying to get the message across then?" He grinned and lit up another cigarette.
"What message?" Pandora blinked bemusedly, staring from one to the other. "Have I got an 'I like to give head' sign on my back again?"
"No Panda, you don't." Effy shot back boredly, staring around at the all passers bys, a faint look of disdain on her face. The next moment, however, a small commotion came from the curb where a large hackney taxi had pulled up and the three of them regarded it warily.
"Three guesses for who that is." Jake muttered under his breath as the door opened and a long, tanned leg stepped out onto the pavement in black stiletto heels, followed by another and then came the owner of them.
Lauren Gomez, flipping her hair back, flashed a wide grin as she looked at all the hair and beauty girls that were now crowding around her. She had long black hair tied into a loose ponytail hanging down around her shoulders and her big brown eyes surveyed the small crowd, lingering for the briefest of moments on Effy before she looked back into the taxi as a boy emerged.
He was taller than her, but not by much, and wore a slightly self conscious grin as he snaked an arm around her wait, pulling her into a tight hug, kissing her neck softly as two other boys climbed out of the door on the other wise, one of them going to driver's window to pay, out of sight.
"Team Muscle, just as I thought." Jake spat onto the ground, looking at Lauren's boyfriend with badly disguised jealousy and, catching Effy's questioning glance. "Oh yeah, you missed the Team Muscle phase, huh? Being all posh young lady as you were. You remember Lauren though, right?" He said with a wry grin.
"Hm, hard to forget." Effy replied, looking a little bad tempered, it was hard to forget a girl that had bragged for two solid weeks that your brother had taken her virginity and had promised to break up with his girlfriend for her- it was little consolation that he'd never followed up on it.
"Yeah well, she's dating Damien now." Jake replied, nodding at the boy wrapped around her as if he were a coat. "As you may have guessed." The two of them were now pulling quite vigorously and Effy rolled her eyes.
"No shit."
Lauren pulled away from Damien and turned to another girl who had sidled over to the group as if she owned the place, Effy vaguely remembered her as being called Ellie, she had short, shoulder length dyed red hair and was impossibly, yet perfectly, tanned.
"Hey bitch." Ellie announced cheerfully, linking arms with Lauren, gently pushing Damien away and the two of them marched towards the other girls who immediately surrounded them like pigeons after breadcrumbs. "Come on, I've got some people for you to meet."
"Dude you are so pussy whipped." Tyler slid in behind Damien, punching him gently in the shoulder before turning to see the final boy emerge from having paid the taxi driver. "I can't pay you back by the way Connor."
He had dark black hair and his bright blue eyes had a vacant look about them, as if he wasn't all there. His lips parted slightly as he looked over at Ty before rolling his eyes and lighting up a Lucky Strike and inhaling, casually. "…So?"
"Just putting that out there, you know?" Tyler's eyes were now fixed on a passing girl, his eyes dropping to her rear end when he was sure she wouldn't notice and he exchanged a knowing look with Damien which appeared to be lost on Connor who stared boredly at the ground, seemingly unaware of his surroundings.
"You've never paid me back in your life." He replied, finally, a few seconds too late and finally a small smile played across his lips and some humanity finally entered his eyes. "So're we gunna get this shit on the road or what?"
"We're just checking out the curtains." Ty grinned while Damien smiled bemusedly, looking over at Lauren who seemed to be reveling in the attention she was receiving, she finally looked back, caught his eyes and smiled sweetly, flicking her tongue against her teeth before turning back to Ellie and the others.
"It's 'drapes' you fucking pervert." Connor sucked at the cigarette for a few more seconds before handing the rest to Ty and pulling him towards Lauren and Ellie who were now beckoning them over.
Now sat on a bench in front of the doors next to Pandora who had her legs crossed and was still sucking on her lollipop with apparent relish, Effy rolled her eyes again. "I see."
9:11 AM
"Shit shit shit shit shit." Tess ran down the corridor as fast she could, re-adjusting the bag on her shoulder as she did, she checked the time on her phone and inwardly groaned, she was so late and now she was going to have to walk into the assembly hall and everyone was going to look at her and it was going to be horrible.
She stopped at the doors and paused to catch her breath, brushing her blonde hair out of her face and regaining her composure, if she wasn't going to be late she at least wasn't going to look a mess doing it. Taking one last deep breath she pushed the door open as quietly as she could, maybe she could slip in the back without anybody noticing.
No such look, she found herself behind the teachers in front of the crowd of new sixth formers and knew that her face was burning bright red. The headmistress turned to look at her, an unimpressed glare on her face. "It's possible that I'm late." She said in a small voice, wishing for nothing more than to be able to just sink into the ground.
"How perceptive you are." Miss Lawes snapped sarcastically, looking the picture of irritation. "Just take a seat please."
Sat in the back of the crowd, Lauren exchanged a knowing glance with Ellie, sat next to her. "That slag's coming here?" She rolled her eyes, curling the end of her long ponytail around her fingers while Ellie reapplied some lip gloss to her lips and cast Tess a venomous look as she sat down in an empty row at the front.
