The Three Little Pigs with Guns
"Welcome to Bounty – drinks fer the nation!" Sarah the Squirrel yelled the minute the door to the Bounty Saloon opened. In walked Evelyn Spine – the old Wild West's best cowgirl. She has caught so many criminals and bounty that she was probably the richest person in Texas.
It's been four years since the animals and humans have come to live in harmony. Ever since they made the peace treaty many good things have happened such as humans catching all the "wanted" criminals that the animals had a hard time doing. Evelyn walked up to the bounty wall and scanned all the posters. One of them caught her eye.
Wanted
"Jingles the Big, Bad Wolf"
Dead or Alive
Evelyn smirked and ripped the poster off of the wall and chucked it into the pocket of her baggy pants. Evelyn then walked over to the bar counter and sat down on one of the high stools.
"Yo, Sarah, what'cha been up to?" Evelyn asked as she pulled out a cigarette and popped it into her mouth.
"Ah, ya know, the old boring routine, what ya want today?" Sara replied. Evelyn grinned and lit her cigarette using a match.
"Just some pineapple juice, I got a new bounty to catch."
"Coming right up!"
The saloon door opened again and Slade, Rowdy and Rider the three pig brothers walked in. Each brother had on an overly sized cowboy hat, vest and boots. Slade slid in with ease and sat down next to Evelyn, while Rider just followed suit but Rowdy's hat got stuck in the door frame due to it being so massive.
"Dude, I can't get in!" Rowdy groaned as he tried to get through. His brothers looked at him in bewilderment and burst out laughing.
"Tat's what ya get for wearing such a big hat!" Rider managed to choke out in between his laughs. Evelyn sighed, stood up and pulled Rowdy by his paw to help him get in. Evelyn stumbled backwards but didn't fall over while Rowdy landed face first on the wooden floor.
When Rowdy got back up he grinned: "Why thank ya, Eva!"
"Howdy, Rowdy, ya here for another bounty mission?" Evelyn asked.
"We sure are, any good fish lately?" Slade asked. Evelyn shook her head.
"Sorry, man, I got the best one for 20000 gold pieces, the others are small fry," Evelyn replied.
"Well doesn't that just suck?" Rider moaned sarcastically.
"Well, I gotta go, got some bounty to catch! See ya later, alligator," Evelyn said and walked out of the saloon. The three pigs turned and stared at each other.
"Is it me, or do ya'll get this bad feeling down yer spine?" Slade asked.
"Nah, just you, man, just you," Rider replied.
"What are we gonna do? Mum kicked us out of our home and now we are stuck on da streets!" Rowdy asked. The three brothers sighed.
"Well, I am gonna go my own way," Slade said as he walked out of the saloon as well. Rowdy and Rider glanced at each other and decided that they should probably go their own way too.
Meanwhile at a day spa…..Jingles the big bad wolf was getting a massage.
"Yah are really tense, what happened, Jingles?" the masseuse asked. Immediately Jingles started sobbing massive watery tears.
"People keep on misunderstanding me! They think I am a big bad wolf while all I want is strawberry shortcake! Before I can even ask for a piece of the sweet delicacy they all run away saying I can have all the gold they have! I don't want money! I want shortcake!" Jingles managed to say in between his sobs.
"Yah poor wolf, I hope yah find some shortcake soon," the masseuse said in sympathy.
While the wolf tried to calm down from his little outburst Rowdy was looking for a new house. He finally found and affordable little hut made out of straw. It was 5 gold pieces a month which meant more money for ale. He immediately settled in.
His brother, Rider found a small hut in the Donkey neighbourhood. The hut was made of sticks and costed him 15 gold pieces a month. Which for him also meant more money for ale and girls?
Their eldest brother, Slade was much smarter than his idiotic brothers. He got a mansion made from bricks in the Lion Neighbourhood. The mansion cost him 300 gold pieces a month but he didn't care since he still had enough money to buy the food he needs. He didn't care about drinking or meeting women. All he wanted was a place that provided him safety.
