Title: Remember

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own none.

Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander remembers everything that happened at the vineyard. Everything.

Warnings/Spoilers: Season Seven Dirty Girls

Beta'd by: Unbeta'd

Prompt #538 from tamingthemuse- Eyeball(s)

Note: From now on most of my tamingthemuse stories will be named as the challenge.

Xander remembered everything that happened. Buffy ignoring Giles's warning about Caleb setting up a trap. Going into the vineyard with Faith when they heard the fighting and it sounded like they weren't on the winning side. Spike and Buffy were on the ground unconscious leaving the potentials up against Caleb and a dozen Bringers. Faith and him got there just in time for Xander to shoot a Bringer in the wrist stopping him from killing Rona with a knife.

Faith went after Caleb as Xander fought off a Bringer to get to Buffy. From the noises behind him Faith wasn't doing very well either. What

had they walked into?! A girl that Xander couldn't remember her name got her neck snapped. By the time Buffy told Xander to get everyone out Molly was already doomed. Buffy went after Caleb again knocking him to the ground. Xander almost missed Spike grabbing Buffy to get her out because he was so focused on making sure he did his job and didn't leave anyone behind. Why was that his job? Another girl could have helped Rona. Buffy and Spike should have had his back in case anything went wrong. And it did.

The White Knight that he was he saved Kennedy pushing her to safety only to have a hand grab his hair. Xander was face to face with Caleb. He knew he should have fought. Punched or kicked but Xander was paralyzed with fear. Caleb spoke to him. Ask him if he was the one that saw everything. Then he said 'let's see what we can do about that' before he jabbed his right thumb into Xander's left eye. Xander screamed and in seconds Caleb was away from him and ended up on the ground. It could have Spike but since Xander's uninjured eye was closed, Xander couldn't be sure what happened. Buffy screamed his name after he was on the ground. Where the hell was she before Caleb disfigured him?

Buffy and Spike helped him up the stairs and out of the vineyard. Xander barely heard Buffy giving Faith orders about getting the potentials to the hospital as Spike helped him into the backseat of the car. All Xander could think was why wasn't he crying? Shouldn't he be crying? Spike placed his duster on Xander hoping it would somehow help. Once the car started moving Xander remembered managing to open his good eye.

"Where were you?" Xander screamed causing Spike to swerve at the sound. Buffy grabbed hold of the steering wheel to straighten them out.

"I'm so sorry, Xander," Buffy said as she cried. "We're going to the hospital. They'll fix you."

Xander must have become hysterical because he remembered yelling that his eyeball was gone and that it was their fault and why didn't they stop Caleb. He continued to scream at them even when they reached the hospital and male nurses came with a gurney. He was rushed into hospital Buffy and Spike right behind them. Girls could be heard crying and Xander assumed it was more of Caleb's casulties.

A light had been shined into both of his eyes. Before his was given something for the pain and to knock him out he heard a doctor say that what was left of the eye would have to be removed. Xander heard Buffy say she wanted to go with him and he replied that he didn't want her near him before passing out.

When Xander woke up he was in a private hospital room. Willow and Giles were there sitting and waiting for him to wake up. Of course Willow was the first to notice and hugged him tightly. "Xan, I'm so glad you're okay. Everyone's been so worried."

Xander pushed her away slightly. He had an I.V in his arm and he could feel the needle tearing into his skin. And by the uncomfortableness going on under his gown he had a catheter in. Life just kept getting better. "Unless I had a nightmare about Caleb jabbing his thumb into my eye causing me to now be blind in one eye, I'd say that I'm not okay."

Giles stood and came over placing a hand on Xander's left side causing him to jump. "I'm sorry. I think what Willow meant was that we're glad you are still alive. unfortunately a few of the potentials were not as lucky."

"Yeah, no thanks to Buffy," Xander replied bitterly. He rubbed his left temple because of a thumping pain. "And yeah I was there. I was able to save Rona and Kennedy."

Giles couldn't defend her, he warned her after all.

"Kennedy told me," Willow said tearing up. "Thank you, I don't know what would have happened if I lost her."

"I was just doing my job... apparently with no back up," Xander answered.

Willow and Giles frowned. "But Buffy saved you."

Xander tried to narrow his good eye but it just caused him pain. "Who told you it was Buffy?"

"Spike did," Giles answered looking confused. "Are you saying it wasn't?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Xander saw his friends looking at him to fill him in. "Buffy froze or didn't care. It was Spike that knocked Caleb away. It was only after I was on the ground that Buffy yelled my name and came to my aid. It was Spike that saved me... if that's what this was."