"Not for long she's not." The red-haired girl replied in an undertone, crossing one leg over the other and staring around the auditorium at other faces. "Isn't that Tony Stonem's little sister?" She nodded towards Effy, sat a few rows in front of them, in between Jake and Pandora, staring fixedly at Miss Lawes, an unreadable expression on her face.
"Effy?" Lauren regarded the girl warily before shrugging unconcernedly, a move that didn't look entirely authentic and went back to curling the ends of her ponytails between her fingers. "I thought she got shipped off to that posh school back in Year ten for doing heroin or something."
"Insane." Ellie remarked in a dull monotone. "Complete bullshit though I bet." She sighed and scanned the crowd once again. "Where is Rhiannon? I saw her go off with Shaun and Mitchell earlier on." She said the last two names with a hint of bitterness in her voice and Lauren smiled, despite herself.
"Still regretting that magical night you spent with them?" Catching Ellie looking daggers at her, however, the smile quickly disappeared and she coughed slightly before grabbing Damien's hand and squeezing it tightly, exchanging a loving smile with him. "You alright hun?"
"I'm easy." He smiled, displaying his pearly white teeth and she rested her head on his shoulder. "This is beyond a joke though; we can only smoke in designated smoking areas."
"You don't smoke though babe." Lauren replied in a dangerous voice. "I don't want you getting lung cancer on me." She smiled again, and stroked his face patronizingly.
"Like I said man." Ty had been listening to this conversation with vague amusement and leant in to Damien, whispering quietly. "Fucking pussy whipped."
"Now for forms." Harriet Lawes called out loudly and the crowd seemed to silence their individual conversations and, near the middle Pandora scooted in closer to Effy, looking worried.
"We'd best be in the same class Eff."
"Don't worry Panda, I have a feeling you'll switch even if we're not." It was meant to sound disdainful but Jake, sat on Pandora's other side detected a faint note of fondness in the usually emotionless voice and he smiled to himself.
At the front, Doug smiled around at the new sixth formers enthusiastically, his expression contrasting greatly with his colleague's bored glare, as he now stepped forward to the centre of attention.
"Now, I'm Doug Anderson and it's my job to make sure you all have the best time possible here with your studies, are you all 'down' with that?!" He cried in a big booming voice, raising his hands for a big reply. Someone in the middle of stands coughed loudly and he quickly withdrew his arms, looking somewhat sheepish. "Now, I know you're all wondering about your forms and the like so I hope you all filled in that sheet we sent we sent you in the opening pack.
He was met with mostly blank faces and exchanged a helpless luck with Miss Lawes, he returned it with an unimpressed glare, as was her norm. "Umm, well, if you have then you need not worry about being split up from your best chums."
"Who says chums? Seriously?" Connor broke out of his reverie for a moment and turned to Tyler, looking stricken, brushing his long black fringe out of his eyes. "What kind of 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' world have we stepped into?"
"A house of horrors." Tyler answered without enthusiasm, he was staring down at a girl two rows down interestedly and he nudged his friend excitedly before pulling his head into the same position. "Man, you can see down her top from here!"
Uninterestedly, Connor pulled his head away, looking irritated. "Like I said, you're a fucking pervert."
"Just because you prefer the cock doesn't mean you can't appreciate the view!"
"Actually, that's exactly what it means… and fuck off." Connor punched him in the arm playfully before the two of them were loudly interrupted by an irritated looking Harriet, apparently their exchange had gotten quite long.
"If you find it necessary to talk during the assembly, it must be important enough to share with your classmates." Miss Lawes voice rang out as she fixed the two of them with a haughty glare.
"Actually no, you see…" Connor started but he was quickly interrupted by Tyler who sat back, laughing loudly.
"Not really, we were just discussing whether the homo here can enjoy looking at tits or not." He announced loudly as the room went very quiet.
A few giggles and titters could be heard throughout the stands and Doug looked at a loss for words. "Well… um… I see."
"I hate you." Connor muttered sitting back in his seat, but he was smiling a little, rolling his eyes.
9:30; Corridors
"So it was so lucky I filled in that sheet saying I wanted to be in a class with you, wasn't it Eff? I mean, you didn't do yours, did you?" Pandora hadn't stopped talking since they'd left the auditorium and was looking rather pleased with herself as she sucked on another lollipop, she seemed to have an endless supply of them today.
"Yes, it's fate Pandora." Effy replied coldly as she strode down the corridors as if she owned the place, her eyes wandering everyone they passed, sizing them up. Jake had been put in a different class and had left them a few turns back.
They both stopped and joined a small crowd next to a door into their classroom which appeared to be locked and Effy inwardly groaned as she saw Lauren Gomez already standing there, stood next to the dark haired boy who'd paid for the taxi and Ellie Sisson.
As soon as she noticed Effy, however, Lauren left the two of them to walk over to her, casting a courteous, but none the less unimpressed, smile at Pandora she turned her attention to the brunette girl, a much friendlier smile on her face. "I remember you, Effy Stonem right?"