As the brothers made themselves at home Jingles was walking through the dusty old streets of Texas. His large leather boots dragged through the dust and his gun bouncing in its belt on his hip. He sighed as a small ball of hay rumbled past him with the wind. Jingles sniffed the air and picked up the scent of strawberry shortcake.
"Shortcake! I must have shortcake!" he yelled and ran after the scent.
Rowdy checked his shortcake in the oven and smiled proudly. He has never baked anything before and this cake looked perfect! He stood back up and sat down to read a book.
Jingles reached a small straw hut where the scent of strawberry shortcake came from. He rushed to the door and knocked on it. He knew that this was the house of Rowdy the youngest pig since his name was on the door.
"Little Pig, Little Pig let me come in!" Jingles begged as he knocked on the door.
Rowdy panicked, he knew that this was Jingles the big bad wolf….and he was here for his next feast!
"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" Rowdy yelled back and he slowly grabbed the strawberry shortcake and his gun and made it towards the back door. He opened the door and started running towards his brother, Rider's hut. Jingles noticed that the shortcake's scent was moving so he ran after it but before he did he sneezed and blew the house down.
Rowdy knocked on his brother's door and Rider opened it. He looked bewildered to see his brother so exhausted carrying strawberry shortcake.
"Jingles is chasing me!" Rowdy said out of breath. Rider's eyes widened and he immediately let his brother inside. Jingles just arrived on the door step of the small wooden hut. He knocked on the door again in a frantic manner.
"Little pigs, little pigs let me come in!" he yelled exhausted.
"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" Rowdy and Rider yelled back. Jingles groaned and then sneezed again causing the hut to fall down again. The two pigs panicked and dashed off to their brother's house with the cake. Jingles groaned again and started to slowly run after them.
While Jingles chased the pigs Evelyn was walking slowly down the dusty streets of Texas. Her leather boots needed a clean but she didn't care about that right now. She noticed Rider and Rowdy dash past her frantically and that Jingles the big bad wolf that was her new bounty was running after them.
"Did the brothers have strawberry shortcake with them?" Evelyn asked herself. She got a toothy grin and ran after them mainly because she can get her bounty and maybe a bite of the sweet treat.
Rowdy and Rider arrived at their brother's mansion and knocked on the door. Slade was really annoyed when he realised why his brothers was there.
"What are you, idiots?" he asked, "you are bounty hunters, just kill him!"
Rowdy and Rider glanced at each other. Why didn't they think of that? Jingles finally caught up but the brothers were already inside the brick mansion.
"Little pigs, little pigs please let me in!" he moaned in between huffs and puffs.
"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" the three brothers yelled back. Jingles slumped down and rested his head against the wooden door.
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and blow the house down," he said in between large breaths.
"Stop it right there!" a female voice yelled. Jingles glanced over his shoulder and spotted Evelyn pointing a gun at him.
"Just listen to me," Jingles begged but Evelyn wasn't in the mood to listen to a criminal.
"Why should I?" she asked.
"I don't mean any harm….all I want is strawberry shortcake….no one wants to give me a piece….they are all scared of me!" Jingles cried. Evelyn's eyes widened.
"So all those attacks were just to get cake?" she asked. The wolf nodded.
"I didn't attack them, they said that I did but all I wanted was shortcake…." Jingles sobbed. Evelyn felt her heart sinking. How could people be so cruel? She lowered her gun and put in her belt.
"Come, let's all go and eat some cake!" she said with a smile. The wolf's eyes lightened up.
"Really?" he asked. Evelyn smiled.
"Sure."
And so, Evelyn, the world's best bounty hunter, Slade, Rider and Rowdy the three little pigs and Jingles the not so big bad wolf all sat together around the table and enjoyed the sweet strawberry treat. And they all became the greatest of friends.
The End