Willow and Giles looked at each other surprised that Buffy would take credit for this. "I'm happy that Spike jumped it," Giles said. "I may have miss judged him."

Xander grunted trying to figure out if done blaming Spike.

"Buffy really wants to come see you," Willow told him.

"No. I'd rather see Angel before I see Buffy," Xander answered with a scowl. The lights were bothering his eyes. "When can I get out of here? I have an apartment full of girls that have probably destroyed everything by now."

Giles sighed knowing Xander wouldn't like the answer. "The doctor wants you to stay for a few more days, just to make sure you don't get an infection. Spike will be staying at your place to keep the girls in line."

"Fantastic," Xander said sarcastically. "Look, I'm really glad you came by to check on me but I'm tired."

"Of course," Giles said sympathetically. "We stopped by your apartment and packed you some things to hopefully make you feel better." He placed it on a chair where Xander could reach it.

Xander smiled. "Thanks, I appreciate that."

Willow squeezed Xander's hand. "We'll come back tomorrow to check on you."

Nodding Xander rested his head on his pillow and closed his eye. When he heard his friends leave he sat back up and grabbed the bag and started to go through it. There were some comic books and Twinkies. They packed his travel bag that held his toothbrush and paste, a comb and a mirror. He looked at the door to make sure none was coming in. When he woke up the first time his doctor told him not to remove the bandage but Xander needed to see the damage.

With a shaky hand Xander picked up his mirror. He brought it up and used it so he could see where to pull the tape away. When the gauze was pulled back all he could see was an empty space. There was nothing left.

"I don't think you're supposed to remove that," Spike said from the doorway. "You don't want dust or anything getting in there."

Pressing the gauze back on rougher than he intended, Xander said, "What are you doing here?"

"Came to check on you," Spike answered walming further into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Other than having a religious nut stick his thumb in my eye and my friend stand there and do nothing? Fantastic," Xander said, folding his arms over his chest. "But I'm really happy that Rona and the other girls that could walk had you and Buffy looking out for them. I guess there just wasn't enough hands on deck to help me out, huh?"

Spike's head bowed in shame. "We're sorry, Xander. We weren't prepared at all for him. I saw that he had you and I froze. I can't believe I bloody froze! If I hadn't you would be home right now."

Xander wanted to be mad at Spike but at least he'd done something. "You did more for me than Buffy. I always knew deep down that when it came down to it I was expendable in the fight but I thought after seven years I'd mean a little more than that. More than a bunch of whiny girls that I helped save."

"Is that what you think? That she left you hanging?" Spike said surprised. "The reason we were helping the girls was because we knew they couldn't protect themselves."

"Wow, I didn't realize that had super powers that could stand against Caleb. Considering he took you, Buffy and Faith all down. Why didn't you tell me?" Xander rudely said.

Spike sat in the vacant chair beside the bed. "I just meant you were resourceful. We didn't think he'd see you as a threat, he was more interested in the girls. That was our mistake. One that we both will regret for as long as we both live." He looked remorseful.

"I can't forgive either of you... not yet anyway," Xander admitted. "Because of this I can't help fight the First now. I'm officially out of the game. Not that it really matters. Not since Robin's come into the picture with all the training his mother's watcher gave him. Hell you'll probably do better without me." Apparently Xander jumped right to depression for the five stages of grief.

"If you think Wood is a better asset than you, you're obviously high," Spike said with a raised eye. "He's going to get himself killed because he wants to do his own thing. He's not a team player. That's going to be his downfall. That's why all the slayers before Buffy died so young because they worked alone."

Woozy from the drugs and still upset Xander said, "Yeah, now Buffy has people who get's to be the ones that die instead of her."

"You know that's not true," Spike replied. He didn't raise his voice. "She's died twice."

"What do you want from me, Spike? You want me not to be mad or sad?" Xander asked tiredly.

Spike leaned his arms against the bed. "I can't ask you not to feel how you do. I just want you to realize that because of your sacrifice you saved lives. A lot of those girls are still alive because of you. Not because of me or Faith or even Buffy. You."

"I know. I just never thought I'd be disfigured," Xander told him. "I always figured I'd die in battle." His eye grew heavy. "I think I need some sleep."

"I'll come back and visit later. Maybe Buffy can come if it's okay." Spike watched as Xander nodded.

"As long as she doesn't apologize and give excuses. I don't want to hear them," Xander replied.

Spike nodded. "I'll let her know." He started to walk out of the room but paused before he looked over his shoulder at Xander. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't die."

"Me too... I guess. Thanks for the save," Xander managed to get out before he started to snore.

"Anytime," Spike softly said before leaving Xander to rest.

The End