You and me, Odango
Hello all, I decided to put my first Sailor Moon fanfiction on here. I hope you'll like it, I'm open to criticism - English is not my first language, so be patient if some parts sound...well...weird. I try my best 3
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own any of the Sailor Moon characters. Naoko Takeuchi does!
She turned her hands into small fists, trying to keep her trembling body under control.
"Odango…" he started, but she didn´t have the heart to lift her head and stared to the ground instead. The raindrops started to create patterns on the grey stones. Usagi concentrated on those drops connecting to small puddles and darkening the ground slowly.
"Odango…" The sound of his voice brought her back to reality. Everything she could perceive was his voice and the heavy rattling of the rain. Her head was so heavy… "Seiya…" she sighed without moving. As much as she tried to concentrate and control her body, it kept on shaking. What was he doing here, here with her? Why did he even care? Everyone thought of her as the powerful warrior of the moon. The warrior who is able to keep evil from earth… she hated that role passionately.
"I… I am not good in maintaining things…" She spoke with a quiet, trembling voice, without taking her view from the rainy streams. How meaningless to try to wash away everything that had happened…
Seiya didn´t react, but she could sense his gaze. Her view moved to his toe-caps. She could not bear trying to fit into that role she wasn´t made to fit in. He was here, with her, in this intimate moment. Listening, like so many times, since…
Usagi pressed her fingernails into her palms, until the pain told her this situation was still real, choked down her sobbing and snuffled her nose. All of a sudden, Rei's teasing came to her mind. "Usagi-chan, how are YOU supposed to be queen of Crystal Tokyo?" In defiance of that memory, she snuffled again. What difference was it supposed to make…
She noticed Seiya walking slowly towards her and decreasing the distance between them. Why should he still be here with her? With a pathetic little girl like her, who could not gain anything in life without the help of others? Now that he finally found his princess? As he reached out his hand to touch her, Usagi made a small step back and tried to focus on the ground. She knew the moment she lifted her head, everything on her mind would be buried deep again.
"Even… Even if I try really hard to do my homework…" She gazed at her fists, trying to control her body and mind. "My thoughts drift away, no matter how hard I try to concentrate, and I start eating candy until I am completely full and then I fall asleep…" Usagi started to talk faster and faster, stringing together pieces of thought as they came to her mind. If she couldn´t express herself now, then when? She was unable to understand why Seiya Kou would try to spend all of his free time being close to her. Was he also seeing something in her she wasn´t and never could be? She had to show at least him how wrong he was about her. She was nothing of the person everyone tried seeing in her. "I… I fall asleep all the time, not matter how much I try not to…I…still thought once I had a strong will…" Her body started trembling again, and her eyes became wet. *I can't… I can't even talk about this without crying… you are so weak, Usagi Tsukino. So weak.*
She remembered the moment she saw the red rose and expected Tuxedo Mask to be back all of a sudden. Starting to lose control about her body, she put her hands in front of her face to hide her weakness. "But when I… when I saw the rose… I thought… I thought it's him…" Usagi fell to her knees and supported herself with both palms on the floor. Small dirty creeks were streaming along her fingers. "I thought I had failed again at standing on my own feet…since all this…fighting started had he always been here… I can't do it on my own…Mamoru…" she started crying heavily.
„Odango…" There it was again. Seiya's soft and sympathetic voice… but didn´t she hear a touch of disappointment? Still not looking up, Usagi noticed him kneeling down into the dirt in front of her. "Mamo-chan…" Her shoulders were shaking under her sobbing. "I thought he was here… I thought he didn´t abandon me and was at my side instead…I…I don´t know how to do it on my own, I don´t know how to get through without him…" She had folded her arms in front of her body by now, trying to hold herself. Yeah, this was the point. In that moment, Usagi realized how soaking wet her school uniform had become from the rain and what a pathetic expression she was making. *That's your problem, Usagi Tsukino!* she heard a voice inside her head. *You need your boyfriend desperately to tell you what to do, how to behave. To tell you what´s right and what´s wrong. So you would have a reason to avoid being close to HIM… and you thought the time was here. It is not only desperation that Mamo-chan is not near. It is also relief…*
Usagi shook her head, sobbing, trying to banish those thoughts. *No…no…*
All of a sudden, she felt two hands on her shoulders, raising her upper body. A warm finger caressed her cheek gently, trying to weep away her tear. "Odango… am I not good enough?"
Shocked at the sound of his voice, she raised her head and stared into his blue eyes. What did he say? Seiya looked at her seriously and made it impossible for her to look away. Usagi felt her face blushing. She did not make him leave, even by being pathetic and crying out for another man? He tried weeping away her tears again and leaned forward, whispering into her ear. "Am I really not good enough?"
She stared back to the ground, shocked and hiding her red face. *Usagi, no… you have Mamo-chan…*
Some silent moments passed, until Seiya stood up, raising her up. "Usagi…" Him calling her by her real name caught her attention. How strange the sound of his voice was, saying her name.
"Come on, I´ll take you home." She nodded slowly, being silent.