Inclining her head, Effy gave a half-hearted smile.
"I'm Lauren, I knew your brother." Her smile took on a momentary wistfulness before she snapped back to attention. "Anyway, you should come sit with us because; let's face it, me you and Ellie are like the fittest girls in the entire school, you can be my new best friend."
"Right." Effy smiled, the sarcasm in it evidently lost on Lauren who beamed in reply. She nodded her head at Pandora. "This is Panda, she's my best friend."
"Yeah, well, come sit with us anyway. You too Panda?" She cast Pandora another fake smile before leading the two of them over to Ellie and Connor who regarded them suspiciously, or in Connor's case, almost unseeingly.
"It's short for Pandora, Eff made it up." She bounced, looking excited before turning her attention to Connor. "So you like men? Me too, I think, not that I've ever… but I want to and you get what I mean."
Connor smiled bemusedly at her but was saved having to reply by the sudden arrival of their teacher, an Irishman by the sounds of it, he looked haggard and run down and violently prized the small crowd of fifteen or so students out of the way of the door.
"Everyone take a seat, now." His accent was a thick Nothern Irish one and Effy found herself liking him a little already, she'd always had a thing for Irish people.
Slowly, everyone filtered into the classroom as set down his battered brief case on the desk and sat down, sighing loudly before catching sight of a small welcome booklet on his desk. "Don't tell me I've gotta work through this shit again?" He muttered, more to himself than anyone else.
Finding herself pulled into the seat next to Lauren, Effy beckoned Pandora onto the desk next to them for the blonde girl had looked a little shocked and put-off by this action and felt a momentary pang of pity for the girl while Connor and Ellie took the desk on their other side.
"Fuck." Ellie whispered to Lauren. "Mitch Brown's in our class."
"Sucks be to you." Lauren grinned rather cruelly and smiled up at a tall, dark haired and tanned boy who'd just wandered in, casting Ellie a smug smirk before taking the desk next to them, putting him almost directly beside Connor.
"Tyler's a fucking hero, right?" He muttered and Effy noted with some interest that even his voice was fit, she found her eyes wandering down his thin but muscular frame and bit her lip.
"Don't talk to me." Connor replied shortly, evidently he was still annoyed about the whole assembly drama.
"Right." Kieran spoke up suddenly, looking each of them in the eye. "I'm Kieran and, according to this piece of shit our ever so high and mighty head of sixth form has so kindly typed out for us to despise, first things first we have to stand up, say our names and then say something unique about ourselves." He sighed, looking bored already and looking around at the blank faces, stood up. "I guess I'll start. I'm Kieran and yes I'm Irish. Right, you." He pointed at Mitch, who was at the end of the row.
"Hi, I'm Mitchell Brown and… umm… I had a threesome over summer." He flashed Ellie a maniacal grin before sitting down, looking rather pleased with himself. "Oh and she was gagging for it."
"Rather unorthodox but I like it, shows character." He'd been at this job for nearing eight years, there was very little these wayward teens could shock him with. He pointed at Pandora. "You, tinkerbell."
"I'm Panda and I can do this thing where if you drink your tea I can read your future in the leaves and stuff, it's really cool like this one time I told Effy she was going to…"
"Right, yes, very interesting. You." He pointed at a skinny blonde boy at the front of the class who stood up, looking nervous.
"I'm Gary and, umm, I'm gay?"
From his seat next to Ellie, Connor snorted loudly, unimpressed, earning himself the teacher's attention. "Okay, then shorty, who're you?"
He didn't bother to stand up. "Connor and I find it sad that the one unique thing someone can think of to describe themselves is their sexuality." He replied dryly as Kieran scanned the register of names he'd been given.
"Another unique thing is that you're not in this class smart alec, there's no Connor on this list." Kieran replied, fixing him with a wry smile.
"I'm under Sal." Connor replied, unfazed and watched as dawning comprehension spread over his form tutors face, along with an amused expression. "Yes, I'm very aware of what my full name is."
"Your parents are a little bit mad, aren't they?" Kieran grinned, his boredom forgotton for the moment. "Sal Paradise? Big fans of the Beatnik generation I suppose?"
"You suppose right, my Dad's a writer."
Chuckling to himself, he now pointed at Ellie. "What about you Mary Jane?"
Standing up, Ellie scanned the crowd. "I'm Ellie Sisson and…" Here she cast Mitch a dark grin. "Mitch's dick's was so small I couldn't even feel it."
There erupted a loud chorus of laughter and an unconcerned Mitch gave Ellie the middle finger. "Probably because you've had so many."
"Okay, okay, that's enough your hormonal wretches. You, Amy Winehouse." He was now pointing a finger at Effy and she simply stared at him for a few moments before standing up, flipping her hair back. "I'm Effy Stonem and everyone thinks I ODed on Heroin this one time in Year Ten."
"Ah, right. Interesting…"