Orokid: So… When I had first begun writing this fanfic, I had been listening to "There's A Wall" by Miranda Lambert, a song that I admit hits far too close to home for me to mention. That aside, I think it's a beautiful yet sad song and I recommend it to anyone who likes that sort of thing.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything had has to do with Sailor Moon, nor the characters of Haruka and Michiru which this story circles around. It belongs to the owners of the product- IE the writer, manga-ka and the company that put it in anime form for the rest of the world to be enchanted by the acts of each and every character that we meet. I am not in this list, I admit, so I own zip zero of this.
The Wall
You've always been the faster runner out of the two of us.
Then again, you were born with the wind at your heels, while mine remain soaking in the ocean. Still, I can't help but think that I'm the one that's always running, although I start to wonder if it's away from you or into your arms. There's something inside you, something that forces that smile and those words that "everything's fine" when I know there's words you have yet to say. You laugh it off, and then you tease me when I continue to stand there before you, wanting answers, frustrated with the emptiness of what you tell me.
No matter how fast I run toward you, there will always be that something holding me away from the things that I want to hear from you. In my dreams, I see you stand in place as I race toward you, wanting to get to you before the darkness does… and yet I never seem to get any closer, stuck watching as you break into two before my very eyes.
I know all too well of the wall that parts us, Haruka, and it forces me to stand back and watch what my dreams foretell. There's no amount of strength in my arms, and not enough within my heart, that can pull you out from the pain that you refuse to show me. You hold it all in and expect me not to know of the things that echo behind those beautiful light blue eyes of yours, darkening them so.
I didn't want this to happen to you. Never once did I ever wish that you would undertake such a hard task as I had, forced to kill another for thing items that we're forced to retrieve. Do you even remember when I had found out that you were supposed to be the one I was partnered with? I had been so happy, so overjoyed that I may finally be able to walk beside you instead of watching from afar, yet… I worried. I had worried so much that you would take slowly die with the knowledge that we would have to extinguish the flame of another's life. Your heart was too pure, willing to risk everything you had for your dream… only to have it dashed by someone like me.
How could you have never hated me? It was I who had brought this upon you, who stood there and allowed you to choose even though I knew how you'd sit there with that look in your eyes. I should have told you firmer, forced you to somehow never pick up the wand that would transform you into the state you are in now. But if that had happened, then…
I'm selfish, really. I wanted you to join me because I wanted to be with you- and now it's my own fault that there's this invisible wall keeping me from you, from the thoughts that constantly hurt you. Because I wanted that chance to ride in your car beside you, to taste the ocean breeze as we would ride along the coast, I cost you your chance for normalcy.
Now, you don't want to talk about the past, worrying only about the present and future, casting aside your own wishes because you fear the Silence more than you'll ever let on. Even as I offer you my best smile, the words I try to say, the conversations I try to make, return to the one day that I've been trying to get out of my mind since I witnessed it within my own dreams.
I hate the wall that's grown between us, but… I wonder if I'll ever be able to tear it down, stone then stone, without tearing down a part of myself that I can't deny. I want to support you, to be the one who you turn do when the world finally collapses around you, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to the more you push me away.
Quietly, I merely seat myself down beside you, inches away yet miles apart, and place my hand upon the wall that's between us.
But I'm not strong, Haruka. I wonder if I ever will be.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Orokid: Other than that, I wanted to say that I originally wrote this so to see the other side of the coin, to see through the eyes of the person who was trying so hard to break down the walls that people like me create. I feel as if it has an interesting result, but that really is for my critics- you, the reader- to decide. Please feel free to offer any advice, tell me the good or bad stuff about it, or that you like the color purple. Whatever you feel like.